I have serious issues with self-sabotaging relationships.

self destruct

I am the cool girlfriend, age 30, bouncy blonde who loves to have fun. In every relationship, I craved novelty—the exciting phase at the beginning. And then once reality set in because the novelty began to fade, especially when it started to get serious, I began picking apart the relationship. Why I was not worth staying in the relationship long-term.

Because my value was centered around being fun and interesting. The fitness guru pro-ball player. The CPA from my hometown.

Nicolas Cage: ‘If I don’t have a job to do, I can be very self-destructive’ | Film | The Guardian

The friend who was a therapist. All of them, I bailed on. All of them guys that had staying power. And then I would leave. And now, I am with an incredible guy. And now I am doing the same thing. Beginning to pick apart the relationship. Because I am not perfect, I am not worthy of being in this relationship. And he has the insight to point this out to me, even after I had figured it out. By the way, he is an incredible doctor.

I would and could not ask for more. But here I go again—sabotaging this.

Self-destructing messages don’t always self-destruct

I need to conquer my fears of intimacy and the need for perfection. OR I will lose the best relationship I have ever been in. And my work starts on the inside. Rose, I hear your pattern, as I have been there myself many times for different reasons. Our biggest challenge and frankly the only challenge worth transforming… Is to truly love ourselves. It is cliche, absolutely.

Self-Sabotaging: Why We Get in Our Own Way

And cliche for a reason, because it is real. What have you associated with a fun girl that knows only about having a good time? And what do you believe is necessary that your partner be in order for him to be worthwhile? We only know that if it feels like we are in the flow, if it feels like our genuine light is shining not a perceived object considered as fun , then we are doing what we need to be doing. I am working on this myself, trust me. And it is amazing. I wish you the very best in your transformation!

Rose, just wondering how you are doing. I just read this article and I hope what I learned can help me. I hope all if well with you.

That was a good read. Growing up my father was not present, mum did her best. Only Cage superfans said such things; in the eyes of the rest of the world, well, sure, he could act — he did win the Oscar for Leaving Las Vegas, after all — but he was too eccentric, too laughably over the top, just too damn Cage-y to be taken seriously. Ever since I saw him in his s comedies — Peggy Sue Got Married, Moonstruck and Raising Arizona — in which he played, respectively, a nasal-voiced teddy boy, an opera-loving baker and a cartoonish ex-con — I have been a Cage superfan.

I had never seen anyone act like him before — wildly mannered but always heartfelt — and there was something about his fearless lurch towards the ridiculous to achieve something unique, and maybe even glorious, that struck me as inspiring. If actors were pop songs, Cage would be Bohemian Rhapsody. As a shy year-old, I would practise his grandiose speeches and even more grandiose gestures from Moonstruck in front of the mirror: But attitudes have been shifting. Cage and I meet on a sunny day in the restaurant of the Savoy Hotel in London.

He is dressed formally in a grey suit and tie, but his face is friendly.


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He has two chunky rings on his fingers: Cage is incredibly watchable as the devastated lumberjack, Red, who sets out to avenge the death of his girlfriend Andrea Riseborough at the hands of a cult leader Linus Roache. But Adaptation it is not. Does he do these smaller movies because they give him the space to experiment with his, shall we say, unique style of acting?

But in an independently spirited film, I can do that. After this interview, he says, he has to learn lines for three upcoming films.


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Perhaps it is this work ethic that has kept him so healthy. Unlike most other actors who have been around for four decades, and despite his reputation as a man of extremes, there have never been any substance-abuse scandals or allegations of burnout. But also I think my children are to thank for that. Cage has two sons: Weston, 27, from an early relationship; and year-old Kal-El the name Superman was given as a baby , from his third marriage to Alice Kim.

Self-destructive behavior is often considered to be synonymous with self-harm, but this is not accurate.

About the Author

Self-harm is an extreme form of self-destructive behavior, but it may appear in many other guises. Childhood trauma via sexual and physical abuse , as well as disrupted parental care, have been linked with self-destructive behavior. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. For mechanical self destruction, see Self-destruct.

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August Learn how and when to remove this template message. Assessment of suicidal intention: The Scale for Suicide Ideation.