What Does Walking on Eggshells Mean?

By using our website you agree to our use of cookies. Dispatched from the UK in 4 business days When will my order arrive? Home Contact Us Help Free delivery worldwide. Stop Walking On Eggshells: Description Do you feel manipulated, controlled, or lied to? Are you the focus of intense, violent, and irrational rages? Do you feel you are 'walking on eggshells' to avoid the next confrontation? If the answer is 'yes,' someone you care about may have borderline personality disorder BPD.

Stop Walking on Eggshells has already helped nearly half a million people with friends and family members suffering from BPD understand this destructive disorder, set boundaries, and help their loved ones stop relying on dangerous BPD behaviors. This fully revised edition has been updated with the very latest BPD research and includes coping and communication skills you can use to stabilize your relationship with the BPD sufferer in your life.


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This compassionate guide will enable you to: And before someone, like, internet slaps me or whatever, I just want to say that it is not easy to love someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder. I imagine it does feel like walking on eggshells. However, if you truly care for this person, this is not the book to utilize; something so judgmental and demeaning, on both sides of the pond, is not going to work when an extremely sensitive person is involved.

It is best to approach the situation with understanding and compassion, as is easy to understand when presented with accurate portrayals of Borderline Personality Disorder and not just abusive, difficult behavior. View all 4 comments. Jan 21, Palilicium rated it did not like it. For a more thorough overview please read Seeking Myself's review, I agree with their critiques of the book completely.

This book may be useful for dealing with people with difficult or abusive behaviour, but it unfortunately conflates that behaviour with BPD and gives a very inaccurate picture of the disorder. It also encourages people to self-diagnose friends and family with BPD.

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The author even admits that she wrote the book because of a relationship with someone that she thought had BPD despit For a more thorough overview please read Seeking Myself's review, I agree with their critiques of the book completely. The author even admits that she wrote the book because of a relationship with someone that she thought had BPD despite the fact that he was never diagnosed.

She also writes of the difference between high and low-functioning borderlines, claiming that high-functioning people with BPD are very rarely diagnosed. The book is apparently more about high-functioning people with BPD who she claims are "acting out". I have to wonder why she thinks these people who, remember, she admits aren't often diagnosed by doctors have BPD at all, or why she thinks she's more qualified to determine who has BPD than trained professionals. I have to wonder why Kreger and Mason chose to make this book about BPD at all, given the inaccurate portrayal and endorsement of self-diagnosing the people around you.

However, I guess it's easier and more sensationalistic to write about a mental illness than just problematic behaviour. If you're looking for a book with accurate information on BPD, this isn't it. Aug 09, Vrinda Pendred rated it did not like it Shelves: This book is basically a guide to how to extricate yourself from friends and family and lovers who have BPD It is one of the most offensive, disgusting, prejudiced books I've ever read and I'm shocked it's allowed in print.

Not once does it ever suggest maybe you could HELP the person because it terrifies them too. View all 6 comments. It finally put a name on what the person was and what they were doing to me. My world is a better place because of this book. Mar 11, Dave O'Neal rated it liked it.

Walking on Eggshells Anger, Resentment, Emotional Abuse::

As the child of a borderline mother, I found this particularly helpful in understanding the point of view of borderlines and for gaining some useful tactics on how to deal with them--the "spolier" here being that there's no particularly satisfying way, just some ways that work to a degree and others that you learn not even to try.

The authors are optomistic about borderlines being able to crawl out of their mental prison, once they recognize they've got a problem--and therein lies the problem fo As the child of a borderline mother, I found this particularly helpful in understanding the point of view of borderlines and for gaining some useful tactics on how to deal with them--the "spolier" here being that there's no particularly satisfying way, just some ways that work to a degree and others that you learn not even to try.

The authors are optomistic about borderlines being able to crawl out of their mental prison, once they recognize they've got a problem--and therein lies the problem for me. I'm suspicious about how many borderlines actually ever understand and acknowledge their problem, since a major part of the affliction is that they're unable to accept responsibility for anything that happens to them.

My guess is that it's tragically few. I've heard others say that borderlines, when they do go into therapy, usually end up playing head games with the therapist and fleeing as soon as they're confronted with accepting a problem in themselves. The book was quite helpful, though, if you're dealing with a borderline personality in your life, I'd advise you to read a range of the other books now available on the disorder as well, just to balance your view.

Dec 10, Charlene rated it did not like it Shelves: Another abnormal psych book that fails to use evidence as the basis for diagnoses. If the individual does x, then they have BPD. If they do the complete opposite of x, they still might have BPD. It's clearly a catch all. You can imagine diagnosing various people in your life with BPD.

There are many stories. If one doesn't fit, just jump ahead to another one. At times the authors succeed in painting a more cohesive picture of actual patterns, the biggest theme being one involving desperation to Another abnormal psych book that fails to use evidence as the basis for diagnoses. At times the authors succeed in painting a more cohesive picture of actual patterns, the biggest theme being one involving desperation to not be abandoned. However, they need to do much better than that to put forth a real personality disorder that can be accurately diagnosed with predictable behaviors that can be successfully treated.

Without that, it's just armchair psychiatry at its worst. Sep 23, Loy Machedo rated it it was amazing. His wife looked perfectly normal to me and they did look like a happy couple - at least on the outside. However, after he shared with me a few intimate details - The Background of how I came to read this book Stop Walking on Eggshells: However, after he shared with me a few intimate details - The first thing that crossed my mind was - Does he seriously expect me to believe all this? It was like listening to the tales of a serial killer slash psychotic murderer both rolled into one.

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So my next stop was amazon. Randi Kreger and Paul Mason's research into this book is simply mind boggling. I simply wonder how in the world did they manage to come out with an objective analysis while going through a subjective experience. The book provides information neatly aligned and designed to make anyone understand what BPD is all about. Everything from identifying patterns, symptoms, behavior traits - all of them are wrapped into this one book.

The number of stories mentioned in this book are also incredibly diverse and shocking. In this book they cover topics from: What is BPD 2. How do you identify someone with BPD 3. What goes on in the head of BPD's 4. What we say versus what BPD's understand 5. How to deal with someone suffering from BPD 6. How to change your language while dealing with someone suffering from BPD 7.

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Common Myths on BPD 8. How to hone those skills to effectively deal with BPD's Diffusing Techniques while handling BPD's Stories and Anecdotes of people with BPD So, What is Borderline Personality Disorder? Borderline Personality Disorder or BPD is an emotionally unstable personality disorder whose striking traits include impulsivity, instability and intolerance that affects all areas of relationships and self belief.

It can also include symptoms of abandonment, anger, irritability, unpredictability, and hurtful intentions - both to themselves or to others. BPD's normally do the following: Cause people they love great deal of pain for no reason. Fight, Argue, Threaten, Blackmail for no reason 3. Twist, turn, Skew, Manipulate and criticize suddenly for no reason 4. Get Angry, Irritated, Violent and Nasty for no reason. Switch from Super Sweet to Horribly Nasty in seconds for no reason 6.

Deny, Accuse, Distort and put people they love for no reason 7. Act as the victim, tell lies, false stories and shocking untrue tales to others about people they love for no reason. Among the vast library of information provided, here are some of the best I could pick up. What to do while dealing with a BPD: What not to do while dealing with a BPD: Questions to ask when getting into a relationship with a BPD 4.

If the BPD does not respect your limits: Asking yourself questions can help you better understand your personal limits: The 4 D's - Don'ts of how to respond to criticism: You, the BP, and the therapist may all want to meet to discuss how you will handle self-harm in the future. If this is not possible, seek professional help on your own to discuss how to handle the situation. If you believe that the BP may be a danger to himself or herself or others, the BP may need to be evaluated for hospitalization. Remain calm and speak in a calm and matter-of-fact way. Moskovitz points out that although the behavior may be shocking and new to you, it may have been going on for a long time.

Seek appropriate medical treatment for the BP if warranted. You may wish to call medical professionals to obtain their advice. In our interview with Elyce M. Empathize with and listen to the BP. Show that you are trying to understand how she feels. Imagine the worst you have ever felt, and then triple it. Emphasize messages of love and acceptance for the person, while making it clear that you wish she would find another way of handling problems.

Stress the positive and offer encouragement e. Suggest alternatives to self-harm such as squeezing ice, plunging his or her hands into very cold water, heavy exercise, biting into something strongly flavored hot peppers or unpeeled lemon, lime, or grapefruit , or other activities that produce an intense sensation that is not harmful.

However, realize that using these alternatives—or not—is up to the BP.

Stop Walking on Eggshells Quotes

Refuse to be put in no-win situations—for example, promising not to seek outside help because the BP is embarrassed and ashamed. This is unfair to you both. If the BP insists that you keep the self-mutilation a secret from people who could help, point out that you are not qualified to handle this on your own. You did not cause this to happen. If an event that involved you preceded the episode, recall the difference between causes and triggers. Leave that to the professionals. It is something the BP does, not something the BP is.

In our interview with Cory F. I am merely stating that you have to handle dynamite with great care. What if I were overweight? Would they follow me around and slap my hand every time I reached for a candy bar? This may come across as punishing. Even if you choose to set this limit, it should come across as something you are doing for yourself, not something against the other person. Questions to ask when getting into a relationship with a BPD 1. What do I want from this relationship? What do I need from this relationship?

How open can I be with my feelings with this person? Am I putting myself in physical danger by staying in this relationship? How will this decision affect any children? How does this relationship affect my self-esteem? Do I love myself as much as I love the borderline?


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  • Have I accepted the fact that the BP will change only if and when he or she is ready to do so? Am I able to wait until that happens or live with things the way they are if it never happens? What practical considerations do I need to consider, particularly financial ones? Do I believe that I have the right to be happy?

    Do I believe that I am only worthwhile when I am sacrificing When am I currently the most content: Do I have the energy and fortitude to go against my family or other people who might be upset with my decision? Am I truly making my own decision, or am I doing what other people want me to do? What are the legal ramifications of my decision? If a friend was in my place and told me the story of this relationship, what advice would I give them? You can change the subject or refuse to discuss the matter. You can leave the room or hang up the phone. You can change your phone number, get Caller ID, or change the door locks.

    You can go in your room and shut the door. You can be with the person only when a third party is present. You can stop the car or refuse to drive with the person. You can say no firmly without changing your mind. You can call a crisis line or shelter. You can call the police and get a restraining order. You can stop seeing the person for a while or break off the relationship altogether.

    You can find alternative places for a child to stay e. You can take steps to protect children from abusive situations e. Communicate One Limit at a Time 3. Begin with the Easy Stuff 4. Practice with a Good Friend 5. Stay Focused on your Message 2. Give positive feedback, appropriate to the person and your 4. Be aware of your own voice inflection and nonverbal communication During the Stressful Phase of Dealing with BPD's a few 'out-of-the-box' ideas: What are you willing to give up for the relationship? What are the things that others do that leave you feeling angry and taken advantage of?

    Are you able to say no to requests without feeling guilty? How physically close can you allow others to get? At what distance do you begin to feel anxious or uncomfortable? Does the BP in your life respect your physical limits? Setting limits is a lifelong process. The 4 D's Don'ts of how to respond to criticism: Weldmann writes that most people respond to criticism with behavior they learned in childhood.

    You want to avoid these types of responses. If you stay on this path you may break up on the rocks! The ship has some responsibility for its own destiny. It can choose to be guided by the lighthouse. Or, it can go its own way. The lighthouse is not responsible for the ship's decisions. All it can do is be the best lighthouse it knows how to be. But the sacrifices that people make to satisfy the borderlines they care about can be very costly.

    And the concessions may never be enough. Before long, more proof of love is needed and another bargain must be struck. But the non-BP has. I must be loved by all the important people in my life at all times or else I am worthless. I must be completely competent in all ways to be a worthwhile person. Some people are good and everything about them is perfect.