Sometimes doctors, too, need to deal with therapeutic lying; e. This will reinforce offers of help. It is often easier to do something for our loved ones than to let them do it for themselves. However, if we do it for them, they will lose the ability to be independent in that skill. Not only is it a constant juggle to find the balance, but be aware that the balance may shift from day to day.
Common Situation #1: Aggressive Actions or Speech
But now we are asking our loved one to come up with an answer when he or she might not have the words for what they want, might not be hungry, and even if they answer, might not want the food when it is served after all. One of the hardest things to do is to remember that we are responding to a disease, not the person who once was. Everyone with dementia has times when they make perfect sense and can respond appropriately. We often feel like that person has been faking it or that we have been exaggerating the problem when these moments occur.
We are not imagining things—they are just having one of those moments, to be treasured when they occur. Related Health or Illness Resources Estrategias para motivar a su ser querido Strategies for motivating your loved one. Communicating with Your Doctor. Education and Events Calendar December I know those eyes well. I know all I need to know about dementia.
Caregiver’s Guide to Understanding Dementia Behaviors | Family Caregiver Alliance
One of those airguns that they use to humanely slaughter cows. Anyone who spends enough time with them comes to this conclusion. Fortunately, the cops are not strangers to dealing with worthless burdensome demented old people, so they knew the score pretty quick. If it were me, I would absolutely notice. They sort of just react to stimuli in pre-programmed ways. I do not doubt that I would notice if my brain were steadily shrinking and I was losing the ability to form memories or even think properly.
I know you posted this a while ago, but what I did was: I explained that it is crucial that they explain this to the doctor and that he needs to examine her for this. She would do anything to avoid being diagnosed, including blatantly lie. Now she has been diagnosed. The doctor asked me why this was probably suspecting elder abuse.
You say that now. Wait until she accuses you of killing the family dog, chopping him up into little pieces, and hiding those pieces in her food every day, ten times a day. Wait until she starts calling the police on you. I now live with my dangerous lunatic of a grandmother and she is completely insane. She also cannot remember five minutes ago, and seems to not be aware of the passage of the last 30 years.
Ten Real-Life Strategies for Dementia Caregiving
She believes she had six cats yesterday and they all just disappeared. She believes the trees outside mysteriously doubled in size over night. Is it the same with you? My grandmother does all that shit to me. Every day when I go to cook her dinner, she starts accusing me of killing her cats. I now despise all old people, because they are all demented lunatics waiting to pop out.
I was the one that complained about the caps in the first place. Dan Sword — Please read the following link: On the internet when you are communicating with text using all-caps is considered yelling and is rude! It is as simple as that. It is the same thing as if you were invited to a polite dinner and talked with your mouth full while leaning on the table with your elbows, whether or not you intended to be rude, people would think you were rude, because you are violating the rules of etiquette.
Typing in all-caps is violating the rules of internet etiquette or netiquette. I was born in Thailand. One of the rules of Thai culture is that you NEVER point with your finger at someone, or expose the bottom of your foot to someone. It is considered exceedingly rude and Thai people are insulted if you do those things.
You had better become informed of these things when you visit Thailand, because whether or not you intend to do so you will offend and insult people by doing those things. If not, you will not be helped. Suffer the consequences of being a blockhead. My 83 year old female client got out and wandered for the first time couple of days ago. Scared the hubby as he woke up from a nap and poof she was gone. Lucky neighbours brought her back. She wanted to go home a 3 hour drive from when she was a teenager. She is usually a very nice lady, never mean. But then im only there in the lunch time hours.
I guess in the evening, she dont see her hubby as her hubby and wants him in another bed. She does not call me by my name but has called me Gertrude from day 1. A words and pictures. Her dog Jenny which she calls Dakota—a deceased dog from long ago , A picture of her and me as she forgets who I am when I leave, A picture of herself, a Obit of her Mother as she thinks she is still alive died 20 years ago , Names of her 4 children and 6 grandchildren, Her Siblings, And some of the things she once liked to do quilting, square dancing, Private boarding school for 5 years in her teenage yrs, vacationing in Portugal many times…..
She loves this book and reads it over and over and over. I didnt see Lisa Yelling but only trying to get her point across….. Do you require the services of a hacker?.. My name is Angela. I just moved in with my Mom who is I began noticing her symptoms over 2 years ago but my father was a minister long story and would not let me take her to the doctor and really admit there was a serious issue. Needless to say I have struggled with anger for awhile My Dad got very ill about 6 months ago and declined very rapidly. He also fought medical care and the medical diagnosis of Stage 4 Cancer because of massive fluid around his heart and lungs.
He complicated his care and our lives for those 6 months by leaving the hospital 5 times against medical advice and my mother also began to decline because of the chaos. He passed away October 1 and I have not left the house since. Tonight has been the first night of silence in the house, and the first night I have been left alone for more than an hour. Thank you for letting me be here. I plan to soak up as much information as I can. There has been so much trauma from his death. She has cried every day all day, and every night all night.
All I want is to help her live the best life for the rest of her life. I want her to enjoy every moment. I need serious help. To spend when her house mates go to the store. How much of my aunts care should my cousin be charging her for? We are shocked the amount of money he has paid himself for things you would do for your parent out of love!!
How do I know what is expected …that he should be getting paid for and what they have stolden in the name of being made whole???? I think it would be better to just tolerate the misspellings. In my humble opinion all caps is far worse. It is also very difficult to read. I suspect most people just will not read your posts. It is just to much of an unpleasant experience. It is that bad. A word to the wise…. Our goal here in this life to to be good, moral and righteous and rise above hate. To do bad to someone who did bad to you makes you no better than them. To do good to those who do bad shows true character and actual love, to be as mean, or evil or bad as them, what does that accomplish?
So in essence you are writing you are just like your Mother. I would never emulate the actions and words of someone who is as bad as you claim your Mother was. How does what you are doing make you any different than her? I took care of my Mother for 5 years and 8 months and YES it was very hard and stressful, but i did it because I believe in Honor they Mother and Father. I have just started working in a small nursing home, some patients get NO visitors, those family members make me sick!
A selfish person only thinks of them self and cries how it makes them sad and stressed out to see an ill family member. Do these selfish people, self centered fools ever for one minute stop and think how awful it is for their loved one to be removed from their rightful home and put into a nursing home where others are ill and scream and cry and are terrified?
Do these people care? Oh because i have a heart and I can see they are lonely, scared, feel unloved! And yeah the family who do not visit their loved ones are devoid of love, they have ZERO concept of what exactly love is, I kind of pity them, but i despise them too and am so grateful I am not friends with people like that, I suspect they fail as humans in many other arenas as well! Not a soul is impressed by them,. See people who care for their ill loved ones, or the ones who put their loved ones away and yeah that is putting a person away, but those who put loved ones away and at the very least go see their loved ones in nursing homes, or assisted living facilities numerous times, or at least once a week KNOW they are doing what is right and yeah sometimes hard.
I treat them as if they are my family members, I have such compassion for these people, they are all sick in one way or another, most have dementia and my heart breaks for them. My mom is 77 and has dementia.
She lives with me. She is hoarding and extremely messy. One bedroom looks like someone backed a dump truck up and dumped everything into it. When I try to organize it or clean, she gets mad at me. She constantly wants to sleep on the couch in the den. She rarely bathes anymore. Lately she gets very mad at me and one day I thought she was going to beat me with her cane. I try to be patient with her, not pushy, but it seems that no matter what I do, it makes her angry. She calls other relatives and makes me sound like a bad person. I want her to be happy, but Its taking its toll on me.
What kind of world are we living in when a person who is clearly incapable mentally is allowed to do as they please according to law. My Mom has vascular dementia caused by strokes. She is only 70 and my Dad is her caregiver but he is a punching bag for her. My Dad likes to golf but when he escapes for a couple hours to golf, my Mom is frantic and gives him the 3rd degree when he returns. I live close but am raising a family and am very busy being a Mom with kids although I always try to make time to see my parents. She has threatened to hit him and has become so angry and resentful and takes everything our on him.
What can my brothers and I to get through to him when he constantly denies our recommendations? Both my parents have dementia with my dad being worse. They were also alcoholics especially my dad. My mother all her life has mental problems but never diagnosed as she refused help. I was the oldest and had to babysit my siblings, clean house and cook.
My parents moved close to me 5 years ago due to my dads health issues. My mom went to ER with head injury. Mom was arrested 3 x in a month for assault on my dad who is older and frail. He was arrested one of those times. Went to court and they ordered forensic eval on them which took months. In the meantime there were more arrests by year end 5 for mom and 3 for dad , taking off in the car and getting lost, more ER visits and it goes on. Eval showed both were deemed incompetent. Social services got involved and asked me to become their guardian.
I am the only child out of 4 living close. So I put him in and my mom went crazier. She accused me of everything that happened to them. She abused and when they sent police out she assaulted him. She would call us up, especially me, all night long and was VERY hateful. I had done involuntary committal, i had called mobile crisis many times and police. Several times when I tried to take her willingly for psych help she turned on me and started attacking me while driving.
She was combative and refused taking her meds. Also court ordered my parents to be apart. I had to put mom into a separate locked facility. This was costing them a fortune. My dads health went bad and he was placed in hospice. I was having to meet drs, nurses, social workers etc and it got to be too much and run a struggling bakery. I closed the shop and was pulling both parents out to stay with me. I redid my extra bedrooms for them but mom who came 1st could not handle it and 8 days later I was advised by mobile crisis after 2 calls in less than a week she needs to go back to locked facility.
So now I care for my dad at my house, mom is in memory care facility. I do visit a few times a month because she is my mother but honestly i could go without seeing her. I was always the one to clean up after my parents. I rarely caused any problems growing up but they both had limited education and I had to teach them more than them teaching me. I understand and learned so much from this experience.
I wish I could have kept my mom but sometimes its best they be in a facility and sometimes its best not to see them. I know I have done what I could for my parents and will continue to do so until they pass but i have to take care of myself too. My Dad was diagnosed with dementia 6 months ago, I have work in the health care field for years.
I have to travel home because the house get very chaotic at times, to keep things calm. I am doing the best I can, but often times I feel resentful because I feel like I have to put my life on hold in order to help the family. I had to drop my classes because I need to be there for my parents n my son. Please suggestions, H E L P!
So someone upvoted my comment and it brought me back to this thread.
You are here
My grandmother has no short-term memory at all. She will ask a question, get an answer, and then ask the same question, and then get the same answer, then ask the same question again. She constantly accuses me of killing her cats and hiding their bodies. She demands I return x-item that I stole, even when the item is sitting in plain sight right in front of her. She declares that things have been stolen without even looking for them first. She pathologically hides charging cables.
She even takes the charging cable from my razor off the bathroom counter and hides it in her bedroom somewhere. She believes my brother sneaks in at night and watches her sleep. When presented with proof that this is not the case, she is not convinced. She has called the police on me and told them that I abuse her never done anything of the sort; thankfully the cops believed me when she could provide absolutely no details on what the abuse in question was; or really even answer any of his questions.
The cop told me he routinely fields calls like this from demented old people. Probably most of them never even happened. She has randomly left the house and wandered off and gotten lost three times. Twice my mom found her and once a random passerby brought her home. She constantly screams about my mom controlling her money and her not having a car. She believes she should be able to drive. My mother took control of her money because she was ruining herself financially by paying anyone who she saw soliciting on television no matter how ridiculous or scammy.
I basically hate her. For my grandmother will soon be put in a home too. It becomes the only option. She has done this over forty times now. She refuses to even try using that or the microwave. Anything that deviates from her experiences 40 years ago is just not feasible because in her damaged brain, it just does not compute.
Basically anything that she sees, be it a jar of mayonnaise or her cat, will immediately trigger her relaying a specific anecdote always the same anecdote for each specific item. It is the most annoying shit imaginable. So I have no choice but to sit there and nod my head. Of course, I keep that locked up deep inside and never show this to her.
Somehow I always remain kind to her. These burdens are going to ruin and backrupt the nation. My grandmother told me herself in no uncertain terms before she lost her mind that she would absolutely not want to live in such a way. See, my grandmother and I were very close and she would tell me things she would not tell other people. She did not account for losing her mind though. And what are we really, other than our minds? I stopped her and was like, yeah you told me this.
Then she immediately starts asking me about the trees outside and what do I think of them, should they be cut down? She has been asking me this question four or five times a day for a year now. For me to do it alone, I would have to stake them down and cut carefully, and even then I could maybe accidentally get myself killed. When I point this out, she remains unconvinced. I was like, Granny you keep asking me this same question.
And I keep giving you the same thoughtful answer. Enough about the trees. She immediately flips the fuck out, calls me a liar that she never in fact asked me before and runs into her room and closes the door this is typical. I want one thing in this life, and that is for her to die and for me to not have to see her, listen to her, or take care of her, ever again. I am so beyond done with this shit.
Been doing it for over three years.
She would immediately forget I was there anyway. Every time she calls me, I almost get like… a physiological fear response… Like fight or flight. As if I want to either kill her or run away. You know what that signifies? It signifies fucking post traumatic stress disorder.
I have to use all caps to prevent my phone device from changing my words. I wish people would get over the yell idiocy. I have done quite a bit of research on dementia,but I had yet to find a reason why my mother was so mean to me most of the x and not my sisters,or other family members and friends. Our mother has always been the absolute most precious mother thru out raising her 3 girls. So I do no that the mother that gave birth to me is slowly slipping away from us Gratefully we have a lot of pictures to look back on that say.
My demented grandmother does the same shit. She hides any charging cable of any kind. She even takes my shaver cable and hides that. And every time she accuses me of having stolen it. Hate demented old people. I was wondering if you had found ways to stay sane? Music is big for me, as are fragrance and singing hymns. You are in my heart. So I have a new anecdote from the asylum, fresh off the presses! The situation JUST ended, just now.
So about two hours ago my mom calls me. In reality, she has had three cats die from getting hit by cars because she keeps letting them outside. All of her cats absolutely love me; especially the one she was most recently screaming about me having killed. Then she reminds her of her other cats who my grandmother got killed. I am currently living with my grandmother.
I actually have two cats of my own. My mom lives right around the corner. Anyway, my grandmother predictably throws a tantrum then runs out the door and starts walking in a random direction. Every time she hides it, she blames me for stealing it. So it takes my mom a couple minutes to get dressed and get in her car and she starts driving around to find her. I, on the other hand, am walking around the neighborhood with a flashlight looking for her, while in contact with my mom via cell phone.
My only concern was that my evening is being wasted again by this shit with me having killed her cat s this is a nightly occurrence but the wandering off part is new. Eventually my mom finds her. She walked to the fire station and randomly walked inside and asked them for coffee. They were brewing said coffee when my mom found her.
So my mom calls me, with my grandmother in the car, using speakerphone.
Then my grandmother makes some nonsensical noises and they pulled up. I walk into the kitchen to pour myself some freshly brewed coffee, because FML. The moron walks into her bedroom using the back entrance so as to avoid walking past me. It makes me angry; because I know that it means nothing. Now I am basically hiding in my room with MY two cats, afraid of more insanity.
And she will wake up tomorrow morning and thank me profusely for making her breakfast and for my company, etc. Because my grandmother died at least two years ago. My mom is the sweetest woman you could ever meet. She has many illnesses along with dementia. She forgot my name and my father today. I need to get my teenaged granddaughters to see her before she has no memory of them left. Problem is my ex husband and I had a nasty divorce and he can afford multiple and expensive lawyers than I.
We are in a custody battle that is as bad as it gets. We live in Florida. My ex will not agree to me taking them to visit and if I take them I will get arrested. I was there when my grandmother died and those memories are precious to me. I take care of my 48 year old brother with dementia and it is hard some days feel like all we do is fight. Some days he is wanting to go home to live instead of being with me we are in our 3rd year and he has lived with me for the past 3 and it is tough he is no longer my brother but someone I care for. I would have it no other way. I wish I could take him home to live.
I ve been caring for my mother about two years.. Some days are great and others are challenging.. Mommy is 85 dementia last 2yrs helping older sister care for her she was healthy happy april On April 28 Please do not judge. Sometimes it IS loving someone by staying away. My grandfather who helped raise me has no clue who I am. He talks about me to me like I am a stranger. My father died a few years ago and he is all I have left. You like being a martyr, it makes you feel good about yourself, we got that. You were being very negatively judgmental toward someone you know nothing about.
Each to his own. My mother is in a nursing home and she is very happy there. I am very happy that she is there. I could care less if you judge me or not, each to his own. I find that judgmental people are very unhappy people. My mother has always been nuts and abusive to me. She went into a home because she wanted more attention from people. She drove me and her sisters nuts. She is very happy there. Good for you listen to your doctor. I am very happy knowing she is being taken care of, and very happy to have nothing to do with her.
Other people have had terrible mothers, who made their lives miserable. No frills but no mistreatment. We all have the right to be happy and live our own lives. Some places provide financial aid. And they can offer financial aid if she needs more care are the disease progresses.
My mother has been like that to me my entire life! So with dementia nothing much has changed. She went into a home at 90 and has liked it there very much. She moved into assisted living there last year. And so far is able to pay for it herself. There is no way I could or would care for her, it would literally drive me insane. I live in CA she in is PA. CA is too expensive but PA has some very good assisted living arrangements that are affordable. I pay no attention to it. I write to her and send pictures but I have no desire to talk to her or visit her.
She has always been very nasty to me since I was a child. As well as nuts. You are not a bad person. You have your life to live and you deserve to be happy. Put her in a home if you can. Thanx so much for this app. Maybe having a video will be more convincing than just words. Actually, my husband used to use all caps for his convenience. U can find something to take issue with if u look for it. No one needs to make a big issue. She rarely leaves her property. Her alcoholic 80 yr old husband has had several heart attacks and is going blind. Several months ago she began talking about Drone People who spy on her, leave clues in the form of lacy leaves or leaves from a tree not in her yard, white or yellow or red items in different shapes, have hollowed out the folliage in the middle of large trees around the neighborhood where they dock their drones and has decided my daughter, who regularly comes to help them by mowing and working around their house, is at the core of the spy operation.
This is the most elaborate of her stories. As a teenager she was hit by a car and 10 yrs later had a small stroke as a result. Other than asthma and a thyroid condition her health has been ok until she developed emphysema. She was a legal secretary for many years until an accident left her unable to type. She abused drugs for many years. Both of them refuse to acknowledge that she has a serious problem. She cries and begs me to believe her about these people who come every night.
She points out their cars and has even written signs telling them to leave her alone. It breaks my heart to spend time with her while she details the latest exploits of the Drone People so I say little or nothing. Should I keep trying to convince her husband or should I contact her doctor directly? So far, they manage to slip away before she gets to where she saw or heard them.
Can someone go to bed with their mind intact then wake up without it? This is not about just us anyway, All I want is some sense of direction in caring for my 84 year old mother, who has supported me, my sisters and brothers all of her life. She was talking about completely abandoning them there. Never going to see them again is cruel. Even when she gets to the point of not knowing who I am, I will still go see her. I work for a security camera app and we want to add some features to make it a home care camera app. Does anyone here have experiences with video monitors for elderly care?
Would you like to offer some advice? Husband has been showing many signs of dementia—his oncologist is sending us to get geratric assesment—my question is this—sometimes he goes thru periods where his memory seems to be working just fine and physically he seemms much improved—then after a few days or a week he will go back to his dementia symptoms—is this normal?
That cat thing is especially bad and she basically accuses me every day. Now I just take care of her immediate needs and avoid being in the same room as her as much as possible. My mom her daughter constantly avoids her. She believes my younger brother sneaks into her room at night to watch her sleep and steal her things. I sometimes fantasize about the good old days when grandma with dementia would ultimately be marched out into the woods put out of her misery.
The funny thing is… I know my grandmother well. She is basically my second mother. The real her the one that still had her mind would probably not only be OK with that scenario, but would probably insist on it. No suck luck today though! AZ is now the second leading cause of death for old people and crap-tons of people caring for them are having their bodies and souls consumed in dealing with it as well. I also read a bunch of posts from people calling out other people on how they should or should not be acting or re-acting. The one part of one post that seemed to be overlooked was Marlene post that the DOCTOR said to put her mom in a facility and stop seeing her.
My own mother is 91 and has been in a facility for about two years. The coding manual and the matrix, particularly the column with comments from the research team, addressed the dependability of the study and provided the analytic documentation for the study Robinson Wolf, The detailed reporting of findings from this analysis will increase the transferability and other qualitative studies have reported results with a similar sample size Perry et al. Four themes emerged from the analysis supporting the possibility that daughter caregivers might be at risk for developing compassion fatigue.
The four themes were: These four themes are notably connected to the contributing factors for compassion fatigue, particularly empathic ability and empathic concern, inability to detach, and other life demands. These findings are significant because they suggest, for the first time, that the family members caring for an older adult at home might be at risk for developing compassion fatigue, and provide justification for further research on compassion fatigue in this population.
The uncertainty theme is related to the adult daughter caregivers feeling unsure when caring for their parents. Often, their uncertainty was related to AD and the trajectory of illness. Adult daughter caregivers often stated they were uncertain how to respond in a situation and were fearful that something distressing would happen to their parents if they did not act appropriately. As one caregiver stated when asked about a caregiving challenge:. Being prepared to help her when [it] does. Similarly, a daughter who had experienced her mother wandering from home on one occasion continued to worry about when it might happen again.
The day that she walked away from the house, from that day up until then, I was not daily worried about it. What could happen the next time? Another caregiver described the confusion she feels when trying to understand how dementia has affected her mother:. One daughter explained that her mother had become fearful of persons of a different race.
Daughters reported feeling that they were not caring for their parents the way their parents deserved. As one daughter stated:. That kind of bothered me. Another daughter described how she wanted to care for her mother and felt she was not doing the job well. She described a situation in which she cooked for her mother and developed negative feelings about herself because she did not feel that she could make her mother happy:.
I took care of [people] in a nursing home. And I have to get over that. I tried not to let her see it. The previous statement illustrates the concept that the daughters were trying to prevent their parents from experiencing distress from symptoms of dementia. I would do anything to keep her from getting upset or angry. She means that much to me. It made me think maybe I should be more of an advocate for Mother and maybe I should be firmer in what I want them to let her do.
And I feel that maybe she just sat there and has just been sitting there on the sofa all day long, and has not had anything to stimulate her. As anticipated, daughters caring for parents with dementia were emotionally attached to their parents and expressed willingness to care for them. These caregivers also described satisfaction from caregiving. One caregiver told of lying in bed with her mother and enjoying the time with her:. Oh yeah, this morning. Just because it made me feel like I was loved.
And I was with my mama. And I miss not having her around like she used to be. Oh, yeah, we have some times we laugh. Sometimes she come back in and be on a, wow, I mean, all the way up. And we just sit and laugh and cackle. These stories illustrate the relationship between caregiver and care recipient and although the relationship changes, the daughters are still connected with their parents. A prior positive relationship and emotional attachment motivated the daughters to care for their parents.
As one daughter said,. So then I know what I need to do to care for her. Our values are the same. Even though the parent—daughter relationship changed, caregiving daughters also felt that their relationship with their parents was bettered through caregiving:. I just got to know them in a different way that I never got to know and I really got to experience, and still do, unconditional love. Many daughters felt their parents had not had a good life and through caring for their parents, the daughter caregivers were able to make up for this:.
And knowing that my mother has been the sweetest person in the world. She never said anything bad about anybody. We called her a Pollyanna because she always saw the good side of everything. No matter what it was. One daughter, however, did not find joy in caregiving, nor did she feel satisfaction from caring for her mother. This daughter, possibly experiencing compassion fatigue, expressed her hopelessness, anger, and frustration saying:.
It upsets me, the disease — the horrible disease. But when I do think about it, I hate it. I hate that disease. And I would do anything if I could help find a cure for it. The relationship between parents and adult daughter caregivers likely places the caregivers at risk for compassion fatigue; while at the same time, this close emotional relationship provides the motivation for caregivers to care for their parents. In addition, daughters found satisfaction in caregiving through their attachment to their parents.
All of the daughter caregivers described competing life demands, another contributing factor for compassion fatigue. Daughter caregivers had to take time from other activities to care for their parents and often felt that they were missing out on things.
Daughters caring for parents with dementia spoke of how physically tired they were. One daughter fell asleep on her way home from work and was in a car accident:. Another daughter described the stress she felt when trying to help her daughter plan a wedding, while caring for her mother:. My daughter got married and I had to help her plan and do showers, and the wedding, and all of these things around my mom. And every time something important happened, my mother would wind up at the doctor or a hospital. It was really, really hard. This same daughter discussed how difficult it is for her to do all of the things in her life that she would like to when she says,.
Juggling my time, taking care of the house here, and my house there, and my job and friends and family. In response to caregiver strain, daughters also described feeling resentful towards their parents when the tasks became overwhelming. One daughter describes it:. I think I had reached a point where I felt resentful toward her. I used to love the weekends. In response to competing life demands, daughter caregivers described reaching out to family members for help and relief.
Often, the help was another sibling, and some caregivers shared that they had looked into either adult day-care or long-term care facilities for their parents. These coping strategies allowed the daughters to continue caring for their parents and buffered against developing compassion fatigue.
While this study did not confirm the presence of compassion fatigue as professional caregivers have experienced it, the interviews and statements from these daughters suggest that family caregivers might be at risk for compassion fatigue. This analysis provides evidence for many of the concepts from the model of the compassion fatigue process Figure 1 leading to a caregiver developing compassion fatigue. Daughter caregivers articulated the contributing factors for compassion fatigue as an inability to detach, or attachment, other life demands, and an exposure to suffering expressed by the themes of uncertainty and doubt.
Adult daughters in this study described feelings of uncertainty and doubt in response to caring for a parent with AD. Daughters perceived suffering of a parent and tried to minimize this suffering, but were often unsure how best to react and doubted their responses to distressing situations for their parents. The themes of uncertainty and doubt found in this study are similar to the feelings of inadequacy and powerlessness experienced by nurse-daughters while assisting with care for a parent in long-term care Ward-Griffin et al.
Based upon these and their other findings, Ward-Griffin and colleagues concluded nurse-daughters were at risk for compassion fatigue. All daughters experienced strain and described competing life demands. Other studies have generated similar findings particularly when participants were adult children caring for a parent with dementia Conde-Sala et al. Strain and other demands often are associated with care-giver employment Conde-Sala et al. One participant in this study described such exhaustion that she fell asleep behind the wheel while returning home from work.
When considered in combination with the exposure to perceived suffering and a desire to minimize or alleviate the suffering, these other demands place the caregivers at risk for compassion fatigue. In addition, all 12 daughters articulated strong, ongoing attachment to their parent.