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Close Report a review At Kobo, we try to ensure that published reviews do not contain rude or profane language, spoilers, or any of our reviewer's personal information. Would you like us to take another look at this review? No, cancel Yes, report it Thanks! As soon as they get in, Toni turns away to face the condensated window. From the way she angles her face completely out of the redheads sight and the sound of the occasional sniffles which come her way, Cheryl can only assume that the other girl is crying. She knows that the other girl preferred privacy in times like this, and whilst the redhead would die to say something which might make her feel better even in the slightest she doesn't want to invade that moment, so simply sighs and reverses out of the parking space she'd made out of a lay-by at the edge of the woods, driving back to Thistle House in silence.
Despite earlier's Black Hood attack, she feels safer there than anywhere else in this town. The trailer park is out of the question, as is any other place in the Southside — it isn't worth the risk of potentially another encounter with the Ghoulies. Neither of them have any cash on them, and it's too late to call for a hotel room anyway so they don't exactly have any other options. For a moment, Cheryl wonders about where Sweet Pea and the other Serpents might be crashing tonight, feeling a wave of guilt when she figures that the best they will manage would most likely be the Wyrm, whatever still-intact cars they could break into, or the bare streets.
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She should have invited them all to stay at hers. They had invited her into their community with few questions asked when Toni had rescued her from the Sisters, after all, and it isn't like Thistle House doesn't have enough room for them all. But right now, glancing over the night they'd just endured and considering the emotions slowly yet surely being released from the smaller girl, wasn't the time to introduce new housemates. She would repay the favour soon, of course she would, but maybe tonight all they needed was a few moments away from the rest of the world to grieve and to think.
With each passing metre, her girlfriend lets out more sniffles and soft sighs, occasionally bringing her hand to her face to wipe away what Cheryl assumes were tears. She's trying not to make any noise, she really is, Cheryl can see that. She doesn't want any pity. She doesn't need any pity.
Giving some form to the stuff in my head
She was the lucky one. It wasn't her who had died, after all. It had been her best friend, her brother in that non-biological sort of way who had breathed his last breath, and now he was gone and she would now only ever see him in photos and videos, listen to him in voicemails he'd sent her when he was drunk and read his advice in old text messages which dated back three or four years.
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He was no longer breathing, talking, moving. His life had fallen apart, and it felt as if Toni's world had fallen apart with it. Maybe the world had fallen apart. It had brought the Ghoulies back. Now Jughead was hurt and—. Toni could have died. There really is nothing 'okay' about that situation, but the sound of that soft voice she knows so well is just about enough to seize her tears, even if it would only be for a short period of time. She releases the heart wrenching sob which had been left caught in her chest the minute the sound of the closing door stops echoing off the creamy coloured walls.
It comes out as a choke, the smaller girl burying her face in her hands as she tries to kick off her laced-up Doc Martins. That only makes it worse, with her resorting to kicking the back of her calves in hopeless attempt to remove them when the realised the the black leather would fall from her feet. You're just going to hurt yourself, alright? It's almost as if she hasn't even heard her.
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The Serpent just keeps kicking and crying helplessly. It isn't pretty crying, like girls always pull off in sad high school movies; it was uncontrolled wails, nose running, breaths uneven, throat sore from the mountain of emotions which had built up in for the past twenty four hours — from Fangs being arrested, to him being released, to him being shot, then to her being kidnapped and to Fangs being pronounced as dead and to Jughead being beaten until unrecognisable. It's a lot to process in a short period of time, and she doesn't know how to process it.
She thrashes, using all of her strength left in her in an attempt to break away from her restraints. Despite being inches shorter, she's a lot stronger than Cheryl — she remembers the time at the Wyrm where she'd proposed that she could break the taller girl's wrist in a single move.
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That didn't happen then, but who was to say that it wasn't going to happen now? Cheryl only knows that devastation and frustration — the emotions in play right this moment — often led to things which weren't intended to be done or said happening. We can't do anything.
It's the horrible truth, and Cheryl hated being the bearer of that news. She can't do anything. Neither them nor Sweet Pea or any of the other Serpents can do anything to bring him back. He's not coming back. It makes Toni feel sick, how it was all out of her hands and how she can't do anything to save him.
It was either that thought, or the way she'd been crying so much and so hard, which makes her rush into the bathroom and empty the contents of her stomach into the toilet, collapsing against the wall again in tears. Cheryl shifts to her side, resulting in Toni launching herself into a tight hug, wrapping her arms around the redhead in desperation and uncertainty. Cheryl's pretty sure Toni had said the exact same thing to her before; if not the exact same, something very similar.
It feels so strange knowing that the roles had reversed, so scary knowing that Toni — the strongest person she knew by far, yet so weak in this moment — is in such overwhelming pain.
She can't continue on. She can't say it out loud, the thing about Jughead nor the thing about Fangs. Just the thought alone — the mere idea that Fangs was gone and Jughead was lingering on death's doorstep — is enough to destroy her. Cheryl holds her as tight as she can, trying to keep her own tears at bay for the sake of her shattered girlfriend, knowing that her degree of pain isn't anyway near as severe at the Toni's, praying for anything and everything which will alleviate it to come running.
Cheryl, tears pricking her owns eyes with the innocence and agony in those words, simply hugs her even tighter or the point where she wonders whether or not the embrace is painful and bids that she's never going to let go. Tonight was just another example of how fragile life is, how easily it can be ripped to shreds and discarded and destroyed, and how death has no filters.
Cheryl wants to cry when she notices the bloodshot eyes and wet cheeks. She looks so hurt, so worn-down, Cheryl thinks as nods sadly, giving the other girl a hand and pulling her up from the cold bathroom floor, gesturing for them to go upstairs to her bedroom. They don't bother getting changed.
Toni doesn't even notice the massive gaping hole in the door or the open window with curtains blowing violently in the wind.
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She's too distraught for even the lowest level of observation. She lies as close to the other girl as possible but she still feels alone. Cheryl wraps her arms around her, pulling her tight to her chest and kissing her forehead, leaving her lips there. She knows what it's like to lose a brother. Even eight months on it still feels as if a part of her is missing and she doubts the hole in her heart would ever be filled — a scar of the same bullet which had taken him away from her. He, like Fangs for Toni, had always been there for her, had always been the one protecting her, the one she could talk to, and then something tragic happened and he was stolen from her and everything was over as fast as a bullet itself moves.
Toni cries herself to sleep and each tear which lands on the fabric of her black turtleneck is like a stab to the heart. The holder of the metaphorical knife remains held close to Cheryl's chest. If there's anyone know knows that the people who are hurting the most who cause the most pain, it's her.