I was always pointing out her mistakes. I see some husbands and wives treat each other so coldly and with such indifference that I want to scream at them to wake up before it is too late. I want to tell them to stop their sarcasm and, instead, to encourage each other. Wives and husbands tend to become the persons described in the compliments their spouses pay them. They will do almost anything to live up to the compliments and encouragement of a proud wife or husband. Many years ago a friend of ours who had not married during the years when most marry selected a young woman to be his wife.
His choice surprised a number of us because we were unable to feel she was as insightful, as socially adaptable, or as wise as he was—to the extent that it almost appeared to be a mismatch. Then we observed that during social engagements, in Church situations, and at other places, he would kindly talk with her about everything that was going on.
He brought books home from school and read with her. In many other ways he helped her develop into a more mature and lovely person, and, of course, at the same time he also grew. That man and wife now serve in a distant place on a mission, living a full life because of his desire to be helpful and sensitive and because of the deep love they have for each other.
Sixth, never resort to the silent treatment. I am going through a rough time. Let me work it out by myself. What is marriage, if it is not sharing and helping each other through crises?
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We have heard all of the excuses: Keep the door to your heart open. The times when we shut others out often are the times when we need their help the most. Of course we all need times of privacy, time to think things out, to meditate and pray. We should understand and respect this need in others. However, we should never be inconsiderate or unappreciative of a concerned husband or wife who is trying to help. This is especially true when there are problems. After several months of marital bliss, a serious disagreement erupted that so hurt the husband emotionally that he could not function at his daily tasks.
As he reeled from the impact of this confrontation, he stopped to analyze the problem and realized that at least a part of the problem had been his. As they held each other, she confessed that in her experience those words of apology had not been used before, and she now knew that any of their future problems could be worked out. In addition to saying they are sorry and really meaning it, husbands and wives must avoid bringing up the past.
Thousands of marriages have survived the most critical problems and have been successful only because godly sorrow for sin was followed by Christlike forgiveness. Eighth, never turn to a third party in time of trouble, except appropriate family members or your bishop or stake president.
In sensitive and inspired ways, such persons will direct you to a competent counselor if one is needed. Someone is always ready and eager to console a hurting wife or husband. And when marriage partners have no one to talk with at home, unfortunately too many seek a friend elsewhere. And that is where much adultery begins. It can happen in the neighborhood, in a ward choir, at the office, or anywhere else. Secret affairs begin innocently enough—just by talking about mutual hurts.
But then comes a dependency period that too often ends in transferring loyalty and affection, followed by adultery. Never confide your marriage troubles to a third party, except as I have noted, to appropriate family members, bishop, or stake president; no, not even to the closest friend of your own sex. He or she may be the first to tell your troubles to another. Lean on the Savior, and rely upon your bishop or stake president. This system, which the Lord has given us, is simple; but it works well. Ninth, retain the joy in your marriage. God intends us to find joy in life.
Most marriages begin with joy, and those that succeed retain it. When a marriage loses its happiness, it becomes weak and vulnerable. Find a happy home, and you will find a joyful couple at the helm. Husbands and wives who no longer laugh and play together are losing their love for each other and their capacity to stay together. This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Thang Muang rated it did not like it Oct 11, Tomi marked it as to-read Aug 28, Lachelle Saieh marked it as to-read Feb 26, Barb added it May 10, Kim marked it as to-read Jul 20, Michael Locklear marked it as to-read Oct 08, Ronel Cloete marked it as to-read Feb 19, Caroline marked it as to-read Mar 07, Ntseki marked it as to-read Apr 08, Padmini Hannah marked it as to-read Apr 22, Marjo marked it as to-read Jul 04, Destine marked it as to-read Mar 25, Abe marked it as to-read Apr 16, Sharon added it Jul 31, Ojo Oluwaseyi marked it as to-read Apr 16, Gary marked it as to-read Sep 12, Ayanbeshishie Akpanke marked it as to-read Nov 30, Do you really know their current likes, dislikes, goals, aspirations, worries, stresses, hopes, and fears?
You have to know what your partner is thinking and feeling to create that feeling of togetherness. This all sounds like common sense, but how often do we get wrapped up in our own world and forget to check in with your spouse to see what they are thinking, feeling, and dreaming about? Below are some sample love map questions to ask your partner or you can quiz yourself to see how well you know your partner:. Which relatives do you like the most and which do you like the least? How do you think life would have been different if you lived years ago?
You get the point. Ask questions that get you to know your partner on a deeper emotional level. There are a ton of questions in the book, so I recommend you pick it up and then ask each other these questions. Not only are the exercises good for getting to know your partner, but they will also help you discover more about yourself. Ask yourself, what are my triumphs and strivings, my good times and bad times, my goals and aspirations, my mission in life, and who do you want to become? Do some self-discovery in the process and share this information with each other.
Share your inner self with your partner! That's how you really get to know someone. You honored and respected them. Over time, it can feel like we begin to take each other for granted and then before you know it, we are not really honoring and respecting each other anymore. Reflect on the early years and do your best to put a positive spin on it if needed. Having a positive view of your spouse is essential to a healthy marriage, especially if you run into hard times. The overwhelming positive view will create a buffer during trying times.
This is easy to do in certain settings strangers, work, etc. Think about what makes you treasure him or her.
10 Ways to Focus on Making Marriage Holy (Not Just Happy)
Acknowledge and openly discuss positive aspects of your partner. There are several more exercises in the book on how to nurture fondness and admiration. It can be anything; a hug, taking the trash out, cleaning, dishes, the kids, caring, dinner, etc. Exercise 2 — Remember how and why you became a couple. Discuss how you first met, the first date, your first impressions, what activities you did, the highlights, how you felt about each other, why you got married, how the honeymoon was, how the wedding was, how your first year of marriage was, what it was like becoming parents, happy moments throughout your early relationship and marriage, and how things have changed or adjusted.
Look back over the years at some hard times — why do you think you stayed together? How did you get through these difficult times? Do you still do things that bring you both pleasure? The whole point of these exercises is to reflect on the past to recharge the relationship. These exercises help in reminding couples why they got together in the first place and the deep feelings of love that inspired them to marry.
Exercise 3 — Cherishing your partner — Write down 10 qualities about your spouse that you cherish caring, authentic, fair, creative, truthful, calm, devoted, etc. Think of a time that they displayed this quality. This should trigger a sense of gratitude for your partner. You want to maximize the positive qualities of your spouse and minimize the negative ones. You can go one step further and express these to your partner over an intimate date.
Let’s Talk about It
Romance is kept alive in the small daily acts of affection. It can be something as simple as asking for a back-rub, a kiss, or something to drink. During these requests for attention and affection, we either turn away or turn towards our partner. Pay attention to these mini moments — they are opportunities to help your relationship grow.
Become more attuned to your partner and pay attention to what they are saying or how they are behaving.
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Is your marriage primed for romance? Do you enjoy doing small activities together dishes, etc. Do you look forward to spending free time together? Are you glad to see your partner at the end of the day? Do you love talking to your partner? Do you share many dreams and goals? Do you have a lot to say to each other? Make an effort to listen to your spouse, respond with thought, and help him or her.
In doing so, you will make your marriage more romantic and stable. Two things to be aware of: Focus on the bid and not the delivery.
Pause for a moment and try to detect if there is an underlying bid. I really want to know. Practice being more present with your partner — be aware and pay attention to them not glued to your phone all the time. Exercise 1 — Pay attention to how often your partner does turn toward you. You can write these down or keep them in your head.
10 Ways to Focus on Making Marriage Holy (Not Just Happy)
Once you have a couple items listed, thank your partner. It could be talking at the end of the day, cooking, shopping together, watching your favorite show, going to church, calling or texting each other, or listening to music together. Choose activities that you appreciate your partner having done with you. Exercise 2 — The stress reducing conversation. At the end of the day, reunite and talk about how your day went for 20 minutes. Do it during a time you are both in the mood to talk. This is a great time to vent to each other and support each other with empathy and without judgement. A couple more ground rules to this daily talk: Give your partner the gift of being there when he or she is upset.
Why questions can sound like criticism.
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Make your spouse a partner in your decision making. Respect and honor their opinions and feelings. It means that couples should share decision making, allow sharing of power, and search for common ground. Think about it, do you really want to make decisions that leave your wife feeling deprived?
The 7 Principles – Making a Marriage Work
Respect each other and talk about the problem until you can find something you both agree with. Simply showing your willingness to work together in finding a solution will soften your partner up. The wives of men who accept their influence are far less likely to be harsh with their husbands when broaching a difficult marital topic. This increases the odds their marriage will thrive. Marriages can survive plenty of flashes of anger, complaints, even criticism. Learn to yield to your partner. Look for the reasonable part of a request and find common ground — compromise.