What happens if you have more than one pet, and your partner wants to keep one? This can also feel like a custody battle with potential for loss. One home or caretaker might be able to care for a particular pet in a way you cannot. We believe it is entirely possible to come out a better person on the other side of divorce. It tends to confuse the issues and pour more hurt on any open wounds. If your partner is resistant to the separation and tries to put the moves on you, you may find yourself in the strange and undiscovered country of saying no to sex.
Imei says she has seen it in her 10 years of private practice experience. We call it Karma. People have their own projections and fears about divorce, and they may treat you like your divorce is contagious. Others will take potshots at you or him in efforts to feel more superior. Do your best to ignore unwarranted, unprofessional, and uneducated judgments. When it comes time to figure out what to do with the ring s , consider consigning them and offering the money received in a gift towards the children, the house, or some other tangible form of care.
There are better options than taking the ring to a pawn shop. For more ideas, check out http: Remember the previous rule: If you have concerns about unauthorized access to your private bank accounts, change the account numbers, create new passwords for online access, and notify all automatic deposits and withdrawals i. This includes thinking ahead about the upcoming tax year and whether it makes sense to file taxes jointly or separately.
This should be one of the first things you try to figure out together.
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If one person makes the wrong move, it could damage the other party in the short-run — but the wronging-initiator will likely be hurt in the long-run. Learning to feel good about being responsible for and to yourself is a challenge for many women. You are not alone. Get with another single woman you admire, and ask her about the things she does for herself. You may be surprised to hear her tell you that she buys herself flowers, enjoys wearing a business suit to work, or knows how to use a circular saw and drill bits.
Put that on your Kindle, and snuggle up with it for a week. The more you have and the more you can remember , the better. Facts are far more relevant than opinions in all divorces. You never know when this information might come in handy. Stay focused, keep your wits about you, and remember that this time in your life will pass.
Make the most of it. Menu Skip to primary content. Make a commitment to take better care of yourself: You are going to need everything you have to close the relationship.
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These fights are almost never worth having on the way out the door of the relationship. Be the bigger person in the room: Think before you put anything in writing: Whatever you post online could end up there forever. In the heat of the moment, it might seem funny to take revenge and say some tactless words, post funny pictures of your partner, or shame your partner by disclosing sacred stories shared between the two of you.
Instead, ask friends to listen empathetically without much feedback if you need to vent. Pets make great listeners! Call your closest friends and family and ask for their support without taking sides or placing judgment on either you or your partner. Ask them to be there for you when either you or your partner moves out, to talk with your children if there are any , and watch your pets while on travel or vacations.
Most people feel helpless as to how they can be a part of your life when you are in transition or crisis. Make a list of some easy tasks or involvement that lets your closest confidants know how much you need them and want them to be a part of your life — on either side of the divorce. Do your best to get adequate sleep, food, and exercise on a regular basis.
Food and exercise help elevate your mood, as well as give you energy to stay in the game [Music is also an instant mood elevator, as it is pure emotion. Design some playlists of music that makes you feel upbeat and positive — and play it when you wake up in the morning. You need a clear head and steady emotions to handle the many difficult choices and emotions ahead.
If you have difficulty sleeping or eating because of depression or anxiety, seek medical attention from an MD or a therapist. Notify family and hold age-appropriate conversations with your children as soon as you have both made a decision to end the relationship. Have a plan in place, and be open to feedback and negotiation, on how to best care for your children.
This person should not be connected to you or her in any other capacity. A fresh perspective is seldom a poor one. Set rules for communication with your soon-to-be-ex-partner, including when to end discussions that become heated. Most of these will simply serve to dissociate you from what you need to attend to. If you ever thought that meditation and yoga might be useful, this would be a good time to investigate. Yoga clears the way for mediation to occur.
Make a list of the things you enjoy doing, and try to work in one of two of those activities a week, such as crafting with your gal friends or working on a hobby or project. Enjoyable tasks will help to ground you in the understanding that there is life after divorce. It might actually be fun! Look in your local community college catalog, comb online class offerings, and sign up for lessons in whatever your interest is. The person you are divorcing is not the same person you married.
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In a similar vein, if you are surprised at your own tears, anger, and even laughter, know that with the end of a relationship, all kinds of emotions can and do emerge at the strangest of times. Imei says go ahead and cry. If you try to hold back, you just get a headache and more wrinkles. You may also wish to consider visiting a San Francisco water damage restoration expert. Read books on divorce that are balanced and fair.
There is a way to divorce without becoming bitter or tainted. Make notes of the things you need to do. Because of the way society places responsibility on the woman for domestic tranquility, the woman often feels more shame and responsibility if an affair is involved. This book addresses both the sides of the coin. If you are the do-it-yourself type, you can find information on the best way to proceed and access the forms you need.
There are forms you can download, online options, settlement agreements, manuals, name change kits, pension evaluations, etc. The book that walks you through the process of ending your marriage, from what to do before you ever meet with a lawyer, to signing the final papers.
Children's Issues Find the information you need to know about child custody, child support, parenting plans, and dealing with children's emotions. Dealing With Your Emotions It's not easy dealing with the heartbreak, overcoming the intense anger, or digging out from the depression.
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Get articles and advice to help you get back on your feet and heal your heart so you can trust and love again. Starting Over Even though the thought of rebuilding your life might be scary, you can find inspiration and support for making this next chapter of your life even better. Get tips on adjusting to the changes and living the life you were meant to lead.
Of course it is also important that your attorney is competent, assertive and savvy both in and out of the courtroom. It's very likely you are confronting a wave of negative emotions from loss and anger to shame and guilt -- most of which are tied to things that have happened in the past. My mantra is to shed the past, live in the present and envision the future.
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Begin exploring where you are now, so you can grow in the future. Become a money manager. Far too many women, even highly successful professionals and entrepreneurs who earn a lot of money, don't have a handle on their family finances. If your husband is the one who has taken on the job of paying the bills and managing your investments, chances are you're in the dark. Perhaps you dislike dealing with money, so over time you've abdicated control to your husband.
Or you have a controlling spouse who actually wants to keep you uninformed and uninvolved. Whatever the situation, facing divorce without knowledge of your finances is incredibly frightening. Many women who find themselves in this situation begin to doubt their ability to take charge of their financial lives.
The first thing you've got to do is to learn the good, the bad and the ugly of what's been going on with your money -- whether that means there's credit card debt you didn't know existed or that your husband has been gambling with misappropriated family funds.
Nine times out of ten, what you imagine is worse than actually knowing the true state of affairs.
7 Divorce Survival Strategies For Women
My advice is to take baby steps by peeling away the onion of your finances. Start by unraveling the paper trail: Review bank records, credit card statements, tax returns and other financial documents. Remember the purpose is to assess the state and extent of marital property, not to uncover details of your husband's possible philandering. Talk to the professionals involved with your finances such as your accountant, broker and business lawyer. Go from passive to active and become more financially assertive one step at a time. If you don't know how to use QuickBooks or to balance a checkbook, this is the time to pick up these skills.
You'll be amazed at the confidence boost you'll get from managing these tasks yourself.