As 90 days approached, it was obvious that temperance had transformed not merely my insomnia, but my entire existence. Christmas morning marked days. Everyone encouraged me to celebrate with a glass of fizz. Everyone apart from another drunk, who cautioned: The advantages have been legion. For a start, the sleep: I must never forget the sleep. Although, curiously, I tend to, as so many other benefits began vying for supremacy.
At the most superficial level, I shed weight — and fast — a mortifying stone and a half. I also lost my booze face: Alas, I never experienced the flood of energy that reformed boozehounds enthuse about.
That said, not being permanently hung-over is never not a perk. Life is calmer, more plodding, more genuinely lifelike than the epic, all-or-nothing existence I had contrived for myself. Bores are now so intolerably boring that I have to avoid certain social encounters. However, interesting people are more fascinating than ever because now I can pay attention. At 90 days, I met someone with whom I have been able to enjoy my first sober, thus adult, relationship. He is moderate in all things except his love and support.
If I had been drinking, we would not even have spoken. I would have dismissed his not being drunk as dullness; he would have shunned my histrionics. There were times when I longed to get smashed and blot it all out. Three months after her death, there are still times when I long to get smashed and blot it all out. However, my gratitude for being able to be present for her remains unbounded. I am writing this because it is not just my story.
The way I drank is the way ever more of us drink, women not least. Every fresh news story about alcohol confirms that professionals drink dangerously, people over 50 drink dangerously, our entire society drinks with an abandoned, kamikaze glee. It has been difficult explaining my metamorphosis because listeners tend to say: Drink is not merely the socially acceptable addiction, but the socially approved fix. Alcohol is how our society detaches itself from stress, be it the angst of work or parenthood.
It is how it celebrates and mourns, marks the holiday and the everyday. Time was when fat was a feminist issue. My wife and I are lost! Our 24 year old daughter is an alcoholic and will also take other substances as well. We just concluded another 2 hour fight with our daughter in which she was totally blitzed on vodka and wanted to leave the house, which we would not let her do in the fear that she would injure herself or someone else.
She finally passed out. My wife and I have discussed our plan, have her voluntarily enter rehab, or leave. We suspect she will just leave. The dilemma is I am ready for her to leave and face the world on her own, sink or swim. My wife on the other hand is making herself sick with guilt on what could possibly happen to our daughter if she leaves she looks a lot younger than she really is Anyone else who has had to face this, I would appreciate insight. My 35yr old daughter a mother to two young girls she had with a vile abusing man who has those girls in his care?
Over 6 hospital admissions due to collapse when drunk off her face. Seizures, detox, stage 2 liver disease, distended abdomen, swollen spleen and kidney failure, revived 4 times. A merry go round of 3 months drinking…2 months sober etc etc…for years. This latest episode, first responders brought her back. Three weeks in hospital detoxing a multitude of drugs for all damaged organs. Blackmail thrown at me left, right and centre. The whole family worried constantly whilst we all dance to her sick tune. Had her living with me for months on 2 occasions over these years — she walked out the door and drank.
Off radar missing for 3 days before arriving drunk in KL. Admitted to hospital there and was detoxed…walked out and drank again. I have a dozen horror stories like this. I am cleaned out of cash and have none left for her to burn. Still trying to work a part-time job and keep a roof over my head whilst falling apart…emotionally and financially. Watching her slowly commit suicide over these years has been and is horrific on every level. I imagine identifying her remains in a mortuary and wonder how the hell I get through that.
How I gave up alcohol and got a life
Ihave a 22 year old son that came out today to visit a cooking school. He was so messedup that i am on babysitting duty. They are consumed with that. Not going anywhere without their phones. Anyway i am exhausted from his antics. My son is He has ruined his chances to go to college. He has wrecked 2 cars. He is violent and destructive. I have seen him try to quit on his own. He needs the fellowship of Alcoholics Anonymous to successfully quit his insanity.
I know this because that is how I quit drinking 7 years ago. I have suggested that he should go to a meeting with me. When I do he becomes frightenly argumentative. I miss who he truely is with out booze. I sometimes see rare glimpses of his true self when he is trying to quit alone. I am heartbroken over his struggle. My ex husband has just sent me an e-mail to say that our son Tom 36 is going to be kicked out of his flat.
His flat mate has had enough of his drinking. I am in a state. I Live in Holland Tom has lived here a couple of times. The last time resulting in the police coming to my house as my Dutch husband could not cope with Toms drinking anymore. There is so much to say I blame myself I left him with his Father when he was 9. Things were OK in the beginning I had two daughters so my two sons loved them and we saw each other every month but eventually Tom got addicted to weed and then secretly alcohol.
Things were getting difficult here so he went to live in Italy with his Father. But he was drinking there, so when he got run over after being drunk I brought him back to Holland to live. It was OK for a while until he started secretly drinking again. My husband did everything in his power to help Tom but it was pointless. Eventually he went back to the UK. Again problems, Tom actually blacks out he cannot function normally and goes through job after job. The last time Tom was homeless he came back to Holland and he got a job as a concierge, things were going well until he had a black out at the work place and instant dismissal.
This last occasion meant that my husband was not responsible for his actions so police gave my husband a warning. It was either Tom leave or my husband. Tom went back to the UK. It has been on and off for 4 years. When Tom is sober everyone loves him, but he will kill himself and there is nothing we can do. I am desperate to know what to do next. He will be on the street. We have a 37 year old son who has been an alcoholic for 20 years. He has not worked for 5 years. He lost 2 out of 3 homes he owned to foreclosure as he was not taking care of business due to his alcoholism.
He owns only one rental property now that we manage for him. He went to Thailand a year ago and his girlfriend there is also done with his drinking. Cutting off all money and leaving him in Thailand is scaring us. He lies and strings us along. What do we do? I have been dealing with his drinking for 9 years — financially, emotionally, and mentally. He has had 2 stints at rehab, several times detox facilities, and living in a Recovery house. Tonight he relapsed yet again.
I have to be finished at this point. I have never tried Al Anon meetings but I have to. I am definitely an enabler. Even this evening, he has no money, worked for two days so obviously will lose his job, got kicked out of the Recovery House, and in his drunkenness called and said where can I go? He is 6 hours away. What was I going to do? But I of course figured it out and put him in a hotel for 2 days.
My question is what now? Do I just let him figure it out? Absolutely no alcohol in the house. Obviously I need help. I have a 24 year old son who has been struggling with alcohol addiction for 4 years now. We paid all his living expenses so he could graduate from college and after college we let him move home with us for 6 month. We forbid him to have alcohol, see friends and just wanted him to work.
He hid his drinking, our rules were more laxed and everything was just back to his normal drinking. We told him he had 1 month to move out. He moved in with a friend 3 weeks later and has been living there for 3 months. He lost his job and is now being evicted from his verbal lease. He has no where to go and still no job.
We have tried to get him help with no commitment on his end. This situation has made me numb, depressed and feeling like a failure. All these stories sound like me. My 35 year old adult alcoholic daughter lives with me after a year in prison for a fifth dui. It has been a year and for awhile she seemed to have changed.
But lately her drinking is out of control. My heart is broken I worry about my daughter whAt will happen to her.. Mostly I feel trapped and resentful of her bad choices. I am the parent of an 18 year old daughter that struggles with drug addiction or alcohol—depending on what is available to her at the time. We have done all that we can to help her—counseling, rehabs, calling the police to arrest her when she has become violent, etc.
She is currently in a situation where, after breaking her probation, her PO has given her the choice of jail time up to 90 days and having a criminal record, or rehab a 12 month Christian program is what has been offered unless she can find something else and pay for it with her record being hidden. We have heard of personally many people who have been to this particular rehab program with amazing long-term success, and of course would like her to choose that option. As of now, she is deciding on jail. Our home was so peaceful and enjoyable when she was not living here, and we were able to enjoy our day to day lives as was our 15 year old son.
We know if we let her come here, she will refuse to leave, and will continue to disrupt our lives and have no motivation to get herself healthy and independent. Because she is so young and the vulnerability that comes with being a girl , this is so scary to me! My alanon family tells me that this is what she needs to do to take responsibility for herself and grow up, and I believe that is true, but it is going to be so hard! My 23 yr old daughter is an alcoholic addict.
Last night the cops came with dogs to track her but she got away. She has been out of prison for a year but I just learned she drank baking soda to pass her drug tests so she got off the plane soun out of control. I want to kick him out he would end up homeless. Wow…I just came upon this website and have read the comments. I have read some articles on that tonight so I can get educated. Christmas day I had my 24 yr old daughter police escorted out of my home. I am a single mom of 4 adult children…she is my oldest. It was the hardest thing I have done. She knew I was at 0 tolerance.
I had determined that day she was not going to continue to control the home environment and steal our joy. She was making her choices and now I was making mine. I told her I am getting off this merry go round and I am not going to be a supporting actor in this drama in which she is the lead actress. We have so much in common. I am hoping, trusting and believing that she will conquer this addiction and in the meantime, I am becoming educated and getting equipped for whatever might come my direction good or bad.
Since having her escorted out of my home we have much peace and it has saved my relationship with my other two teenage children living at home who needed to be relieved of her toxic behavior. I know I did the right thing. Some might think I should have done this sooner but I needed to know within myself that I did all I could do. She has cut communication with me, so I respect her desire to do so trusting that we will be reunited at some point.
Perhaps one day she will be able to read it. My thoughts of her are not of hate, resentment or ill will but of great sadness to know that her life could be so much better than what she is experiencing now. I was putting the welfare of my other two teenage children at risk by continuing to allow her to remain in the home. Alynon is very helpful and I am becoming informed and equipped for whatever lies ahead. Blessings to all of you. None of us realized this was the road we were going to have to travel. My son is an alcoholic and nearly died — we finally got him into a 10 day detox programmed as an inpatient and when he came out he did so well — not drinking for two years.
Unfortunately he has just come out of a really damaged relationship and has started drinking again. When he is drunk he is abusive and suicidal — when he is not drunk he works occasionally but generally is around the house. His attitude is awful and he asks for money, lifts to and fro and if you say no he is completely unreasonable. If he gets violent, what do I do? Who do I call? I have a 33 year old son, that admits that he is an alcoholic. Not only is he an alcoholic, but also smoke weed every day. He would start drinking from 9 am until he comes in at I have always had problems with him since he was school.
He has been arrested plenty of times and have spent about 2 years in jail. When he is sober , he is wonderful, but after the alcohol he turns into someone else. I want him out my house. He blames everyone else for his problems. I tell him to take a good look in the mirror and look at himself, because the problem is in the mirror looking back at him.
I advised him to go get help and he refused to. I have a business with in my home and I have clients on a daily basis. He comes in to my business and acts like a fool.
How I gave up the bottle and got a life
I warn him and threatening him. It work for a week or two, but then it goes right back. My next step is to have him removed from my house by the law. I came to the point where I even put my home on the market , so I can move out of state. Do you have any suggestions,. My daughter is 36, watching her mixing zanax, anti depressant and alcohol…numbing herself gradually more and more often. My heart is broken, I am not able to talk to her, she denies and tells me its my imagination,,,that I am making drama when there is NO problem here. Already dysfunctional, she turned to alcohol in the past few years and it has gotten out of control.
She is now jealous because her dog clings to me when she is out of it , I feel so alone and desperate.
Food and drink latest
She has mental and emotional problem. If there is place called hell…. Im 23 years old, an alcoholic, and a son to loving parents.
To those whose children are destroying their lives because of alcoholism, there is hope. A little over a year ago, my dad had enough of me and my unending BS, and told me I had 2 weeks to find a new place to live. This may sound harsh, but it was the best thing that could have happened.
For the first time in my life, i was forced to face the real world, and as long as others enabled me, I continued to drink, facing homelessness, starvation, with almost no resources, I found a way to get drunk. Through that, and with the program of AA behind me, i have come a long way since, im sober only 4 months, but im signed up for school, im working and most importantly, im able to have a real relationship with the ones i love again.
I urge you, do not wait, do not deny the alcoholic in your life the pain he NEEDS to feel in order to be openminded and willing enough to get help. My daughter lost her battle with alcohol about a month ago and I lost her. She left behind an 18 year old daughter, a senior in high school. I know now that she is at peace but have no idea why she drank so much that it killed her. She had been to 2 or 3 rehabs this year and almost died in May. She came to my house after she left the hospital and was so much better when she left here.
She told me she never wanted another drink — the doctor told her when she was in the hospital that she would die if she started drinking again. She stayed sober about two months and just all of a sudden started drinking again. She had secluded herself and they said she had been dead a few days when they found her. I hoped up until the morning I got the call that she would quit drinking. I felt I had abandoned her but no one could live with her when she was drinking. I know she was an adult and made her own choices.
But I wanted to. I wanted to fix her. They will help you learn how take care of yourself and avoid the tornado like life that an addict will lead you to as you try to fix them. I hope our country will develop some long term rehab programs. Reading these painful posts I am again reminded that I am not alone. Nothing I could reveal here would be shocking. I am in a state of humble prayer for all of us. My son is 30 years old and an alcoholic. He was released from prison 6 mos. I have always been his primary support, have always let him live with me. Recently he missed a very important appointment due to being too hung over to get up.
It was with a psychiatrist, and was to recertify his Social Security disability benefits. I was so angry at him for missing this appointment I left and moved in my sister who lives nearby. I cannot support him any longer. He is verbally and emotionally abusive to me. My trailer is very small and really cannot house both of us. My son was initially going to get HUD through me…but I have changed that.
I cannot drive him around, go to store to buy alcohol for him, get up to drive his girlfriend to work early in morning, etc. I recently went to al-anon. My guilt is eating me up. I need to live my own life now however…. I was very stressed out when I was living with him in my trailer. He has a roof and a car to drive for now.
I am letting him live his own life. He has another appointment with a psychiatrist coming up…. I left him information about that appt. He is being abusive to me with text messages. I need to turn my phone off. I need to find another al-anon meeting today. My story is pretty much a carbon copy of all the others I kicked my 37 year old alcoholic son out. My son is 39 and also a alcoholic. He spent 2 months in jail for choking me I had him artested. It was the hardest thing I had to do.
I too thought after spending two months in jail that he would stay sober and be on the right path. I was wrong he started doing the same thing over and over. With no job for a month somehow he was sneaking alcohol into my mother home. He would become verbally abusive with till she had enough and asked him to leave. He begged her on hands and knees not to throw him out,but my husband and made him leave. He now sleeps in his truck sometimes that is broken outside his grandmother home. Still drinking heavy I worry about him still. Somehow I too started going to AL non meeting.
I am not reading the answers for help that have been successful in these events. Can someone tell me what helps to change an alcoholic from being self-destructive, abusive, vulgar, hopeless and just plain intent on hurting themselves but everyone around them? I am out of patience, ideas, money and almost out of love for my beloved child man who at 40 has lost his wife, child and now is consuming me. Can anyone tell me what has worked with their alcoholic to actually stop the drinking and hate?
I am done with my son. He was my best friend. We went through so much together. But, he is a binge drinker, at age He has abused alcohol all his adult life. I have pretty much supported him since he divorced his second wife 3 years ago. He has lived with me on and off during this time. I had bought him and his wife a beautiful home before they divorced, paid cash.
Bought them a truck, paid cash. When he moved in with me, I bought him another auto, paid cash. Paid lawyer fees for a DUI. Paid doctors bills after a bar fight when he got beat up. I totally supported him, financially and emotionally. When I found him on the ground outside my side door, totally obliterated, I closed the door after saying to myself: My so is 35 and an alcoholic.
Our only grand daughter. A year later the marriage broke down. He moved interstate to live with us. Went to rehab for 3 mths, and on a 3 day leave drank. So we told him to leave, and has gone. I never thought my beautiful little boy would grow up to become this person. Thank you for all your comments. They help to cope with my own situation. It helps to see that similar burdens are shared by other people, and there are many more people dealing with similar very sad circumstances. My son is 26, came to live with me as he lost a job and his girlfriend due to his drinking… 3 suicide attempts since the brake of his relationship 3 hospital stays, psychiatric opinion confirming he has a Borderline Personality Disorder and drinks to medicate himself.
What do I do? His father and brother distanced themselves from the situation and offer no support at this stage, claiming enough is enough.
- Reine Nervensache: Max Pfeffer ermittelt wieder (German Edition).
- Il Libro dellAnno 2011 (Italian Edition).
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- The Mind Dish;
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- Tahiti et ses îles – une destination touristique extraordinaire (French Edition)!
But what do you do when your son has this mental handicap and if you do not provide a bed he may try to kill himself, as he has done 3 times in the past few month…. He had many counselling sessions, closed rehabilitation 3 times when teenager, few stays in a juvenile detention, brought home by total strangers who found him lying totally drunk on a side of a road, countless hospital stays, love and tough love…. I am exhausted now…. I am in a process of organizing counselling for myself as knowing I need to get support…….
Borderline Personality Counselling is out of reach…. My son just turned 40 and has not spoken to us since October He is a meth addict and alcoholic. I finally had it out with him after he asked my dad for money. He will work for awhile then something happens and he stops. He has had DUI and ruined his marriage, has a 17 year old daughter but continues to abuse alcohol. He says he only drinks a few but we all know he does more than that. He used to call me once or twice a day but now will not and tells everyone it is cuz I bitch at him too much, which is not true it is just his justification for not being in contact with me.
I used to help him with his phone bill and fines when I thought he was doing well, but then I would find out he was using the money to drink and do drugs. We stopped speaking for 3 years when there was a major incident while he was out of his mind with drugs and alcohol. He is my only child and I keep trying to save him but have now given up. Here we go to the rescue, only for him to stay sober for a few months and start in with at first drinking and then drugs.
My sister allows him to live with her, therefore enabling him to continue drinking and she knows that I disapprove but she wants to be the favorite aunt. He showed up yesterday at my fathers hungover and with a few friends. My father is 89 and his health is not good. Dad thought maybe he should have my son move in with him to help him but after yesterday that is not going to happen.
I try to tell everyone, that my son needs help but we cannot help him. He needs to help himself.
Al-Anon helps parents of problem drinkers
I had an anxiety attack at work due to him being back in the area. He will be away again in a few days working and will make lots of money and instead of buying a car or a place he will drink it all up. I have decided to go to Al-Anon, counseling or whatever to help me cope with his addiction. I cannot save him, he needs to save himself. His daughter has resigned to the fact that he is what he is. She will always love him but she knows he will not stay sober for long.
I have many friends that have an addicted child and it surprised me to find this out. We always think we are the only one. Of course, he blames me for this addiction, I was too strict or I was too hard on him in school etc. I blamed myself for years. We have taken him to rehab, hospital, interventions. He tells us he does not have a problem and does not acknowledge that meth users are a problem.
I have had counseling to cope and will start again. When he stays sober for awhile, he is the kindest, respectful and helpful. But sooner or later, the demons start in and his friends are those that are drunks and drug addicts. This is hard but enabling him is not the answer. Coping with this is a monster and nightmares started again last night. I worry he will get into a fight and be killed, car wreck and killed, overdoes and die. My son is 49 years old. Has lived with me and his step father off and on for 13 years.
He is a manic depressant and drinks and does drugs even tho he says I am wrong. When he is not here with us he usually lives with the homeless. We were gone with family for a weekend only to come home to find him here with another bum friend. I had him pack all his stuff and leave only for him to go around the corner and join another friend with a drinking problem. I have stayed up all night last night crying my heart out but know I must stay strong this time and let him find his way on his own.
My husband just changed all the locks and is done with this situation…we are both turning 70 and still working some to keep a float. He is done with this situation and I must be also…I just need strength. Thinking I need to join Al-Anon for support. I too have an alaholic son and dont know what to do. He just went to rehab for 2days dried out, two days later hes drinking again. I dont know how to help him as he refuses to seek help. Hes 40 and making my life miserable. I told him anymore drinking and hes out the door. Any sugestings are appreaiated.
My year-old daughter is drinking again and her life is a mess. My year-old granddaughter has to look out for her 1-year-old brother when my daughter and her husband fight. In , we did an intervention for my daughter. She went to rehab and then AA and stayed sober for 5 years. I thought we would all live happily ever after, but I was wrong. I have a year-old daughter who is married and has 3 children, but is an alcoholic. She was doing better and then suffered a tragedy and has slipped back into a terrible depression.
She got on anti-depressants and we thought she was doing better. She lies, is manipulative, and when we try to encourage her to get help she threatens to keep our grandchildren from us. He stays gone all the time working and I finally confronted him. He refuses to do anything about it and continues to leave the children with her.
My then 25 YO son moved from the East Coast to the San Francisco Bay Area nearly 2 years ago with a suitcase and a couple thousand dollars he had saved up—he is a month shy of 28 now. Being I grew up in NYC and have family there and it 8 hours away by bus or 6 by car—this was the logical choice. He acknowledged we had very valid points, but he moved to San Fran anyhow.
Like many who go to California to seek their way, he struggled, so instead of working harder or changing his ways, he stayed drunk. He stayed drunk until Aug when his body just said enough and he was admitted to ICU for severe stomach pains. He suffered from necrotizing pancreatitis, sepsis, alcohol withdrawal, tobacco withdrawal, fluids in the lungs, and a fever— It was only his youth and the skill of the medical staff that saved him. My wife flew immediately to San Fran where he was still tenuous and unstable in the ICU and I work for a fantastic company and they sent me on a temporary assignment to San Fran to help defray the family costs.
Despite almost dying, being in a SNF for months on end, being diagnosed with diabetes and insulin dependent—amongst other long-term health issues—the 1st thing he did when he got discharged was go to the liquor store. My wife and I brought him back east to convalesce for a few weeks, but he still drank. We offered to send him to rehab, but he wanted to visit with friends—he got mad at us for telling him we got him a bed at a facility if he was ready to go.
But sobriety is for people that want it, not need it. If he stayed back east, he would have no insurance and he has significant medical issues. Bottom line is he has been back in SF for a few weeks. Mop up their self-hatred. The unkind call this enabling. I call it caring. Because what else are we to do? What is the best response to stepping in urine because you made it to the toilet in the quiet of night but they had not? How are we to respond when we hear a thud and it is them on the stairs? Or when they burst into our bedroom raging?
I did not know what to do when one of the alcoholics I lived with left the front and back doors open a billboard advertisement for burglary in north-east London. I did not know what to do when all the reasoning ran out and the research ran, rather inaptly, dry. Try to find an NHS rehab bed for someone. Try to find free counselling. Try even to get them sectioned.
- Aqualung!
- If you want to know how to help an alcoholic, you're asking the wrong question.
- Al-Anon helps parents of problem drinkers | Al-Anon Family Groups?
- The Always-House People.
It is almost impossible. At this stage there isn't even water for the dead plant. Some suggest Al-Anon , the organisation for those affected by alcoholics, and no doubt they are excellent, but what I needed was a functioning, able NHS and social care system that takes addicts off our incapable hands.