Many things can save your life—children who warm your heart, the love of a good man, a circle of wonderful friends, and a great sister. These are three women who should never have met—and when they do, their lives collide in ways that none of them could have predicted. What was different about the experience? I was lucky, because I began my second novel in a very early draft form before my first book sold. That was the fortunate part. Structuring making many iterations of outlines, in-depth organizational plans, etc.
One thinks about so many ideas along the road to a final book, flashes come at one constantly. So, the writing was easier. However, the time and emotions involved while revising my second book were more taxing by far than the first time around. What can your career tell us about the path to becoming an artist?
If anyone out there feels the misery of trying to get it done before you turn , I can provide company:. It began with my published-too-young book: Co-author Virginia DeLuca Ginny and I, in our work with pregnant and post-partum women, saw that suddenly-shaky marriages were of more concern than diapers. And we wanted to write. We bought How to Get Happily Published by Judith Applebaum, wrote a proposal and a sample chapter, sent it off and shortly thereafter had a contract. Soon after, I got divorced. Now I was a single mother and talking about marriage and children seemed, um… embarrassing to say the least.
And fiction was really my love. The nonfiction Couples With Children was left to languish. We thought we had a series. Moving on, still submerged in bad men and fantasy, still not applying myself to learning the deeper tenets of writing fiction, and skating on sheer want, I wrote Novel 3, which should have been titled: No memory if I wrote a query.
Sent kids through college. Found a good one. Got serious about writing. Embarked on my homemade MFA and wrote my trilogy:. As soon as she put it out for submission, I began writing:. Showed it to said agent. She liked it so much that she replaced the now limping and ten-times rejected 4 are you still with me with newly minted 5. And I began writing the next one. Showed a bit to agent. Meanwhile, she kept trotting out 5 to a few editors. Then my agent turned more attention to representing a different genre and it seemed right for us to part ways.
Leaving this agent was wrenching. Back out on the agent-hunting circuit, feeling like a confused divorcee. Do I talk about the ex? Pretend it never happened? Six months later I signed with new wonderful and current agent. How do they compare? Here I can be succinct. Parenting is intense gut-wrenching love that careens from glitter and roses to pain greater than you ever thought possible. Grandparenting is a deep pure love, which rather than scorching everything in its path as parenting can fills one with light. But the fear is leavened with experience and the awareness that each moment passes.
This too shall pass. Honestly, that is the very best thing I can say. Something, someone, was always being shortchanged. When my children were young and I was usually working two jobs as well as being a mom—and trying to cram in writing life was a constant round of undone and nothing-ever-enough.
Whichever part of my life was for-the-moment well tended children, work, romance, friends, helping out family the other was less so. Certain parts of my life just slid away—making good regular meals, keeping up with the laundry, the house, decent haircuts, my eyebrows—you name it. Our society is hard on parents. Having it all is a crock. Cuddle up and eat pizza with them. Watch television, rather than being so tense as you cook a homemade supper that you want to strangle them. These can be public figures, historical personages, and people from your personal life, even fictional characters!
Those who give of themselves, who broke barriers, people who fought what must have been fear and sometimes loathing and did the right thing, inspire me. I could go on forever. Preferably in a clean house makes all the difference. Bonus points for being by the water. Did any particular novels or novelists inspire you in your own fiction-writing?
Read a vast array of writing books, because before you break the rules you really should know them. Plus, there is no reason to reinvent wheels that others have made smooth and wonderfully round. For parents, the truest most useful advice is probably the oldest advice: Go easy on yourself. Loving, feeding, and cleaning your baby is the only thing you must do. Enjoy, love, and keep your mouth shut unless your children seek your advice.
Always tell your children what wonderful parents they are. One of my all-time favorite parenting experts is the magnificently wise and compassionate psychologist and author Madeline Levine, whose books have pride of place on my shelves and are my go-to resource as a Mom of three very different children. Talking with her was even better than reading her, as she is so warm, funny, and forthright, and such a spirited and responsive conversationalist.
You emphasize the importance of both supporting our children in free play and unfettered exploration and as parents taking the time to explore and play ourselves. This struck a deep chord in me, as I am a passionate believer in the value of unstructured time for children, in the importance of helping children learn to develop their own interests and passions rather than relying on parents to entertain them, choose their interests for them, or ferry them around to an endless array of activities, and of parents nurturing themselves as well as their children.
What are some ways that parents can help their children become less dependent on parents or screens! How can we encourage not only children but also parents to play? In 4 th grade, the kids are first allowed to walk down the block, then around the corner, then within a 4 block area. In general, parents have overwhelming anxiety about this: Why is there so much anxiety about this, so much uncertainty?
Well for one, the relationship among mothers and a larger family unit has changed so much. My best answer is: The most common line I hear in my office from kids is: No one likes to have someone breathing down their neck all the time. Having that kind of oversight is disturbing to kids in the first place.
I had 3 boys, 2 were very athletic, and for a while, on weekends, I was going to one part of California and my husband to another to attend the games. I would never do that again. Knowing what I know now, I would have taken half of those mornings to have breakfast with a friend, go out with my husband, read a book. I went through those years basically without friends. And things I thought were important for my kids turned out to be of no consequence to them- whether I went to every single game or not.
But it is important to make time for ourselves, to do things we like to do. And this gives children a very narrow view of adulthood. Well, one reason is that we have done absolutely nothing to make adulthood attractive. They see their parents work their butts off all week long and then get up at 7: This is an unappealing vision. Kids will say to me: Our culture emphasizes that the best way to look is busy and the best people are the busiest. We put such cultural value on busyness. We think the busiest person wins. How can we help both schools and parents focus more on character and less on performance, or, to put it another way, more on goodness and less on greatness?
I was recently on a panel with a guy who was the chief engineer at NASA, and he was asked: A basic solid foundation in sciences and math, the ability to conceive new ideas, innovate, communicate, and work on a team, diligence, hands-on problem solving skills, confidence, and respect. None of this is about turning them loose to wander naked through the fields. Why does play-based preschool work better than academic preschool? Well, one reason is that 4 year olds learn through their bodies.
Caveat is if the child has a learning disorder. The big paper on this, the meta analysis, was by Harris Cooper. Research also shows that as far as academics and cognitive development go, there is no benefit to homework in elementary school. Kids need to play and run around! Take my youngest son. A kid I had to put out in a wilderness program is now a doctor or a lawyer.
When all is said and done, if you come from a loving and accepting family who is responsive things will turn out the best that they can. In your book, you emphasize repeatedly that we are all average at many things. At one point, you make a brilliant distinction: The former moves our children forward, the latter only hinders their progress. The issue with that just fascinates me.
How do people get to be successful? Research shows us that the most successful people work really hard, that they have qualities of persistence, resilience, determination, and flexibility. For example, I went to state university. We tend to marry people with very similar IQs- IQ is not additive — for example- plus I think we are spending way too much time and energy correcting deficits and not enough helping strengths. I recently met the amazing Andrew Solomon-what a rare combination of high IQ and compassion that guy has!
It is so hard to be a kid! At one point you write: For one student that might be Princeton, and for another it might be a community college. Both of these options carry the possibility of success and neither guarantees it. This has to do with the boomer generation—we were going to do great things, and being ordinary is absolutely anathema. I came from this working class background where being ordinary was good- people helped each other out. You want your kid to be good at a couple of things but no-one is good at everything.
The top top CEOs —research shows that out of 32 characteristics that are associated with strong leadership potential, you need 5 to be a big success. How can parents decide what counts as worthy and what is just too much? The energy is so good in a good K class and high school students are falling asleep! David Elkind has a helpful rule of thumb about activities for your child: In terms of when is a kid overloaded: Young kids need a pot, pan, spoon and a back yard to run around in.
For every hour of structure, a child needs two hours of unstructured free time. If you have a young kid in school till 3 and then sign him or her up for ANY activities after school, that is way too much structure. People need time to craft a sense of self. The most protective thing you can have in life is a robust internal sense of self. One activity is more than enough. There are only 24 hours in a day. And we must remember that sleep is crucial.
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The way to tell if your kids are getting enough sleep? These can be public figures, authors, historical figures, people from your personal life. The simple answer is: Now, that life was not easy. It was really hard- my dad died young, we were on welfare. But this culture is where I got to see that people do best when they lend a hand rather than compete with each other.
Kids do better as well. Her sister really needed a washcloth. Her New York Times bestseller, The Price of Privilege , explores the reasons why teenagers from affluent families are experiencing epidemic rates of emotional problems. Her new book, Teach Your Children Well ,to be released July 31, , outlines how our current narrow definition of success unnecessarily stresses academically talented kids and marginalizes many more whose talents and interests are less amenable to measurement.
The development of skills needed to be successful in the 21 st century- creativity, collaboration, innovation — are not easily developed in our competitive, fast-paced, high pressure world. Teach Your Children Well gives practical, research- based solutions to help parents return their families to healthier and saner versions of themselves. Levine is also a co-founder of Challenge Success, a project born at the Stanford School of Education. So every day, Challenge Success provides families and schools with the practical research-based tools they need to raise healthy, motivated kids, capable of reaching their full potential.
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We know that success is measured over the course of a lifetime, not at the end of the grading period. Levine began her career as an elementary and junior high school teacher in the South Bronx of New York before moving to California and earning her degrees in psychology. She has had a large clinical practice with an emphasis on child and adolescent problems and parenting issues. Currently however, she spends most of her time crisscrossing the country speaking to parents, educators, students, and business leaders.
For many years, Dr. Levine has been a consultant to various schools, from preschool through High School, public as well as private, throughout the country. She is sought out both nationally and internationally as an expert and keynote speaker. Levine and her husband of 35 years, Lee Schwartz, M. Will graciously agreed to answer a series of questions I posed to him; here is our exchange:. Mom loved quotations and would sometimes scribble them on bits of paper or yellow-stickies Post-It notes. And she was always pointing out to me passages in books that were particularly meaningful for her.
When you encounter another person, when you have dealings with anyone at all, it is as if a question is being put to you. So you must think, What is the Lord asking of me in this moment, in this situation? Who were some of her favorites and who are some of yours? Mom adored the poetry of T. Eliot, Elizabeth Lowell, and Wallace Stevens, among many other poets. I find that poetry concentrates my mind and makes me focus. There are so many! I loved your story about the headmistress telling the girls they could have it all, your mother obediently and determinedly following her injunction by balancing very ambitious and pioneering full-time work with raising 3 children, and then many years later finding out that the headmistress thought that having it all was possible only if one had lots of help!
How do you think your mother was able to achieve so much in the world while still being such a devoted and caring wife, mother, and friend? What, if any, were the costs of such busy-ness? How did her diagnosis of terminal cancer provide her with a certain respite from the incessant doing that had characterized her life up until that point and what were the benefits of that respite? I write in the book about the obliviousness of childhood.
They assume that there has always been a set and props and costumes; that the theater was always booked; that there have always been treats to be eaten at intermission; and that none of this has a cost. The entire production to way overextend this metaphor is simply there — just waiting for them to go on stage and improvise and be applauded. Then at a certain age, most kids start to realize that someone did produce and direct all of this, and sweat over it, and pay for it: Mom loved her friends, her organizations, her commitments, and her family; she had a work ethic that was an essential part of who she was.
Priscilla the Great: Bring the Pain by Sybil Nelson
What do you think enabled her to approach her illness with such courage and such genuine, not blind, optimism? I think part of it has to do, unfortunately, with the nature of pancreatic cancer. In a way, this particular cancer makes denial very difficult. The thing she said over and over again — to herself, to us, and to all her friends — was how lucky she felt. Lucky to have been able to see her three children grow up, to have grandchildren she adored, to have been married for almost fifty years, to have been able to travel, to do work she loved, to have so many friends, to be old enough so that she was on Medicare, and to have such great medical care — among dozens of other things.
She focused on her luck and not her lack of it. Finally, her religion was a huge comfort to her. But she knew there was a life everlasting waiting for her. And the one thing I would advise them not to do is try to figure out everything by themselves. There are amazing people working in palliative care and hospice who have enormous wisdom to share. They helped all of us immeasurably. I was actually a Classical Civilization major Latin and Green language and history, with a little bit of archaeology.
I would describe the value of any kind of humanities education simply as this: Books are how we know what we need to do in our lives and in the world, and how we tell others. The study of literature is the study of life. It trains you for everything, including being a human being. But I think children need to see adults reading. I also think you should give children books that are maybe just a little bit too daring for them, books that are a bit transgressive.
These can be public figures, historical personages, people from your personal life, even fictional characters! Oprah Winfrey inspires me. Christopher Isherwood, my favorite author, is a profound inspiration — for his radical honesty and for the simple elegance of his prose. Emmylou Harris and Johnny Cash are part of the soundtrack of my life, and I turn to them for inspiration. Indonesian writer Pramoedya Ananta Toer. Bilbo Baggins, for sure, and also David Copperfield.
Is there a passage or poem that you would like read at yours? And it just makes me happy. It was published in October by Knopf, and has been sold for translation into nine languages. In , Will founded Cookstr. Will served as CEO from inception until March He is currently chairman of its board. After graduating from Yale in with a B. Subsequently, he held positions as Senior Vice President and Editor in Chief first of William Morrow and Company, where he worked from to , and then of Hyperion Books, from to He founded Hyperion East, the only imprint of a major trade publisher devoted to Asian literature in translation.
Every Christmas, my sister and I give each other hard-to-find or especially cherished gems from our childhood. It reassured me in the midst of all my new parent exhaustion and anxiety that though I was now an adult and a parent, I need not give up the freshness of perception and faith in magic that had characterized my childhood. Ed Bacon is the rector of All Saints Church in Pasadena, California — a 4, member multi-ethnic urban Episcopal parish, with a reputation for energetic worship, a radically inclusive spirit, and a progressive peace and justice agenda.
He is a passionate advocate for peace and justice in the community, the nation, and the world. He has received several honors for his peace and interfaith work. His first book, 8 Habits of Love: He and his wife, Hope Hendricks-Bacon, have two adult children and two grandchildren. Reverend Bacon believes that every person can live a full and creative life if they can learn to move through troubling emotions such as fear, anger, and sadness to find the Beloved within themselves.
In 8 Habits of Love, readers will learn how insecurity can keep us from connecting with others, our loving self, and finding our own peace, joy, and creative power. It shows, through relatable stories, how to create a full, meaningful life by developing simple habits—stillness, truth, forgiveness, compassion, play, candor, generosity, and community-and by asking such important questions as: How do I forgive those who have hurt me?
How do I talk candidly with difficult people? How do I best help others when they need it? How do I let go of the past and move forward? I was put in touch with Ed by my dear childhood friend Kate Anthony, a member of his congregation. Read it and be enlightened, comforted, and uplifted! A habit works in this way. Most of us seek happiness and fulfillment, but seeking is only the first step on a life-long journey. Actualizing and cultivating our gifts, understanding how to make a constructive impact on others and our history, and fighting courageously for justice takes skill, perseverance, resilience, and a great deal of inner work and transformation.
Making a habit of something means that we invite it into our lives regularly. We practice its exercises regularly. We strengthen its muscles until it becomes the new norm for us. At first, we may need to embrace it consciously, remind ourselves of its necessary role if we are going to have the freedom we want. But the goal is that, eventually, these practices become such an integrated part of us that we do them instinctively, unconsciously, habitually.
At that point we are not longer practicing, we are doing, living.
The habit has become absorbed into the fiber of our being. What are some long-range and short-range strategies and approaches that work to combat our tendency to view others and the world with fear, or react from a fearful place, or make decisions out of fear rather than out of love? First, it is important to understand that fear is natural. It is an instinctive protective mechanism. However when we center ourselves, opening our hearts and minds to recognize how deeply our tendency toward fear and self-protection inhibits us, we become more willing to make ourselves vulnerable.
Opening your heart and mind—both to yourself and to others and to the transformative work of the energy of Love—requires you to be brave, because you are in effect exposing yourself. Not only fear but also love is a natural force and we are all capable of it. And so the very first step in the long range strategy, as you put it, is to make the conscious choice to embrace love rather than fear.
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So much of putting this into practice is simply about recognizing the choices we have and then deciding to make those choices that lead us toward love and away from fear. Each chapter of my book, 8 Habits of Love, talks in detail about how to make these habits an integral part of our lives. In the very first chapter, for example, The Habit of Generosity, I talk about how we need both inflow and outflow in order to foster life and create energy. Just taking from the world and not giving is stultifying to our spirits.
Giving to others, on the other hand, actually benefits us in the long run. And so, how do we actually live a life infused with Generosity? How do we move from recognizing its fortifying power to actually behaving with Generosity in our everyday lives? I suggest a number of different concrete steps that you can take which amount to short range strategies. Notice the positive energy surging inside you when you make a gratitude list. The items on that list are things the Universe generously offered you. Or, visualize the people in your life with whom you have a strained relationship and bless them—notice how the fear subsides.
This helps you become aware of the sacred in your life. And, of course, in terms of material Generosity, start small if you feel the fear of scarcity rearing its ugly head. Commit to sharing some percentage of your income it can be minor with others. Then increase when and if you can. But above all, being grateful for the gifts you already have is the most important first step on the journey toward integrating the Habit of Generosity into your life.
What can we all do to cultivate these attitudes of openness and acceptance and relinquish our need to control others and the course of our lives? I appreciate this important insight, Priscilla. Each habit carries its own intrinsic reward of liberation, increased energy and joy, and capacity for transformed persons and relationships. We seek to be in control of our lives and to control others because we crave order and are chaos averse. We want life to make sense, to be predictable, to be fair according to our uniquely subjective perspective.
At least not immediately. King and Archbishop Tutu. Ultimately, all is grace. Albert Einstein once said that the most fundamental question we can ask ourselves is whether or not the universe is friendly or hostile. He suggested that the way we answer this question determines our destiny. So I say, choose to believe in a love-based view of the universe and you will feel that desperate urge to control others diminish. For me, making Stillness a daily practice is an absolute necessity.
So this practice is nonnegotiable for me. It might be playing with animals or children. It might be through vigorous exercise. The point is to find your own path into it and then make the commitment to getting to that place of peace and rejuvenation as often as you can. When you realize how blessed you feel after habitual Stillness, you will find a way to make it a priority.
What about someone who has wronged and harmed us or the community in profound ways- betraying sacred trusts, being dishonest, committing acts of cruelty, malice, or violence? Priscilla, there simply is a different energy vibrating in those people who see goodness in every person as opposed to those to have consigned certain people to a sub-human status. There is good in everyone.
And we have to start with ourselves.
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What habits will each of us practice to keep us aware of our own sense of goodness? Forgiveness is one of the most potent habits for increased awareness of the goodness pulsating at our own center. When we are able to forgive those who have wronged us, we free ourselves from the shackles of bitterness and anger. Carrying hostility and malice within us ultimately only hurts us and over time hides our own powers of creative transformation from us.
I was so moved by the story of the elderly black South African woman whose husband and son were tortured and killed by a white policeman. Reading this, I lost my breath. This is, of course, not so easy for us to achieve. Sometimes we have to take baby steps and just acknowledge that we wish we could forgive, even if Forgiveness seems impossible. It is important to come to Stillness, and then imagine the person who has wronged us being bathed in the light of the Beloved.
Josh her older brother sees the future sometimes and he saw Marco die on last mission so Priscilla not talking to him. Her mom has been a secret agent for years she was raised in a lab and was enginered. Her father is brillant scientist. She has XI trying to kill her all the time. She is getting rid of others that won;t join her. I know I have enjoyed reading them and look forward to buying the next one. These are just all around solid reads. Priscilla is back to save the world, only this time it appears her beloved family is falling apart, with her parents divorce, and her boyfriend keeping secrets, and Specimen Xi asking for advice.
To distract herself, Priscilla and friends are tracking down an enemy that is killing all the other specimens. Priscilla to the rescue! I like this series a lot. It's a fun day waster to read I can't wait to see where the author takes Priscilla next. Mar 26, Andrea rated it it was amazing. With each edition of Prissy books, I'm loving her and her story more and more! In this fourth book of the series, Priscilla has to face some challenges she hasn't in the past, and determine how to handle things. She may be just a teen, but she's a teen with powers, so the same rules shouldn't apply to her, right?
Priscilla the Great: Bring the Pain
Well, with this thinking, she could get in over her head, but she manages. I was happy to see Kyle featured more in this book, with his own story development. I'm looking forward to rea With each edition of Prissy books, I'm loving her and her story more and more! I'm looking forward to reading the next and final installment of Priscilla the Great. Jun 07, Brianna Parnell rated it it was amazing. I loved every bit of it these books seemed to be made for me!
Aug 11, Gracie rated it it was amazing. I fell in love with this book series and it really grabbed a hold of my emotions I am still trying to get over the fact Marco died. Jan 02, Renee rated it really liked it Shelves: Bring on the Pain was slow to start until the middle of the book. The remainder of the book makes up for the beginning. Bellarae rated it really liked it Jan 16, Emilee rated it it was amazing Aug 30, Diya Joseph rated it it was amazing Jan 15, Ciara rated it really liked it Aug 22, Hannah rated it it was amazing May 01, Bookfairy rated it liked it Jun 20, Mack rated it it was amazing Apr 15, Jillian rated it it was amazing Aug 12, Cristi-Lael rated it liked it May 31, Cathy rated it it was amazing Sep 25, Autumn rated it liked it Jul 24, Maddie rated it it was ok Jan 30, Cathy rated it really liked it Jun 04, Huey rated it it was amazing Jul 21, Sophia rated it it was ok Nov 25, Meggie rated it it was amazing Aug 28, Ron Sanden rated it it was amazing Jun 15,