When He gives one of His daughters to a man, He desires that the man cares for her. In no place does Scripture teach or endorse that women and children be considered second rate or inferior to men. Instead, He finds them so precious that He asks for special care to be given them; a care that only biblically-based men can provide. Women are very capable of taking care of themselves. However, God did make men and women different and thus due to the physical nature and strength God gave men, He has charged them with the provision and protection of their families. The physical nature and strength of a man is to be managed with grace and gentleness.
God did not create men to lord over women nor did he create women to simply wait on men. He made them both to complement each other through healthy companionship. Role of the Husband in the Bible — Companion The role of the husband in the Bible is fulfilled through the heart of companionship. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—for we are members of his body. However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.
They are to help each other. This idea is introduced at the beginning of the Bible in the story of the creation of Eve. Adam needed a companion, a suitable helper, yet one could not be found until God created Eve. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man. Old letters, pictures, etc do not prove any thing. Keeping such things is not right, but this is a mistake that most young people commit and it is not a thing to be seriously concerned with. If a woman is seen conversing with a stranger, although she is not right in doing so, this isolated event cannot be held against her as a proof of her unfaithfulness.
This is because she might have thought it rude not to pay heed to that man, or he might have not been a stranger but a friend of her father or brother.
If a woman makes a compliment to a man, although she should not, it may be out of simplicity and therefore cannot be indicative of her unfaithfulness. If a woman tells a lie about a relationship, or hides her letters, it may be that there is a good reason for it or she may fear her husband's groundless accusations. If a woman has grown cold towards her husband, it may be that she is upset with him, that she may be ill, or may have other problems.
In brief, for all situations which may indicate symptoms of unfaithfulness, one can find tens of good reasons which render the possibility of any wrong doing as void. For the sake of Allah stop being suspicious. Consider yourself a fair judge and view the problem with logic. Measure the degree of the possibility of your wife's unfaithfulness and find out whether it is definite, just a suspicion, or even feasible?
I am not saying that you should be indifferent or careless but that you should act upon the amount of evidence you possess and not more. Why should you exaggerate the problem with baseless suspicion and make life difficult for yourself and your family? How would you feel if anybody accused you in a similar manner? Why do you think in an unfair manner? Why should you disgrace yourself and your wife? Why can you not have mercy upon your wife? Have you ever thought that she might eventually deviate from the right path through your mistrust and false accusations?
Because this would incline the right people towards corruption and the chaste people towards committing sin'. If you are suspicious of your wife, do not discuss it with just anyone whom you see, because they might approve of your suspicion out of enmity, simplicity or carelessness. They might approve of your suspicion out of enmity, simplicity or carelessness.
They might even strengthen your suspicion and cause you unhappiness in this world and the life after. You should not, specifically inform your mother or sister because they would naturally be in agreement with you and thus increase your suspicion. You must seek advice from wise and experienced friends or relatives. The best approach, however, is for you to talk to your wife and ask her for an explanation. But you should not seek to prove her guilt. Listen to what she has to tell you and decide like a fair judge who is free from any prejudice.
At least try to believe her and imagine your brother-in-law is presenting you with evidence of your sister's unfaithfulness. Why should you act mercilessly and regard her as a proven criminal'? Be wise and patient, lest you divorce her on baseless grounds. Suppose you endure the sufferings of a divorce, but how certain are you about the next wife? You would still be suspicious.
What is their fault if it is you that is suffering with this illness? Be wise and try to understand your own problem. Be careful not to resort to commit suicide or murder your wife. Because you would destroy your life here in this world and the Almighty Allah would punish you in the life Hereafter. You must know that spilling blood would one day be revealed and then you would either be executed or would spend your life in prison. Wives of suspicious men also have a great responsibility with respect to their families. These women must sacrifice and prove their ability in such difficult situations.
First of all your husband is infected with a dangerous illness where he, unwillingly, takes the wrong steps which would endanger your family. You must express your love for him as much as possible. He must be certain that he is the only man in your life. Be patient with him, do not shout at him, do not refuse to talk to him and do not be stubborn with him.
If you feel that he is monitoring your letters or controlling your comings and goings, do not protest.
- One Womans Liberation.
- Sieben Tage Dauerregen (German Edition).
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Tell him every thing, tell the truth. A void lies or denials of the events which have happened. If he ever finds out that you have been lying about anything, he would regard it as a proof of your infidelity, the damage of which cannot easily be repaired. If your suspicious husband ever asks you not to associate with a certain person or wants you to do a certain task, then accept his word, otherwise the cause of his doubt in you would strengthen.
In brief, avoid all deeds which could make him suspicious of you. If your husband shows animosity towards any one, then you should break your contact with that person altogether. It is better for you to keep your family together than keeping your friendship with others. Do not think that you are a slave in the chains of your husband, but realize that you are an ill man's wife.
Remember when you made a marital covenant with your husband; you undertook to share all the happy and the sad occasions of life.
Is it now fair for you to mistreat your husband who is suffering from an illness? Put away immature thoughts and be provident. By Allah, however much your sacrifice for your family, it is worth it. A good woman is one who can cope with in difficult situations. Do not associate with strange men. Do not leave the house without your husband's permission. Do not get in strangers' cars. Only your chastity is not enough: He might become suspicious of the most trivial points of your behaviour. She offered that her uncle would give me a lift home. I accepted and got in his car. When we reached home, my husband was standing by the door of the house and since I did not want him to see me in another man's car, I asked my friend's uncle to drive on, which he did.
Later, my husband who had seen me in that car, asked about it, but I denied everything. He became more suspicious and it reached a stage where he did not even believe my friend's witness. Now it is eight years that he has neither lived with me nor divorced me. I do not know what to do'. I would say that the woman is more guilty than her husband.
The Husband's Duty
It is she who, out of carelessness and simplicity, had placed herself and her husband in this situation. First of all she should not have accepted a lift from a stranger as this is not a correct thing to do for any woman. It is not proper and it may be dangerous. Secondly, she should not have acted the way she did when she saw her husband. She should have stopped the car and should have explained to her husband.
Fourthly, she should not have denied it later. She could have explained every thing even at this late stage and it could have helped to solve the problem. Of course the man is not right either. He must not regard this event as a conclusive evidence of his wife's guilt.
He must consider the possibility that his wife might have carelessly got in a stranger's car and then she might have, fearfully, asked the driver not to stop and naturally denied the whole affair. He must investigate the matter and once he is certain that she is not guilty, he must be forgiving. Once a woman, through firm proof, is convicted of adultery, her husband would be placed in a very difficult situation. On the one hand, his honor is endangered and on the other, enduring such a disgrace is not easy. He feels trapped in a state of deadlock from which an easy escape is not possible.
A man in this situation can choose one of the following:. But he must live with this event for the rest of his life. Of course this choice cannot be acceptable by any honorable man, since it would not be possible for him to cope with his adulterous wife and a possible illegitimate child. Passion is an admirable quality of men, so much so that a man without it would not enjoy the grace of the Almighty Allah as well as being dishonored by the people who know him.
What a disgraceful and shameful life those men have who are indifferent with regard to their wives' disloyalties. The Prophet S replied: He can take his revenge and find peace. But this is a dangerous act and would not have a good end, because a murder would rarely be concealed for ever. A murderer would finally be found and be punished. He cannot easily prove his wife's disloyalty in the court either; and thus the possibility of his release from imprisonment would be very remote. He might even receive capital punishment.
Thus he would lose his life and his children would go astray. Therefore, it is not wise for a man to endanger his life just for the sake of seeking revenge. He should be wise and prudent and be able to control his temper until he can find a suitable solution to his problem. This is not a wise act either, because on the one hand he has murdered himself, which itself is a major sin in Islam and the murderer would be punished by Allah on the Day of Judgment. On the other hand, he would have deprived himself from life. What kind of logic is it that would suggest self-killing as a revenge for someone else's guilt.
He would suffer in the next life as well as give more freedom to his wife to commit more adulterous acts. This is the wisest thing to do. It is right that a divorce would destroy his family life and would inflict much harm upon him and his children, but there is not any other way. It is better for him to divorce her and take the children, because it is not right to leave them with a corrupt woman to bring up. Of course bringing up children is not an easy job for a man, but he must be sure that Allah would help him.
He could help him lead an honorable life. A man must do his utmost to choose a woman that is suitable for him. He is in a position where he can exercise care and caution in finding a partner whom he is going to live with for the rest of his life. He, however, after marriage, should not go after other women. He must not think of any woman except his wife. He must realize that a girl has left her family to live with him and it is not right for him to pursue childish desires. He must make efforts in bringing his new family together and must try to create a friendly atmosphere at home.
A man who is interested in his own happiness, must, after marriage, give up naive thoughts and must adapt himself to a new life. It is senseless for a married man to joke with other women or express his affection for them. A man would also not like his wife to joke with men, A woman would not like this type of attitude of her husband towards other women. A woman who sees her husband close to other women would feel jealous and would be disheartened. She would lose interest in her house and family. She might retaliate with a similar action or seek divorce.
She had been married for thirty-three years and said that her husband had always been in the habit of jesting with other women. She said that she could not invite her friends to the house because they thought her husband was having an interest in them and that she was embarrassed because of him.
It is not proper for a married man to have an eye on other women. Ogling and having eyes at other women results in internal anxiety, nervousness and indifference towards one's family. It is likely that such a glance would be the cause of sorrow and grief for some time'. Flirting is regarded as an illness by psychiatrists. An eye which has become used to this habit, would never be satisfied. Looking in this manner becomes a cause of many corruptions, where the youth can deviate from the right path.
What the eyes do not see the heart would not desire. One might initially resist the grave consequences of forbidden glances, but finally he may break down, and become influenced by what he has seen. A man who suddenly sees a woman in the streets or elsewhere, should at once direct his look somewhere else or close his eyes.
He should not persist in staring at women. This may be difficult at first, but with a little practice he can do it. Wise people know that preventing oneself from forbidden looks would remove many potential dangers such as murder, crime, suicide, divorce, nervous breakdown, mental disorders, weakness or heart, anxiety, family rows, etc.
I am aware of the difficulties that the youth are confronted with at this age, and I know that closing one's eyes to obscene scenes in the streets and elsewhere is not easy, but there is not any way other than to ignore them. A man who can close his eyes to other women, would be protected from many corruptions. Instead he would enjoy his family and peace of mind. If you are after happiness, once married, do not take notice of other women. Do not make compliments to other women in front of your wife.
Such statements would hurt your wife and she would grow cold towards you and life. She might even try to do the same and talk similarly. As a result your life would lack happiness. Pitiful are those men, who for a few moments of lust, chase after corrupt women and leave their own chaste wives, as if they have never known family love and sincerity. Such men are like animals who have only concentrated on eating, sleeping, and lust.
They seem to be strangers to humanity and affection. Housework may possibly seem an easy job to some men, but it is only fair to acknowledge it as a hard and tedious job. A housewife, even if she works all day and night, would not be able to finish all her work. Cooking, cleaning, washing the clothes and ironing, washing the dishes and arranging them, making the beds, and arranging the furniture and above all taking care of children, not one day, but everyday is very difficult.
A man might think that his wife is just cooking food three times a day and forgets about the rest of her work. Only a man who is prepared to stay in the house for a month and do the housework would know the pressures involved. He would then appreciate his wife's efforts. A housewife does all this work happily but she expects her husband to appreciate her and to show his gratitude. What is wrong with thanking your wife for her housekeeping?
Why should you not express your fondness for the food she cooks? What is wrong with thanking her with regard to her efforts in taking care of your children? Are you not aware that your appreciation for her would encourage and refresh her? If you remain indifferent to her efforts, or do not show your gratitude, she would lose interest in the housework and then you would complain about her. You should know that you could be the cause of your wife's indolence.
If a stranger does you a small favour, you would thank him many times, but upon your wife's many favours you are not even thanking her once! You are not prepared to even make her happy by showing your appreciation for all her efforts. I wash, clean, cook, decorate the house, knit jumpers for the family, polish his shoes, iron his clothes, etc and he has not even once thanked me. Whenever I talk to him about the work in the house, he interrupts me and says that I should not praise it before him.
He belittles my efforts, whereas his success is mostly due to my hard work'. Some men regard it as a manly act to ignore their wives' housework. They think if they make compliments to their wives for their work, the women would be spoiled. They might even believe that a man and wife do not need to thank each other. This belief is not right, because any good-doer from a psychological point of view, needs appreciation and gratitude. Appreciation encourages one to do good, and this is especially true for a housewife who is doing a tedious job everyday over and over again.
Observing cleanliness is necessary for everyone everywhere. One must always keep his body and clothes clean. He must bathe himself at least once a week and must wash his face and hands with soap and water every morning. He must brush his teeth, comb his hair, trim his hair, wash his feet wear clean socks everyday and must also wear pure clothes. The holy religion of Islam emphasizes greatly about cleanliness and being well-dressed. The Prophet S stated: And he also likes to see the effect of his blessings on his servants'. Cleanliness and beauty is not only for women, but men should, also be clean and well-dressed.
Some men are not bothered about their cleanliness and take a bath only once in a while. They do not care for the state of their clothes and do not bother about trimming their beards. They smell badly and thus make others keep away from them. Those men who are careful about cleanliness and do lay importance on their clothing, mostly do so outside their own houses.
That is they look clean and well-dressed outside the house for the people, not inside their homes for their families. They appear very smart in the streets, gatherings, etc but as soon as they return home, they change into worn out clothes. They rarely attend to the state of their hair and faces at home for the sake of their families. They might not even bother to wash their faces before eating breakfast.
Men of this kind make their families not bother to look at them. She, too, hates the sight of a dirty, smelly and untidy husband. She also likes to see you clean and smart. If you do not satisfy her expectations with regard to smartness, then she would notice other men who are clean and smart and she might even think they are from another world. She compares you with them and might lose interest in you. Therefore, try to look good at home as well as outside. Your wife would not notice other men if you were successful in drawing her attention toward yourself. Why should you look good for strangers in the streets but look messy before your wife and children?
If he did the above mentioned , then he would take care of her rights'. I asked if indeed he had dyed his hair'.
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Women who deviate from the path of chastity do so due to the carelessness and faults of their husbands. The husband and wife always need each other's cooperation and expression of love. However, this need becomes more intense at times of illness and on other similar occasions. An ill person, just as he needs a doctor and medicine, requires nursing and loving care. A good nurse would be able to help a patient recover better and faster.
A woman also expects her husband to nurse her when she is bed-ridden. She expects him to care for her more than her parents. A woman who works at home like a maid, deserves such loving care from her husband. She rightly expects her husband to take care of her. Paying for treatment and medicine is one of the usual expenditures of life and a man is duty-bound to provide her with the necessary money.
A woman who is working at home without any wages, certainly has a right to expect her husband to pay for her treatment. There are men who are shamelessly unfair. They use their wives when they are healthy and able, but refuse to pay money when they are ill. Any little money men spend for their wives' treatment is accompanied by many complaints. Some men, if they feel the cost of treatment is high, might even lose their wives.
Is this behaviour really fair? However, now that I have become ill my husband wants to leave me'. You must pay for her treatment. Moreover, you must nurse her kindly. Now that she has left her parents to live with you, she expects you to be more loving to her than her parents. She is your partner and the mother of your children. Sympathize with her and make her hopeful of a speedy recovery.
Prepare suitable food and buy the prescribed items. All this will make her happy. Keep the children quiet. Be watchful of her at night. Whenever she is awake ask how she is. If she cannot sleep because of pain, then stay up with her. You can even ask your children to help you look after their mother. Do not ever leave your wife unattended, especially when she is in pain. At such times, your wife would notice your love and would in turn love you more. She would be proud of you and would attend to you and the children more, once she is healthy again. One of the Ansars helpers who helped the Prophet S settle in Madinah asked: May my parents be sacrificed for you, what if the ill person is from amongst your family Ahl al-Bayt?
Is there not more reward in this case? To arrange for alimony of wife is wajib obligatory for husband. That is a man is duty-bound to pay for the expenses of his wife such as food, clothes, house, doctor, and medicine. He would be wrong not to maintain his wife and could be prosecuted by law. One cannot expect a family to live without any expense. They all need food, medicine, clothes, and a place to live in.
However, they might ask for unnecessary items in which case one can disobey them and not conform with their various desires. A wise man would spend according to his earnings. He must classify the necessary commodities and purchase them in the order of priority whenever he can. He must also save some money for a rainy day. Some money must be put away for the house rent or purchasing a new place.
He must not forget the electricity, water, gas, and telephone bills.
Here Are The 4 Basic Duties of Husbands In Islam According to Quran and Hadith
Taxes have to be paid and school fees must be kept in mind. He must seriously avoid overspending and not pay for unimportant items. A calculated manner of spending would never confront one with bankruptcy or debt. Who spends moderately, would never become poor'. Then Allah replies, had I not ordered you to observe moderation in your expenditure '. One must not lose moderation'. A wise man would avoid borrowing money and would not take a loan for unessential purposes. An economy which is based on loans with interests , received from banks and other establishments is Islamically and logically wrong and is not praiseworthy.
Buying goods on hire-purchase system, although makes your house look good, but takes away your comfort and peace of mind. Why should one buy unnecessary goods more expensively and fill the pockets of bankers by installments? What kind of a life is it when every thing is acquired at a hire- purchase price? Is it not better for one to wait and save his money in order to buy goods at cheaper prices? It is true that earning money is difficult and it affects one's life a great deal, however, more important is the way in which one spends his money. There are families with good earnings who are always under debts of others.
There are also many families with low earnings who live comfortably. The difference between the two is the way they spend their earnings. Therefore, it is advantageous to a family that the man either takes control of expenditures or supervises the one who is responsible for it. Finally, it is reminded that meanness is just as bad as overspending. If a man has more earnings he must make his family more comfortable and provide their essential requirements as much as possible.
Wealth and money are all for spending and providing the necessities of life, and not for piling up and leaving them behind in this world. The signs of wealth must be apparent in one's family and house. What is the use of working hard and not spending? One must use his wealth with regard to his family and his own comfort.
It is hateful to see someone who is able money wise but his children long for good food and clothes. Children of a stingy person would wait for his death to share his wealth. If the Almighty Allah bestows his blessings onto someone, this blessing must be apparent in that person's life. Thus whoever is bestowed with the blessings of Allah, should expand on his dependents' comfort, or else such blessings may be taken away from him'. Although housekeeping is a duty of women, it must be realized that running the affairs of a house is not an easy task.
A housewife, however much time she spends on housekeeping, would not be able to do it all This is especially true when one has to entertain one's guests or when one becomes ill, etc Housekeeping is tiresome for a housewife and thus husbands are expected to assist their wives in this respect. It is not fair that a man sits around the house idly while his wife remains busy in so much works It is only proper for him to help his wife as much as possible whenever he can. This help is a sign of affection which attracts one's wife to her husband and family. It is not at all a manly act that a man should not touch anything around the house, or orders his wife around A house is not a command headquarters, but a place of love, kindness, and cooperation.
Do not think that working at home is degrading On the contrary, through your assistance, your wife would appreciate you more. The Prophet S of Islam. Who is the most revered person in history, used to help in the housework'. Ayeshah, the wife of the Prophet S said: An unmarried man is free to spend his time. But once married, he must alter his program. He cannot stay out for any length of time that he desires He should inform his wife of his whereabouts, etc. He must not forget that his wife stays at home all the day, cleans the house, washes the dishes, and cooks.
She waits for him to return home as soon as his work is finished, to see him, talk to him, and to enjoy his company. The children look forward to seeing their father too. It is not fair that a man should leave his family at home and pursue his enjoyment somewhere else. Marriage is not only providing food and clothes for one's family. A woman is her husband's partner and not a servant. She is not there to work all the day and get fed in return, but rather she hopes to have a permanent friend and partner.
Some men are truly unfair, unjust, and foolish. They leave their wives and children at home and spend their nights somewhere else. The money that they should spend at home for the family, they waste at other places. Such men have not yet understood the meaning of love and affection and regard their cheap and filthy enjoyments as a way of good living. They overlook the fact that they would degrade themselves through such deeds.
Others would recognize them as silly and impudent. These men are the causes of the unhappiness of themselves and their families. Their acts drive their wives to seek a divorce from them. We had ten children, whom I was supposed to meet twice a month. Some time passed like this. But it is quite some time now that my children are in hiding and I am desperate to see my children'," My husband does not care about me at all. Every night for his own enjoyment he is out until the early hours of the morning '.
You should not act like a bachelor. You are responsible for your wife and the children. Do not associate with unworthy friends. Return home as soon as you finish your work. Enjoy a family life and be a good company for your wife and the children. Even if your nightly amusements are not wrong they can be nevertheless harmful to you and your married life. Upon a marital covenant, the individual lives of two persons converge into a single social joint life. The holy covenant of marriage means that a man and a woman promise each other to be together for the rest of their lives, to help each other, to be kind and understanding at all times, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health, happiness and sorrow, etc.
Humanity demands that one should remain faithful to one's promises. A married couple should not forget their treaty at difficult times. A young girl, who chooses one man to live with her for the rest of her life, expects him not to leave her at an age when she is no longer a young woman any more. It is not fair that a man should seek pleasure with anyone other than his wife. A woman who contributes a great deal in building a strong family with good economical prospects, does not expect her husband to go after another woman.
A woman who works hard at home, naturally hopes that her husband would not deprive her of his love and affection at times of sickness and inability to work. The least she expects of him is not to go after his pleasure alone. Some men are truly emotionless. When their wives are young and good-looking they enjoy their company, but leave them when they lose their good look. A man divorced his wife on the basis of her being bad-omen, because since their marriage his father had died and his uncle had become bankrupt'.
You are not an animal whose life is all about eating and lust. You are a human being with emotion, conscience and sacrificial characteristics. Is it really fair that you pursue your enjoyment away from your wife? If yes, then you are an oppressor and as such you would be punished in this very world. If you spend your time with another woman, then for the sake of a few minutes of enjoyment, you may indeed lose your peace of mind and would be affected by nervousness.
Besides you would be disgraced before people. Your children would not accept you either and would react by being malicious to you. If your wife ever becomes ill, take the necessary steps to cure her, and if she has an incurable illness, then stay with her, sacrifice yourself and do not remarry while she is still alive. Do not disappoint her during the difficult times.
What would you expect if you were in her situation? It is only fair that she would expect the same from you. Is it right that your wife, when you are ill, should seek a divorce? Would she not be disgraced in the eyes of your friends and relatives? So if you agree that faithfulness and sincerity are good, then try to be faithful. A young newly married woman has the responsibility of running the affairs of her husband and as such she would need knowledge of cooking, cleaning, ironing, sewing, arranging the furniture, entertaining her guests, socializing with others, taking care of her child, etc.
Her husband would expect her to know all of this. However, his expectations may not be realized most of the time because his young wife's knowledge about housekeeping is either non-existent or very little indeed. The expression of affection towards your wife is your responsibility, according to Islam.
Islam values the sacrifices women make and therefore, Allah blesses love between a married couples for the betterment of their life:. And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect. Islam strictly forbidden beating of wife, while our culture continues to abuse women physically and mentally. On the other hand, even looking at each other with love brings blesses and joy to the relationship. However, Islam has given great significance to this matter as well.
During this sensitive matter, it is not just a test for the wife alone, but also for the husband as they will be giving birth to their future generation. Men and women play their part in giving birth to the fruit of the marriage — children.