We're both that miserable. The beauty of the book is that it provides excellent analysis and descriptions of both success and failure in marriage: So clearly explained, all problems and ALL marriages encounter problems Obviously, by definition, most Solvable Problems can be solved.
And it doesn't have to be that Unsolvable Problems lead inevitably to divorce. Sometimes the problem can't be changed by either party such as one becoming ill with cancer or diabetes and the other can't abide having a spouse who is ill.
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But even having a "mixed marriage" such as 2 conflicting religions can be worked out if they ignore their families' and friends' condemnation and agree to adhere to either or both religions--together or separately--and doing the same for children. Even couples who can't agree on whether or not to have children or cannot procreate themselves to the sorrow of either or both spouses can be resolved well enough to stay together and be happy.
If nothing else, Unsolvable Problems can make the marriage stronger if the parties turn to each other in love and for support instead of turning away from each other in anger or sorrow. It's all a matter if you require to get your own way on every issue or allow yourself to build up ginormous resentment by always being the one who caves in to your spouse's demands, supposedly just to keep the peace.
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That's not a peaceful existence. Right now, I'm not sanguine that it'll work but my husband and I will both give it the ol' college try. I'll keep you posted. Kindle Edition Verified Purchase. Read this book just when I was about to give up on my marriage. It turns out that there have been so many things I took for granted and this book helped me realize exactly what my husband and I have been doing right, what we've been doing wrong and what else we can do to strengthen the bond.
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This saved me from so much marital grief and frustration. Best book on marriage I've read so far, and I've read a lot on the topic. Haven't even finished the book yet, and my marriage is already much improved.
I was seriously considering divorce a month ago, and now I'm pretty confident things are going to work out. Feeling much less stressed! I've only read about half of it, and we've only done the first exercise, but I've already seen a huge difference in the way my husband and I relate to each other. The author's approach is different from everything I thought I knew about marriage counseling, but makes so much more sense.
Just reading the 'myths about marriage' in the first chapter was eye-opening and worth the cost of the whole book luckily for me there is much more equally valuable info in every chapter. Frankly, I think it's also making me a better friend: To my surprise she seemed happier just to have me say "I'm sorry you're going through that, it IS scary. I'm grateful to the authors for writing it and the couples who spent time in the labs that helped bring these insights into consciousness. See all reviews. Amazon Giveaway allows you to run promotional giveaways in order to create buzz, reward your audience, and attract new followers and customers.
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The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work - Wikipedia
Get to Know Us. English Choose a language for shopping. Explore the Home Gift Guide. Amazon Music Stream millions of songs. Amazon Advertising Find, attract, and engage customers. Amazon Drive Cloud storage from Amazon. Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage: Why Marriages Succeed or Fail: From the Inside Flap John Gottman has revolutionized the study of marriage by using rigorous scientific procedures to observe the habits of married couples in unprecedented detail over many years.
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Showing of reviews. Top Reviews Most recent Top Reviews. There was a problem filtering reviews right now. Please try again later. This was an extremely insightful read leading up to ironically my divorce. It helped me to more clearly identify what was going wrong in my marriage and what it would take to fix it.
His descriptions of the different ways couples argue were especially helpful. He provides relationship strengthening exercises that can be done individually or as a couple. One exercise in particular provided a lot of clarity because my immediate thought on reading it was, "This seems like a really good idea, but the emotional toll it would take on me given the state of our relationship isn't a cost I'm willing to bear. Although we ultimately divorced, I continue to use the insight I gained from this book in evaluating the health and long-term viability of my dating relationships.
I love audio books and this one works well on my iPhone.
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To me, the author is saying that your basic friendship with your spouse will get you through the hard times and that you need to treat your spouse with the same courtesy that you treat other people. You need to focus on what you like about them.
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It gives good common sense. It promotes a science of emotion and communication. It's a bit on the long side due to its many examples and descriptions, but it's worth sticking through to the end. The questionnaires peppered throughout the book are particularly useful at helping you diagnose areas which need improvement, followed by specific counsel on how to improve. The filler consists of examples and discussion of how research methods.
You really only need to read those parts once. Identifying the applicable parts of the book quickly will help facilitate your revisiting the book for advice over time. Kindle Edition Verified Purchase.
This book comes from the knowledgeable position of research into married couples from an observation methodology. I liked that especially well; it's not opinion-based. Once I began reading, I could see clearly how marriages I know that have failed do trot out the "four horsemen" and how admiration and friendship radiate in marriages I admire. I applied some principles in this book and some from "How to Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It" and saw an immediate positive difference in my own marriage.
The only reason I give four stars rather than five is because this book approaches all the exercises from the assumption that the couple is equally interested in the "let's work on our marriage" perspective, which would not be useful for me. The results show that it is the quality of the emotional connection between the couple and their respect for each other that influences their success. Given our role in serving families and understanding that the marital relationship often teaches the family system much about how to interact, this book is a must-read for the family business professional.
The reminder to focus on positive feelings, which form the foundation of a relationship, and to examine our own behaviors within relationships suggests personal responsibility. The authors encourage us to spend time with partners. This book is a call to act with honor and respect within relationships. Milton Spett criticized Gottman's claims of low relapse from his marital therapy: Scuka, who argued that "a careful reading of the Hahlweg et al.
He also overlooks several important considerations that call into question his implied dismissal of the RE model as a legitimate therapeutic intervention for distressed couples. From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. Archived from the original on American Psychologist, Vol 66 1 , Jan , Ten Lessons to Transform Your Marriage.