I told my baby with the ukulele, I sung a song of Araby. I told my baby with the ukulele, But she only laughed at me. So I told my baby with the ukulele, I bashed her with it over the head! But oh, she was a pal, I only wish you could have seen that gal. I told my baby with the ukulele, I sung a song of Araby, I told my baby with the ukulele, But she only laughed at me. I was always a willing young lad. Why do lots of people grumble and wish they had a million Dream all day of castles in the air.
Now have you ever noticed folks the shivers that you get Some of then make you feel cold then break out in a sweat. I went all hot and cold, I did, I went all hot and cold. But just like some big schoolboy I did just as I was told I drank that bottle of whisky that she said was ten years old Then I saw blue pigs and pink earwigs, And I went all hot and cold, I did, I went all hot and cold. Before I went all hot and cold, I did, I went all hot and cold. Oh I wish I was back on the farm, I wish I was back on the farm. I wandered through the city streets and everything was new But all the coppers moved me on and the girls they moved me too.
Now I wish I was back on the farm, I wish I was back on the farm. Oh I wish I was back on the farm, yes I wish I was down on the farm. Now I went into a nightclub where a lady did a dance,. Will he kiss her under the nose, Or underneath the archway where the Sweet William grows? Will he kiss her under the nose, Or underneath the porch way where the Sweet William grows? May he fall, feel a wreck, And stagger home with half the trellis work round his neck. I hope he catches the lot, When she empties out her old geranium pot.
If you ask me would I entertain the lions at the zoo By singing in beside them just before their lunch was due Would I do it? If you ask me would I take a trip to Paris in the spring And see the girls and watch the thrills and never do a thing Would I do it? Would I do it?
If you ask me would I settle down and build a little home, Carve the ham and push the pram. If you ask me could your mother stay and all your maiden aunts Or suggest I take my trousers off so you could wear the pants. I felt a thrill, I dreamt I topped the bill And a big revue part I could take. I danced with girls dressed up in strings of pearls And all the strings started to break. One girl in fact she did a striptease act And a liberty she tried to take But Oh! My bare back ride gave me the cramp she cried.
But I bet you can guess where I ache. Said good queen Liz. All the radio programmes would be strictly taboo, They could keep their old brainstrust if I had a girl like you. Are you going to marry my daughter sir? Now we all learned our history when we were kids at school, We went there almost every day to learn the golden rules. King Solomon was a gay old boy, he was a lively spark And this is what you might have heard while listening in the dark.
Now Smith went to a doctor once who lived in Harley street He said my man those gallstones they will drag you off your feet, Just come inside my hospital at once without delay. He did and when they chloriformed him he was heard to say. Now once I took my holidays and went across to France,. I strolled along a street there that they call the Bous Boulogne , And when a French girl spoke to me I shouted out this song.
I smiled once at a French girl, she smiled back at me too, But her old man to make things worse had fought at Waterloo. He gave me choice of weapons so I chose a knife and fork. And as I turned to run away, the coward stabbed me hard, Then picked his missus up and smacked her on the boulevard. Our knocker-up calls me her apache, she gets very rash, swings on my tash. The girls say when my hat I raise, what polished ways, so mayonnaise.
Women chase me and embrace me and I blame my rouge et noir. I can always see the rainbow as the sun sinks in the skies. Tra la, la, la, la, la, la, la, la. That is what I feel I want to say. For today I found my lucky star With a hip, hip, hip hooray. I can always see the rainbow, when I look into her eyes I can always see the rainbow as the sun sinks in the skies. Wedding bells are going to ring for me Furthermore I solemnly declare We will have a lovely family tree, with grand kids everywhere.
I save what I can spare, a penny here and there And just to keep us off the rocks I pop it in my money box. Do what a lover should, start while the goings good, Why? Our honeymoon in china was a do, we visited pagodas, quite a few. In the market square of things I bought a few They tried to sell me silk pyjamas too. Come on and hear my ukulele, come on and hear, come on and hear.
I give a demonstration daily, right over here, right over here. Walk up, walk up, chalk this one up to me, whenever I play the world goes gay The Ukulele Man is here. When I out with my little black case, the strangest things occur, A lady smiled and asked me in, I stood and looked at her. When I go out with my little black case, some people get me wrong. Boys and girls come out to play, for it is a lovely day Leave your suppers and make hay hay with the Ukulele Man.
You should see me out in France wearing my tin hat. Now imagine me on the Maginot Line, sitting on a mine in the Maginot line. The enemy we had to chase, but my gun got out of place. I went and shot the colonel in the base, down on the Maginot line. Now imagine me in the Maginot line, sitting on a mine in the Maginot line.
At night myself to sleep I sing, to my old tin hat I cling.
I have to use it for everything, down on the Maginot line. Suddenly a pain I felt. A doctor on my tummy knelt. He slapped a poultice underneath my belt, right on the Maginot line. Talk of your beautiful meadows and fields and your parks so grand Talk of your wonderful gardens down at Kew. When the morning mildew christens our shallots, Scented breezes coming from the chimney pots In a little Wigan Garden, when the soot is falling down Oh what a place, what a case, a disgrace to my hometown.
All sorts of things come with wings some with stings every night appear Glow worms and silkworms and Wigan earwigs too. Crocuses croak with the fog and the smoke from the gasworks near The one thing that only grows, is the wart on my sweeties nose. Chasing the curate with a carving knife In my little snapshot album. All that you wear is a little here and there in the Congo, in the Congo. Warm summer nights when they light the harbour lights in the Congo, in the Congo. Gay Congorites flock around to see the sights, twenty cocoa beans they pay, To see Miss Wongo wag her little bongo, sing a little Congo-lay, Ooo!
In the Congo cabaret. Gay Wiganites flock around to see the sites, twenty cowheels each they pay. To see fat Mrs. Darby and Joan had no troubles whatever They knew all the tricks about living together, So happy, contented for ever and ever, Could be you, could be me, could be we, it could be.
Calmly the bride down the aisle is seen treading, The bridegroom is nervous and seceretly dreading The music that Mendelssohn wrote for a wedding, Could be you, could be me, could be we it could be. Brown went home and caught young Blair cuddling his wife in a chair. Everything happens for the best, take it from me. But the tide was late in going out, so it might have been a great deal worse.
But she only lost her sheep that day, so it might have been a great deal worse. I motorcycled with Miss Blake, violent looks she began to make But I kept my hand upon my brake or it might have been a great deal worse. I used to be a chimney sweep in dear old Wigan town. I wish I was in Wigan sweeping Mrs. Some chaps like a game of tennis, some like boating on the sea. I tramp a mile, then sit a while A bumblebee there in the grass comes and stings me on my elbow. Is there anybody near us? No Well can anybody hear us? Springtime, summer, autumn, winter, So the seasons go, Sometimes we get them all at once With a little rain or snow.
A sweet young bride then popped inside, Turned down the counterpane. A fork she stuck into the duck, It seemed to be in pain. When you call upon your girl You start to be polite. With her you start to bill and coo, the glass is falling, and she is too. She took me up to London, the sights to let me see And when we arrived at St. Pancras the wife she said to me:.
She took me by the hand into a picture gallery I saw a champion picture there, it fairly tickled me It was a woman in the sea with long hair on her head I was getting interested when the wife turned round and said:. The lights went out and all was dark and quiet as can be. Baby dear, baby dear, never mind the beer, come and look at these lads From the tripe plantations down in Wigan land — tally ho — ship ahoy.
Somewhere out in Joo-Jah land in a forest fine and grand Miles and miles above the sea stands the mighty Joo-Jah tree. Joo-Jah maidens young and fair, only wear a necklace to protect them from the air And they keep on shivering, shivering, shivering up the Joo-Jah tree. Who came to Sunday school with cherries on her lips? And who made the football team break training in the spring?
Now who plays the clarinet and makes the darned thing wail? And who blows the trombone and he tells a woeful tale? And who plays the uke and nearly busted all his strings? Keep fit, dodge in and out, swing lefts and rights about, Each hit a mighty clout, whatever you do keep fit. What a sensation, talk of the nation, How it travels round. In the talkies holding hands perhaps, All you girls and chaps, On each others laps, Hold tight, keep your seats please. If a lady speaker starts to bawl, I can prove to all, why you women fall, Hold tight keep your seats please.
On the swing boats when you ladies go, Mind the crowds below, Take care what you show, Hold tight, keep your seats please. Half past ten the neighbors then to bye-byes disappear Words of love float up above and this is what you hear. Kiss your mansy pansy, hold his handy pans Talking baby language nobody understands Kiss your mansy pansy, oh tootsy wootsy woo Kiss your mansy pansy, oh potsy wotsy do. Kiss your mansy pansy, hold his handy pans Talking baby language, nobody understands.
Oh Kiss your mansy pansy go on tootsy wootsy woo. Kiss your mansy pansy oh potsy wotsy do. Kiss your mansy pansy, we want to be alone. Kiss your mansy pansy, and send the Pansy home. That widow started kissing me and tickling my ear, I tickled her, like a lad from Lancashire. The Lancashire Hot Pot Swingers. They swing high and low for all they are worth, They ought to take another swing and swing off the earth.
At dance halls they make such a din, the floor gives way and the roof falls in On the Lancashire Hot Pot Swingers. The cornet player no longer blows so he plays his cornet through his nose With the Lancashire Hot Pot Swingers. Their crooner we bought him a wreath because he swallowed his false teeth With the Lancashire Hot Pot Swingers.
They soon made me change my name, and a real proper Spaniard I became. Don Pedro, the great bull-fighting hero, the Lancashire toreador. They cheer me, and when the bull gets near me, To show how far a brave man can go with the bull I dance the Tango. I met a charming Senorita. That night, as she retired, she locked her bedroom door.
She started to undress and timidly she looked round. Why the Lancashire toreador. In the dead of night I ramble, Spanish castle walls I scramble. I saw a shadow above a girl in her boudoir. I climbed up her balcony, it started to sway. Oh me, oh my, I hope the little lady comes by. Have you ever seen the beauties of the Nile? Let me tell you what occurred when I was there. I saw a beauty of the Nile, throwing stones at a crocodile On the left hand side of Egypt going in She smiled at me she did, took me into a pyramid.
On the left hand side of Egypt going in. I took that beauty of the Nile, threw her in to a crocodile On the left hand side of Egypt coming out I saw a beauty of the Nile, throwing stones at a crocodile On the left hand side of Egypt going in. I saw a beauty of the Nile, throwing stones at a crocodile On the left hand side of Egypt coming in Like the Sheik of Araby I took her into a tent with me On the left hand side of Egypt going in.
She stole my gold watchcase, the works I keep in a secret place Lucky there was nothing else about She stole the empty case alright, but I gave her the works on the following night On the left hand side of Egypt coming out. Stand and face your lover, stand and face your lover Stand and face your lover, has anybody seen our cat. Hey, hey husbands listen to my story, I have just a brand new phrase to put you in your glory, So just collect your savings for a trip across the sea. Now then fellas, tell me what about it Are you going to come with me, or do you really doubt it.
All those in favour show their hands, like all good Britons do. She has broken her marriage vows, marriage vows, she knows how She has broken her marriage vows, my fair lady. Stand and face your lover, stand and face your lover Stand and face your lover, a-choo, all fall down. I stayed up till half past three — Letting the New Year in. I somehow got knocked off my feet, tore my trousers round the seat Then I went walking down the street — Letting the New Year in.
We get surprises in galore — Letting the New Year in. Sometimes a horse can prove a friend when Letting the New Year in. Last year just as midnight struck I was Letting the New Year in. With my blowlamp in my hand I was Letting the New Year in. I broke in a bank that night, a cop dashed in and held me tight.
- Calums Road!
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- Richard Densmore's Edison Diamond Discs;
- Le Bal des Crocodiles (French Edition)!
- The Nature Therapy Pocket Book for Stress Control and Self-Growth (Laurie Laceys Little Green Nature Books 1);
- Apocalypse Aroused?
In my car I raced about, Letting the New Year in. Sixty miles an hour all out,Letting the New Year in. Right bang through a house I crashed, in her bath a lady splashed. The organist as stiff as starch joined the rest at Marble Arch Who was it played the wedding march? You heard about a Captain who has just gained great renown He played his ukulele while his ship was going down, But some of you may not have heard the most important fact Of someone who was there and did a very gallant act.
A fact we know is very plain, the ship went down in the angry main Who was it pulled it up again? Now once we had a parliament but it would never go So they filled it up with animals out of a wild beast show. Soup should not be eaten with a sponge, oh no! Gargle it quite loudly like the big pots do. Watermelons make you rather damp behind the ears. Onions are pathetic and they make you melt in tears. When you eat these dainties you might get wet through So wear a bathing costume like the big pots do.
If your playful hostess throws a roll at you Smack her with a jelly like the big pots do. I get no chance to rest indoors to make me fit for Monday So planned a wooden toolshed for a quiet nook on Sunday. I built it in the garden with a lovely southern view. The dog can stretch his legs and the hen can lay her eggs In my little wooden toolshed in the garden.
To croon was my intent, so to interview I went. The manager down at the Winter Garden. One day a book I made, and the favourite I laid In my little wooden toolshed in the garden. So they all came and they backed it in the garden. Who gives you vodka strong, till your fortune all goes wrong Madam Moscovitch, the Moscow witch, the Russian gypsy queen. Yo ho heave ho, yo ho heave ho Madam Moscovitch, the Moscow witch, the Russian gypsy queen.
The lion and the unicorn were fighting for the crown On the lawn from early morn. Mr Wu no longer has a laundry, Sad to say the business was flop. Now little Chinese wifie each day is getting madder, Tearing her silk stockings, her husband makes her sadder. One night while on his beat, a couple he did meet They were cuddling in the shelter anyhow. Wu has gone they say. His Limehouse business now is closed, that had to lapse, But still his laundry training, is handy, perhaps.
Our language so confuses him, he gets in a mix When ordered on parade one day, gosh what a fix. He goes out with his lady friend, Sally May Wong. Mother you give good advice, always you mean well. Some castor oil they made me take, Oh! The day that I got married, my bride was all at sea As down the aisle she followed after my Little Goat and Me. Down on the farm a milkmaid as busy as can be This afternoon she milked three cows and My Little Goat and Me. A boss-eyed man was shooting at a shooting gallery He fired two shots and hit two bulls and My Little Goat and Me. When I was growing bigger, some plus fours I had made.
When I bought them I was skinned, as I walked home the folks all grinned. For the three-bob sale price ticket was pinned on my plus fours. The first night after I was wed, my bride such nasty things she said Cos I was shy and went to bed in my plus fours. A spout I climbed my girl to see, I jumped but a rusty nail caught me And hanging from her balcony were my plus fours. In a field I slept just near some calves, a farmer woke me through his laughs With a milkmaid he was playing draughts on my plus fours.
It may not be so funny, but still it saves me money. Playing at noughts and crosses with you. I called round last night, my best girl to see Felt in such a plight when she sat on my knee. On the day that I was born I was just ten minutes old. Sailor Joe got shipwrecked on a raft that pitched and rolled. Six fan dancers did their dance, six fan dancers bold.
They only had five fans — so what? I saw some lovely bathing belles, Upon the beach they rolled. Do we have lovely time and get up at half past nine? Oh you have no idea When we wake up half dead, do they bring us tea to bed? And does the sergeant tell us bed time stories every night Oh you have no idea. Oh you have no idea. When his charming voice is heard do we all give him the bird? Our old cookie is a treat and what he does to the meat Oh you have no idea. When he makes some Yorkshire Pud, is it 1ike a lump of wood? Do we tell him what to do with all those rissoles, on his dish?
Now when we had the bums in they left our house so bare The only thing they left us was the old cane bottom chair. Why, every time that fellow blew the horn for someone to get out of the way, he thought he ought to have a lifesaving medal. Say, he could make that car go so fast, it took two people to talk about it. One to say "Here she comes," and the other, "There she goes. Well sir, we had a fine ride. The fine was fifty dollars, I thanked the judge, paid me fine, discharged the chauffer, sold the car, got on a trolley and here I am. Now then professor, if you give me a little gasoline I'll touch a match to it.
Gasoline has an awful smell, a smell that on me grows. You can always find a motor car, if you'll only follow your nose. But the terrible smell of gasoline I learned to like at last, For when I get a whiff of it I know the danger's past. What for you ask me all the time where I's gwine? I's gwine where I's gwine, that's where I's gwine. Where you sure will hear some music grand, Sweetest melodies in all the land; Ev'ry night beneath the southern moon, Uncle Joe would play a raggy tune.
Things begin to hum when he starts to strum, A rag upon his old banjo. When Uncle Joe plays a rag on his old banjo, Ev'rybody starts a-swayin' to and fro. Mammy waddles all around the cabin floor, Saying, "Go on, Uncle Joe, give me more, give me more. Folks come a-runnin' when they hear that sound, Singin' and a-dancin' till they shake the ground, When Uncle Joe plays a rag, on his old banjo.
Ev'ry night outside the cabin door, You'll see things you never saw before, Shufflin' wing steps and Virginia reels, Old ones, young ones kicking up their heels. Uncle Joe keeps a-playin' all the while, Raggy tunes and in the latest style. I am the Jolly Coppersmith, no one from care is free'r, So long as I have cash to treat myself to beer. I am the happiest man on earth and sing both loud and long, While each stroke of my hammer keeps time to my jovial song.
Fest steht und treu die Wacht, die Wacht am Rhein! Tipperary Tommy was a soldier boy, Brave as any lad could be, Tipperary Mary was a pretty lass, Waiting for her Tommy 'cross the sea, In her heart, in her heart a beating feeling tells, Of a love that is all true blue, And in her ear a song Tommy sang will linger long, And thrill her through and through:. Tipperary Tommy, so the story goes, Told a comrade one dark night: Now Henry Jones and a pretty little queen, Took a ride one day in his big limousine, The car kicked up and the engine wouldn't crank, There wasn't any gas in the gasoline tank.
Just about that time along came Nord, And he rambled right along in his little old Ford, He stole that Queen as his engine sang a song, And his little old Ford just rambled right along. His little old Ford it rambled right along, The little old Ford it rambled right along, The gas burned out in the big machine, But the darned little Ford don't need gasoline. The big limousine had to back down hill, The blamed little Ford is going up still. When she blows out a tire just wrap it up with wire, And the little Ford will ramble right along. Now they ran over glass and they ran over nails, They ran over pigs and puppy dogs' tails, They spotted a cop and shot out of sight, They rambled all day and they rambled all night.
They smashed up fences and telegraph poles, They bumped into ditches and deep chuck holes, They bumped into a preacher and the preacher took a ride, And the Ford rambled on with Johnny and his bride. The little old Ford it rambled right along, The little old Ford it rambled right along, He swung around the corner and he bumped into a mule, And the darned old jackass kicked like a fool; He kicked and he kicked and he kicked the wheels, But he had to quit kicking to save his heels, When it runs out of dope just fill it up with soap, And the little Ford will ramble right along.
You can smash the top and smash up the seat, Twist it out of shape 'till both ends meet; Smash the body and rip out a gear, Smash up the front and smash up the rear; Smash up the fender and rip off the tires, Smash up the lamps and cut out the wires; Throw in the clutch and then forget the juice, And the little old Ford will go to beat the deuce. The little old Ford it rambled right along, The little old Ford rambled right along, Now cut that out, you naughty tease, 'Tis a left hand drive and a right hand squeeze, Patch it up with a piece of string, Spearmint gum or any old thing, When the power gets sick just hit it with a brick, And the little Ford will ramble right along.
I grieved my Lord from day to day, I scorned His love so full and free, And though I wandered far away, My mother's prayers have followed me. I'm coming home, I'm coming home, To live my wasted life anew, For mother's prayers have followed me, Have followed me the whole world through. He turned my darkness into light, This blessed Christ of Calvary! I'll praise His name both day and night, That mother's prayers did follow me.
I trust in God wherever I may be, Upon the land or on the rolling sea, For, come what may, from day to day, My heavenly Father watches over me. I trust in God, I know He cares for me, he cares for me On mountain bleak on mountain bleak or on the stormy sea; the stormy sea Though billows roll, though billows roll He keeps my soul, keeps my soul My heavenly Father watches over me. He makes the rose an object of His care, He guides the eagle through the pathless air, And surely He remembers me, My heavenly Father watches over me.
The valley may be dark, the shadows deep, But oh, the Shepherd guards His lonely sheep; And through the gloom, He'll lead me home, My heavenly Father watches over me. All we got is a war tax. Joe Innis got madder than a wet hen. Well, for a spell it was so quiet you could hear your hair grow. All the folks at our house are busy as can be. Gosh, I wish I was a Belgian. Hold on there a minute, Ezra. Bring that broom here. Here it is, Uncle Josh.
Well, just sweep off the place now. Where you want the melodeon set? Put it right here, Uncle Josh. Now, Ezra, you and Reuben bring in that load of corn. Pile it up even on both sides. This is going to be a real huskin! Yep, all of them, including Si. Gosh sakes, Uncle Josh, how you do talk.
Well, get the lights lit. The days are getting short. It gets dark early now. What we to down on the farm. Now you boys and gals get to shucking that corn. First boy what finds a red ear gets to kiss the prettiest gal on the barn floor. This corn is mighty little, Uncle Josh. Yep, I planted the little kind. Why is this corn like Kentucky? Darned if I know, Si. Now, pass that cider jug around. That cider jug sounds good to me. I always liked that little brown jug. Bully for you, Si. I believe he had it in his pocket. Pick your gal, Silas. Gosh, you got to.
Oh, now you quit! Hold on, there, Si. You only found one red ear. Well, Hank, got your fiddle ready? Get your partners for a cotillion. Now, let her go Honor your partners, right and left. All join hands and circle to the left. First four, forward and back. Second four, forward and back. Grand right and left. You boys and gals have a good time, remember. Well sir, everything around the place is upside down and I can't find a darn thing where I left it. I'm so doggone mad right now if I bit myself I'd have hydrophobia. Well, I've been away from home two weeks, and when you ain't at home then they ain't a thing goes right.
I've been down to New York, I have, and do you know that is the doggonedest village I ever was in. They don't know when to go to bed down there. There's more folks on the street at two o'clock in the mornin' than there is in our town on circus day. Well sir, they got me in the habit of it, too. One night I didn't go to bed till half past seven. Well I guess I'll look over the paper and see what they've been doing while I was away from home, if I can find the column it's printed in.
Only print one column of the paper here in our town. Rest of it comes already printed. Yep, here it is. Pun'kin Center Town Topics. Pun'kin Center ball club beat Hickory Corners a hundred and six to ninety-seven. Hank Weaver knocked a fly ball, knocked it over and hit the stained glass window in the Baptist church and put out the four apostles with that hit. Now they're going to move the church cause it stands so close to the ball ground it interferes with the game. Everybody wanted to whip the umpire so they loaded the county jail up on a wagon, hauled it out to the ball ground and locked the umpire up in it, and let him umpire the game out of the window, and couldn't a darn one of them get at him.
Well I wanted to know! Hi Adkins got some wooden nest eggs and he put them under his old setting hen and she hatched out four blockhead chickens and a woodpecker. Jim Lawson went down to the county seat and got his hair cut, and the barber scared up a woodchuck and two flying squirrels. Wow, they ought to let Jim's hair grow and set him over again.
Lige Willet has got the locomotor ataxia. Now he's got that darn thing, I bet he don't know how to run it. Jim Wilson got some colored Easter eggs, and he wanted to hide them from the children, so he took them out in the barn and put them under the old Plymouth Rock hen, and rooster came along and looked at them, and went over in the next yard and whipped the peacock. Don't it beat all what'll happen when you ain't to home?
I ought to have got these papers down in New York but I couldn't find out what post office it was in. They got two hundred post offices in New York. Don't ya know when you're away from home and among strangers and ya don't know anybody, don't it cheer you up just to get a paper from your own home town.
Well, I've gone and done it. Nancy nagged at me until I bought an automobile. Nancy said the Willets had one, the Weavers had one, and here we was riding around in a buckboard wagon with a bone spavin horse that had springhalt and was blind on the off side.
Well, I didn't hanker for that gasoline wagon, but in order to keep peace in the family I sold four head of cattle, my old French horn, twenty hogs, ten ton of hay, and put a mortgage on the farm, and bought an automobile. I picked it out of a mail order catalog and had the National Bank of Pun'kin Center send in the money. Well in about a week it come by freight, and we got it unloaded, and Jim Lawson hauled it up to our front yard, and I think all Pun'kin Center turned out to see it. And Nancy hasn't been as tickled over anything since her crazy quilt took a prize at the county fair, and she was over that joy wagon.
Well, I felt it in my bones I'd made a fool of myself or soon would so next day I filled it full of gasoline and got all ready to take Nancy, Jim Lawson, and Ezra Hoskins out for a ride. I got out the book of rules and the more I read it, the less I knew about the innards of that machine. Jim said I had to turn the crank to shoot it off. I turned that crank until my eyes stuck out but it wouldn't budge. Nancy said the bobbin was wound too tight, or else the shuttle was threaded wrong. Ezra Hoskins said he thought maybe I didn't have the right kind of gasoline and wanted to sell me a barrel he had at the store.
By that time all Pun'kin Center was there and giving advice. Lige Willet said I ought to talk kindly to it and offer it some oats. Hank Weaver said I ought to lead it around for a spell until it got to know me. Well, I grabbed hold of that crank again, and it flew back and hit me on the shins, and I sat down in the yard to think it over, and Nancy said the language I used was just shameful. Just then Jim Lawson said, "Don't this plug go in somewhere? And there was a lot of things happened in less time than it takes to tell it.
That machine started off across lots, and everything with it. Ran over Hank Weaver's dog, tore a hole through Willets' picket fence, knocked over Si Pettingill's beehives, and kept right on a'going. Well I worked every lever that machine had, and every one made it go faster.
Nancy was screamin', Ezra Hoskins was praying, and it wouldn't be right to tell what Jim Lawson was doing, but Nancy said it sounded like he was talking to the Lord. Just then we went through Ab Whitaker's wheat field and set it on fire, and I managed to steer it onto the turnpike road, but that didn't help matters any cause it only hit the road once in a while.
It tore down the toll gate, ripped down one side of the covered bridge, then started off through Jay Fisher's pasture and killed four sheep and a calf and then run into a haystack. That's all I remember now. All I have got to show for that joyride is a broken leg, some rubber tires, six lawsuits, and a mortgage on the farm. Nancy says if we ever own another one we will have a regular chauffeur to run it.
I ain't sayin' much but I've got a lingerin' suspicion that all my joyriding will be done in the old buckboard wagon. Well, gosh all hemlock! About a week ago Sarah Ann Martin was took down with a fever and Nancy had to go down and take care on her, she being' a widow woman, and I had to stay home and keep house. Well Cindy Lawson come over to go down with Nancy, and left her boy with me to take care on, and Nancy said to me, "Now Joshua, the bread is set to rise, the churning is all ready to do, and don't let the soft soap boil over, and keep your eye on the smoke house, and don't let it catch fire, and I guess maybe the speckled hen will hatch today, and I wouldn't wonder if the bees wouldn't swarm, and Joshua, don't you let Cindy's boy fall in the well nor nothing.
I had a few things to do besides takin' care of Cindy's boy. And that boy could ask more fool questions. He said to me, "Uncle Josh, where does the wind come from? He said, "Well Uncle Josh, what's Nebraska? And he said, "Well Uncle Josh, what's a state? Well I took off my coat and vest and pinned one of Nancy's aprons on me, and I hadn't took more than a dozen steps when I tripped and fell down over that darned apron and my head hit the stove, made my nose bleed, and knocked down the stovepipe and the soot went all over the bread and just as I was getting things straightened out that boy said to me, "Uncle Josh, does the Lord know everything?
He said, "Well then, the Lord knows I'm hungry, don't he? Well I give him some bread and butter and put applesauce on it, and I started in to do the churning. Well I churned quite a spell, and I looked in the churn to see if the butter was comin' and my spectacles fell off and the churn dasher broke them, and while I was trying to fish them out my plug of tobacco fell in the churn and spoiled the cream. Well I wouldn't have cared, but I didn't have any more tobacco handy. Just then I heard that boy say, "Uncle Josh, is there a bug in it? Well I took it away from him and he started a'squawling so you could hear him a mile and a half.
Well I give him some maple sugar to keep him quiet, and just then the soft soap boiled over and while I was trying to sot if off the stove it upsot and run all over the kitchen floor, and some of it run through a hole in my boot, and I had to go out and stick my foot in the rain water barrel. Well I heard that boy yell and when I got in the house darned if he didn't have his finger caught in a mousetrap.
And I got it out and tied a rag around it and he said, "Uncle Josh, it's leakin', ain't it? Well I started to chase that cat and the clothesline caught me under the chin and I turned about four somersaults and sat down in the middle of a flower bed. And I heard that boy say, "Uncle Josh, a bee bit me!
I looked around and darned if them bees hadn't swarmed and while I was trying to hive them they got all over me, and while I was fighting them off that boy fell into the washtub and the smokehouse caught fire and the fire department turned out, and when I come to, Cindy said I'd been abusing her boy and Nancy said, "A woman can't leave home a minute. Men are such helpless critters! We ain't got any barber in Pun'kin Center so I always shaved myself till Nancy got to using my razor to cut her corns with, and then I quit shaving and raised whiskers.
But Nancy cut my hair with the sheep shears and after she got through with it, gosh I was a sight! I looked like an escaped convict, or a fur coat that had moles in it, and Nancy cut it in all styles at once. She would cut it Pompadour on one side, shingle it on the other, and cut it curly behind, and she'd get hair down my back, cut me with the shears, and then fuss at me cause I didn't hold still. Well to save myself torture, I took to wearing my hair long.
Guess I'd be doin' it yet but for one thing. There was a show come to Pun'kin Center and I guess pretty nigh the whole village went to see it. Well there was a magic fellow there, and he asked for someone to come up on the platform and help him, and like a darned fool I done it!
I helped him right smart. Well that fellow turned me around, facing all the folks, and Nancy said it was just sinful what he done to me. He took a pack of cards and two bottles of whiskey out of my pocket; an old hen and a dozen eggs out of my hair; a rat trap, two rabbits, and a pigeon out of my whiskers.
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Gosh, I never felt so foolish in all my born days! And Nancy said my face was so red she was a'feared my whiskers would take fire. Well I was the laughing stock of the whole village. So I just calculate the first good chance I got I was going to get my hair cut by a regular barber. But I'd let a bird dog look over it first. Might be some more chickens in it! So while I was in New York I thought it would be a good time to have it done. Well I looked all over New York. Guess I'd be looking yet if a fellow hadn't told me that tonsorial emporium meant barber shop. Gosh, they do have the darndest names for things.
Well, I went into one of them emporiums and told a fellow what I wanted and a whole crowd of them went to work on me. One fellow went to blacken my boots; another went to cleaning my clothes; and a gal went to whittling my fingernails. And the barber went to talking. Gosh, how that fellow could talk! He told me six funny stories, told me what horse would win the race, how the ball game would come out, what Congress is going to do, and who was going to be the next president, and what nation would win in the war, and then asked me if I wanted him to go over the chin again.
I told him I heard him the first time. He cut at my hair till he got tired, and then he singed me like a chicken. He asked me four times to have some bay rum, and when he couldn't get me to drink it, he put it on my hair. He shaved my whiskers in the middle and dyed them black, tied my head up in hot rags, and then turned a buzz fan on me.
Well, when I got out of there, I never was so doodied up in all my life. And when I got home it was a full minute before Nancy knowed me, and for a whole week I was a stranger in my own home. Our dog tried to bite me, the horse kicked at me, the cow wouldn't let me milk her, and I couldn't get within gunshot of anything on the place. And when we went to church, the minister preached a sermon about Delilah cutting Samson's hair, and everybody knowed he was hinting at me.
Well the black has wore off my whiskers and my hair has growed out, and yesterday I seen Nancy sharpening the sheep shears, so I suppose in a day or so I'll be lookin' natural again. Come away, come away, Oh! The birds, the birds have called, their loved ones to their nest. For now, for now there's moonlight, moonlight on the lake.
Come away, Yes, come, Oh! Come away, yes, come, Yes, come, yes, come. How dear to this heart are the scenes of my childhood, When fond recollections present them to view! The orchard, the meadow, the deep-tangled wild wood, And every loved spot which my infancy knew; The wide-spreading stream, the mill that stood near it, The bridge and the rock where the cataract fell; The cot of my father, the dairy house by it, And e'en the rude bucket that hung in the well. The moss-covered bucket I hail as a treasure; For often, at noon, when returned from the field, I found it the source of an exquisite pleasure, The purest and sweetest that Nature can yield.
How ardent I seized it, with hands that were glowing! And quick to the white-pebbled bottom it fell; Then soon, with the emblem of health overflowing, And dripping with coolness, it rose from the well. How soon from the green mossy rim to receive it, As poised on the curb it reclined to my lips! Not a full flowing goblet would tempt me to leave it, Though filled with the nectar that Jupiter sips. And now, far removed from that loved situation, The tear of regret will intrusively dwell, As fancy reverts to my father's plantation, And sighs for the bucket that hung in the well.
Stormy the night and the waves roll high, Bravely the ship doth ride; Hark while the light-house bell's solemn cry, Rings o'er the sullen tide. There on the deck see two lovers stand, Heart to heart-beating and hand in hand, Tho' death be near, she knows no fear, While at her side is one of all most dear. Loudly the bell in the old tower rings, Bidding us list to the warning it brings. Danger is near thee, Beware! Many brave hearts are asleep in the deep, So beware! A bird that was bold as a birdie could be, As he made these remarks in his sweet melody, He warbled with pride from his nest in the brush, And said that the Spring was just made for the thrush.
- Grape on the Ground!
- Dear Carlos.
- Bridge to Cailai: Book Two!
The robin and wren kindly asked him to hush. The next to be heard was the pretty blue jay: Thrush, you are wrong when you say, We know that for all was made beautiful Spring. Our warbles and trills we together should sing! Said the old brown thrush with glee. Said the robin too, from his nest in the apple tree. And a large dan quail from the top fence rail, Said a chorus from the shady lane. With his day's work done came the farmer's merry son, Who was loudly whistling this refrain. The thrush told his mate on St. Valentine's Day, To the blue jays that scold and a visit we'll pay.
For this is the time that was just made for love. And each to his mate said: O little town of Bethlehem, how still we see thee lie! Above thy deep and dreamless sleep the silent stars go by; Yet in thy dark streets shineth the everlasting light. The hopes and fears of all the years are met in thee tonight. For Christ is born of Mary, and gathered all above, While mortals sleep, the angels keep their watch of wond'ring love. O morning stars, together proclaim his holy birth, And praises sing to God the king, and peace to men on earth! How silently, how silently the wondrous gift is giv'n!
So God imparts to human hearts the blessings of his heav'n. No ear may hear his coming; but, in this world of sin, Where meek souls will receive him, still the dear Christ enters in. O holy Child of Bethlehem, descend to us, we pray; Cast out our sin, and enter in, be born in us today.
We hear the Christmas angels the great glad tidings tell; Oh, come to us, abide with us, our Lord Immanuel! Once in royal David's city stood a lowly cattle shed, Where a mother laid her baby in a manger for his bed: Mary was that mother mild, Jesus Christ, her little child. He came down to earth from heaven who is God and Lord of all, And his shelter was a stable, and his cradle was a stall; With the poor and meek and lowly, lived on earth our Savior holy.
And our eyes at last shall see him, through his own redeeming love; For that child so dear and gentle is our Lord in heaven above; And he leads his children on to the place where he is gone. Not in that poor lowly stable, with the oxen standing by, We shall see him; but in heaven, set at God's right hand on high; When like stars His children crowned, all in white shall wait around. Nights are growing very lonely, Days are very long; I'm a-growing weary only, Listening for your song. Old remembrances are thronging, Through my memory.
Thronging till it seems the world is full of dreams, Just to call you back to me. There's a long, long trail a-winding, Into the land of my dreams, Where the nightingales are singing, And a white moon beams: There's a long, long night of waiting, Until my dreams all come true; Till the day when I'll be going down, That long, long trail with you. All night long I hear you calling, Calling sweet and low; Seem to hear your footsteps falling, Everywhere I go. Though the road between us stretches, Many a weary mile. Somehow I forget that you're not with me yet, When I think I see you smile.
It takes an old-time love song, To keep this old world young; Each heart must have a love song, Though some are never sung. Some people worship money, The song of clinking gold; But mother's song at twilight, Brings you right back to the fold. There's an old-time melody, I heard long ago; Mother called it the Rosary, She sang it soft and low; Without any rhyme, without any prose, I even forgot how the melody goes, But ten baby fingers and ten baby toes, She'd watch them by the setting sun, And when her daily work was done, She'd count them each and every one, That was my mother's Rosary.
One day we may be happy, Next day we may regret; Some things that we remember, We wish we could forget. Sometimes you may be lonely, In darkness you may roam; But mother's song at twilight, Keeps telling you to go home. In this weary world of sinning, We all have the same beginning, But the roads we take in life are sometimes wrong. Now you may pay your debts to others, But the debts we owe our mothers, Are the ones we keep on owing right along.
From the first day my mother made my baby clothes, Her ten commandments as everyone knows, Were ten baby fingers and ten baby toes. She'd watch them by the setting sun, And when her daily work was done, She'd count them each and every one, That was my mother's Rosary. You're just the kind of girl for me, But there is something 'bout you, makes me doubt you, Oh! You dare me, you scare me. But still you hang around each day, But you're the kind that will charm.
List of Edison Blue Amberol Records: Popular Series
I mean no harm. He thinks I'm beautiful! You're wonderful, I know. I'm just the kind of girlie that makes them fall. But when you get them where you want them you fool them all. Well I'm fond of you. But I'm on to you, 'Though you're the sweetest girl in the world. You love my eyes, You're fond of my kissing. But my heart cries: I must be marvelous! But you're a doggone dangerous girl. You're ev'rything a girl should be, You have a way of dressing, that's impressing, Still we never agree.
You rule me, you fool me, But, still I let you have your way, At times I think you're not true. I stick to you, But I love you more ev'ry day. You're wonderful, I know, I'm just the kind of girlie that makes them fall. My lips have said, "Now don't be a stranger. Ev'ry time I hear a song of girls from Erin's Isle, It's always sure to say her eyes are blue. Of a brown-eyed Colleen I will sing to you the while, And you can bet she's Irish through and through. If my heart could only speak today, All the world would hear it proudly say:.
Mary, I love you, Mary, With your loving sighs that I idolize and your roguish eyes of brown. Mary, my darling Mary, I'll be coming back some day to Dublin town. I love to sing to you, and soon I'll bring to you, The wedding ring so you must get the gown. Though your eyes are brown 'tis true, They're as true as eyes of blue. My darling Dublin Mary Brown. Every time a boat comes in I'm there and never fail, My thoughts are wand'ring far across the sea.
Little Wonder Music Library, Bubble Books, Emerson, Victor, Columbia, Waterson, Berlin and Snyder
Watching for the happy word that's coming in the mail, I'm wishing Mary, Dear, were here with me. Yesterday I sent to her a note, just a short one; this is what I wrote: Now I was a regular Santy Claus, and I love good girls and boys. When I come around at Christmas time to give you all some toys, Now I've got almost everything, so if you all was good, I'll look down in my little sack und see what I can give.
I've got prize for Maria, some little jumping jacks, I've got some sheep and cows and calfs and ducks that go quack-quack I've got here a little pussycat that goes meow, meow So if you all was nice and good, I'll give them to you now. I come when you all was down to sleep, your stockings just to fill, Down by the chimney slowly creeps, so noiselessly and still. The tell-tale light was burning low, yet I can easy tell, To whom I'll give those knick-knack goods, and where I know quite well. Let's mit merry sleigh bells to ring out on the air.
Und skates for girls to glide upon, I'll give away with care. A jack-in-a-box for baby, too, and a hundred tiny things, That makes my children happy feel, und gladness always brings. Doch, doch darf ich dir trauen, Dir, dir mit leichtem Sinn? Ich bin der Doktor Eisenbart, Wide wide witt bumm bumm. Kurier' die Leut' nach meiner Art, Wide wide witt bumm bumm.
A million mothers knocking at the nation's door, A million mothers, yes and there'll be millions more, And while within each mother's heart they pray, Just hark what one brave mother has to say. America, I raised a boy for you. America, you'll find him staunch and true, Place a gun upon his shoulder, He is ready to die or do. America, he is my only one; My hope, my pride and joy, But if I had another, he would march beside his brother; America, here's my boy.
There's a million mothers waiting by the fireside bright, A million mothers waiting for the call tonight. And while within each heart there'll be a tear, She'll watch her boy go marching with a cheer. Paddy Mack drove a hack up and down Broadway, Pat had one expression and he'd use it every day, Any time he'd grab a fare, to take them for a ride, Paddy jumped upon his seat, cracked his whip and cried: Where do we go from here?
One fine day, on Broadway, Pat was driving fast, When the street was blown to pieces by a subway blast, Down the hole poor Paddy went, a-thinking of his past, Then he says, says he, I think these words will be my last: Strange to tell, Pat got well, then the war began, He enlisted in the army as a fighting man, When the drills began they'd walk a hundred miles a day, Though the rest got tired, Paddy always used to say: Far away, every day, on the fighting line, Pat is doing all he can, of course he's doing fine.
When the soldiers hear him sing it fills them full of glee, You can make them happy if you sing the words with me: One fine night, Pat got tight, had an awful, Took a bunch of ladies to a swell cafe to dine. When the waiter came around the ladies ordered wine, Paddy scratched his head a bit and hollered "Not for mine! My mouth keeps saying "Champagne" but my pocketbook says "Beer," "Oh, joy! All the girls I see make a hit with me.
Where e're I wander, I love brunettes or something blonder. I don't care a bit, where your heart may flit, Why surely, you knew, Dear, I was teasing, I love you, Dear. You said something when you said you love me, Oh, but I wonder for how long it will be, If you find someday you've altered your mind, I'd be forgiving, but simply could not go on living. Girls much prettier you will meet by the score, Will you regret you never met them before? You said something when you said you love me, But say it a whole lot more.
All the men I know fascinate me so. Men much handsomer you'll meet by the score, Will you regret you never met them before, You said something when you said you love me, But say it a whole lot more. Girls much prettier you will meet by the score, I won't regret I never met them before, You said something when you said you love me, But say it a whole lot more.
I'll leave you never! We shall ever be together! Be it fair or stormy weather. I have nothing of worth to give, Dear, Poor and lowly, we'll have to live, Dear. Made from a nitrocellulose compound developed at the Edison laboratory—though occasionally employing Bakelite in its stead and always employing an inner layer of plaster—these cylinder records were introduced for public sale in October The first release in the main, Popular series was number , and the last, , issued in October just as the Edison Records concern closed up shop.
The Edison company also maintained separate issue number ranges for foreign, classical and special series that are not included here. The issue numbers are not necessarily continuous as some titles were not released, or otherwise skipped. Nevertheless, the Blue Amberol format was the longest-lived cylinder record series employed by the Edison Company. Blue Amberols are more commonly seen today than earlier Edison 2-minute brown or black wax and 4-minute black wax Amberol records. The following very incomplete list of Blue Amberol Records is ranked by issue number , title , writer s , performer s and date.
Dates are certainly not chronological for either recording or issue; the issue of certain titles could be delayed or never deployed, and some Blue Amberol releases are merely reissues of earlier records that had appeared in other formats before the Blue Amberol existed. From about July , Edison's Diamond Discs were used to master Blue Amberols and releases of the same titles appear in both series, though with totally different release numbers.
Some of the very last Blue Amberols were dubbed from electrical recordings, though the Amberola was never manufactured with an electrical pickup; in later years, some enthusiasts have refitted Amberola players with electrical pickups and there [ where? From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia. This article includes a list of references , but its sources remain unclear because it has insufficient inline citations. Please help to improve this article by introducing more precise citations. February Learn how and when to remove this template message.
Lee Cooper; Tim Gracyk Popular American Recording Pioneers: