One of the hardest things to do in a world where everything is immediate—we are all under external pressure, and time is a scarce resource—is to just let yourself experience a feeling. Even at the most difficulties times, such as grieving, on average we only allow ourselves 1 to 2 weeks off or work, and then we mostly expect to get back into normality again. Human beings are not very good at allowing the experiencing of emotions in full without trying to speed up the process.
The only time we have this ability in its purest sense is when we are young children who have yet to be told or taught what is socially acceptable. Children will tantrum and cry and scream, or laugh until it runs out and they are genuinely ready to move on. Whatever you are feeling is OK. Take some time to just sit with your emotion and experience it without moving to fix or change it. Genuinely experiencing emotions, no matter how painful, is one of the beauties of life. Be present in them.
The wonderful thing about letting it out is that you have given yourself that time. I want to allow you to feel what you need to feel and I do not wish to push you or cajole you. You have treated yourself like a friend and allowed yourself the space you needed to experience your feelings of disappointment. Having a broader perspective than your own view on a particular situation is always helpful. The critical point here is that you have to mean it. Disappointment can ripple through to the core of who you are. For example, one of my core values is open-heartedness. I wish to keep an open heart and be ready to share love and kindness with others, irrespective of how they might behave.
I would like to always try to choose to act with love and kindness towards others, rather than with negativity.
How to Deal with Disappointment: The Complete Guide
When someone disappoints me and I feel like closing and withdrawing, I remember this core value, then pause and make a choice. I wish to be an open-hearted person. You'll see that there is a lot more good in your life than bad. And, typically, what you have is more important to you than whatever disappointment you are facing.
Be grateful for your problems.
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Turn your frustration inside-out. Sure, it's disappointing that you did not get into your first-choice college Maybe you didn't get that job you interviewed for Finding out you have diabetes is unfortunate Take some time to heal. It's great to let your feelings out and to acknowledge that you're feeling sad and disappointed. However, wallowing in self-pity cannot be a long-term plan. There is no particular guideline on how long this should take; but the sooner you start thinking positively, the sooner you'll be able to make a plan for success.
Take some time to care for yourself physically. You may feel a lot better after taking a long walk and getting some sun. You may need some time to yourself to "lick your wounds"; that is natural. But don't isolate yourself for very long, as prolonged moping will not do you any good, either. Music can help work through feelings, depending on your needs. One person may find comfort in angst-filled heavy metal, another in gospel music, another in Tibetan folk music Artists throughout history have drawn inspiration from disappointment.
So compose a song, draw anime, paint a self-portrait Take some time to reflect on what you can learn from your situation. Disappointment is an emotion occurring when what you want to have happen, doesn't happen. Sometimes it's simply bad luck, but more often than not our plans or expectations need adjustment. Was your expectation unrealistic? For instance, your year old girlfriend was probably not going to be the person you were going spend the rest of your life with It still hurts to have a break-up, but realizing you weren't married and that you will date many, many people in your life may help soften the blow.
What can I do better next time? You did awful on your SAT. Fortunately, there are many programs, books, and other resources available to do better next time. Plus, you have the experience to know what to expect next time. Finally, you typically have many chances to shine. Avoid dwelling on blame.
Okay, so maybe you messed up - or maybe life is just unfair. Even if you did have something to do with it, give up the regret and move forward. And if you don't have anything to do with it -- you're working your butt off and your boss still won't give you a raise -- then take a step back and see that it's the world that is a little unfair right now, but that you've done everything in your power to move ahead. Plenty of would-be actors flood Hollywood hoping for stardom, and rarely do they achieve success without a lot of disappointment.
That is, if they find work at all. Actors who "make it" typically work relentlessly to find roles, get told "no" over and over again, get very minor roles at best, and yet remain optimistic. A person who thinks getting a leading movie role will be easy, gets frustrated every time they don't get picked for a call-back, and is not willing to keep trying will likely never make it in Tinsel-town.
Ask yourself, am I impatient? Becoming good at something generally takes an extremely long time, and this is something generally not depicted well on television or movies, for instance: Strain to see the silver lining. You may think that there's absolutely nothing positive in the situation, but that is rarely the case. So you broke up with the person who you thought was the love of your life. Were you really so perfect for each other?
Moving Forward
So you lost your job. Was it really the best fit for you anyway? One door may have closed, but maybe a window will open, and the whole experience can lead to something even better for you. Trying to find the good in the situation will help you think positively. And if you want to move forward from your disappointment, then that's a must. Okay, so you got fired. You injured your leg. Give your situation a little bit of time until you feel calm enough to make a rational decision. Obviously, you should start looking for new work sooner than you should start training for a race with an injured leg, but you get the picture.
If you try to solve the problem directly after the setback, you're likely to make a decision out of desperation and despair, not from a rational standpoint. Watch the entire first season of The Killing. Take a long walk every day for a week. Don't do anything that would make you wallow or be upset, but clear your mind, do something different, and start to heal. This is another important part of dealing with disappointment. You can't keep thinking that the world is completely unfair, and that what happened to you was completely horrible.
Okay, so maybe it was, but it happened, and there's nothing you can do to make it un-happen. It was in the past, and this is your present. And if you want to have a better future, then you have to accept the past for what it was, however unpleasant it may be. Obviously, you need to "practice" acceptance because it won't happen overnight. Let's say your husband cheated on you -- are you going to "accept" that overnight? Obviously not, but you can come to a place where thinking about it no longer leaves you feeling completely angry and bitter.
Spend time with close friends and family. Sure, hanging out with Mom or your best friend Mindy might not help you improve your career or find a new place to live, but it can make you feel better about the process. You'll see that you have so many great relationships in your life, and that you have an awesome support system that can help you through it all.
Though you don't have to rehash the disappointment with everyone, just having them there will make you feel like you're not so alone with your pain.
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Don't force yourself into loud social outings if you're not feeling up to it; hang out with your friends and family in low-key settings. Make a new plan. The old plan didn't work out for you, did it? Ships have to change courses in the middle of the night all the time to avoid unforeseen obstacles, and so will you.
Find a new way to get to that dream career, to find that perfect man, or to make your dream charity come to life. Maybe you've had a setback in your health and won't be able to walk for a few months. Work with a physical therapist to make a plan for success. Take a look at your life in a new way. How can you still follow your dreams, make yourself happy, but move things around?
Talk to people who know what they're doing.
If you're a teacher who is struggling with your job, talk to the principal. If you're trying to make it as an artist, see if there are other artists in your city who will be willing to offer some insight. Call a family friend who knows something about having to relocate to an unpleasant location for a job. Talk to your mom about what it was like when she went through her divorce. Though every situation is different, getting advice from different people provided that you trust them , will give you more direction and will make you see that plenty of other people are struggling, too.
Be open to new opportunities. Here are five steps that can help you do precisely that. Hiding your disappointment will only keep you stuck. The thoughts you initially had about the situation and how you ultimately responded to the outcome has predictably triggered your feelings of disappointment.
In such instances, continue asking yourself the following set of questions:. When it comes to disappointment, your expectations coming into the situation will always determine how you will feel after the events have taken place. Say for instance you had no expectations at the beginning of all this. Because you had no expectations, you now have no reason to feel disappointed. When we come into a situation with no expectations, we naturally see the situation for what it is and select the best path moving forward.
You must, therefore, now ask yourself one final set of questions:. Keep in mind that your unrealistic expectations will prevent you from learning and growing from this experience. Something to keep in mind as you continue to work through this process. Just perhaps, your disappointment is an illusion. The moment you begin challenging yourself to think objectively about your circumstances is the moment you gain the clarity you need to start figuring things out.
Subsequently, you can move forward through this disappointment with a renewed sense of confidence that you will make the most of whatever life throws your way. By this stage, you should fully understand your predicament and the expectations that led to your feelings of disappointment. Moreover, you should have the necessary clarity you need to overcome your feelings of disappointment. What are my strengths , and how can I make the most use of them in this situation?
You already have everything you need to turn disappointment into a positive and empowering experience. However, to move through this process successfully, you may need to fine-tune your problem-solving and creative thinking skills. Have you ever considered the fact that your disappointment is nothing more than a problem that needs to be solved? To solve this problem, you will need to think creatively and critically. Only in this way will you figure out a solution that can help you move past your disappointment. Always be mindful of the difference between fact and fiction.
Facts are built upon concrete evidence, and fictitious things are based on your opinions, assumptions, and perspectives of the situation. Opinions, perspectives, and assumptions have no concrete evidence backing them up.
5 Steps to Deal With Disappointment in Life | Personal Excellence
To solve this problem successfully, you will need to cultivate optimism , patience , gratitude , and enthusiasm. You will need to be adaptable and flexible in your approach, and you will need to persevere until your desired outcome is achieved. In addition to this, find time for laughter. Laugh at your disappointments. See the humorous side of every situation.
This will help you relax, and may even stimulate creative thoughts, insights, and ideas. When you modify your expectations, you begin to see things more clearly and rationally. This will likewise help you to alter your objectives. A modified objective will provide you with a realistic target you can work towards. And, of course, once you hit that mark you can then raise the bar higher the next time around.
5 Steps to Deal With Disappointment in Life
And as a human being, you typically hold expectations of how you would like things to be. Expectations are, of course, wonderful as they help us to look forward with anticipation to a desired future. Moreover, expectations can keep us focused , motivated , and are critical for goal setting.
Whenever you set goals, you create desired outcomes for yourself. More times than not, things may not turn out as expected. Given this, you need to prepare yourself for handling disappointment. Here are nine suggestions that can help you to work through your disappointments in optimal ways. You, instead, need to relax and calm your mind. With that in mind, take a moment to calm yourself down. You can, for instance, do this by focusing on the present moment. Or, simply, step away from the situation to clear your thoughts. The key is to give yourself the space you need to clear your mind.
Other suggestions that may work for you include taking a nap, getting a massage, or indulging in a steam room or sauna. This can help trigger new insights and perspectives that could help you modify your approach moving forward. Distract yourself by listening to music, by watching a movie, by talking with someone, or through reading a book. These distractions will help settle you down. Think for a moment about a time you were extremely excited about something. How did you move your body during those moments?
How did you stand, breathe, and gesture? This is what I would call a resourceful state-of-mind. Now think about a time where you experienced incredible disappointment. I bet your body was moving somewhat differently, right? Your posture was probably slumped, your breath was shallow, and your gestures were subdued. This is what I would call an unresourceful state-of-mind.