Bullied

Bullying is violence, and it often leads to more violent behavior as the bully grows up. Some teen bullies end up being rejected by their peers and lose friendships as they grow older.

Bullies may also fail in school and not have the career or relationship success that other people enjoy. Both guys and girls can be bullies. Bullies may be outgoing and aggressive. Or a bully can appear reserved on the surface, but may try to manipulate people in subtle, deceptive ways, like anonymously starting a damaging rumor just to see what happens.

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Many bullies share some common characteristics. They like to dominate others and are generally focused on themselves. They often have poor social skills and poor social judgment. Sometimes they have no feelings of empathy or caring toward other people. Although most bullies think they're hot stuff and have the right to push people around, others are actually insecure. They put other people down to make themselves feel more interesting or powerful.

And some bullies act the way they do because they've been hurt by bullies in the past — maybe even a bullying figure in their own family, like a parent or other adult. Some bullies actually have personality disorders that don't allow them to understand normal social emotions like guilt, empathy, compassion, or remorse. These people need help from a mental health professional like a counselor, social worker, psychiatrist, or psychologist. For younger kids, the best way to solve a bullying problem is to tell a trusted adult. For teens, though, the tell-an-adult approach depends on the bullying situation.

One situation in which it is vital to report bullying is if it threatens to lead to physical danger and harm. Numerous high school students have died when stalking, threats, and attacks went unreported and the silence gave the bully license to become more and more violent. Sometimes the victim of repeated bullying cannot control the need for revenge and the situation becomes dangerous for everyone. If you're in a bullying situation that you think may escalate into physical violence, try to avoid being alone and if you have a friend in this situation, spend as much time together as you can.

Try to remain part of a group by walking home at the same time as other people or by sticking close to friends or classmates during the times that the bullying takes place. Here are some things you can do to combat psychological and verbal bullying. They're also good tips to share with a friend as a way to show your support:. All of us have to deal with a lot of difficult situations and emotions. When some people feel stressed, angry, or frustrated, picking on someone else can be a quick escape — it takes the attention away from them and their problems.

Some bullies learn from firsthand experience. Perhaps name-calling, putdowns, or physical force are the norms in their families. Whatever the reason, though, it's no excuse for being the bully. If you find it hard to resist the temptation to bully, you might want to talk with someone you look up to. Try to think about how others feel when you tease or hurt them. If you have trouble figuring this out many people who bully do , you might ask someone else to help you think of the other person's side. Bullying behavior backfires and makes everyone feel miserable — even the bullies.

People might feel intimidated by bullies, but they don't respect them. If you would rather that people see your strength and character — even look up to you as a leader — find a way to use your power for something positive rather than to put others down. Do you really want people to think of you as unkind, abusive, and mean? It's never too late to change, although changing a pattern of bullying might seem difficult at first. Ask an adult you respect for some mentoring or coaching on how you could change. See the next tip! Feel good about you.

Nobody's perfect, but what can you do to look and feel your best?

Maybe you'd like to be more fit. If so, maybe you'll decide to get more exercise, watch less TV, and eat healthier snacks. Or maybe you feel you look best when you shower in the morning before school. If so, you could decide to get up a little earlier so you can be clean and refreshed for the school day. Get a buddy and be a buddy. Two is better than one if you're trying to avoid being bullied.

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Make a plan to walk with a friend or two on the way to school, recess, lunch, or wherever you think you might meet the bully. Offer to do the same if a friend is having bully trouble.



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Get involved if you see bullying going on in your school — tell an adult, stick up for the kid being bullied, and tell the bully to stop. If you can, try your best to ignore the bully's threats. Pretend you don't hear them and walk away quickly to a place of safety. Bullies want a big reaction to their teasing and meanness.

Acting as if you don't notice and don't care is like giving no reaction at all, and this just might stop a bully's behavior. Stand up for yourself. Pretend to feel really brave and confident. Tell the bully "No! Then walk away, or run if you have to. Kids also can stand up for each other by telling a bully to stop teasing or scaring someone else, and then walking away together. If a bully wants you to do something that you don't want to do, say "no! If you do what a bully says to do, the mean kid is more likely to keep bullying you. Bullies tend to pick on kids who don't stick up for themselves.

Don't hit, kick, or push back to deal with someone bullying you or your friends. Fighting back just satisfies a bully and it's dangerous, too, because someone could get hurt. You're also likely to get in trouble. It's best to stay with others, stay safe, and get help from an adult.

Don't show your feelings. How can you stop yourself from getting angry or showing you're upset?

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Try distracting yourself counting backwards from , spelling the word 'turtle' backwards, etc. If you are being bullied, it's very important to tell an adult. Find someone you trust and talk about what is happening to you. Teachers, principals, parents, and lunchroom helpers at school can all help to stop bullying. Sometimes bullies stop as soon as a teacher finds out because they're afraid that they will be punished by parents. This is not tattling on someone who has done something small — bullying is wrong and it helps if everyone who gets bullied or sees someone being bullied speaks up.

Dealing With Bullies

In the end, most bullies wind up in trouble. If they keep acting mean and hurtful, sooner or later they may have only a few friends left — usually other kids who are just like them. The power they wanted slips away fast. Other kids move on and leave bullies behind. Luis lived in fear of Brian — every day he would give his lunch money to Brian, but Brian still beat him up. He said that if Luis ever told anyone, he would beat him up in front of all the other kids in his class. Luis was embarrassed and felt so bad about himself and about school. Finally, Brian got caught threatening Luis and they were both sent to the school counselor.

Brian got in a lot of trouble at home. Over time, Brian learned how to make friends and ask his parents for lunch money. Luis never wanted to be friends with Brian, but he did learn to act strong and more confident around him. Some kids who bully blame others. But every kid has a choice about how to act. Some kids who bully realize that they don't get the respect they want by threatening others.

They may have thought that bullying would make them popular, but they soon find out that other kids just think of them as trouble-making losers. The good news is that kids who are bullies can learn to change their behavior. Teachers, counselors, and parents can help.