Dating in your 40s: 10 things I've learned

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Netherlands Dutch Top 40 [51]. Netherlands Single Top [].

Switzerland Schweizer Hitparade [55]. US Billboard Hot []. Encouraged by such a long relationship, I grew bolder. Conversations with other singles netted valuable information about meeting mates online. I was amazed at how quickly and openly they broached the topic of Internet dating: Still, I was skeptical. At first, I scoured each profile and crafted individualized messages. About eight dates in, I got my groove and began to send more messages with fewer words. I started dating up a storm, sometimes two a night back to back. The guys were entertaining, the restaurants nice, the conversations fun, but disappointingly there were no real sparks.

None turned out to be the optimistic, self-assured traveller I was looking for.

Dating in your 40s: 10 things I've learned - Chatelaine

My approach needed a change. Instead of a restaurant, perhaps an activity would give me more insight into his personality and possible shared interests. So my next date unfolded at a photography shoot for a band. He took photos with a passion that was endearing. Photography, which we both enjoyed, was also a good focus for our conversation. Sharing the same sense of humour, we laughed and talked into the wee hours of the night. Parting, we set up a second date for the coming weekend. On Saturday at my place, two coffees were steaming on the table as soft music played in the background.

According to my research, the second date was when you delved into your potential partner's past to suss out any family skeletons or Ponzi scheming. I wanted to be in comfortable surroundings in case of an unpleasant secret. In this intimate setting, we each shared our biggest life challenge.

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His was an unfinalized divorce, mine a new career path but no actual job. Mulling it over, we concluded our baggage was manageable in the bigger scheme. After all, dating in your 40s is not a fairy tale. But was the chemistry from the first night still there? Butterflies in my stomach, I nodded ecstatically. It was a supreme Bridget Jones moment, and revealed that some aspects of dating remain the same at any age. This was a guy worth pursuing.


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It was at times exhilarating, at times overwhelming, at times disheartening, but I wouldn't change a thing. Opening up to new methods of dating, while remaining true to myself about the type of guy I wanted to meet, was part of the experience. The queue for the ladies had been so long they'd taken their chances next door.

Later in the night, Ollie and his friends saw the girls at the bar, bought them a drink and laughed off the incident. Nature ran its course: Ollie ended up dating one of them.

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Coffee shops are hubs for young professionals with alternative careers working remotely while drinking copious cappuccinos and appreciating the view. Plonk yourself down in a cafe with your laptop for a morning and you'll witness a steady stream of ladies walk through the door. Striking up conversations will be easily, especially with a strategically placed book on your table to draw her in make sure you've read it, mind. It's not just the fellow customers who could catch your eye.

Keep on returning to the same haunt because of a certain cute barista and she may get the message: And that was merely the first chapter of the story There's no denying that mixed doubles is an ace way of meeting someone with no strings attached — just ask Woody Allen, who wrote a film about it Match Point. When my friend Hugo moved to the Netherlands he knew few people, so he joined his local tennis club as a way to keep fit and improve his social life. Seeing that all of Hugo's previous girlfriends have known how to handle a racket, I'm sure he had another motive too.

Either way, it paid off: Man's best friend can also be his best wingman. A leash in your hand instantly elevates you to Ryan Gosling levels. This became clear when I looked after my friend's dog for mere minutes while she did her groceries. Usually, the only person I'd attract outside a supermarket would be the local Big Issue peddler. But with Rex I became instantaneously a magnet in a metaphorical bed of iron filings. Sure, all eyes were initially on the hound, but once he did his business I suddenly became the more appealing package.