Much of the learned information comes from mis-teachings and constitutes mis-learnings.
Principles of Human Growth and Development
This is particularly true in the expression or witholding of feelings. During these early years the child quickly learns that as the center of his universe he has the power to create or remove feelings of acceptance or rejection from others and quickly assumes the responsibility for this ex. Remember, the parent or parent figures teach each one of us how to avoid criticism, rejection and abandonment and how to acquire love, affection and acceptance.
Most of the early years from birth to the beginning of the second decade of life are filled with examples of these behaviors from all bonded parental figures.
by Missouri State University
Now, in fact, because of the human condition and our similarities, there are only a few major uncorrupted ways to achieve the goal of acceptance and avoidance of rejection. These motivators or drivers become central to each of us in both the development of self concept and in our accomplishments in life. They explain our creative power or lack of it.
Although there are corollaries to each of these motivators it must be remembered that they are the ways in which we have learned to acquire acceptance, love, support, nurturance and avoid rejection, criticism and abandonment from our parental models. To please others — we spend early years really trying to please those who are important to us. Only rarely is a child allowed to please himself exclusively without the expectation of having to please the parent.
In situations where the child is left to raise himself he may learn how to please himself and not the value of pleasing others.
To be perfect — if perfection is important to the parent it becomes a major motivator to the child. If the expectation of perfection is excessive and the child perceives it an impossibility then it leads to rebellion or lack of motivation most often manifested by non-performance. If the child has the abilities to approach lperfection in the parents eyes it becomes a major driving force in his life.
In its extremes it is the basis of all excellence in sports, education and creative application often consuming the individuals life and establishing the same requirement in relationships and their own children.
12 Main Principles of Growth and Development of Children
Inability to fulfill the perceived expectation of perfection has serious life long emotional consequences for those who fall short. The message is that you can accomplish everything by trying hard. If you want my love and not my rejection — just keep trying, harder and harder. The most serious outcome from people trying hard but not succeeding is depression, feelings of failure and occasionally suicide.
In this case perfection, trying hard and pleasing becomes secondary to hurrying up. This is a task oriented, no time to smell the roses motivator with the consequences of an inability to enjoy peace and serenity because there is always more to do than time allows. If you want my love and acceptance then you have to be tough and show no emotions except maybe aggression. This driver tends to pervade the males in our society and has led to the deplorable situation of men not knowing their feelings and not being able to express their feelings which by my definition see definition of intimacy in The Nature of Human Feelings , makes intimacy impossible, limited or non-existent.
It has also led to the huge disappointment in women who desire an intimate relationship and expect it from a male. Disaster comes to the sensitive male or female child who is not respected for his sensitivity but is criticized and rejected for it. While these modeled drivers are basic to child development, the variation and extent that they were imposed on the child by different parents makes for a very complex matrix of possibilities of outcomes.
These three givens of intelligence, activity level and libido or sex drive plus the genetic constitutional differences in personality of children within the same family often leads to unique effects even though the strength of imposition of the drivers on each child may be the same. Unfortunately, many parents apply the same standards to all their children regardless of these unchangeable differences.
As a result many children feel that they can never achieve the desired acceptance and love from the parent who has stressed one or more of these drivers either by example or demand.
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Regardless, the child always perceives the parental expectation. Lower self concept from this feeling of failure resulting from the criticism and rejection in being unable to satisfy the parent if often the result. Ahe may very well seem unmotivated to those who have a higher activity level but seldom are the expectations modified to reflect this difference.
The same is true for different intellectual levels and constitutional sensitivities which are different from the parent. This pattern in general is the same for all individuals. The child crawls before he creeps, stands before he walks and babbles before he talks.
Rate of development is not uniform. Individuals differ in the rate of growth and development. Boys and girls have different development rates. Each part of the body has its own particular rate of growth.
There are periods of great intensity and equilibrium and there are periods of imbalance. Development proceeds from general to specific. In all areas of development, general activity always precedes specific activity. For example, the fetus moves its whole body but is incapable of making specific responses.
With respect to emotional behaviour infants approach strange and unusual objects with some sort of general fear response. Later, their fears become more specific and elicit different kinds of behaviour, such as, crying, turning away and hiding etc. Generally, it is seen that the child whose mental development is above average, is also superior in so many other aspects like health, sociability and special aptitudes. Development is influenced by both heredity and environment.
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Both are responsible for human growth and development.