Hey, who's up for pizza? Everyone begins to argue. Ugh, no wonder Dominator was able to take over this galaxy. Cut to the Skullship Commander Peepers: Peepers finds Hater and the Watchdogs in the stage area. To the untrained eyeball, it may seem as though Dominator has won! I have done careful research, and using my extensive knowledge of gravity wells and thermodynamics I have uncovered this!
A Class D planetoid emitting a minimal gravitational pull, allowing it to go undetected by Dominator, which means And guess who's on it. We will use Wander as a distraction in order to conquer the planet, turning our greatest weakness into our greatest strength! Dominator may have destroyed every other planet, but as long as there is hate in my bones, she will never get this one!
Where has this guy been all season Cut back to the hideaway on the secret planet. The refugees are still arguing. Sylvia is banging her head against the wall in annoyance. Wander steps up and faces the crowd. Getting everyone's attention Hello! I know you're all upset, but taking it out on each other won't help anything.
Sure, Dominator's cut a brutal swath of chaos and destruction through our galaxy, but if she gets us to turn on our friends, then we've really lost. A planet's just a place you hang your hat. As long as we've got each other, we've still got a shot. Together, there's nothing in the galaxy we can't do!
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I don't want to destroy anybody! But I thought we were gonna figure out how to stop her from being so evil. There's gotta be a reason she's so mean! If we could just figure that out. An enemy's just a friend you haven't made yet. Sometimes an enemy is just an enemy. Thanks, but we'll handle it from here. Wander walks to a rock and sits on it looking concerned while Sylvia starts addressing the refugees.
Okay, Starbella, Ripov, Major Threat, you've all got ships. The Baa'haalans have an army. Neckbeard's got tons of magical weapons and stuff. Cut to the shot of the secret planet. Wander rushes out in an Orbble to look for Dominator. Cut back to Dominator's ship. Dominator, sitting in her swivel chair, holds a mirror in one hand and blasts some Bots behind her with lava and ice and saying the following words as she does so.
It was so full of dorks ripe for the dominating. Where am I gonna find anyone as dumb and hopeful and pathetic and Dominator sees Wander outside her ship, cheerfully waving to her as he gets closer. Dominator changes her suit into her bigger, menacing figure and her mask comes down. Wander is suddenly targeted by Dominator's Bots. He holds his hat down as if he's about to be blasted. The Bots lower their guns and back away as Dominator, unarmored, enters.
I'm going to destroy you. What the what now? Dominator gives chase, laughing maniacally. Captain Tim heels and sits Good boy. Sir, you're on point, you're formulating strategies, you actually know the Watchdogs' names! The Skullship's appearance changes drastically - gaining angry eyes, bigger exhaust pipes, a longer lightning bolt fin on its head, and very sharp teeth - so it resembles a more menacing and threatening version of the Skullship.
Its engine roars like that of a motorcycle. Peepers, no time for distraction. We need to focus on getting our galaxy back. Dominator, in her armored form sans the mask, is still chasing Wander and trying to attack him. What fun is you running in terror gets in Wander's way, forcing him to run in the opposite direction if I don't get to watch you run in terror?
Maybe hug it out! An ice sculpture of Sylvia's head falls into his hands and Wander looks puzzled. He realizes it was a trick pulled by Dominator, who stands next to the beheaded ice sculpture of Sylvia. Makes an ice sculpture of Wander's agonized head "Sylvia, no! Thought your friend dead. Everyone else is out there trying to destroy you, but I figure there's good way deep down in everyone. There's gotta be some reason you're so Grop-darned evil all the time.
If you tell me what's ailin' ya, maybe I can help you out. What do you say? Of course I do, because I believe an enemy is just a friend you haven't made yet. You said everyone else was trying to destroy me. That means they're still out there. I mean, there's no one anywhere. Even if there was, it's not like they're secretly hiding out and plotting your demise. It's just little old me, so you better hurry up and destroy me now, please.
One of Dominator's Bots scans Wander's face and shows a hologram of the secret planet Shut There's another planet to dominate? And it's full of your weird little pals? Oh, you were a big help The ice blast transitions to the refugees in the hideaway gearing up: The Flendarian guard drops his spear and Michelle accidentally fires her gun at the ceiling. Yeah, no, I get that. We need a plan! We can't waltz up and punch her ship, you know? Wander, you've snuck onto her ship more than anyone.
There's no place left in the galaxy except-- gasps Oh, no. Sylvia steps out of the hideaway and finds a swarm of Bots outside aiming their guns at the entrance. Dominator's ship is shown looming over the planet. Guess who I found. The Skullship in Skullcrusher mode comes into view. Dominator watches Hater onscreen. It is you who should be worried, Lord Dominator! You can steal my planets, you can capture my enemy, you can even break up with me. Hater turns his head and faces up with his eyes closed when he says the last few words.
You realize we were never dating. Hater opens his eyes in slight realization, but shrugs it off. You wanna destroy my galaxy? Hater presses a button and the Skullship produces a large array of weapons, consisting of missile launchers, torpedoes, buzz saws, large blades, a machine gun, a blowtorch, and a swinging spiked ball. A single laser blast from Dominator's ship hits the Skullship in the forehead. The Skullship promptly plummets and crashes on the planet.
Well, that was weird. Everyone screams in terror. Dominator stops the drill. Everyone sighs in relief. She starts the drill again. Everyone screams in terror again. She stops the drill again. Everyone sighs in relief again. They do this repeatedly as Dominator's way of prolonging the agony. Let's get down to business. And I know just where to start. Sylvia fights off a few bots, but they surround and overpower her, holding her down directly below the drill. Dominator targets the drill at Sylvia. Wander shakes his head "no", with tears in his eyes. Dominator laughs evilly, starts drill again Wander: The drill is about to impale Sylvia.
Wander frighteningly closes his eyes. Sylvia closes her eyes frighteningly. A burst of thunder and lightning appears. Sylvia opens one eye, wondering what happened. To her surprise, Hater is hovering several feet above her and casting a force field over the entire planet, preventing Dominator's drill from destroying it. An enemy is just a friend you haven't made yet! The Watchdogs show up blasting all of Dominator's bots. You guys saved my life?! Don't get used to it. This is a one-time-stop-the-badder-bad-guy thing. Sylvia and Peepers grab each others' hands, ready to fight.
They slice, dice, and kick bot butt. Hater, filled with confidence holds off the drill, and some of the electricity surges through the drill and towards Dominator's ship. We see Dominator and Wander in her ship as she pushes and pulls random buttons and switches. How is this idiot doing this?! He's a terrible bad guy! But he makes a pretty good good guy! I think I see a crack in your armor. Dominator notices a spike on her armor snapping off.
Back on the planet, a busted bot projects a hologram of Dominator. Hater, still holding off the drill, begins to sweat. Dominator walks up to Hater, unarmored. What exactly do you think is going to happen here? Um, I'm gonna grunts and holds one arm stop you? Even if you could, you'd still be a joke! Hater's force field gets smaller. The lamest in the galaxy! Just a dopey, soft-centered jerk that nobody has ever, or will ever, respect. Hater's force field gets even smaller.
Dominator gets close to his face. You are literally the worst Sylvia crushes the bot projecting the hologram. Dominator becomes enraged and rearmors. Hater looks at everyone cheering for him, he has tears in his eyes, he smiles, he is overloaded with confidence Lord Hater: With utmost power, Hater expands his force field, shoving Dominator's drill completely through her ship. The ship starts to crumble apart. Back in the ship, the drill has been completely forced through the ship's interior, destroying some of Dominator's bots while the rest are malfunctioning.
Wander's ice barricade begins to melt. Jeltz picks up his fishing rod, goes for another crab. We're going to die? We are going to die. Arthur sits for a moment, then oddly chuckles to himself. ARTHUR You know, it's at times like this, when I'm trapped in a Vogon airlock with a man from Betelgeuse and about to die of asphyxiation in deep space that I really wish I'd listened to what my mother told me when I was young. What did you she tell you? Ford folds his towel into a tiny square, holds it up toward Arthur.
He raises an eyebrow. Ford dabs Arthur's brow. They stare forward at the airlock door. They look to each other.
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They might be okay. The bottom drops out. They're sucked down and out. The guide slips out of Arthur's pocket. You just won't believe how vastly, hugely mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the market, but that's just peanuts compared to space The weightless guide twirls away.
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Arthur reaches for it. GUIDE VOICE CONT'D It also says that if you hold a lung full of air you can survive in the total vacuum of space for about thirty seconds -- but with space being really big and all, the chances of being picked up within that time are 2 to the power of to 1 against He reaches for the phone, it's just beyond his fingertips. His eyes widen with fret as the phone tumbles away. A tiny 30a hole appears, then opens wide. Paper hats and party balloons fall out, then drift away.
The hole flips inside out. The sofas shake a little. Both sofas begin to thrash in panic. A pair of arms and legs pop out of each sofa. Anything you still can't cope with is therefore your own problem. You will be sent for soon. Her hair is shorter and bright red. Something important has happened. He turns back to the TV and turns it up. We asked his private brain care Specialist, Gag Halfrunt Trillian's holding a remote.
His head jerks upwards. He quickly grabs it with his hands and shoves it back down. Just very, very improbable. We've got the police of half the Galaxy after us and we stop to pick up hitchhikers?! Okay, so ten out of ten for style, but minus several million for good thinking, eh? He reaches for a hi-tech gun on the wall. Zaphod rolls his eyes as a humanoid robot rises from its seat behind them.
He trudges slump- shouldered toward Zaphod. Go down to the number two entry bay and bring the two aliens up here. Just do it will you? Marvin turns and trudges away. Then he turns again. It's just part of life. Don't talk to me about life. A door slides open for him and makes an audible, satisfied SIGH as it does. He punches a few buttons. We've located the spaceship Heart of Gold and President Beeblebrox. Approximately 15 Vogons sit around the table murmuring sporadically. Kwaltz takes them, signs, signs the next page -- and the next.
He hands them back to the messengers who has been jogging in place the whole time. Look at all these buttons He pushes a button. The door slides open with a satisfied sigh -- "Hhhmmyaaaahhh". As they walk through I've enjoyed opening for you. They leap through to the other side as the door closes. They whip around to find Marvin standing before them. Here I am, brain the size of a planet, and they ask me to take you up to the bridge. Call that job satisfaction? Marvin turns and walks away.
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They shrug to each other and follow. Marvin passes through another door that opens with the same sigh -- "Hhmmaaaahhh" DOOR What a pleasure it is to open for you. I will gladly close for you now. It is their pleasure to open for you, and their satisfaction to close again with the knowledge of a job well done. The door repeats its whole closing and opening routine again. You can tell can't you? Pardon me for breathing, which I never do anyway, so I don't know why I even bother to say it.
Oh god, I'm so depressed. They round a corner I've asked for them to be replaced but no one ever listens. Tilt down to the door which opens - "Mmyyahhh! Don't thank me or anything. Zaphod spins around in his chair, holding a gun but sporting that same politically correct smile.
Arthur and Ford throw their hands up. Zaphod gives Ford a big bear hug. He pulls away, then playfully punches Ford in the arm. What the hell are you doing here? FORD I don't know! Just stuck out the thumb and here I am. FORD And look at you! Last time I saw you, you were a beach bum.
Picked it up on Earth. Sorta grew on me. They embrace, tussle, punch arms. They bump into Arthur. Arthur, this is Zaphod Beeblebrox. I've got a terrible memory for species. Before Arthur can explain, Trillian enters. You won't believe this.
See a Problem?
She takes a closer look at him. He goes to her, making sure she's really there. She smiles and gives him a friendly embrace. I went to get wine and And it was rude to just leave, but I told you I wanted to get away, and he had a spaceship parked outside, well, honestly -- I assumed you were a sort of stay-at-home-and-read-a book type. Arthur smiles, then realizes with some regret Zaphod stops in between them, puts his arm around Arthur. Now, enough small talk, Trill. We're on the run, remember? I stole a ship? Oddly, Zaphod reacts with a smile.
And then -- his head shoots all the up way revealing a second head that lives somewhere under his chin. Arthur recoils in horror, instinctively raises his fists. Arthur buckles and hits the floor. He's a guest on my ship. FORD I thought you said you stole it. Zaphod Head 2 hurries to the console. Trillian hurries to Arthur who nurses his jaw.
I've spent all week looking for Tricia McMillan and that isn't even your name. Just plain average one-headed doesn't-own-a-space ship Arthur. A little help over here? Zaphod's arms struggle with his head again. You must be super important to warrant such an effort, and gee am I impressed. They're sending a message. I'd be super happy to play it. Can't you change it? He has to say this I am speaking to the kidnapper of the President. Surrender your stolen vessel at once or we will take action as defined and permitted by Section 1.
They'll send a hundred and one ships? He and Trillian buckle up. Ford turns to Arthur. This is a bit like being drunk. FORD Ask a glass of water. They are stretched and squeezed by extraordinary forces. And they are made to be followed. Questular looks up to the screen at all the Vogon ships. Under subsection 37a these are the forces we deploy to protect the president in the case of an attempted or actual kidnapping- He holds up one fat official book with one hand. He holds up another fat book with the other. He puts the two books together, slams them down.
I just do what I do. Kwaltz takes them, signs one in two places, initials others, lifts the top sheet, removes the pink copy. Questular watches dumbfounded as Kwaltz hands the papers back to the messenger who turns and runs off. No Vogons in sight. Hands slam Head 2 down. Zaphod Head 1 turns to Ford. FORD still wary of the two heads Depends.
And when you see what I'm about to show you, you'll beg me to take you with us. Zaphod steps back, blocking his way. I'm sorry, what was your name again? No hard feelings, okay? And sorry to hear about your planet, but don't mention it to the girl because if you do I'll Then Head 2 pops up and finishes Zaphod slams Head 2 back into place..
Arthur furrows his brow and Zaphod and follows Trillian. FORD So you carved it up? And I think I did it in such a way that it wouldn't be detected by the Government screening tests -- or by me. So, what's so secret that I can't let anybody know I know it, not the Galactic Government, not even myself? And the answer is-- thinking --I don't know. But I put a few things together and that's when I realized I had this.
Brownish liquid flows into it a Martini glass, topped with dry-ice fog. Arthur removes the glass. I mean, if I'd had two heads. What are they doing in there? Before she can catch them, they scurry under the door. She furrows her brow. What does he mean? You might want to see this. He looks at his "tea", throws it in the trash bin. The procession peels away to both sides. Lunkwill and Fook dismount and approach. Did you say second greatest? FOOK But we designed you to be the greatest computer so you could A mere abacus, mention it not.
FOOK Then what's the problem? Which, one day, you are going to need. We want you to tell us -- the Answer. Deep Thought bleeps and bloops. FOOK We'd really like an answer. Can you do it? There is an answer. But I'll have to think about it. Lunkwill glances at his time piece, Fook at the expectant throng behind them. The screen goes to snow. Zaphod nods, hits play. They have beards and look like they're in their 40's. Deep Thought rises, looks lifeless.
Slowly, Deep Thought groans to life. FOOK There really is an answer? There really is one. FOOK almost strangled with emotion Oh! Though I don't think you're going to like it. We must know it! The answer to the ultimate question The surrounding crowd is stunned. It would have been simpler, of course, to have known what the actual question was. That's not a question. Only when you know what the actual question will you know what the answer means. A computer that is to come after me, one that I will design. A computer to calculate the Ultimate Question, one of such infinite complexity that life itself will form part of its operational matrix.
And you yourselves shall take on new more primitive forms and go down into the computer to navigate its ten million year program. I shall design this computer for you. And it shall be called The picture distorts and whites out. The blue cube rises. He moves to a different rack of instruments, consults a check list, starts flipping some switches. Well -- partly the curiosity, partly a sense of adventure, but mostly I think it's for the fame and the money.
He continues preparing the ship. Presidential fame is temporary, I find the Question, that's permanent. Plus everyone thinks you're deep. To find Deep Thought. Magrathea is a myth, a legend And this is the only ship in the universe that can get you there. FORD realizing You mean to tell me you carved up your brain so you could become President so you would get invited to the launching ceremony of this ship What's so special about it?
Zaphod thinks again -- hard. Because of this, obviously. Ford reads the glowing letters above the button So they finally built one that works. And that's how we got picked up. And I'm guessing if we hit that button -- we go to Magrathea. FORD For a trip to a place that doesn't exist? My editor will think I'm crazy, but what the hell -- he already thinks I'm dead.
He takes out the Guide. Zaphod looks to Trillian. They're all standing together. They turn to Arthur. Arthur looks to Trillian. She stares back -- waiting. Zaphod smiles, all bright and cheery. Arthur looks at the button. Suddenly, Zaphod's Head 2 shoots up! Zaphod's third arm shoots out and smacks the button. As soon as the drive reaches Infinite Improbability, it passes through every conceivable point in every conceivable Universe almost simultaneously, then selects the appropriate re-entry point. The principle of generating small amounts of finite improbability by hooking the logic circuits of a Bambleweeny 57 Sub- Meson Brain to an atomic vector plotter suspended in a strong Brownian Motion producer, say a nice hot cup of tea, were of course well understood.
Seconds later, the Vogon Destroyer comes out of hyperspace and slows to cruising speed. GUIDE VOICE Such generators were often used to break the ice at parties by making all the molecules in the hostess's undergarments leap simultaneously one foot to the left, in accordance with the Theory of Indeterminacy. Kwaltz and Questular appear on the monitor. Controllers turn more dials, trying to find the ship. GUIDE VOICE Many respectable physicists said they weren't going to stand for that sort of thing partly because it was a debasement of science, but mostly because they didn't get invited to those sort of parties.
These are the coordinates. But -- they're not here. Kwaltz heaves a walrusy sigh. Something begins to materialize, something big and gray - tumbling toward us.
The 'knitted' crew flip back to their 53 former selves. Arthur pukes into a trash bin and with a sick expression, looks up to the screen. Now Zaphod looks -- and he's elated. Head 2 suddenly springs up. What planet is that, please? They all sit and listen for a few beats, then Arthur yelps The two mice land on the floor across the ship, then scurry away down a hallway.
Before Arthur can react I'm just tickled pink to tell you we are currently in orbit around the planet Viltvodle 6. Should I pursue what? Are you requesting hyperspace clearance so that you may pursue the fugitive? The war room is silent. We hear the sound of running above. The footsteps hurry all the way around, we hear a door open, running up more steps, along the corridor until and finally an exhausted Vogon Messenger bursts through the door holding a blue form. Questular shakes his head in disbelief as Kwaltz signs the request form. What do you need, an executive order? Go and get him!
Kwaltz continues to fill out the forms. Questular grabs a clump of his hair -- and pulls it out. Or is it fog? Zaphod's 2nd head is up as he comes down the ramp ahead of the other three. I'm not used to seeing him this way. She stops, fires him a look. I mean, look at him! They squint through the fog at Zaphod, Head 2 out. His hands keep trying to get it down but the 3rd arm keeps whacking them away. He disappears into the fog. That's the whole point -- and I've been trying to tell you He hands the guide to Trillian. FORD But if you tell her and she ends up with you because you're literally the last guy on Earth -- you'll always doubt her intentions.
Ford puts his towel to his mouth as they follow Trillian down the mist covered street. She's reading the guide. This made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move. Zaphod continues several steps ahead of them. Zaphod's two arms shove his chin back down. The creature points down the street with 3 arms, then with 2 others hands him a pen and paper. Zaphod signs an autograph and moves on. The alien beams, then squirts three cans of aerosol under several arms.
A rush of air blows the mist past Ford, Trillian and Arthur a few steps behind. He's a humanoid wearing a white robe and night-vision sun glasses. Let us pray that the almighty will exhale a breath of compassion on us. Instead of bowing, they all point their noses heavenward. Zaphod marches down the center aisle while Humma prays. Zaphod stops a few feet away from Humma's chair. I thought he was just using a swear word. Something happened during the campaign. Zaphod never forgave him. We ask this in your precious holy name And they all sneeze.
Akin to crossing himself, Humma raises a hand to his nose, then down again. Ford, Arthur and Trillian keep a safe distance as Zaphod faces off with Humma who has the air of a cool news anchor man. The Arkleseizure has exhaled many blessings upon you. What brings you to our humble planet? Your ability to communicate a clear thought never ceases to amaze. And I don't know what you're talking about. He came here in his consolation position as Ambassador to Gamma Z10 to squelch an ideological threat to the system and repented from his wicked ways.
He now goes by the holy name Tazelo the Unceasingly Righteous, given to him by his devoted followers. The 3rd arm reaches for a gun in Zaphod's vest. One runs up and smacks Zaphod in the back of the head -- slamming Head 2 back in place. The 3rd arm disappears. FORD Probably because it's very possible. Just don't save me, okay? Humma lays his palms on the table and lifts himself as if to stand - but there is nothing of him below the table line except for thirty, one inch metal legs, attached to the base of his torso.
He glides towards Zaphod, the little legs extending to reach the floor as he reaches the end of the table. A guard drapes a white robes over Humma's shoulders - which he ties with a belt - hiding his peculiar undercarriage. His head jerks up. Zaphod stops it, paints on a smile. Why are you here, Zaphod? Humma motions to a guard who grabs his arm, twists it -- hard. I was headed for Magrathea, I ended up here. He pulls the nose off his body guard, turns a key. A secret safe door slides open from the mans' chest. Ah, the heady days of space piracy Inside we see glowing jewels, a skeleton hand, etc.
Zaphod reaches for it. Humma takes it back Designed by the greatest computer ever invented, now buried in the bowels of Magrathea. I'll get your gun. Just give me the coordinates. Humma pulls it back. I'd be better off with the dung of a Bethusian Mega Donkey. Only what does Zaphod Beeblebrox treasure?
He signals the guards. They grab Zaphod who looks back to Trillian, offers a weak smile. Zaphod unconscious on the operating table. Blood and instruments everywhere. Wires feed out of the neck into a huge machine. Beneath the head is a crude drawing of a body and the words "I'm with Stupid. No one has ever got passed the Magrathean defence system alive. His neck is wrapped with a blood-soaked bandage which looks like a scarlet ascot. Ford looks puzzled at Arthur. Did I clear it up?
A crowd has gathered. When they see Zaphod, they scream I want to have your baby! Zaphod, still feeling the effects of whatever drugs he was given, dons a presidential smile and waves. FORD Back to the ship. They quicken their pace when suddenly We are here for your protection! Zaphod, Ford, Trillian and Arthur freeze in their tracks. Well, if that's what they want-- He pulls out his gun up and fires back. Your kids are the same age as mine-- We should get them together some time!
With each line he fires. Shots hit a stack of aerosol cans. The President is the kidnapper! Zaphod sports a goofy smile. Arthur is scared to death. FORD Zaphod, what do we do? He holds up two peace signs, a la Nixon. FORD I think that was his campaign slogan. Trillian finds a deodorant can, grabs it, gets an idea.
She aims the can at Zaphod's ear- Arthur's face registers the madness of the moment. The quartet continues anxiously forward, eyeing the police whose guns track their every move. Zaphod paints on a smile, breaks away from the others to go sign a few autographs. The walrusy Vogon police swarm in like maggots, 62 cont surrounding Trillian and edging Ford and Arthur away. Arthur reaches for Trillian but she is engulfed by Vogons who move, en masse, and pull her away into the mist.
Ford, with Zaphod in tow, shoves Arthur forward, using his towel to clear a path through the mist. They see the Heart of Gold ramp descending from the belly of the ship. The screen goes black. But they've only accomplished half the mission. From a slot in his chair, he pulls his instructions -- signed in triplicate of course. And until the kidnapper is properly processed, she isn't officially apprehended, now is she, Mr. Questular pulls out another small clump of hair.
On the front screen, they can see the Vogon ships flying away. Take us to Magrathea! Zaphod woozily tries to stop him. There's a struggle, then Zaphod realizes I had one, didn't I? Only now it has an effete, effeminate, almost matriarchal voice. You're damaging my joystick. They all look at the source of the voice, confused.
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FORD Who is that? I was asked to change the personality type, this was the emergency back-up. EDDIE How, if you want me to take you somewhere, we're going to have to start using our magic words, "please" and "thank you. Arthur sees the Vogon ships getting away. Zaphod hits the floor, considers protesting, lies down on the floor to sleep instead -- with a contented smile.
He looks very out of place in a seat normally reserved for the likes of Han Solo. He scans the console. Ford sits in the seat beside him. Isn't there some kind of manual override switch thing? The cockpit is sealed in a glass ball and shoots upwards. It floats through space, then rear thrusters ignite and blast the ship forward. He grabs it, spinning out of control.
Ford pushes a big button. A scintillatingly jeweled crab crawls out of a swamp and looks up at the sky. The crab runs back into the swamp. This is the Vogon planet. Captains use them when they really need to concentrate. Zaphod squints hard to think as he looks around. Marvin moves out, a few paces behind. None of the others have noticed.
They look at Arthur. It suddenly seems ridiculous. They all walk along - Arthur at the back, perplexed. FORD What was it? Another paddle springs up, double smack in the face. Everyone stop and watch me. A paddle springs up and smacks Ford's face. He leaps back, clutching his cheeks. Arthur lifts his feet very carefully. He stops himself and looks round. Zaphod pulls his thinking cap down, thinks hard. A paddle shoots up, smacks Zaphod's face. FORD very deliberately I have A paddle shoots up. He grabs its telescopic stalk.
It thrashes in his hands. Don't have ideas or theories -- nothing. They all strain to think of nothing. Several paddles shoot up. Trillian is in there somewhere and we need an idea to save her. FORD Ever the politician. They take off running. A forest of paddle stalks erupts out of the ground around them, smacking violently. They come to rest at the side of a Vogon building.
Arthur storms through them, holding Marvin's arm which has the fingers pointed like a gun. He trips, falls, drops the arm, picks it up again, trying hard to look tough. Ford and Zaphod follow, Zaphod wearing the Thinking Cap and sunglasses for disguise. Ford wearing his towel over his face like a bandit. The Vogons look up, nonplussed. The Director of Robot Arm repair? Next building, out the door to the left. Arthur looks at the arm -- then slowly lowers it. Six buildings down, out the door, right, left, then two rights. Big gray building, can't miss it.
Kwaltz and Questular stand nearby. He types into his ancient looking computer. Tricia Imogene McMillan of Earth. The Officer types, checks his screen, shakes his head. No record of "Earth. In the Milky Way? The Vogon Officer types, reads from the screen. No -- that's impossible. The order was given He raises Marvin's arm, pointing the fingers. It's packed with all manner of species. He confidently takes a number and gets in line with the several hundred others -- feeling very much at home. This is some sort of trick.
Zaphod wouldn't blow up a planet, especially mine. Kwaltz now steps forward and extends a piece of paper. Trillian takes the paper, runs her finger down to the signature line where it reads "Love and kisses, Zaphod! She hands the paper back, swallowing emotion. We thank you for your cooperation. A door is opened revealing a room with a large steel box. A huge, angry eye stares out of a tiny barred window. The box shakes like crazy. He looks up to: He lowers his thinking cap. Arthur steps up, followed by Ford and Zaphod who keeps his head low and bowed.
We're here about getting a prisoner released? She holds out her hand. Arthur doesn't have a form. Annoyed, she points across the room to a wall that is nothing but shelves holding forms. Once I've filled it out can I return to the front of the line, seeing as I've already waited All three of them walk to the shelves holding the forms. Arthur turns to Zaphod. You're President, aren't you? That's what I do -- I think. It's all a little fuzzy. Arthur angrily fills out the form.
He finally gets to the window, hands the green form to the Vogon Processor. She types into her computer, then checks the screen. Not eligible for release at this time. You can make an appointment for a later date or take a number and wait. He can't take this. She looks at Zaphod, then back to the large portrait of Zaphod, then back to Zaphod.
She points to the wall of forms. We cannot see the beast but it's screams of hunger are scaring the hell out of Trillian. Zaphod hands the Vogon Processor the blue form. She reviews the form, stamps it, pulls off the carbon copy underneath, hands that to Zaphod. He reviews it, then signs it. The Vogon Guard pulls Trillian up and out of the box on a cable. The Bugblatter beast goes berserk. Let's go get him! But the Guard is already escorting Trillian out of the room. Kwaltz is completing paperwork. Kwaltz holds up a walrusy hand, one finger raised, silencing Questular while he continues.
We hear the Bugblatter beast weeping as the doors are closed on him. Arthur steps toward her but Zaphod steps in front of him, smiling, arms outstretched. You signed the order to destroy Earth?! You didn't even read it, did you? I don't get a lot of time for reading.
All because you thought someone wanted your autograph! It's routine for controlling Presidents! He hands it to a Messenger who runs off. Another one runs up. She sees a one-armed Marvin standing by the glass pod. She heads for him. Arthur catches up to her. Why didn't you tell me? She storms ahead of him. That was my brilliant idea! A paddle shoots up and slaps him in the face. This time, I shall pursue him myself. This is more like it. Questular holds two clumps of hair in each fist. I can't fly with an expired license -- it's against the law.
Out comes two large tufts of hair. Hold on to your hats! Arthur looks to the console and sees the two mice sliding across it, getting thrown across the ship. They continue to vibrate -- even more violently. Zaphod is all smiles, hanging on as if he were on a rollercoaster ride.