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Mostra anteprima Anteprima salvata Salva anteprima Visualizza la sinossi. Disponibile in Russia Acquista da: Russia per comprare questo prodotto. Hindsight is a great thing! Yes, we must do just that, but it takes time and a lot of healing. We are brought up with the belief, and are told repeatedly, that there is the one special person out there for us. I wish to relate a true story to you. A few years ago a lady died and left no money and very few possessions. A small tin at the back of a cupboard was found and inside there was one photograph of a young man and a couple of short letters.
These items were kept secret from her family. She married someone else a year later, a decent, if dull man. Living in the past like Miss Haversham in Great Expectations does no good for our physical or mental health. Films are notorious for finishing as the couple walk off together to share the next fifty years in marital bliss. It does not help to berate ourselves about our so called shortcomings. As we get older our relationship needs change. If you continue to look back with bitterness you will never find true love and contentment, only increasing personal sadness.
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I move once every year, give or take like everyone else. My wife was ex military and she has withstood much more stress during my deployment time away than I ever did taking a sight picture on an enemy combatant.. Perhaps you and Nadia should get married.. I am a spouse, mother, student, and Ministers, wife. I was myself enlisted for four years, I have two teenage daughters with special needs how dare you call anyone one lazy because they do not have a traditional job.
Okay Joey Boots, back off. A man thing how the h 88l are you to say it is a man thing. I raised two boys while my husband was gone for 13 months, then gone every three months, while working a full time job and taking care of the bills, the house, mowing the lawn, fixed leaking toilets, etc. My suggestion to you is take a hike. When my father was stationed overseas and my mother and I were with him, civilians were given all the jobs, even baggers in the commissary, military dependents were not employed by any military base. Give me a call, until back off.
If your will so strong then why arent you the one deploying. I run my own photography business, watch a child that isnt mine almost 80 hrs a week, i foster military family pets when they are pcsing, deploying or tdying. Not to mention keeping my house not just spotless but you can white glove my house and not find any thing out of place.
Not to mention keeping up with my own child and his sports and school assembles and everything else that comes with being a mom. Dont feel too inferior to us. And we do this all and keep ourselves put together. I have refrained from commentin on some of these ignorant post. My husband served 26 years in our Navy. Guess how many kids— 4 , 2 Greman Shephards… oh I guess I will list my cats also.
Nurse… work mostly nights.. Now my kids are grown and in the military. I have retired and so has my husband. Now he works 9 hour days as a fed. Doing the same job.. I started my own business.. You sir are an ass!!! Setting aside the single parenting that has to happen during deployments, that makes getting hired at all very hard, and due to the possibility of another move the job is unlikely to be one that pays enough to cover daycare because those kinds of jobs need people who will be around longer than years.
Yes Nadia you need to do some research on things not to say to a military spouse…did your mother not teach you that if you can not say anything nice then do not say anything at all! With a total of 7 deployments n all! This was my first move from my home state of Kentucky.. Now we are told we are headed to Germany for 3 years.. You all need to re-evaluate yourselves before you defend or criticize. I spent ten years in active army as a tanker and military police. I have seen the best and the worst the Army and Joint base housing has to offer So yes that means you too Marines and Air force.
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Some of the worst types of people are you wives clinging to your spouses coat tails. There is a reason you all have a label attached to you and your support for each other is fake. You are worse than a supermarket tabloid and gossip about each other, amongst each other. Military Spouse is a title, not a career and you tend to forget that when the situation arises. You are stupid as hell.
There is nothing more to say and no I am not one of those people you think you are talking about. But I have been there.
Wherever You Are: The Military Wives: Our true stories of heartbreak, hope and love
My family has been there for many generations. Should you choose to carry on the tradition.
How can you categorize every military wife into one single category. Have you ever been disabled? In our case, the military has nothing to do with it. Do you have kids? Do you know how expensive day care is?
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Do you know how expensive medical bills are for someone disabled? My fellow mil wives are my true friends. There are a lot of fake people in this small world, but there are some good ones out there. I think some people, even those like you who have served, forget what young men and women give up at a young age to protect our country. What branch did YOU serve in. She never said anyone owed her anything. Nadia, you are an idiot, I have worked the entire time with my husband. I am,proud of that and of my husband, we lived pay check to paycheck, did not have many bills, the fact is unless you are further up in the ranks you live below the poverty line even in the military with the spouse working.
Get your facts straight. Living with a military spouse has special circumstances, there are different problems, like not hearing from your husband for 4 months. Nothing not even letters, you see when we were active duty, there was no email. Hearing about a missile hitting a ship and not knowing if your husband was on it, this is not every day life.
Do not judge until you walk in our shoes. My wife had a fulltime job maintaining my home when I was deployed or just gone all the time. The military is extremely underpaid considering what we do. If my wife had held a job her money would have gone to childcare. So what is the point if you are not actually making money. Also how is a person supposed to develop into a hireable person if they are forced to moved every three or so years. Also no telling if there is actually work they are qualified to do in some locations. For example we lived in Alaska for four years, a lanscaper would have a pretty hard time working up there.
If you have a small child, then none of my comments have even been about your wife. You are offended for no reason at all. I move all the time and yet I am still the bread winner of my family. Oh gosh, how can people do it? You get yourself a trade skill or a marketable skill. Believe it or not, companies are very supportive of military families. Nowadays, people move jobs that quickly anyway.
I suppose if you chose to landscape, you should also consider a second skill if you plan to live as a world traveller with your spouse. It would be totally ignorant to jump in without some kind of thought towards what one might do to pitch in. Is there anything she likes to do besides the single skill she has landscaping?
There is likely a market for that interest. I do wonder to myself… I can only expect that your wife is reasonable, but if she is the same type as the livid, childish women on this page, I have to wonder why you are okay with her feeling so entitled to what is yours. In a marriage everyone shares, but how much is fair to contribute? Otherwise your family will become a hierarchy.
Nadia Please check your facts. Not all active duty military are paid cost of living COLA per region. That was gas for 2 weeks if I only went to work and the grocery with in a 5 mile radius. Yet gas was regularly. And with was 11 miles away. Yes I chose a military career, I accepted that when I asked for Hawaii prices would be outrageous. But not all active duty receive COLA. You are sometimes moved into highly populated areas with a huge unemployment rating.
Yet now I am undesirable to the most common and starter waged job. Or need to go see family times a year and you are a thousand miles away. But I will not tell them what they are going through because their lives are different then mine. Sometimes the best wisdom is knowing when to be silent. Not to mention, why is it out of the question that your wife may travel for her career? If she is a landscaper, perhaps she could make enough to travel for her work.
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That was for YOUR career. She deserves to do something she loves. If you both love each other very much, you should both be equally allowed to be whoever you want. My father was in the Air Force, moving quite a bit, and my mother worked in another state. You are very ignorant on the lifestyle. The wives are often the only parent around and provide the stability for the kids. With constant deployments and exercise drills when the service man is IN country and the constant moving. The military children lives are constantly in turmoil and upheaval. The one parent is the person that provides stability and the emotional support for the children.
This is a full time job and very demanding as well as taking care of every single demand that life throws at them. Sick parents or loved ones dying when you live a world away or just miss seeing the births of nieces and nephews ect. Military spouses work regular jobs as well as taking care of the everyday needs of the children and their spouses. It only make her list more true than ever.
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You need to get a grip on reality. Just know that me, and plenty of other military wives are contrinting members of society, outside of keeping our family together. Enjoy your life as a Starbucks barista. Military wives suffer tremendously and we still keep it together..
It is a constant struggle. You should educate yourself and stop being so ignorant.
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Not to mention the extra daycare cost when my husband leaves at random times. Did you even read it? Joyce said that SHE was army in addition to her spouse being in the armed forces. Not every military wife follows their husband around like a dog. My husband chose his career Army and I chose mine. The day someone thanks me for my service over my husband, is the day all you wives have destroyed the respected men and women serving this country.
My husband had a great laugh reading this. My husband does not want thanks. I certainly do not want, nor deserve thanks. Honestly, no stupid comment here can waiver my opinion on this subject. I mean, what opinion could they possibly have, besides how society may benefit only them? What year will it be when the US remembers that women can, indeed, do things for themselves? This honestly is not an attack in any way. I had to put school on hold to take care of my ailing grandparents. I admire women that work and are married to military spouses.
I just wish we could all support one another more instead of attacking each other for our opinions. We each have our own path, mine is no better or worse than yours. It is simply my path as military daughter, wife and mother. My husband is never home! No way am I paying someone to look after my son when he already looses one parent enough! He needs support and he needs his mum! In future if you read something and you dont really agree, just scroll away or delete it. Wind ya neck in an stop being miserable! All she was saying was that alot of people are misinformed when it comes to the pay of our military members.
I as a military wife I made the choice to get out of the AF and be the main caregiver for our family. We do live off just my husbands paycheck. I choose my children over a job and I will never regret it! I can respect an arrangement like this. That is what the allowance is for, right? To help the families adjust and to stabilize.
My issue is with how many people complain about the amount of government assistance they are receiving. I never see active duty folks complaining about pay freeze. Perhaps they know that their paychecks will catch up after the freeze, but the wives, oh boy, do they cry and cry. There is no misunderstanding here. I am the wife of an air force ssgt. I know what they pay looks like for non-officer personnel. They are hard earned paychecks.
What are you doing to deserve tax money I worked my ass off for? Money I earned my training myself in a field I knew would help me to be an independent, whole person in society. So what do you do for me, the tax payer? I do hear about it, but only from the wives of military men. I only want friends who are real parts of society who work hard and earn what they have. No one forced anyone into anything.
Leave; no one will judge you, but I doubt you will, because the lifestyle is so damned comfortable. We do receive a small amount more in basic allowance for housing. The housing allowance along with my husbands pay is actually less then what we would make total in the civilian world. Dont worry, we did the math. My husband receives no extra pay for having a spouse and children. They are anti-military and full of ignorance.
You must also be living on base. We have paid out of pocket every posting our 7th. No, my posts are anti-non-working spouses of military folks. No one is embarrassed in my home. Are you trying to tell me that the active duty member in your household did NOT in fact get a bump in pay once they received a dependent? Are you trying to make me feel BAD that you had to pay some rent for your place? Not complaining one bit. Not whining about paying rent, either, just correcting you. Love my life as a military wife. Most of them have been kind, respectful, helpful, resourceful, competent, hard working, and supportive.
I love him and support him. BAH most certainly does cover rent off base and utilities. Thank you so much to Nadia for pointing this out — what a Christmas miracle. We pay taxes, worst w eBay taxes for welfare people that do not work. Putting down spouses of military that do not work is ridiculous. Even so, you are one messed up person. Nadia I admire you going up against the military wives of the world. Not easy but stand strong. Comparrisons make me sick.
All these posts are about is cry me a river and hear my sob story. I am a spouse of a retired Army E7 who did his 20 years. Most of us live paycheck to paycheck and have little to no savings. I am sure not many realize how hard it is for military families. Thank you for the post and thanks to ALL military families. We generally remember those serving and those who have served but seldom think about their families. It is a shame but also true. God bless each and every one of you for all you do.
I can relate to so much of this. The having to do everything. The not having control. Just TDY a bunch of times. Still it was hard, at times, mostly when my children were very young. Not a good day!!!! With women in combat, guess who stays home with the kiddies and doing everything you mentioned above? Thank your for this comment! Sarah, Thank you so much for this story, very well written. The beauty in this piece is it could be either. My boyfriend now husband and I were both in at the same time. He was getting out and I was staying. Military families are amazing. The sacrifices they all make on a daily basis..
It truly does make the times together that much more special. I just so happen to know someone you could talk with http: Chris Pape is a great guy. I am a mentor. It would not surprise me if the Army and Air Force have similar programs. Sarah, My husband is a military spouse, and has these very same struggles. These 10 things are not unique to women. I love that you wrote this piece, and would love if even more if it were written with these extraordinary men i mind.
Too ofte they arethe silemt, forgotten minority, plugging away at all the workthey usually share, and for some reason,no one even knows or consider they exist. As a member of the Navy, I am grateful for the work and support our military wives provide, but as the regularly deployed half of my ciuple, I am extremely grateful for my Navy husband.
It is definitely difficult for anyone in that position, and I commend you for doing it! I have been a spouse for 6 yrs and counting. We hold the fort down while our spouses are gone, and it can definitely be overwhelming. I appreciate this article because it depicts our struggle, and it reminds me how strong we actually are. Wish you and your family the best of luck!! I think the only reason these men go 2 the military is 2 get away from home yell they want the money but if u no u are going 2 be gone 4 years why jump up and leave a world that u was in with your family just 2 leave your family 2 fight in war smart u men are dum u women are o I think am the strong 1 out all cause I let that ass go wasting my life away on shit who going 2 set around just 4 a dam man 2 go kill other or they get kill right have a back bone 4 your self and kids so they will love u much more with a great life cause this is not it url.
This was the best account so far of what I learned after 2marriages. One Navy one Army 13 years total 4 kids. My last husband made one. The rest I had alone or with family present. Thank you, because nobody understands our world. God Bless the spouses!!! I really enjoyed this article. I read this article struck a chord with me. Not a pleasant harmonious chord, but one that would compare to nails on a chalkboard. I sat on it for about 10 hours before I decided to post about it. I wanted to make sure I hit all the wickets of what truly bothers me about this blog post.
While I completely applaud the people that wrote it for having created something in an organized fashion piece of writing, the content and sentiment are.. I have to consider myself a subject matter expert on this topic. I have been on all sides of this military triangle. It has also been my experience that this group please forgive me here..
I was also married past tense to one. So believe me when I say…I am a subject matter expert on this. You are not a victim. Loving a super hero does not make you special. You are not special. Your kids are not special. The person that puts country in front of all things personal, is very special. Your kids have the same needs as any other child. All kids will face harsh times, rejection, awkwardness fitting in, will have to learn to adjust to changes. And it is hard! Regardless if mommy or daddy has a job that takes them out of the home for long periods of time.
This group IS special in that they have more resources available to them to help them deal with all the difficulties of being a military family, than any other. And they are FREE!!! That is special, and should be utilize. This is a universal application, not special to military folks. Become a whole person. The military branch they joined is the 1 in their lives, regardless of your, your kids not medically related or THEIR personal needs. Actually, you might have to remind your military member of it from time to time when they are depressed or whine about leaving.
With all that being said, I want to thank all the wives, husbands and significant others of the military members out there, personally. Purely as an educational piece, this does have merit. Thank you for your insights and providing some levity to this rather sensitive subject, but there are parts of this that are worth not dismissing. Thanks for this comment. I have been wanting to respond to clear a few things up. I want all readers to know that in writing about my experience, I am in no way disrespecting or making light of other challenges that other types of families have.
Of course, we all face unique challenges and we all reach a point where we are at our limit. Sometimes, some years, are easier than others. So, I wanted to write this article, as a way to process my thoughts and the life I lead. And there are unique challenges we face, just like there are unique challenges in other lifestyles. This is just my perspective. Tough stuff, for everyone in the family. It's not a matter of opinion. Military wives ARE Special. Just as our elite forces and "teams" are special.
Only a handful make it, just as not all military marriages survive. But the ones that do, are often supported by amazing women. These women — They are strong women. They don't stand behind their husbands, they stand beside them. Military Wives ARE special. It's your right to feel otherwise. The author's response to your post was classy and graceful, but everyone is entitled to their opinion.
No matter what, the fact remains, and it will always remain — the wives of soldiers, sailors, airmen, marines and even the Coast Guard are some of the strongest, savviest, most resourceful, and envied women in existence Except for my ol' Gunny's wife. These women aren't just wives. I've seen more civilian spouses fail to provide support for their loved one when they're needed the most, more often than military wives.
Because of the title — "Military Spouse". It's like being called "Marine", the title alone grants the individual courage and pride. The title "Chief" grants authority and respect. Just as the title, "Military Wife", grants understanding and strength. And if they stop believing they're special, they will fail. That is concept that is understood, only by those who have been there. So, if they realize that they are not special in their plight as mother and wife husband or father , they will fail in their lives?
I can honestly say, no one can take that away from me regardless what they say, do and no matter how common I am! I guess you miss the part where I said I was a military spouse, the later joined myself. If more people did this and felt this way and actually expressed it whatever walk of life , wow- the amazing stuff this would do for our society! You owe your wife. I had to earn everything I have achieved in my life, so did you. And so should she. How about Melinda Gates? I owe my wife. You might be layered with diamonds and rubies.
You might be worth a million bucks! But you could be so much more — with flowers. You could be worth a million dollars, plus the cost of the exotic flowers! See, as individuals, we view the world through one set of eyes. With my wife by my side, I can see things differently — based on how she sees the world. So, you might want to expand your narrowed vision a little. I, on the other hand, can admit that in my time of need; through hospitalizations, through recovery, through sickness, through unemployment, through moments of rage and confusion — her emotional support pushed me to move forward.
While others, such as those who are appreciative of where they are because of their personal experiences in a community such as a community of Military Spouses , are thankful and love sharing their experiences. You, sistersailor — are whining. It could be as simple as smiling at each other, or laughing at a perverted joke that no one else laughs about.
Great response, Military Hubster! We ARE a special breed, and we are so thankful we have wonderful spouses, who are also a very special breed, that love and support us, too. Thank you for being one of them! A Military Husband, You Sir are a rare find. I was in a beautiful marriage that lasted a long time, with my best friend, dealing with unfair issues, but loving the life and the people we met. Agree with so much of this. I really do think alot of wives need to get off there high horses.
I am a military wife amongst other things, Martyr not being one of them, You make your own choices in life. However, I think it misses a bigger point. Life as a military spouse IS different than what many of us experience I am not a military family member, but some people who I love are and yes, it IS difficult in many ways. And to pretend that it is not, and to just suck it up, and never discuss those difficulties, just invites more problems later, especially in military marriages.
Everyone should have others who at least try to understand and sympathize with what they are going through. And expressing those difficulties does not mean that someone is trying to play the victim, nor does it mean that she thinks that she is the only one who has difficulties.
I am happy to have read this post, and I hope it will help me to have a bit more sympathy and gratitude for those who make such huge sacrifices for me and for our country. Also goes for the spouse of the military member. I think some spouses that do not feel properly regarded for their contributions inside the home or family, social group look outside for encouragement and acknowlegdement.
If the realization that you are not special in your plight rocks the foundation on which you operate- then you have bigger problems than being a military spouse. That was my point in the beginning and my point now. I never promised to be tactful or coddle you in my delivery…but one thing I promise to you is honesty. I hope you never do. Part of me wishes there was something you could have argued with me about, just because honesty and stinging truth is so refreshing. There comes a point where, when something really hurts you, you have to look inward and figure out why, then fix it.
I hope that you will always be this strong and determined. This is a fascinating discussion and you ALL have compelled me to jump in. I agree with some of the concepts SisterSailor shared, although I absolutely do not agree with the tone and lens through which they were shared. If you spend any time in a military community, you are bound to meet military spouses who do promote themselves as victims or entitled to every benefit and more.