You can't do this in public its illegal. O "and you also remind me of myself when I was your age doin' the exact same things except worse. O "Please note son that if I were to take you in right now you would be a sexual predator for the rest of your life". A guy from work went on a dating website and eventually got a date.
He took her to the theatre. The seats were seperate. He spent loads on tickets and had to sit two rows behind his date, watching her talk to the guy in the next seat. I got to know the language of the site. Prefer not to say. Finally I went on a date with this girl called DebbyDoesDomestic. She seemed really nice. We were in a bar on our fourth round when she grabbed my cock. The guy sat facing raised an eyebrow. I knew this was just going to be a one-night deal.
Can't see a girl who's so easy on a first date. I'd be paranoid every time I wasn't with her. We get back to my new apartment in the centre of town and I'd had a few too many so I try to slow things down so I can clear my head. She was a complete whore.
Honestly, she was begging to suck my cock and I've got a high sex drive but how aggressive she was just put me off. Finally we get down to it. I'm just flicking her bean to start with. Hardly touching her and she's screaming with pleasure. Tension then a rush. Something shoots past my arm. Every time I tell it, it's like a piece of flash fiction. That's because I ended up with the story I went on there to get.
You find places to go to do these drugs. One was a house this older guy had. He put up with us. A girl used to come round. She liked me a lot. A while later she'd moved into a flat. Just turned sixteen and she celebrated by running from her family. I was in the pub, out of my mind on LSD. Just me and a few mates. Their girlfriends turned up. I start going bad. They're all sitting and laughing and being stroked by their respective others. I'm at the bar and sure my sleeves are wet.
I left without a word and I was going on a downer until I noticed her flat. I knocked and knocked. I gave up and went to go and noticed her looking out of the window. Soon I was in. We shared a joint and went to bed. My cock was hard but numb. I stopped and she started going through her wardrobe, pulling dresses out and saying this is what I was wearing when I saw you that time, this is what I wore when you were at that party Weird as fuck so I gave the sex another go.
It was dark and the trips were still strong. A baby started crying and a little bald head appeared at the side of the bed. I got off and was all wtf and she picked up the baby and put it between us in bed. My head couldn't handle it. I was wearing a condom. It must have burst. I shouted at her that I wanted a paternity test.
I got dressed and ran away. I failed to mention that I was 14 and she was 18 so it was an awkward situation anyway. But let me go on record though that I also got half a blowie from her sister. Anybody who starts with the state name jokes is getting karate chopped.
Yes that was an awesome story gonzo. I've been abusing really strong mushrooms all week so I know what those situations are like. He was very muscular, funny, and cooked a good breakfast. And that was really all I wanted in a man at the time. Well, I briefly left town thinking I might get a PhD. I was wrong and moved back. Eventually we ran into each other and decided it would be nice, you know, for old times' sake. So, we had a pleasant time getting reacquainted. Undressed and full of endorphins, I left the bedroom to visit the toilet, sat down, and my back went out big time.
I couldn't even stand up. He had to pick me up off the damn toilet and move me somewhere else. I was stuck in his apartment for something like three days before I could finally hobble away. I had to re-read that and then I seen "my back went out" and I was like ooohhhhh. I meet this girl that works with my mom.
Virgin Memoires: Finger Fucking Good (XXX Sex Novel)
I was recently divorced and not doing so well with the ladies. She's got a great body, a runner's body, very well proportioned, fit, tone, the whole nine yards. Kind of a beak nose but other than that attractive in the face. So we start hanging out, doing things, and I'm really into her. We have mutual interests, she treats me like a king, I can't figure out why this chick is single. Things move forward and she gives the best head I've ever had. I mean the old measure of quality of fellatio had to be thrown out, she is now the standard by which others are judged.
She claims she likes it, wants to get down there any chance she gets. Then I notice I never get to return the favor, and we never have sex. The bj's are so great that I'm pretty satisfied in that department, but I wonder why it goes no further. I can't let it go. And who doesn't want to fuck up a good thing, right? Bitch has genital warts. But at least she had the decency to keep them to herself. A few months later, she dumps me. She's got crotch-rot and she's dumping me? About a year later, I can't let it go. I'm very invovled with a girl I worked with, and it's great.
She's very attractive, like minded, were a great match. I probably would have married her. But who doesn't want to fuck up a good thing? So I go to my ex's house one night, drunk of course, and leave my number on her car. Of course she calls, and we start hanging out. On the down low, of course.
Virgin Memoires: Finger Fucking Good by Alexandra Scott
Strictly platonic this time around. To this point, anyway. Then one day, the ex is over at my place, and my girlfriend shows up. And it's ugly and my girlfriend never speaks to me again. It doesn't take long for my ex and I to fall back into our routine. And it's as good as I remember it being. We continue for a while, then drift apart for a while. I get a girl knocked up. We start hooking up again, still no sex. Her junk is off limits. Just after Valentine's day, she dumps me again. And hooks up with my boss, whom she also works with but not for.
After him, another guy I work with. I wonder if they knew her dirty little secret. She left her job for another. She married that guy. And now it looks very likely that I will be working the same place she is. Lady doesn't tell me she has a man, who ends up chasing us down Nicholasville Road 5 land road, buseist in town during Friday night traffic. I met this pretty good looking ginger fellow one night after someone at the previous bar slipped a little something into my drink.
The aforementioned ginger fellow found me staggering around like a maniac, and was quite an honourable gentleman, found some wonderful people who knew both of us to get me home safe. Very much appreciated to this day. Eventually I tracked him down and we starting talking once in a while, and ended up at his place one afternoon when we both skipped work early. I just figured the old "men are pigs" adage had been defined properly for once and chose to ignore it, we were having a good conversation, and listening to some crazy music, plus at the time, I was really in no position to be picky.
We proceeded to get high, and had some pretty good sex on the couch. He threw the condom into the trashcan that was the floor, and after like an hour of post-sex lounge-aroundery, I remembered I was supposed to be home because I had a new roommate moving in that day. My memory is one of the many reasons I avoid drugs like the plague these days. So i grabbed my clothes in a hurry, and my new playmate walked me down to the train station, since he lived in an area where walking around smelling like sex and being off your face alone as a girl wasn't exactly a brilliant idea.
It was some time during this walk that I realized his teeth weren't real. Probably because he stuck them out at me through his lips and scared me half to death. And then he proceeded to tell me that he had in fact, stolen the dentures from another guy, because his own teeth had rotted out due to excessive meth use. Which actually explained a lot about the state of his apartment. Maybe not, but at least he was a gentleman So we're waiting for my train, and being still not quite of sound mind, we start making out like idiot teenagers, and people all around us are backing away, giving me dirty looks.
I shrugged it off, thinking "Pffft, I'm young and stoned.
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- Angels At Your Doorstep (Modern Applications for Ancient Spirituality Book 1).
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Then, I notice everyone on the train staring at me with their jaws dropping and whispering and pointing. Again, I shrugged it off, thinking I was being paranoid. So I ran home from the train, to find my roommate had already brought in all her stuff and was unpacking. I ran upstairs to pee, and while I was sitting there, I noticed a used condom on the floor in front of me. I screamed for my roommate to come upstairs, which she did, and I said "What the fuck Jen, you moved in here like 4 hours ago and you're already fucking guys in the bathroom??
Jesus can't you keep it in your pants??
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She just stared at me horrified, and said "Umm Maybe look at your pants. I looked, and there was a HUGE jizz stain down the side of my calf. Really, really not my finest moment, but it was so hilarious I've never lost touch with that ginger guy. Firstly, I apologise for this Because it is gross and long. Some of you just might have seen this before, but I can prove it was me, I am the first to write this each time copied it was said the postee was the author.
The original post went viral, and ended up as far as Russia and the US. All from a small surfing site in a tiny corner of England. My first excuse is I had just split with my girlfriend, and being shallow - needed to move on I had an all expenses hotel room for two bought and paid for by the company I worked for. But first - let me explain about Ashley, the victim. She was a friends mum. I used to wank obsessively thinking of her.
In their bathroom was the laundery basket and I swiped a pair of her knick-knicks. Droped em on my face and proceeded to 'buff my trophy' inhaling the mushroomy sent. Problem was I was in the friends house who's mum it was, and we were in bunk beads. Russel, the friend below me was "Uh Stop talking you are ruining it Oh and cover your eyes! Fast forward 20 years or so, and I am in a hotel in Leeds. As I said I was recently single, so invited my mate Bulldog along. For those of you who know Bulldog, I asked all my proper mates but was too short notice.
Bulldog fell off his bike as a kid, and has lots of scarring on his head where hair doesn't grow. He looks like he got chewed up by a dog - hence bulldog. I am drinking to forget the choice of idiot I have brought with me. Bulldog eating his normal diet of pills! I was on about my 50th 'fuck off' - then Time had not been kind to old Ashley. She told me about her difficult break up I told her I used to wank over her at 13, and stole her panties.
So I am flirting, getting tweaky and being a twat, waiting for my 51st fuck off. She - to my total shock is flirting back. So, me, being all sensitive, I just wanted to shock a laugh out of her so I said, "How about you come upstairs and fuck me and my mate" She said So then, it turned in to a game of chicken as we walked to the lift. I had sobered up real fast. I am beginning to think this is a bad idea. It was a joke. After the Thailand debacle - I leaned that fantasy is better than reality. But I called it, and had way too much pride.
You gotta know when to hold em and when to fold em. In the lift, with its harsh overhead lighting - she was not pretty, sagging skin and yellow liver failure eyes. In the mirrored walls I could see Bulldog shuffling about with excited tension, playing with himself through his trouser pocket. It was repulsive, right there I should have hit the alarm button and fucked off. So, we get in my room. Of all the things you have read about me, this was by far the most awkward moment to date.
My old mate's elderly, liver failing mum, drunk. My junkie mate looking like he is going to have a stroke and grinning like Forrest Gump, touching his cock through his pockets. All looking at each other like a western gun fight is about to start. Nobody actually tells you how these things get going, you just start making random small talk. I said "Chilly today isnt it" Bulldog: I had to say something sexy, and wild, but didn't know what to say - all nervous I honestly said the following I panicked and said the first thing t come to mind and it was a root vegetable.
Lucky for me - she didn't miss a beat and said "Yeah, let me put it in my oven" Bulldog was so amped his head went red with all the scars white, So - I thought, fuck it - get in first. Even that was awful, it was like a hovercraft drove over my face. Bulldog unbuttons his shirt, I get naked in a flash to beat him, go for the kill, bend Ashley over - cos I didn't want to do it face to face as she looked just like my 10 year old mate Russel - but with a vagina. I harpooned myself in, so far so good.
I am hammering away. For a short while it feels good and you forget the circumstances. I open my eyes and Bulldog right next to me — like a foot away looking right in my face. I didn't put any music on, so the only sound was like a dog walking through mud, only wetter, and my idiot mate right up in my face. It was fucking huge.
Like a comedy rubber, foot long, lady slaying monster dick. The noise was as it swung and slapped his thigh! He then starts wagging it about, trying to get blood in it cos it is too big to just 'wood up' like a normal-un. You know that old footage of the girl in Viatnam - running down the street naked, all burned from Napalm and screaming - that is how I felt right there. How the fuck am I supposed to compete with that?
I am flapping a sub-standard baby dick and he is packing a monster!! I know us guys are insecure about the size of our cocks, but fuck me!! This ugly, fucking fat retard looking idiot, is swinging a giant cock about. Now, let me just clear up the size issue. Want to know how I know? Go into a sex shop. Never has a woman gone "Uhh, yeah - do you happen to have a sub-average size dildo?
The only time you could by a cock my size, all small and ugly with an awkward kink like mine, it would be a novelty bottle opener. Just standing there, losing my erection while looking at his - and still in mates mum. So I pull out. Something about my idiot mate and his giant cock killed the moment for me.
Now - you think everyone fucks like you. You base your basic 'fuck technique' on porn, medium speed regular half second piston-like pumps. Bulldong as I now call him is naked but for shoes and socks. Still wagging it like he is going to smash her about the head with it. He closes in behind Ashley Him grappling the monster with both hands, it so big it would bend in the middle, Flop out and swing around.
He'd grab it again. Needless to say - she didn't say anything like that with me. I felt so shit. Curse my button mushroom-like cock. Then he started fucking - Christ it was awful to see. Grunting and squeels, and hammering away like it was a race, like three hits a second machine gun on auto, frenzy fuck. Bulldog is a big fatty fat, fat.
He looked like a giant baby with a monster cock, fucking my mates mum. An image I will never forget - and the most traumatic I have yet to see. All I could think is 'I forgot to make noises! Are you supposed to make noises? He's doing the sex noises and she seems to like it - not only has he a fantastic cock - he does noises! He then, like cave man, went 'Uunnhhhhhnnnghhhhuuuhhhhhhhhhggghh' and flopped on the bed, like a grizzly bear shot in the ass with a tranquilizer dart. I honestly thought, when pulled it all of that out of her - her liver would have shlopped out with it.
So - there I am. My freak mate, naked but for shoes - asleep on a bed.
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My mates mum bent over expecting me to perform, and me, in a hotel room. I wanted to die. Ashley looks over her shoulder at me "Come on baby - fuck me - gimmie that Turnip" I look at her pussy. Bulldog had ruined it. It was huge and stretched out of shape like she had just given birth. I could have stuck both my hands in and still had enough room to shuffle a deck of cards! How the hell am I going to follow that? So I position myself behind her grab her ass, and eyes shut, I am thinking of as many sexy things as I can.
Me trying to fuck her right there was like pushing a marsh mellow into a kebab. I'm as hard as jelly. Then my hand slips. Bulldogs Junk is all over her and I have just put my hand in it! So I grab her skirt, pretending to massage her ass, and scoop it out of the way. No - nooooo nooooooooooo NO!! I have another mans cum on my hand. He broke our kiss and pulled my pants and underwear off.
I was completely exposed from the waist down. He leaned down and kissed my inner thigh. I gasped and arched my back as his kisses got closer to my cunt. He ran his hands up my stomach and sides as his tongue moved over the folds of my vagina. He took my clit into my mouth and sucked slightly while moving his tongue over it.
I moaned and pushed my hips against his head. Kindle Edition , 41 pages. To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. To ask other readers questions about Virgin Memoires , please sign up. Lists with This Book.
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