Depression again overtook him like a dense London fog rolling in. This has got to be the day. Over the next hour, he lay in bed contemplating his plan.
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It should be easy to find a remote area of the woods where no one goes. The razor is perfect. It's a simple matter of cutting through one of the primary arteries in both wrists and bleeding to death. He had gone into the woods searching. Searching for a place to die? He didn't really know-just searching-or maybe running away. Residing like a parasite on the back of his brain, lived his ultimate goal: To find a place to peacefully "check out" of this life. There would be no fanfare, no dramatic exit, no bother to anyone-just find a cave like an old bear, and curl up and die.
He had been consumed with suicide for a long, long time. He knew that killing himself was just a matter of time and place.
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Robbie struggled with how to tell Jeannie. On their first night together, parked on their favorite hillside, he reluctantly broke the news. I was so afraid of this," Jeannie screamed while bouncing around in her seat flailing her arms. You could get killed," she yelled as the tears began to flow. Their last night together was a crescendo of emotions and passion and tears. Their feelings were scripted right out of a best-selling romance novel. They pledged love that would sustain them until they were back in each other's arms again.
Professions were made that, although they would be apart physically, their love would cross the miles. They spent the entire evening on Baker's Hill, giving themselves totally to each other. They unleashed all of their most fervent expressions of love — love that had come into full bloom with their heightened commitment to each other.
Passion slowly overtook reason, reaching its peak with the proverbial birds singing, church bells ringing, and fireworks lighting their evening sky. They were shamelessly ruptured by the fire within them. Robbie's Huey had no sooner touched the top of the tall grass, when he and the rest of his platoon poured out from both sides, hitting the ground as bullets whistled over their heads.
The chopper bounced off the ground with its lightened load, and was in the air again, scrambling to clear the LZ without getting clobbered. A hundred yards away, a Huey exploded as it flared for landing, sending pieces of machine and bodies in all directions, and showering the nearby grass with flaming fuel. Robbie knew that young men like himself-men whom he had eaten breakfast with just a couple of hours earlier, had just died. He would learn their names later. He prayed it wasn't Joe Barnes or Pat Williams, two of his new best friends.
No sooner had Robbie fully digested the enormity of what had just happened, when mortars began to explode all around him, and screams of men in pain filled the air. A few minutes earlier, those brave men were whooping and growling with the macho enthusiasm of combat veterans.
Now they were only flesh and bones screaming in pain and crying for help. They would never feel pain again. Small-arms fire from both sides filled the air, and Cobra's again sprayed the surrounding jungle. Robbie did a low-crawl to the trees where most of his platoon lay pinned to the ground by enemy fire. Medics were crawling through tall grass toward groaning men, platoon leaders were screaming into radios, and all kinds of firepower was being concentrated on the tree-line at the other side of the LZ.
Robbie continued hugging the ground and waiting for orders. A few minutes later, the cacophony of gunfire was drowned out by three F Thunderchiefs screaming out of nowhere at treetop level and dropping their load of napalm into the trees. The orders went out through the battalion to hold their fire.
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The only noise came from the raging fire still burning after the napalm drop. No more small-arms fire. Just as Robbie began to think it was over, and men began to get to their feet, a whining sound pierced the air as several yells of "incoming" penetrated the thick, smoke-filled air. Seconds later, with ears ringing loudly, dirt began raining down on his head.
Another whine, more shouts of "incoming," more eardrum-breaking noise, and more earth shaking. A couple of Cobras opened fire on a hillside a few hundred yards to the north, then returned to orbit the LZ where the troops lay pinned to the ground.
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The mortars stopped coming. After much chatter among the leaders and screeching of radios, soldiers slowly began to rise from their prone positions to assess the damage and the situation. You will forever live on in the hearts of all who knew you! Our thoughts and prayers are with the boys as they heal and try to find their way without you by their side.
Dear Alex, So sad to learn this morning Jocalyn died… So many happy souvenirs with both of you in Miami in the 90th. I remember your welcoming, your friendship, your happy way of live…I remember Jocalyn always on a good mood, always laughing but hard worker. She told me a couple of years ago she had this f…disease, she was so courageous, I love her. All my family in France knew Jocalyn because I Told them so many great things about her.
I send you lots of love from France to you Alex and yours sons…. I knew Jocolyn for only a short time before she diagnosed. I will always remember her as a bright, likable person. My sympathies to the entire family. Alex and family, hugs to you and know this is a hard time. She was an amazing person that the smile would light up the room. I feel blessed to have met her in Europe.
Alex and family, we are so sorry for your loss. You and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. May God grant you strength and guide you through this most difficult time in your lives.
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Your bride was a sweet wonderful lady. Our sympathies to you and your entire family. God Bess you all.
Our heartfelt love and prayers are with you! Such a terrible loss for all of you which we cannot even imagine. Jocalyn is with her brother smiling down on all of you! Dave and I send our deepest sympathy and prayers to you and your sons. May your family and friends be a comfort to you in this difficult time. God give you his peace and surround you in His love.
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Alex, you and your sons are in my prayers. I pray that God will comfort you and your sons and give all of you strength during this difficult time. Alex, our thoughts and prayers are with you and your sons at this time. God bless you and please accept the deepest condolences from my family and I. Alex, I am so sorry to hear about your loss. Our thoughts and prayers are with you during these difficult times. Our sympathies to you and your family! Dear Tedi and Denny , Our deepest sympathy to you.
I am sure you have another angel looking after you.