Alexithymia frequently co-occurs with other disorders. Research indicates that alexithymia overlaps with autism spectrum disorders. They also pointed to studies that revealed impaired theory of mind skill in alexithymia, neuroanatomical evidence pointing to a shared etiology and similar social skills deficits. Alexithymic traits in AS may be linked to clinical depression or anxiety ; [42] the mediating factors are unknown and it is possible that alexithymia predisposes to anxiety.
There are many more psychiatric disorders that overlap with alexithymia. Alexithymia is correlated with certain personality disorders , [54] substance use disorders , [55] [56] some anxiety disorders , [57] and sexual disorders , [58] as well as certain physical illnesses, such as hypertension , [59] inflammatory bowel disease , [60] and functional dyspepsia.
An inability to modulate emotions is a possibility in explaining why some alexithymics are prone to discharge tension arising from unpleasant emotional states through impulsive acts or compulsive behaviors such as binge eating , substance abuse , perverse sexual behavior , or anorexia nervosa. I have never had a therapist discuss this with me either. Many of us leave families where there has been abuse or trauma with symptoms of AfDD, but those clusters of symptoms have never been named.
Emotional reciprocity, love and belonging are essential human needs , if these needs are not being met and the reason is not understood, then mental and physical health may be affected. Yesterday, I asked someone if it was normal to want reciprocity and belonging in a marriage. I felt extremely confused. Was it something that was bad to want? Reading this statement this morning has been a powerful validation for me.
It has been the plumb line that I have needed so that I can see where long-term exposure to wrong thinking and unhealthy behaviors and beliefs have landed me. I also asked these questions when I was emerging from my family of origin. You will find yourself on shaky ground if you are in a relationship with someone with a Cluster B personality disorder.
If any of this rings a bell for you, I encourage you to look through the resources at the end of this post. I participated in creating the current atmosphere, and I will be the one to rebuild my own happiness. It has always been this way. Knowing, however, that my experiences have names is powerful. Knowing that what I want is legitimate is equally powerful. This post has numerous comments some of which are very brave and personal. I would ask that people who comment refrain from judgment and psychoanalysis. The comment section is a place to share thoughts, ideas, and common experiences. Thank you for civil and kind discourse.
Remember, everyone is trying to heal. As of , I have been separated from my husband; we are divorcing. Has your husband ever, even for a window of time, behaved differently? Is he able to hold down a job and meet the expectations his job demands? He is highly successful in his job.
His job, however, is reflective of his most enduring obsession—computers. He is highly intelligent and sensory-seeking. He is also highly anxious and must always have something to do as in information flooding his brain. He actively avoids all forms of ennui or boredom. He has always been like this. He will display more meltdowns. He will become hyperational with very poor distress tolerance.
This is when you will see passive aggressive behavior peak. Currently, I am not able to hold a meaningful conversation with him. He struggles with change and loss of ritual. Would that be correct? Has he ever behaved differently towards you made more effort to converse, show affection, show consideration etc. MJ, this has been tremendously enlightening for me. Thank you for sharing your life. We are very near a divorce. I wonder if awareness would make counseling possible? I wonder if it could ever change? Or, if it just is what it is. I hate how this has changed me.
Separation has helped me to find some of myself and rebuild a little. But, my heart longs for him to wake up and feel deeply. I understand these feelings. I lived many years in that place. What I can tell you is that alexithymia is a symptom. When people are anemic, there is always a reason. Blood loss is often a reason for anemia which is why women are often anemic.
Low ferritin stores contribute to anemia, but then why would someone have low ferritin stores? The body not producing enough red blood cells would cause anemia. But then why would a body not produce enough red blood cells? Diseases like celiac disease would cause chronic anemia due to an inability for the body to absorb nutrients. So many causes for one symptom. To bring about change in this area, change and healing have to be brought about at the source—that which causes the alexithymia.
And that requires willingness and desire in the person. I would have to accept that this person would never emotionally and financially support me or our child. I gave myself the time to process ALL my feelings while I kept looking forward, and keeping strict boundaries with him. I think for me, that was step one.. He was VERY angry with me at first and things got worse before better.. It sounds like you are doing better.
That makes my day. I hope you really enjoy your holidays, however you celebrate them. Oh my goodness, that is my boyfriend too! The higher the stress, the more he requires solitude! And his mother is a HUGE stress factor! His obsession is snowboarding and he would gladly drive 5 hours one way alone to snowboard than spend the weekend with me. Wow, this article has been such an eye opener.
But, insight is good, too. That always helps, I think. I have been desperately searching for answers for 7. I do not believe my husband has aspergers but he fits this alexithymia very well. Yes, you are right. HIgh anxiety is another for example. I hope this makes sense. I remember explaining a light bulb epiphany to my husband years ago about a particular dynamic in our communication style, and fully expecting that with understanding would come mutual change.
Your article was fascinating in the way that validating information can be. I think the answer to your question is that I was trying to understand more about you. I have shared, shared, compromised, tried, pushed, backed down, gone under, over, sideways, and stood on my head…and he has not changed. I was surprised to say the least, but, in many ways, he has viewed this as a way to be excused from the relational table.
They think of Dustin Hoffman in Rainman. But, many, many HFA individuals are highly successful in their careers. I know screenwriters and writers who are inordinately successful, and they are far from neurotypical. The relational aspects of their lives, however, can be a bloody mess. I am raising an ASD girl. I write books for ASD children. It is such a complex spectrum disorder and no ASD looks the same. Every person who meets my husband says the same thing: He has such a great sense of humor! He can be those things, but the toll it takes on him to direct all his emotional and intellectual energy into that sociable persona is great.
When everyone leaves, he hides. He does a lot of work from home which is good for him. When he has to go out, he needs a lot of ritual and time to come back to himself. He is brilliant at his job because he is a brilliant guy on many levels, but he has little to no social drive which is not uncommon to ASD folk. So, that desire that many of us have to emotionally connect with others is not high in him. That need to bond with someone else?
Communication is key, but if you have nothing to say outside of discussing esoteric Python scripting methods combined with governance, risk, and compliance in the larger corporate context…why bother expanding your cognitive empathy? It is essentially playing next to but not with. I am laughing out loud as I write this because the first thing that comes to mind is my sex life. I am amusing myself to no end. His idea of a good time is putting his laptop on the table across from me.
We are now together. Some of the rage is actually ASD meltdowns. I call him Lizard Man when he does this. So, I am now dealing with what feels like ASD childhood issues in an adult which makes me feel parentified in the relationship. That provokes very yucky feelings in me. This is why I have been pushing for therapy and meds for so long. Anxiety is an ever-present problem for him. The only time he has ever seemed human and the most himself was when he got drunk. Not that I want that either, but it was the only time I felt I could make an emotional connection with him.
His anxiety fell away and he actually talked freely. Do you believe that the ASD is entirely genetic? Has there been any research that would explore how the child of an ASD is impacted if entirely raised by non ASD parents in a healthy environment? What results have early intervention looked like for adults? Parentified in an adult relationship. I was a newlywed, and we were just semi napping one weekend afternoon. He sort of sidled, cuddled up to me, laying his head on me with this sigh..
Parallel play is a great description In its proper time and place, it sounds like it could just be comfortable companionable, and familiar. Here is another question then. Do you feel that your husband could significantly change his behaviors with you, even if not his feelings? From past experience, I can see that my husband can behave in more caring ways if he tries, although it often seems to tire him at some point. Should I laugh or cry now? I feel like doing both. Can he feel past that point? Is his hard wired wall genetic? From being raised with abuse, mental illness, and dysfunction?
He cries at movies more than I do. He cries at a sentimental or tear jerking movie… but he can be entirely unmoved by my weeping.
Mental health | Download Free Ebooks - Best Site | Page 4
This same article references personal distress: Well… not past the surface. I also found this subdivision of cognitive empathy fascinating: There are studies being done that correlate activation of specific genes to ASDs. We hit the genetic lottery. My husband has done the same thing with me! Sidled up beside me, curled in, and behaved much like a child. I felt very weird. I would just lie there and feel sick. Now, of course, I look back and see that he needed mothering. Behaviors are fruits of thoughts and beliefs.
Ideally, behaviors change for good when what we believe changes. I act in a loving manner when I love someone. Another way to think of cognitive empathy theory of mind is this: I know what you are thinking. In autism, the general belief is: You think what I think. You want what I want. You know what I know. This can be learned! But, this is a classic statement. I had this conversation with him in the first few weeks of our marriage: Entitlement is a big issue.
I need time to myself now. But, in his mind, his needs supersede theirs. If I try and address it, then it leads nowhere good. My interest here was piqued by the mentions of childlike behaviors however. Littleness can cause age regression in certain individuals, which, in more extreme cases, can cause a temporary inability to perform adult tasks such as driving or cooking.
In better cases, Littles may be capable of separating the moments when they choose to behave as responsible adults, and the moments when they allow their childish side to be expressed. This topic is very largely undocumented and unstudied, so I try to gather information as much as I can with hopes to start a population study. So far, the elements I collected give me ground to form a hypothesis that Littleness is more likely to occur in adults who had higher levels of stress during childhood, possibly due to parental abuse, sexual abuse or other traumatic events.
At first I wanted to tone it down over the assumption that those profiles tend to function better on Internet social media than real life social media, and are thus more likely to show up in an online population sample than in a real life sample. But given now that alexithymic people seem to be more prone to PTSD and anxiety issues, including in childhood, I wonder if alexithymia could be a correlated factor in Littleness. My first question is: I know that it exists in the BDSM community and in other role playing communities, but, in terms of a DSM 4 or 5 term, what is its equivalency?
The topic is actually not largely misunderstood, but the terminology that you are applying to it might be. In ASD-HFA, what you describe is actually a delay in social and emotional development based in a lag in theory of mind development, and there is a plethora of research done on that by Simon Baron-Cohen out of Cambridge. In SCZ, which is a neurodegenerative, biologically-based brain disorder, a regression in social and emotional function would be caused by loss of white matter in the brain, and this particular set of behaviors, when displayed, would be a manifestation of that.
It is important to know, however, that SCZ is a spectrum disease so what one patient experiences will be different than another. Even something like selective competence in which people intentionally act incompetent either socially or emotionally to avoid doing something is a personality issue.
And that avoidance can also be a function of dissociation triggered by perceived distress. I can think of one time that a regression would possibly be healing—a deliberate regression to return to the emotional age at which a trauma occurred in order to begin to heal from the age of trauma and emotional stunting in order to begin re-development and continue to grow. Knowing how you feel but lacking the words to express is different. There is no DSM equivalent to Littleness. The closest to this would be that Littleness involves regression. I am interested in studying this population in particular, so to figure out what about their regression is so particular, in which condition it can be harmful or therapeutic, and whether inner age might be an identity component alike to, say, gender identity —less or more fluid in individuals, with specific comfort zones in the spectrum.
In this regard, I find it important to account for co-morbidities in the profile, so to evaluate if this population has higher statistics in matter of representation of certain experiences, traits or disorders well, it does have higher statistics, but refining them is what is interesting. I am also interested to study the couple dynamic in Littles. Well, the first thing that jumps to mind in the context of Littleness and BDSM is the role of the Little which is usually that of the sub.
This is niche research to be sure but, nonetheless, interesting. In terms of a legit study, i would think that you would need to find a specific population where the Little phenomenon is more prevalent. And, in the BDSM community, which is wide and varied, there will no doubt be co-morbidities.
The question that I would ask is: When a Little is in a regressed state, are they alexithymic? Young children can often name their emotions. So, clearly, something else is at play, but what is it? Is it unique brain formation when alexithymia is present but absolutely no co-morbidities and no past trauma? Alexithymia is not uncommon in people with certain forms of epilepsy, some stroke patients, and even after TBIs. So, this is a complex issue broadly, but, in studying a very specific demographic, it could be very, very interesting.
Oh, I just noticed…you are in Sweden! My mother is Swedish. Blogs make the world a lot smaller…. I have just now come across your article at a very crucial time in my marriage! As in, going to my second counseling session this week today , to try to make this work! I recently learned my husband has Aspergers, after getting married two years ago and two babies later! But after reading this article and all of these comments, my world just shifted I believe!!! It is proufoubdly difficult to overlook that or know how to deal with it!
Thank you for all of this information and insight thus far! Firstly, I am very glad that you are going to a therapist. I think that, in terms of dealing with the invalidation of your environment, this is the first step. You have to know what is going on and what is and is not going to be tolerable within your relationship. Which behaviors are abusive and which behaviors are self-serving and based in learned helplessness or feigned incompetence? They will absorb all the deficiencies of their partner when, in reality, it is up to the deficient partner to do the repair work that his or her behavior has caused.
They have to meet us halfway. So, part of stopping that pattern is sitting down with a trained therapist and deciding what you will and will not tolerate from a partner and read Should I Stay or Should I Go by Lundy Bancroft. Here are some posts I wrote when I was starting this process with my therapist that might help you.
I was deliberate in documenting my early visits to my therapist so that anyone in this type of relationship would have a roadmap. I wish you all the best as you continue moving forward. You are definitely not alone. Please keep in touch should you need to. Yes, they can do exceedingly well depending upon the functionality of the child. I would have never known had he not told me. His parents did right by him for sure. He had early intervention and was given a lot of opportunity to learn. Or just a jerk. You are missing something. If you took the time to post the comment, then take the time to ask yourself why this comment bothered you enough to cause you to engage in such behavior.
You wrote what you did to accuse and judge. Why bother to write anything at all then unless you like being inflammatory in which case then you really are missing something. I do not qualify this as parentifying someone, though I understand why in the context it might come across as such. However, I think one should be very careful with categorizing behaviors and crediting them to a diagnosis, when they might also just be normal behaviors from a normal person. I am a woman in a relationship with an Alexithymic man, and I know very intimately the pain that it can cause.
However, I think one should be very cautious about ones own analyzis of various behaviorisms — in your case, why did the curling up disturb you? Because that is not something I understand at all, for me it is entirely normal for a partner of either gender to curl up and look for safety and intimacy. A type of attention seeking that, by the way, is considered to be normal for a woman in a heterosexual or gay relationship. If that is the case, then I would rather see it as a bit of sexist or normative thinking, because a behavior that is not frowned up in women, should not be frowned upon in men either.
I am not sure if you wanted to come across like this, but it is the impression I have been given. Perhaps you have not healed to the point yet where you can distance yourself in a manner where this kind of self critical thinking is relevant yet. You can hang onto these ideas for as long as you need to — as I have with ideas in the past that I have later come to re-evaluate and discard.
I personally feel like there is a danger in ascribing negative experiences and negative flaws to a diagnosis, when those might in fact not be linked. But I understand the temptation and the tendency, it is human nature, after all. Alexithymia is not a DX. The comments left on this post are all entirely experiential in nature. Common experience is validating. People are trying to figure their experiences out in order to reorganize past and present emotional experiences. It takes bravery to share very personal information because fear of judgment on the Internet is very high, but all the people who have left comments on this post have done that.
And for that alone, I admire their courage. You are incorrect though, my partner IS professionally diagnosed with Alexithymia, it does exist as a stand alone diagnosis, he has no co-morbidities. The DSM defines it as a personality trait and not a mental health disorder or diagnosis. So, I am not incorrect in terms of where I live.
Permalinks
I understand your points, and they do have merit. You are talking about perspective taking. Partners often fumble about quite awkwardly with each other learning what works and does not. That was my final point. That is my ultimate point. I was not saying she was sexist, I was just sharing that from my perspective it could potentially come off that way. If I was sure it was sexism, I would not have asked for a further explanation. Where do you get that from? People are diverse and prefer diverse ways of intimacy, that is normal.
For instance, my partner, while childish, does not curl up next to me that way when we sleep, he never has, we sleep an arms length apart and in different rooms when he snores. One of my exes of five years, who was not Alexithymic they were an extraordinarily empathic and compassionate person , had the habit described above. So this will be my last post here.
I am defensive of my commenters because this particular comment has been viciously attacked in the past. I am not trying to put words in your mouth at all. I did say that your observations have merit. You observe something important.
Mental health
That is the issue at hand. Or, is it two questions? That happens quite frequently. Attributing this to her larger experience in her relationship with alexithymia? But, sexism and gender stereotyping are almost synonymous terms, and that was something that was insinuated.
Also, that is a possibility. There are all sorts of possibilities because humans are complex. It can be important but difficult to discuss the topic and just how complex all the perspectives are. How can it be done while making sure everyone is validated?
That is my largest concern. That is why I defend the people who disclose so much in the comment section. I had a similar moment. He always asks me to scratch his back. It made me sick to my stomach. Holding a partner is normal and healthy. Nurturing behaviors are normal and healthy. If one is the parent while the other absorbs or takes.
I think, for me, that felt…well, it made me feel funny inside. I had no one to turn to when I was in pain. I felt emotionally exsanguinated. There was no mutuality. That became very, very hard. Does this make sense? I have a friend whose son is autistic, quite brilliant, yet he shows empathy and caring in how he behaves with his family. My husband often seems unaware of his emotions, feelings, why he does things etc. There is cognitive empathy and emotional empathy. That is where there is a breakdown.
Emotional empathy, however, is usually present. Emotional empathy is that knee-jerk response to suffering. Someone is crying and you can respond to it. You want to make it better. Little children have this. They bring other children a stuffed animal. They go over and pat a crying child on the arm.
He definitely has emotional empathy. Combine emotional empathy with cognitive empathy, and this is where there is the breakdown in the relationship. For example, when I was pregnant with one of my daughters, I went into the basement and found a mountain of laundry. I was so overwhelmed I started sobbing. He heard me sobbing and came to see what was wrong. He asked me what was wrong. I pointed to the mountain of laundry and told him how overwhelmed I was. Theory of mind asks: What do I think the other person is thinking? Second-order belief asks What do I think that person believes that person over there is thinking?
You have to look at contextual clues, read social cues. It requires intuition that is not a skill that ASD people have. Neurotypical people absorb social skills through intuition and observation. ASD people do not. They memorize the skills and learn them as they go often through skills classes now and social thinking groups. That throws a spanner into the works. I started typing more before I read your last response. Unholy cow… too much to resonate as you explained. I had to sit and think of my responses and I realized that when you responded that I was trying to communicate something, it might presume that?
Your post stirred up more questions for me. Question after question started up inside of me. The fact that I was starting to wrestle with the questions which is fairly typical for me falling on the neurotic end of the spectrum probably felt in hindsight disturbing somehow. And they are working their asses off in therapy. They are addressing their psychiatric disorders. They are learning HOW to communicate properly. They are seeing exactly where they are screwing it up, and they are keeping their promises. We all have our limitations. Everyone can learn validation.
Everyone can learn to be more mindful. Even ASD people can develop cognitive empathy. You can develop better ToM. They already have that. IT takes enormous commitment. Hell, yes, accountability applies here, too. I saw the words passion and desire above. My brain almost fainted with futility and fell with a thud. Back to business here, but I wanted to quickly add that I appreciate this conversation, and your time to explain and share. And you are more than welcome. I understand that sense of despair that comes and go particularly when you think about your relationship. It feels like if any sort of meaningful change has to come through them, then settle in for a long, cold winter.
But he knew the lack of communication distressed me so it was an effective way of punishing me for expecting him to take responsibility. How can you tell how much of this is deliberate distancing? That is a great question. My other half is capable of empathy. He gets angry all the time being the bleeding heart liberal that he is. That is emotional empathy. There are theory of mind tests that are done in neuropsychological testing. The most basic ToM test is the Sally Ann test. I suppose the first question to ask is: Is he trying to punish you?
He might know that you find it distressing, but does he take the leap and do it with intent? I am the first to admit that I have accused my husband of punishing me. Finally, a name to the curse of our marriage! I immediately sent it to my husband and he agreed it was all too familar. All of those experiences! I cant express in full my gratitude for your sharing and eloquent depiction of life with these experiences. I feel like I can breathe!! Well, I am beyond pleased that you found validation and relief in coming here. This post is one of the most read on my entire blog. Finally after 16 years of marriage my husband was diagnosed with Alexithymia.
The pain still exists for me. Thank you for making me feel that I should not be placed in a straight jacket and left to rock alone in a chair. For everyone thinks that I have a problem. I share with you words in times of complete despair………. You yell back at me Of course with no empathy. Your words are so brave. Thank you for sharing them here. Of all my posts, this post is the most widely read.
It is the most popular one. It is read every day by so many people and few comment. What you share is uniquely yours, and, at the same time, it is part of a common experience. You are not alone, dearest. I offer you a warm hug and encourage you to do whatever it takes to care for yourself and know that you are worthwhile and worthy of love in both action AND words. Hi, Been reading these comments and your poem struck many past experiences for me. I would like describe my relationship and any I sight would be wonderful. I found love of my life truly. I love her in ways I never knew possible.
You know, just staring at her makes me smile. Sitting at table not talking is enjoyable.. When I tell her I love her she says she loves me but is not in love with me. She does say I have nice body and she sexually attracted to me but does not love me. She lives with ex husband who is in love with his first wife.
He is fifteen years older than my gf.
…because thriving is the goal
She spends more time at my house than his but lies to him about her whereabouts. She gets mad easily and its over this time and usually followed by silent treatment for couple weeks. Later she said I have told u that u have nice body. Never initiates touching or cuddling etc.
- .
- A Restless Mind: Essays in Honor of Amos Perlmutter.
- Books by Jason Thompson.
- Affirmations and Treatments (Law Of Attraction Series)?
Its always about past and love her life 25yrs ago no future no plans no hope. I got so desperate I lied to her said I had tumor inoperable in brain had six no this to live. Not once did she touch me or say any caring words.. I would tell her I was picking out my gravesite and she would go off about her day. Then told her truth and got silent treatment.
Later I did go to Dr and he saying g I was showing early stages of ms. I told her and said I could fight and beat it. She said people that fight it die too. I said geez thanks. Her excuse was she knew I was lying. I have cried and cried in front of her and not once has she cried but says she does alone. Always always about her no matter what event has happened.
Claims to have a big heart and cares so much. Years of wondering how to connect with this man who likes to speak in monosyllables, rarely makes eye contact and is mostly focused on his needs and his needs only. Not to therapy mind you because he would have to expose himself emotionally and that is his Fort Knox of highest value.
I am so glad I never put the house in his name and funded my own retirement before I got married. If I ever meet another Aspie again I will run in the opposite direction. I have paid dearly for my children in the form of sacrificing my needs to get along with this man. So much loneliness and crying myself to sleep.. Everything I read tells me that an aspberger has a knack for a high conflict divorce. Hopefully my attorney will shield me from him and hang tough on my behalf. With any luck I will be divorced before the end of the year! Something to hope for…. I was on vacation!
Thank you for contributing to this ongoing conversation. I think that every comment added helps broaden understanding and increase validation. Thank you again and all the best…MJ. I can sense the enormous frustration and finality in your post. Your description of your husband sounds eerily like mine. I have recently verbally made the move towards divorce as well. I have also recently brought it to his attention that I have suspected he was ASD for some time.
It is indeed a reprieve to communicate with others that share in this experience. Thanks so much for sharing, Robin. I am doing very well. It has been 2 years, and it was the right decision. I think that everyone is happier. We are not on bad terms. Most communications are through text. My health has slowly turned around. I went back to grad school. My kids are doing much better. The first year was rough in terms adjusting because all the damage done came home to roost. Therapy is a must. I was married for almost 20 years.
Support for re-entry as it were matters so much. But, I have no regrets. MJ, So glad to hear the tide turned and life has improved for you. I feel very grateful and fortunate that over the years I have invested in my education, completing graduate school as well, and can at least survive and feed myself. That was not even an option for me as his the husband lack of emotional experience and sourcing seemed to effect his discernment in others around him.
Simply put, he is a very poor people judger! It is as if the filtering and sensing of the intentions or trustworthiness of others is completely absent. So in that sense, any kind of interaction or relationship with others is really one sided. I had developed a day to day way of distancing myself from my husband and putting all my energy into getting my ducks straight for the very near future when I walk out the front door.
Having our son home and the re-triangulation of the 3 of us has been stressful. I intend on a strict no contact rule when I leave that he has no idea about. I totally get the preparation period—getting the ducks in a row. I just went underground so to speak and started building out something that would sustain me. Does that make sense?
The living in limbo is very hard. One eye on the door while having to sustain yourself in the present in a reality that no longer fits or makes sense. I wish you every good thing. All the best, MJ. Oh my God, does it! I have tried to verbalize this to him so many, many times. My experience was simply that every single aspect of emotional, social and verbal exchange we ever had was determined by his wants, needs, and abilities. The length of our conversations, the topics, the level always shallow of intimacy and emotion shared, and the togetherness we could enjoy. I have told my sister at least times in trying to describe the nature of my marriage, that I get exactly what the cashiers at the grocery store gets.
No more and no less. Ring a bell for you? I divorced my ASD husband 10 years ago after 16 years of marriage. The problems in the marriage were hard enough as described well in all the previous writing. What was hardest for me was the lack of validation. To the world he was smart and funny and kind. That was the man I married. But then the honeymoon ended. He was also anxious and clueless and sometimes just plain mean — in that laundry pile kind of way. I made him go, the appointment was terrifying, and then he tried to leave me — sobbing my heart out in the hospital parking lot — because he wanted to get back to the office.
We lived 5 minutes away — he told me to catch a bus or a cab home. No one outside our home would have believed him capable of such behavior.
- The Writer?
- Books by Jason Thompson (Author of Playing with Books).
- Prelude.
- Affective Deprivation Disorder and Alexithymia in Marriage | Out of the Mire.
- !
- Sulla letteratura (Tascabili. Saggi Vol. 266) (Italian Edition)?
- .
At the time I never told a soul what was happening. I was embarrassed to be in this predicament and I protected him. But I was really protecting myself. But there I was with a 3 year old and, god willing, another on the way. Yes, baby 2 made it. Everyone who writes about this talks about the isolation. I felt like I was losing my mind. How could he do such mean things and not even realize they were mean? Now our two sons are 24 AS and 21 bipolar.
Raising them has been harrowing because their father, who really does love them, refused to participate in their diagnoses or treatment. If something was wrong with them it was a failure on my part to parent them correctly. And anyway, if I was right about them. I begged him for years to get help or go with me to do so, but he refused. But it was too little too late. Ironically his therapist told him he lacked empathy and he made me invisible in our marriage. Which he came home and dutifully reported, but he lacked the ability to do anything meaningful with that information.
I get that now, but it was pretty weird at the time. The day he moved out he said three things to me: But HE did sleep with a good friend of mine while we were in marriage counseling. Sometimes I wonder if I had understood more about him, would we have stood a chance? I needed a partner. At the very least, I think the information would have made it possible for me to stop beating myself up for not making our marriage work.
Because, after all, we NT spouses are the project managers of our marriages. It was my job to solve our marriage problem. I have spent most of my adult life trying to keep my head while those around me are losing theirs add my sons to the list now. I compare it to carrying a heavy rock everywhere I go.
When I was married and the boys were such a worry, I wanted my husband to help me carry it. So I go through life carrying this rock. Reading all of this made the rock seem a little lighter. Boy, did this hit home for me. I could have written this. Your husband and my soon-to-be ex husband are cut from the same cloth. I am amazed at how similar the stories are, and it just drives home the point that we need to tell our stories. What you said about fearing disbelief from others really resonates with me.
That was something I felt very recently. What you enduring during your pregnancies and the lack of support. I so want to see people struggling with this coming forward into the light for support, but this will drain a person of life and bring illness in its wake. It would get a whole lot lighter with other people there to share the burden. Hindenburg's march into London , being a translation from the German original trans. Louis G Redmond-Howard, The vulgarities of speech corrected: One of many 19th century "me-too" prescriptivist grammar guides - but the social subtext of anxieties about grammar that led to prescriptivism is blatant in this one.
Upper limb disorders in musicians. And Assessing the Instrumentalist Interface: Modifications, Ergonomics and Maintenance of Play is scary too. Poetical letters tu es brither Jana , and A witch story, tha old humman way tha urd cloke, ur tha evil eye, in the Devonshire dialect, by Nathan Hogg [pseud. Hathi Trust page for Henry Baird's book.
Interesting, but I'm not sure what to make of it. Its general thrust is that you have some cognitive disorder if for instance you don't see metaphorical meaning in Walt Whitman's line "Shut not your doors to me, proud libraries".. The Dennis Wheatley Project: