Dating Advice for teenage girls and on dating a guy for the first time

The two Toronto-area teens have been going out since last April, although rarely on their own. So why bother having a boyfriend at all?

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This is the new world of teen dating, and it can be almost unrecognizable to many parents. Long gone is the tradition where a boy phones a girl on Tuesday to ask her out for Saturday, picks her up at her house, meets the parents, pays for dinner and a show, and sees her home. And there are some other interesting developments in this brave new world, including the fact that teens feel freer to put off sex, and they see love, marriage and kids as best left for the fairly distant future.

Going out with your significant other with all your mutual friends in tow is such a common phenomenon across the country that academics have started researching it. Connolly, who has two adolescent daughters of her own, says that group dating is growing in popularity everywhere, including China and India. With traditional one-to-one relationships, Connolly says, things tend to escalate much more quickly, simply because the couple is spending a lot of time alone.

Having supportive friends around can exert a powerful moderating influence. But by the same token, a tough, aggressive peer group can have a negative influence, such as tolerating dating violence. Kids like the security of having their friends around.

The downside for parents: You may not even be aware that your child has a boyfriend or girlfriend. Group dating is also a way for kids to circumvent a parental ban on dating. A couple may never see or speak to each other outside of school, although they may well enjoy the new status accorded them by their peers. These types of short-lived pairings — relationships in name only — jump in numbers by grades six and seven, when alcohol increasingly becomes part of many parties.

But, she adds reassuringly, many of these youthful relationships, sustained largely by rumour and reputation, will have dissolved within days or weeks.

This causes parents to worry, and rightly so, as many kids are uncomfortable with or unable to handle the intimacy that comes with slow dancing or mixed-gender pyjama parties. But in terms of friendships between boys and girls, Connolly says that simply having friends of both sexes can be healthy and positive.

Despite texting, email and instant messaging, most relationships still begin face-to-face. Martyn sees another trend: But this behaviour is more a reflection of our culture, drenched as it is in sexual imagery, than of freedom for gay kids to come out. The good news, though, is that spending time with friends of both sexes could help a gay youth resolve important identity questions over the next several years.

With so much pushing of the envelope, it may seem that there are no rules around relationships. Holding hands or a light kiss is fine, but nothing sloppy or roping. Catherine was appalled last year, in grade eight, to learn of a couple who got caught making out on school property by a lunch monitor. Catherine was recently stunned to hear that her year-old cousin in Edmonton is in love with her boyfriend.

We certainly bought it with Romeo and Juliet, and she was only 13! Connolly says that young adolescent relationships last from a few weeks to a year, with the average being four months. While some are extremely intense, others remain very casual. And despite our sex-saturated culture, sex is usually not a big part of young relationships.

Only eight percent reported having sex before age 15, down from the previous 12 percent. And the latest teen pregnancy figures show a steady drop over the past couple of decades, especially among girls aged 15 to 17, according to the latest figures from SIECCAN, the Sex Information and Education Council of Canada. If your classmate doesn't, try being more direct and ask them out on a date yourself. There's no reason a girl can't ask someone out.

Don't just date the first person who asks you out or you think is cute. Try to find someone who you have chemistry with and who seems trustworthy. Don't feel pressured to find a significant other just because all your friends have their own. Date people your own age. This doesn't mean you have to turn someone down over an age gap of just a few months. However, it's best to always date someone with a similar maturity level to your own.

A difference of one to two years is fine, but a gap of three or more years may be trouble. Know the age of consent laws in your area. Some older adults may be ready for a more intimate relationship and could pressure you into doing things you aren't ready for. Younger girls who date older guys are at greater risk of unwanted pregnancy. Get to know a few people casually before you start anything serious. Dating is meant to start as casual fun and only potentially develop into a more serious relationship later on.

It's normal to date a few different people until you find someone you feel a romantic spark with. Don't force yourself into a relationship you're not feeling. Make sure you're ready. There's no reason to date someone if you don't personally feel ready to do so. Remember that all girls develop at different rates, and there's no magic age when you're "supposed" to start dating. If you're uncomfortable with the idea of dating, don't. It's important to mentally set boundaries for yourself before you start dating. Otherwise, you may find yourself getting into situations you don't want to be in.

Sex as a teen is risky, but if you're ready for it you need to minimize that risk as much as possible. Many teen girls use some type of hormonal birth control to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Don't let one night of fun derail your entire life. If you want to start going out with someone but still feel a little intimidated by the idea of one-on-one dates, compromise by taking them on a date with friends.

This is actually the most common type of "dating" for most teens today. Specific activities great for group dates are: Dinner, especially at a more casual restaurant. Places that specialize in intimate candlelit dinners aren't as accommodating to a large crowd of teens. Going to events like movies and concerts.

Teen dating

Trips to zoos, aquariums, or museums. Simply hanging out at someone's house, a park, or even after school. Keep your relationships off of social media. At least until you start seeing each other exclusively, it's a good idea to not post anything publicly. Once you do decide to make your relationship "official" on Facebook, avoid annoying your friends by spamming them with pictures and statuses about your dates.

Watch out for red flags.

Red flags are things your date may do or say that are warning signs of a bad relationship or even abuse to come. Don't just brush it off if you find your date doing any of the following: Insulting or belittling to you or others. Forcing you to do anything you don't want to do. Invading your privacy, such as demanding to see a text message.

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Tell someone else about your plans when going out. Hopefully your date will go smoothly and safely, but that isn't always the case. Anyone who dates should think about their safety while dating a new person, but teenage girls are especially vulnerable. Let a third party know what time your date starts, where you're going, and what time you expect to be back by.



When you're a minor, that third party should ideally be your parents or some other trusted adult. If you can't go to them for help or you're an older teen, a reliable friend or sibling will also work. Make sure the person is local and can come to help you in case of an emergency. If the date goes on significantly longer than expected, be sure to text that person to let them know everything is ok. What "your best" may be will depend on your date's location and your own personal tastes. Pick out an outfit to wear.

Apply makeup if you want to wear it. Consider putting a new twist on your hairstyle, just so you look a little special. Try putting your hair up, letting it down, or wearing an interesting hair clip. You want to be calm and start a date off on the right foot. It's much harder to keep your cool when you're rushing around. This is especially important when going on a first date if you don't know the other person very well. You want to make a good impression. On the other hand, an established partner will be a lot more understanding.