There are men whose heart is so pure, Stood by my side while I faced my fears, Facing the tiger that held my soul. My voice crackled and tears began to flow. I got angry and almost lost control. I shut down and closed my eyes. When I opened up, everyone was by my side. I felt weak but they urged me on. They spoke to my heart and my fear was gone.
Anger and sadness slowly disappeared. Then finally my dragon reappeared. My dragon balanced out the tiger in me. Now I feel complete and totally free. Be strong and patient … It all sounds so good. Well, what do they know? Let them spend a day In my life. See how they like To eat the food I eat The bed I sleep on, The lock-downs, the many faceless Faces - looking at empty dreams, The false hopes, The close environment I live in.
See how they like All those eyes on them. What do you think now? How does it all sound to you? Do you have a solution? Yes, I am a convict, an inmate Maybe The worst of humanity. What makes you so great To cast judgment Or to coffer false hopes? How much time is enough? Two, maybe three lives, Maybe eternity? I am But a mere human. You tell me you wanna help.
Poems from prison
You say that I need to change. But tell me what you know About being locked in a cage? I cannot bear captivity. My grip on hope is almost lost. This is my environment. And now you come and attempt To help me live life honestly. Am I supposed to trust you? But they never came, And I was left to get swept by the rain. Just get out of my face with your lies. Rough and tough was the story of my life. Broken inside but nobody knew.
Deep inside I wish I was there for you. Chase your dream and live your life. Hope one day soon we could reunite. Always remember that I love you. Never forget my love, No matter what you do. It seems destiny has a plan To keep us from becoming Bound to one another. I sit alone in my room, And then I start to cry. I ask God to reach out and hold my hand And help me start a better life. He tells me not to cry and that all will be fine, But I still can't stand to be locked up here inside. All I want is to have my life back And for things to be like they were in the past.
I seem to stay up all night, Thinking and asking God why I deserve to be locked here inside When I really didn't mean to bring any harm to anyone. I read my Bible all the time and say my prayers in the night And I feel Jesus' presence by my side. He tells me not to worry for He will be in court by my side and He will help me out, For He says in the Bible that everyone deserves another chance in life. I pray to God for the judge to have a heart and try to help me out For all I want is to start a better life. Well first I would like to say sorry for not writing so long. But you know being in prison you don't got much to talk about, based on you live in a cell most of your days without no where to go.
But recently I found you made some wrong decisions. I use to think I was too slick to get caught. But sometimes you don't and sometimes you do. But all it takes is one time and in and out you go. You got a chance to make something out of your life and be someone or you can be dumb and throw your life down the drain and be a number, a nobody. The game played here is with your life.
You may do one dumb thing and lose your life. Trust me dying in prison is not funny. Sammy it's not a game it's all people get stabbed, throat's cut, lives took. I use to think it was all talk I learned the hard way, now I'm trying to go home and never come back. I live in regret every day. I wish God would give me one more chance to go back to school graduate, play baseball.
I loved that sport I could have gone somewhere. I'm through but you see your brother's gonna do his best to graduate get a college degree and no one's getting in my way. I admit I was stupid, now you want to follow my footsteps. Now who's a square? I know you don't want to look dumb in front of your so called homies, but be a man and turn your self around.
Do you wanna come to prison? Well you better learn to stand alone, cuss in here your on your own remember that. Sammy don't think we, your brothers don't love you. We would give anything for you, and I'd give anything to go back and be a good brother and spend every moment with you. Drugs never did nothing for me or anyone I know. Sammy I can only give you my advice. You take it, you'll have a good life, you don't, you'll be here with me and the rest of the convicts who work to take you down and make you life harder.
You know I love you and miss you, so learn from your mistakes, forget you so called friends. Sammy needs to worry and take care of Sammy. So think about what I said OK. I'm gonna close for now until you write me. I find myself imprisoned in Trenton State Prison where day after day the suffering and desperation grows. I will try to give you an idea of how it feels to be locked up like an animal.
Or like having your hands in fire without being able to take them out and every minute that passes, the pain gets stronger. This is not a game! The majority of prisoners will die here; their sentences are too long to complete. You have to dress in the same color clothing everyday, year after year. You eat the same food week after week. Here, there are no more opportunities to go out and do things better the next time. Life, in many occasions, does not give second chances and can be lost in many ways, at times without dying.
Being locked-up is one of those ways. They are taking your life. That is why there is a saying that prisons are cemeteries for the living. This reality is very different from that of the movies and what people think. This reality hurts a lot. Every word has a different meaning and many times we mistake what we mean. I refuse to remain silent While our future is lost to Senseless violence. But where is the strong source Of love inside of us? We should share love And learn to give I just want us to grow.
I want us to live. I have been in California State Prison since the summer of Most of that time I spent in one hole or the other. I was an active gang member in a motorcycle club when I was on the streets. I became a gang member because I liked the way it felt to fit in with dangerous guys. I felt like I mattered.
As cool as I thought it was, the truth is that it was just a weakness I had. I thought them dudes gave a f Sure, at the time they played the part real well, but they only did that because there was no risk in that, and a whole lot of profit. I was a money maker. I would do the shit no one else would, so they pretended to care. Let me tell you how it turned out in the end. When I got busted, none of them fake f The only time I heard from them was when someone was coming to the pen. Then it was all about brother this and brother that.
Now here is where it gets way out. Even in the pen, I had to play a roll like I am this bad-ass gang member. The crazy thing is that it was my family who stepped up and cared. Who would ever think that life could ever get this far gone? I know when I was young kicking it with my dogs, I never saw all this coming. How was I supposed to know that by the time my twenty-sixth birthday rolled around I would be fighting the death sentence, or by the time I turned twenty-seven I would be doing a life sentence if a California state prison? Now I am forty-one years old and I all I know is being a convict.
That is such a sad thing for me to have to say to myself. I know the pain. I care that my wife is stressed out, alone and afraid she will go crazy with the sadness of it all. I care that I have to live in a world of hate fighting insanity. Damn it; I care.
I only know I am willing to do what ever that may be. So if I can only see past the things that hold me back, maybe I will get them done. I look around me in this place of hardships and I feel like I should cry for those who have forgotten how. I want them to find a way to escape the pain and sadness that spending a lifetime in prison can inflict on men.
I am just like them. I am one of them. I spent many years feeling that pain and the never-ending sadness. It cuts so much deeper than at any who has not lived with it could ever understand. That is one of the most damning feelings known to man, to have to live with the thought that you are no longer worth anything to anybody. Just try to think how you would feel if you wasted your life.
These are real thoughts of men spending their lives in prison. I find it hard to think that men, no matter how cold they once were, cannot change and learn to give the one thing they seek - love. As insane as it may sound to you or to anyone I know the truth. Men in prison, all men, need to be loved and when they are loved and needed they change. They become what the world needs. This is what we as the human race need.
I only know that I am willing to do no matter what that is…. Let me explain to you all who will listen where I first lost myself and where I eventually found myself. I was very young once with an idea of what life was going to be for me and everything that happened beyond the point dictated another position to react to. I was unsure about my own inner strength, so I wanted to borrow strength from others safety in numbers.
Since no one was speaking about things I was feeling, I thought myself odd and different from everyone else. This feeling pushed me into hiding who I was by pretending to be someone I was not, someone who could be pumped up into being violent, and someone who would go a great distance to prove how serious about life I was. As a child all men in my view were serious bottom line hard-noses, so I too must become this creature if I wanted to be loved, feared and accepted.
Since what I felt was not being talked about I had no confidence in becoming that. It is not easy to find your own way through this life full of bullies and dictators. Needless to say I never married, became a father, instead I became a person who thinks independently, a person who looks deep into my own soul for the answers to life and now I look at this new test to achieve even more in becoming what I respect. Sometimes this is not in alliance with others; sometimes others want to test my conviction to myself; it is never easy.
I once walked streets as dark As my soul once was. My personality was bleak And even pushed away all I loved. Turned only to myself When I was in need of answers. Thinking that I could only help Because even within my family there were strangers. How did I get to this point? I try to rationalize By blaming it on the times That we were without furniture And my absent father made me cry, Or the times that the intruder Tried to beat on my brothers.
And then when that intruder became me, My heart only turned colder. I was pretty good at rationalizing, Waving the blame on someone else Cause the weight already on my shoulders was.
I felt the only way to escape being the prey Was to become the predator, So I went to get my revenge On the unsuspecting world For forgetting about the gutter, But what was done, was returned with certainty. How could I have been so dumb? I fell right into the hands of the enemy.
But still, I was walking dead and had no direction Until I was given the gift, Which resulted in my resurrection. Thankful for having peace of mind And a purpose or Cause, I so desperately tried to find. It was always there, Yet it was so distant. But everything has its reasons. Why it took so long to see Is not the question. The book of life has saved mine, A criminal and thief once That has renounced crime.
And for the gift of my life back I give praise!!! I have some words for all those who are insecure, for all those who are tired of being used and manipulated by their so-called friends, and for those who have low self esteem.
Poems for when a Family member is in Prison
How can you look at people in the eye after you supposedly let them down? You might lose acquaintances left and right, but believe me, you are better off without them around you. Where and how do you start? Start doing things for yourself. Do things you WANT to do. Many people hear the word selfish and think of it as a bad word.
Nobody wants to be known as a selfish person. If you and someone else eat lunch together and that someone happens to finish first and, in the nicest way possible asks you for your cookies or apple, you are likely to give it to that person. This is where you have to be selfish and say no. Look the person in the eye and let him know that you are hungry too. Little things like that can help you build your self-esteem. Remember to stand strong in your decision. I spent my life not knowing why I lived with pain and fear.
I was my greatest enemy. I shed a lonely tear. I sought to find a softer path. I stumbled and I fell. I looked everywhere except inside. I lived an earthly hell. I found that what I feared the most Was me and the way I feel. I'd covered up my child inside With drugs instead of what's real. But I finally found the secret. God knows how I pushed and shoved. The greatest thing I discovered Is the fact that I can love I was so happy. Now I'm so sad. How did my life get so bad. I used to run wild. I used to run free. Now cement and steel is all I see. I lived for myself.
I lived for the day. I thought things would always go my way. Then my evil world came crumbling down. Now in prison is where I'm found, Sitting in a cell, locked up tight, Praying for forgiveness every night. I was out in the world, respected for my position, but hated for the same reason. My life was good and wealthy. When I looked through my eyes, all I saw was my boys and my name recognized - but not only by my boys, but also by my enemies.
I guess leader wasn't to be my status but a real man, away from all that craziness from those who said they were my friends. Now I know exactly who to trust and for sure it's not my boys! Boys, that's what they say they are but they will play you like toys. So one day I was so drunk and I started a fight and my boys were so jealous I was the star that one night after we battled the enemy gang, I was up to a problem a totally different thing. It was my own people, my own boys, against me and what could I do?
It was so many I could see. The next day was the worst and I got jumped in front of my home. The jealous one had wanted my position so he had me gone. Now what was I to do? I had enemies and could not walk alone, and it happened again in front of my own home - by my enemies. God has saved me and set free my soul.
Prison Poems by Mahvash Sabet
JESUS loves you too. I just thought I'd let you know. My life as a boy was very rough. Hatred followed me and made me tough. I would look for new, but I always found old. Neglected as a child, I was thrown out in the cold. I began to freeze. I shut life down. I rebelled against any new I'd found. Through this ordeal, I refused to shed a tear, Even though hatred and pain had risen to fear. I was feeling sad and lonely and kind of depressed. Not really knowing how I had gotten in this mess. Then out of the blue came this voice in my head, Saying, "Stop looking down.
Raise your head high instead. My life has been through a stormy night's rain. My eyes water when I think of her. I want to go back to the way things were. I see her face in my dreams. It's all so fake the way life seems. I look up at the beautiful sky, Talking to the Lord, asking Him why Asking Him why He took my mom, Still not facing the fact she is gone.
She left on the 24th of November. That is the day I'll always remember. I felt like ripping out my spine. Of all the mothers in the world, why mine? My heart burns like fire. It's burning for love and also desire, Desire for love and desire for care. I've searched for these things; they are not there. I used to think I'd always hate. I found I'd go crazy at that rate. I close my eyes and think of my old home. I open them up and I'm all alone. Although alone, I am not scared Waiting for my mother though she's never there.
I have a pain that never stops. I wish someone was there to share my teardrops. When I awake, I feel so refreshed. I think of my mom and catch my breath. I hope you never feel like I do, Because it feels like my life is through. I always crave for that gentle touch. It's the little things that I miss so much. There's a reason for her absence; that I know, But if it were up to me she would never go. I guess I'll leave on that note. To my mother rest in peace this I wrote. I have this aweful feeling on my inside.
It is not fear and it is not pride. This feeling inside leaves a painful spot. I feel like my heart is starting to rot. I see myself alone in some awkward place. I think my heart is losing its pace. The sadness I feel, described also as pain. I never feel happy because my heart is so plain. Sometimes I dream of this glamorous place. And all that I see is her beautiful face. Sometimes I think that my teardrops are blood. I feel it's my heart crying for love. I hate the fact that she left me so soon. I wish I could start over inside her womb.
She's still in my soul. I know she'll stay there and never will go. Inside I feel no need to live. To hold her once more, my life I would give. I'm thankful for being locked up. I thank the Lord for giving me the opportunity to live a better life. I'm not saying that being locked up is a good way to live or that jail is a great place, but what I am trying to say is that I live peacefully.
The Lord brought me into life. Thanks to my Lord. I see and think better because the Lord turned my darkness into light. I used to think life was a bitch but now I realize I was the bitch not living my life the right way. Life can be so wonderful. Now that the Lord lives within my heart it doesn't matter where I live, what food I eat or what clothes I wear as long as I have the love of my Lord.
His love is a treasure to me. It's worth more than anything in this world is. Prison can be like paradise if we want it to be. It doesn't take much to live a good life just follow the Lord. He'll lead you to his kingdom. Even through all my pains and all my sufferings I thank the Lord for giving me life. Thanks to my Lord for all His love, for caring so much for me that He locked me up in a place where I can be safe.
Even if I don't get out I will always be thanking my Lord for all His gifts. Lost in a dream Unaware of the cause, Lost like a drifter, Lost finger in a wave of applause.
Lost in this dream Sensing much danger, I see all my loved ones But I am still the stranger. Lost in a dream Like a train falling off its rail, I am the lost one And this is my tale. Lost in this world, This world of terror, Looking into another world Throught the eyes of a mirror. Lost in these arms, Arms of destruction, Spinning in this life, The life of corruption.
Lost in a sea, The most lost I can be. Get out of the path Or you will be lost like me. Some people say, "Only the strong survive" The "crazy" people who young kids look up to While the whole world despise. We're gang members - No discussion, no choice, Going crazy with rage, Trying to get rid of the voice, The voice that tells us Who to hate, how to act. We were born in this world, No lie, all fact. We have two families: One's blood; the other is not. In a trap we got caught.
We're hated; we're rejects. We are number one targets, targets from fear. What they don't understand Is that us villains also shed tears. I wish I could make you see. I wish I could make you understand. You think gangs are our destiny But none of us did plan. We wished to be doctors, Firemen, even police But when us cholos were created, The heart of steel turned into a disease.
I have to admit, It's the thing to get into. Sorry to say, This gang life will always continue. You are there and I am here. Now he's in jail, and our hearts do ache Cause we can't go his bail. My God what kind of Mom am I"? Fear of what will happen to you Before it is all said and done. Forsaken, I must be in hell. Can anyone hear me? My son is in jail"! Lonely, cause I need you And you are not here. Does his girl miss him? Son I know I failed you but, I know your love will never fade. But, they tell me, not you, What I can bring for your goods.
Loss of faith, my God where are you? Are you really true blue? Father God please forgive me But it's too much to bear, can't you see? Please please please take this cross from me. But, I know it's only satan, wanting to slip in. Damn you satan and damn you again"! Will you learn new bad things to do? Desiring, wanting to touch your face, to hold you, To feel your warm embrace. I want to die, I want to kill these feelings inside". It's enough to make me shout My God how long is his time? Now you see My Son, I too am in jail. There is a virtual prison in my mind And it is called hell.
Mama Monday, September 25, All for his "Homies" tried and true, The pride of his colors, the gang, his crew He lives his life helping all those in need Loving and caring shown in his deeds. He laughs with his friends as memories are made Little pranks, jokes, stories of his time he gave. At times he sits so deep in thought You wonder what this "gangster" is all about. Adults pre-judge him for his appearance.
They see baggy clothes and slicked back hair And think "no good" for him there is no chance. Other kids see him with hate. They throw gang signs, and call him names. A fight they try to instigate. He tries very hard to do what is right He thinks of his mother's words, "Don't pay attention walk away from a fight" She prays for his safety as to God for him she cries Trying to get passed the accusations against him, the lies. I knew that I could never go back and fix all the wrongs So I worked very hard to set a new track.
I tried to show you the sunshine and hope and how great life can be When you take it on soberly. So here in this poem is for it to be said. There are no words to express how much you mean to me, A son like you, I thought could never be. Because the day you were born, I just knew, God sent me a blessing- and that was you.
For this I thank Him every day. You are the true definition of a son, in every way. It is because of you that my life has meaning. Becoming a mom has shown me a new sense of being. I want you to know that you were the purpose of my life, Out of everything I did- it was you that I did right. Always remember that I know how much you care, I can tell by the relationship that we share. For a son like you there could be no other, And whether we are together or apart, Please do not ever forget- You will always have a piece of my heart. I wrote a letter each week all through the years, To try and dispel your earlier fears, That friends would forget you, never want you again, And I know it happened…wish I could spare you the pain.
And put friends and loved ones through more terrible pain? Just want you to know, Son, I will always be here, I will never forsake you, I love you so dear, One day I will be gone, but these words will remain, And if ever in doubt please read them again. To My Son, I hope you know how much I love you so.
I might embarrass you from time to time By giving lots of love and needless kisses, But you need to know Mom loves you so. Now that you are getting older I felt the need to tell you Just how much I love you so. Time may pass day after day or year after year, But the love I have for you grows nearer and dearer to my heart each day and year.
To my son, I hope you know just how much I love you so. Communicating is easy and is very similar to emailing or texting.