Communicate more for enjoyable social contact than to get something done. While there are certainly times to get things done, they are not frequent enough for your child to learn language and conversation.
Having Conversations with Children Learning to Talk
Research in early language development and our clinical experience shows that the more adults teach in directive ways, the more passive and less social the children become. When parents and other adults become more of a "partner" and less of a "boss" during conversations, children enjoy the time more and stay interacting longer. When you comment, just express what you think and see without demanding a particular response from your child. Comments are valuable because children cannot fail or give a wrong answer as they might if you ask questions. Any response the child makes is a "success" and can keep the conversation going if you follow your child's lead.
Talk about the things you both know about and what you are doing at the moment. He will more likely stay with you and begin to communicate more like you. Without our continued attention, many children are not likely to get into a habit of talking with others. They often use their talk mainly to play alone. Even if your child spends a lot of time talking to himself, you can respond to his words and ideas and show him his talk gets your attention. Avoid the habit of accepting or listening to any child talk, without responding to it. Consider you own spontaneous replies as the "fuel" that keeps your child communicating.
It is normal for children to talk mainly about themselves, but it is important for them to talk about other's ideas as well. Help your child be accepted by society by learning to talk about other's interests as well as their own. Unless a child feels free of judgment and failure in an interaction, he is not likely to communicate much of what he knows.
Enjoy watching and hearing your child create new ideas.
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When your child feels free to express his thoughts, he will be more interesting to you and others. When your child is in the habit of having conversations, you can then start to show him the basic rules society will expect from him. Some of those are: At the same time, show your child what not to do in conversations: Don't interrupt; don't ignore the other's message; don't ramble; don't communicate only to yourself; don't change the topic abruptly; and don't fail to clarify when you are not understood.
- How To Have Better Conversations With Your Children;
- Age-by-age guide to getting your kid to talk to you.
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Children's Special Needs Home. This is the surest way to engage children, of any age, in meaningful dialogue and a first principle of strengthening family relationships. Acknowledge frustrations, disappointments and grievances. In therapy, when a child is sullen and uncommunicative, if I ask her to tell me about what is unfair in her life, she will almost always open up.
Of course, what a child then tells us may not be the whole story. But if we are willing to listen patiently, we will often find some truth — not only anger and blaming of others, but also some previously unnoticed provocation or hurt feeling. And when we acknowledge this, she will be more likely to listen to us.
What if your child doesn’t want to talk?
Young children are wide-eyed in their curiosity and interest in the lives of their parents. For many years, I have advised parents to talk with their children about experiences in their own lives, especially at times of sadness, anxiety and disappointment. Personal stories are helpful, for example, when children are anxious about their first day at school or summer camp, when they have suffered a painful rejection by a friend or when there has been a death in the family. Let your child know that you can sympathize with how he or she is feeling because you have also had these feelings.
I also felt bad and angry when that happened to me. When children are feeling worried, disappointed or sad, our personal stories offer encouragement and hope and can give children a starting point to express their own concerns.
When there is a recurring problem in your family life, ask your child for input. What do you think we can do about this? Even young children often participate enthusiastically in this problem-solving process, and many parents are pleasantly surprised by the reasonableness of the solutions they offer.
Age-by-age guide to getting your kid to talk to you
If we are willing to acknowledge our mistakes, our children will be more likely to own up to theirs. I would like to talk through the problem now. When you need to criticize, criticize thoughtfully and gently.