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Funny Relationship Jokes and Marriage Jokes | funny men and women - Funny Jokes
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He had not drawn this smiley face, and proceeded to freak out because "it was just sitting there, mocking his pathetic day". It was hilarious in hindsight. Of course, being good, caring friends, we all decided we would start writing smiley faces in random places pieces of paper, guest books, etc to hopefully one day make someone else angry. This escalated to just saying in a dead pan tone the above line whenever we saw a smiley face. The other day my friend and I were at a museum with another guy. He drew a smiley face on a tablet they had a digital art interactive exhibit and without thinking we turned to each other and said that.
He now thinks we're crazy. Now we just yell it randomly. We use our names as verbs. Then there's always "Jaggin it" which was a long run joke where basically u would run on the beach early in the morning while on vacation. Then we got on a whole joke where in reality I'm just jacking off and running at the same time. In indonesia and Malaysia we would replace everything with the word Bintang.
My friends and I play online games together, one liked to suicide rush while shouting allahu ahkbar down the mic. We decided it was a little insensitive so we all started shouting "Allan's snack bar" until he stopped. To this day it accompanies every bonehead tactic and ill-conceived rush. A friend told us that she had spent almost 20 minutes looking for Jurassic Park at the video store but couldn't find it. Later on, we noticed that she was pronouncing it as "Durassic Park". The joke gets better when we teased her for a long time about that and she tells everyone "it's not funny anymore I know it starts with a G".
So when "Gurassic World" came out the joke came rushing back Whenever the movie The Fifth Element came up in conversation, one of us would inevitably go, "Boron, what's so special about Boron? My friend had sex with a girl on her period so we call him Moses now because he parted the red sea. Whenever anyone of ask "Who is that? I was texting my brother one day and instead of "Okey dokey" it autocorrected to "Okey foldy" and I was too lazy to change it.
Now we use the okey foldy version all the time.
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Same thing with using "goog" instead of "good. My one homeboy got shot in his belt buckle at point blank range and survived. We always joke around about how he should be dead. Then we call him a pussy. Friend was staying over during my birthday freshmen year. This was the year I wanted to become a casting director.
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Mother came in and said "all they ever do is fool around on the casting couch" me and my friend had a good laugh about it and my mother was generally confused about what happened. We now whisper to each other casting couch whenever one of us doesn't fully understand a subject and tries to contribute to it whilst giving misinformed information. Whenever one of us doesn't want to do something, we just say "But what if I'm a log? It's been around so long that none of us actually remember where it came from.
My friends will subtly agitate me because eventually I'll go "Hay hay hay!! Asking each other if we cosby the girl lastnight. Or calling each other cosby when talking to girls. Suddenly feeling a man's breath on your ear is something you never get used to. Gisicht raub, or ihr mutter schlage ist luf blassen.
This goes back to my aim days with two of my friends. One of them used ancient Google fu to say face rape and your mother blows cum bubbles. They could be completely wrong translations, but to this day we still use those sayings. Junior year of high school, we had one friend, we'll call him Caleb, who we'd constantly mess with. Caleb and and another friend, we'll call him Brad, were at our friend Paul's house playing games. Paul had a dog named Tina who happened to smell like absolute shit.
While playing games, Tina came over to Brad and started breathing on him. He then looked at her, stood up, and farted right in her face and said "Yeah Tina, that is what you smell like! Brad looked at Paul and jokingly said "Caleb just pooped himself" and they started laughing. Caleb retorted with "No I didn't", and started doing the clench walk to the bathroom. Brad got louder with it realizing that Caleb did actually poop himself.
As Caleb walked to the bathroom the poop fell out of his shorts. Tina sees this as a chance to eat something, so she ran over and gobbled it up. Scared as hell they all ran outside. They come back in and she was still tripping out. Paul wound up having to go get Tina put down and it was all because Caleb pooped on Paul's floor and killed his dog. Been a recurring joke ever since. My friend's and I went to the Hangout music festival last year and had a good time.
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There were signs everywhere for a certain injury lawyer. I don't know why we started to do it, but we will shout out the the lawyers name basically any time a loud announcement is made. We all do it in a Bruce Buffer-esque fashion. To be honest I don't even remember why we started to do this but we still do it to this day. My group of friends and I got Chinese a year or so ago, and when we opened one of the fortune cookies it said "Careful.
He has never said the 'prove it' part, he is saving it for a special moment to drop it on us and blow our minds. We also say "Careful, watch it. A month or so ago, we got Chinese again and got the same fortune. We saved both of them.
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Therefore the joke will never die. The fact that I'm a virgin and even though I have had the most relationships I get the least of every guy I don't much like this joke. I was at a buddies house when one his friend's friend shows up. He immediately goes to the bathroom to take a shit. He was in there so long that my buddy jokingly asks "Is this guy robbing my house or something? We all giggle like children and then get yelled at. Somebody made the stupid joke once "why is six afraid of seven? Because 7 8 9". My buddy responds with, "Well why is nine afraid of ten? Because 11, 13, Same dude, "You know what the second best part of an orgasm is?
Smeg We've all been called varieties of smeg, for example i got called Fuckmongering smeg elemental. I don't have friends but my family has an inside joke known as the bouncing cake. It came about because of the time my mum made a cake and she dropped it and it bounced. I'm in the marching band and during our Chicago trip our section diverged into the group who couldn't or did not want to go barhopping and those who did.
I was in the couldn't go barhopping group. We had formed an elaborate Asian family because we were so bored. The girls in the group became sisters and the guys became the gay dads. Though the trip is over, we continue to bring it up once in a while and take "family pictures" whenever we take group photos in the marching band. Use of this site constitutes acceptance of our User Agreement and Privacy Policy.
Jokes Relationship Jokes : 828 Relationship Jokes
Log in or sign up in seconds. Filter posts by subject: Please use spoiler tags to hide spoilers. Welcome to Reddit, the front page of the internet. Become a Redditor and subscribe to one of thousands of communities. Want to add to the discussion? Mobile makes wording hard. I'd love to be a part of one someday. Becauae my dick sure did The entire class knew, but the teacher didn't. Watching my friend try to keep a straight face is priceless.
And, yes, I'm a total dick. Complete set of Encyclopaedia Britannica. A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up. My husband and I have a great relationship, 'the wife explained. He communicates really well and I just act like I'm listening. Geoff had six children and was very proud of his achievement. He was so proud of himself that for years he called his wife, Anita, "Mother of Six," in spite of her regular objections.
One evening, in their retirement years, they go to a party. It is late and Geoff is ready to go home and wants to find out if Anita is ready to leave as well. Anita, greatly irritated by Geoff's lack of discretion over so many years, yells back at him, 'Anytime you're ready, "Father of Four". Russ, a deeply suspicious husband, hired a private detective to check on the movements of his wife. In addition to a written report, the husband wanted a video of his wife's affairs.
A week later, the detective returned with a film. They sat down together and proceeded to watch it. Although the quality was less than professional, Russ saw his wife meeting another man. He saw the two of them strolling arm in arm and laughing in the park. Russ viewed them enjoying themselves at an outdoor cafe. He then watched them dancing in a dimly lit nightclub. Russ saw them having fun and continually laughing together.
On their 50th wedding anniversary and during the dinner celebrating it, Byron was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such long duration.