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Four Ways of Letting Go - Ajahn Brahm - 09-04-2010

Let go of the past, and stop reliving it. When you focus on the here and now, you have less time to think about the past. When the past memories creep into your consciousness as they are bound to do from time to time , acknowledge them for a moment. And then bring yourself gently back into the present moment. You did something that hurt me. But I want to move forward in my life and welcome joy back into it. Forgiveness is a way of tangibly letting something go. And forgiving yourself may be an important part of this step as well, as sometimes we may end up blaming ourselves for the situation or hurt.

It would be sacrilegious to let it go. Every day you choose to hold on to the pain is another day everybody around you has to live with that decision. And feel its consequences. So do everybody — and yourself — a big favor: Let go of the pain. Do something different today and welcome happiness back into your life.


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He is an author, researcher and expert in mental health online, and has been writing about online behavior, mental health and psychology issues -- as well as the intersection of technology and human behavior -- since Grohol sits on the editorial board of the journal Computers in Human Behavior and is a founding board member and treasurer of the Society for Participatory Medicine.

He writes regularly and extensively on mental health concerns, the intersection of technology and psychology, and advocating for greater acceptance of the importance and value of mental health in today's society. You can learn more about Dr. Find help or get online counseling now. In short, how do you let go of past hurts and move on?

But blaming someone else for our hurt can backfire, as Holly Brown notes: Make the decision to let it go. Express your pain — and your responsibility. Stop being the victim and blaming others. Focus on the present — the here and now — and joy. Forgive them — and yourself. Learning to Let Go of Past Hurts: Retrieved on December 17, , from https: Hot Topics Today 1. There will always be time to practice accepting that. Every moment is a chance to let go and feel peaceful. Here are some ways to get started: Learn a new skill instead of dwelling on the skills you never mastered.

Change your perception —see the root cause as a blessing in disguise. Channel your discontent into an immediate positive action —make some calls about new job opportunities, or walk to the community center to volunteer. Use meditation or yoga to bring you into the present moment instead of dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

How to let go

Make a list of your accomplishments—even the small ones— and add to it daily. Engage in a physical activity. Exercise decreases stress hormones and increases endorphins, chemicals that improve your state of mind. Express your feelings through a creative outlet, like blogging or painting. This will be a visual reminder that you have actively chosen to release these feelings.

If you stifle your feelings, they may leak out and affect everyone around you—not just the person who inspired your anger. Before you can let go of any emotion , you have to feel it fully. Give yourself a rant window. Let yourself vent for a day before confronting the person who troubled you. This may diffuse the hostility and give you time to plan a rational confrontation. Remind yourself that anger hurts you more than the person who upset you , and visualize it melting away as an act of kindness to yourself. If possible, express your anger to the person who offended you.

Communicating how you feel may help you move on. When you focus on what you could have done better, you often feel empowered and less bitter.


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We all make mistakes, and odds are you could have easily slipped up just like your husband, father, or friend did. Metaphorically throw it away. Use a stress ball, and express your anger physically and vocally when you use it. Make a scrunched up face or grunt. Wear a rubber band on your wrist and gently flick it when you start obsessing on angry thoughts. This trains your mind to associate that type of persistent negativity with something unpleasant.

It’s time to let go. – Be Yourself

Remind yourself these are your only three options: These acts create happiness; holding onto bitterness never does. Identify what the experience taught you to help develop a sense of closure. Write everything you want to express in a letter. Even if you choose not to send it, clarifying your feelings will help you come to terms with reality as it is now.

Remember both the good and the bad. Even if appears this way now, the past was not perfect. Acknowledging this may minimize your sense of loss. Un-romanticize the way you view love. If you think you can find a love that amazing or better again, it will be easier to move on. Visualize an empowered single you —the person you were before meeting your last love.

The takeaway

That person was pretty awesome, and now you have the chance to be him or her again. Create a space that reflects your present reality. Take down his pictures; delete her emails from your saved folder. Reward yourself for small acts of acceptance. Get a facial after you delete his number from your phone, or head out with friends after putting all her things in a box. Hang this statement somewhere you can see it.

Replace your emotional thoughts with facts.