OK, I've gotta add just one more thing: I firmly believe that all men suffer from the same learning disability which affects their ability to measure time and space. That's why it seems like 2 weeks to them since you "got with this" when it in fact has only been 2 days, and why their 5 inches looks, to them, like 8. I think that we should "pay" our men back with "strokes", since that is what's on their mind.
Keep a tally, gave compliment, 1 stroke, cooked dinner, 1 stroke, since it takes them far less longer to get in the mood It's not 1 thing or another it's the combination of things that lead a women to feeling like watermelon is worth the effort! My hubby already bought breaking dawn and watched it with me! Yep, you guessed it He's in the dog house! I want to vent like this on my blog, but my hubs will have a damn shit fit.
I once posted husband for sale- no returns on my FB page. We nearly ended up in court. Thanks for posting this. No one wants to get with a man who gets out of the shower and does naked pelvic thrusts while licking his teeth. I saw that someone else mentioned their husband bitches about the trash not being full enough. Mine bitches because it's full and no one will take it out, quit bitching and take it OUT! There are crowds of supporters cheering you on along the way. They do not care how long it is taking you to get to the finish line. Upon crossing said finish line, you are given a medal.
It matters not how crappy your overall performance was. You crossed the finish line? There are tents FULL of high calorie, yummy treats just waiting for you after you're done. Lots of times there are massage tables. You go lay on one, and someone rubs you down.
Ruining his own future . . . one paragraph at a time.
They do not expect you to go run again when you get off the table. I just wish mine would leave things on the counter. Instead he 'finds' places for them, meaning it takes me weeks to find them again and my kitchen really isn't that big! This post, along with the responses, completely justifies my goal to remain single for the rest of my life. Keep the reminders coming! Well I'll be damned if he didnt make a liar outta me! Hubs sent beautiful roses to me at work today!! He must be ill. You are my hero I am so happy to hear that my hubs is not the only one with memory issues It could have been yesterday and he still says 6 weeks.
Why doesn't anybody ever tell you about shitting during childbirth?? Thankfully one of my best friends liked me enough to warn me about that less-than-pleasant experience. I shat myself with both my kids.
Of course my dumb-ass husband had to open his damn mouth and joke "I hope that isn't the kid! You could have been talking about my husband. It's the end of the goddamn world when he doesn't get it. As far as I'm concerned, "Wanna a piece of this? Why the heck would I want to cut, peel, slice, and spit out seeds, when I can just grab a self-serve fruit cup?
Less mess, I can eat it the way I want to, and pick the flavour. That sounds like my husband, but with the laundry. I can never find my clothes after he does laundry! He either folds or hangs everything, regardless of what it is. My trick to stopping the tracking of my shopping is to stop at the ATM closest to my house and get cash. Also, turn the GPS of my phone off. I had tears in my eyes. I think all husbands don't know where things go when they come out of the dishwasher, even though mine knows where to look when he wants it.
I will admit I'm like your hubby when it comes to loading the dishwasher - it's not uncommon for me to redo it after mine loads it. That's why I never criticize my wife. She has way more ammunition in that game than I do. And by the way, I aiways buy my wife flowers at the grocery store. I get away with it because I do it all the time, not just on "special days. Plus I can buy her flowers without playing the "what did you do? On a totally different note, I feed my kids exactly the same breakfast on weekdays!
Glad I'm not the only one. Omg, my hubs does yhe guestroom bed thing, too!
- Pray for Me: The Power in Praying for Others!
- Things not to say to single people on Valentine's Day!
- Famous Civil War Documents and Speeches (Dover Thrift Editions).
- Audiobooks About Love for Babies-Age 4?
- 4 Ways to Honor God On Valentine’s Day.
- Zeitbarriere (German Edition).
- Chill;
I now call it "the laundry black hole". I am still laughing! And after three kids, still peeing my pants a little too. Ba ha ha ha ha! Best comeback line EVAH! I worried endlessly about public shatting during delivery and actually was relieved when told I needed to have a c-section.
Jen, I swear you just reached into my brain and pulled out every single thought word for word. I'm constantly using the "woo"ing line.
Things not to say to single people on Valentine's Day - HelloGiggles
Thank you for making what seems like most of us here feel more sane. I don't know Jen, I think you were a little harsh on the Hubs. I thought it was fun that you let him have a guest spot on your blog. But now I think he just got ambushed and sounds like you may never stop nitpicking every line of his blogging effort.
I feel kinda bad for him. It isn't about keeping score and it sounds like your rebuttal is all about keeping score. Reading your back-and-forth is amazing. This could be US. Only, I'm the Asian one in our relationship. In fact, about 8 years ago there was some sort of cell phone service commercial that ran that featured an Asian woman and a Caucasian man who were obviously not speaking to each other and at the end, he sends her a text that said, "I'm sorry.
I about choked on my coffee with the pickle comment! I tell my husband I don't need expensive gifts for V-day, just acknowledge it. I recently asked my husband to "woo" me. The next night he wakes me up from a nap just got the 10mo old to sleep I sit on the couch cell phone ready to update my facebook status to how romantic my man is.
Then he lovingly looks at me and says: I don't know what it is but it sounds bigger than a mouse. I need to you watch it and make sure it doesn't escape while I go find a flashlight. I HATE being online stalked. I thought you were just going for diapers. Thank you for giving him hell for that "jungle" comment. Like he does any maintenance down there.
LOVED your suggestions of his getting his ball sack and ass crack waxed - ouch! Keep up the great writing. You are a breath of fresh air in this stale, fake world. I just remember this I just tied Tina Fey into this comment, too.. Just catching up on your blog for the week I love the description of childbirth!!! Thanks for putting an abrupt stop to my cluckiness. Definitely not ready to shit on a table in front of a room full of people lmao. I say, buy breaking dawn He owes ya big time What is with men and putting the dishes away? My parents lived in the same house for 40 years and my Dad never figured out where to put anything that wasn't a dish or silverware.
My husband is doing the same thing. Yet strangely they always know where to FIND those same items when they need to use them after wifey puts them away. My sister just sent me a link to your blog My upstairs neighbor is probably wondering what the heck is going on downstairs because I'm laughing so hard and so loud all by myself, I will add! I will now be following your blog to the ends of the earth. Now could you write one for my hubby???
Extra cuss words on the side please ; Lmbo that was awesome. Beating the clothes with a rock by the river!! You have to move with in a two foot radius to load and unload!! You hear about airline pilots all the time having other families--LOL I made my hubs come in and read it with me and we were both laughing so hard we were crying. I was going to call your hubs out on the grooming as soon as I read it but I followed the link to your response and you beat me to it. I've already told mine he might get lucky more often if he manscaped but it still hasn't happened.
I'm not holding my breath. Of course, the inherent danger of calling him in to read it was that many of THE HUB'S arguments would be the same for my husband so I'm sure it put ideas in his head that I'll have to deal with later. I almost peed my pants laughing But I have to say one thing here, I wish I would have had a husband who wanted some 'loving' ever.
Having a husband completely disinterested in anything physical and who cannot even give a hug, let alone more - well ladies, that is WAY WORSE, believe me! I'm reading this as a single woman. Now I've been convinced to stay that way. I would not want to live in your world. Am I the only one that thinks that is sad, mean and disrespectful? I don't see the humor on either side. From my brain to your blog I can't believe there are others out there like hubs and myself?! I swear I was reading my own thoughts and hubby's as well! And as you I say I don't "want" anything but I friggin deserve it We'll wait till BJ day march 14th He calls it "the hammer" pfft.
Cameron Diaz wrote a book about loving your body, and she thinks you shouldn't trim. She actually said its a beautiful wrapping for the gift you are giving your man. I'm taking her advice and only shave what sticks out of my bathing suit and only if I'm gonna be swimming. Same with shaving my legs.
Only if I'm gonna wear shorts or go swimming. If we weren't meant to have body hair God wouldn't have given it to us.: OMG I could have written this to my husband. I find "Come on it will be quick " a real turn off and he can't understand why. So Wally begins a journey to discover the reason for his differences and hopes he can find something to make him purr. Instead, what he finds is the true meaning of love and acceptance. Young ones will enjoy learning about Valentine's Day through this educational audiobook. It also contains silly Valentine's Day jokes. With a lyrical text that's soothing and inspiring, this tender tale is a needed comfort and a new classic that will resonate with listeners of every age.
Parrot is not happy, he does not like his little old house. He leaves his house to look for a new one. But, in the end, Mr. Parrot comes back to his house and says, "East or west, home is best. Young ones will enjoy this educational audiobook about a kitty that is on its way to get its mommy cat a Valentine's Day present.
For ages two to six years old. Its basic educational objectives are learning about the annual tradition of Valentine's Day and fostering better letter recognition.
Love doesn't come easy. Duped by Drover, mocked by Pete the Barncat, and busted yet again by Sally May, the Head of Ranch Security decides it's time for a break from the grueling daily grind. Heading into the wild outback, Hank goes in search of his true love, the charming Miss Beulah. It's Valentine's Day on the ranch but bachelor-cowboy Slim Chance doesn't know it. Sally May tells him to forget about the cows and "Go to town and buy a nice gift for Miss Viola!
But on the way to Viola's house, Hank and Drover take an interest in the candy and Slim sings a bachelor's opinion in his "Valentine's Song. The weirdest Valentine's Day story in the history of the world! Stein thinks her new canine lab assistant, Igor, is useless, ordering him to keep his paws off everything in her bustling laboratory.
Amelia Bedelia is sure she will love everything about Valentine's Day: The sweet surprises, cards to give and receive, a party at school, and a big, long family hug. Amelia Bedelia can't wait. What could be better? Hooray for Valentine's Day! February 14, Valentine's Day, as June B. But she never expected a big, mushy card from a secret admirer! Who is this secret mystery guy, anyway?
The little mermaid Ariel wants to be human, and nothing - not even a nasty sea witch - is going to stop her. Disney's The Little Mermaid is a complete retelling of this beloved Disney film. On Valentine's Day, SpongeBob makes the biggest, sweetest valentine ever for his best friend, Patrick. But when a herd of chocolate-eating scallops threaten the valentine's arrival, SpongeBob has to come up with a new plan. Can SpongeBob save the day? Nate the Great hates mushy stuff.
But when he spies a big red paper heart taped to the outside of Sludge's doghouse, Nate knows he must help out his favorite pooch. Why has left Sludge a secret valentine? Almost everything about Valentine's Day is fancy Mystery is in the air when Nancy receives a valentine from a secret someone. Then he sees Frogilina. Every time she gets close to him, his insides feel wiggly, his mind wanders, and bonk! They go on a mission to find a special Valentine for their teacher, Cheerilee, but soon realize they are in big trouble when their love potion spell misfires!
It's February and love is in the air! Everyone in the fourth grade is getting into the Valentine spirit. The kids are making cards, and are ordering personalized candy hearts from Cinnamon's Candy Shop, the new candy store in the mall. But Katie has had enough, she is definitely not into all this mushy gushy stuff! So Katie makes a decision: Silly Tilly Mole can't remember why today is special.
Is it because it's snowing and the wind is swirling colored snowflakes all around her? Or maybe it's the bright red something special in her mailbox that makes this a special day. We have collected for you the most beautiful love stories in fairy tales ever written. This collection begins with tales from Hans Christian Andersen and Charles Perrault, two absolute masters of the genre, whose stories have been universally read ever since, and by tales collected by the Brothers Grimm, who compiled ancestral folktales known for their beauty and wisdom.
Let children develop their imagination and sensitivity with these touching tales of love. Valentine's Day is around the corner, and the kids are up to something spectacular if they can pull it off. Can they manage a surprise dinner date between their Math teacher Ms. Malia and RJ's doorman in the city? Will the adults become happier as a result, or will the kids end up in detention for "meddling into matters of the heart"? When Joshua, the world's smallest detective, learns about infinity from his older sister, he realizes that numbers may not just be the only thing that can go on forever.
Join Joshua's adventure as he realizes something incredibly important that there can also be infinity of! When it comes to square dancing, there's no better pair than Arthur and Francine.
But does one of them have a different idea of what it means to be partners? Belle wants more out of life than the small provincial town of Villeneuve can offer. There she stands out from the crowd with her unique point of view, her strong-willed independence, and her love of books. She longs for travel and adventure, for a life as exciting as the stories she reads.
But when Belle's beloved father is taken prisoner by a beast in an enchanted castle, her path is forever changed. Most people know this book from the Academy Award-winning motion picture starring Winona Ryder. Now, introduce them to the sparkling American classic behind the movie: Separated by the war from their beloved parents, these "little women" struggle to find their place in the world. This is the story of Despereaux Tilling, a mouse in love with music, stories, and a princess named Pea.
It is also the story of a rat called Roscuro, who lives in darkness but covets a world filled with light. And it is the story of Miggery Sow, a slow-witted serving girl with a simple, impossible wish. These characters are about to embark on a journey that will lead them down into a horrible dungeon, up into a glittering castle, and ultimately, into each other's lives. Love is in the air - but what does that mean for Greg Heffley? A Valentine's Day dance at Greg's middle school has turned his world upside down. As Greg scrambles to find a date, he's worried he'll be left out in the cold on the big night.
His best friend, Rowley, doesn't have any prospects either, but that's a small consolation. An unexpected twist gives Greg a partner for the dance and leaves Rowley the odd man out. But a lot can happen in one night, and in the end, you never know who's going to be lucky in love. On a rare venture out from her step-mother's hat shop, Sophie attracts the attention of a witch, who casts a terrible spell transforming the young girl into an old crone.
Princess Anidori-Kiladra of Kildenree was born with a word on her tongue, and a secret magic. Though she is raised in luxury, she is never quite comfortable with who she is, or what she is to become. Then she is sent on a journey to marry an unknown prince. The trip is difficult, and before it is finished all her expectations are overturned. Alone, friendless, stripped of her crown and her title, Ani must learn to make her own path in the world.
Along the way, she just might learn to be a princess. Miri lives on a mountain where, for generations, her ancestors have quarried stone and lived a simple life. Then word comes that the king's priests have divined her small village the home of the future princess. In a year's time, the prince himself will come and choose his bride from among the girls of the village.
The king's ministers set up an academy on the mountain, and every teenage girl must attend and learn how to become a princess. Ella of Frell wants nothing more than to be free of Lucinda's gift of obedience and feel that she belongs to herself. For how can she truly belong to herself if she knows that at any time, anyone can order her to hop on one foot, cut off her hand, or betray her kingdom, and she'll have to obey?
The first time she saw him, she flipped. The first time he saw her, he ran. That was the second grade, but not much has changed by the seventh. Juli says, "My Bryce. Still walking around with my first kiss. Just as Bryce is thinking that there's maybe more to Juli than meets the eye, she's thinking that he's not quite all he seemed.
Nikki Maxwell's adventures continue in the 12th installment in the blockbuster number one New York Times best-selling Dork Diaries series! She's just a New York City girl living with her artist mom. Dad is prince of Genovia. So that's why a limo always meets her at the airport! Dad can't have any more kids.
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So no heir to the throne. Shock of the century: Like it or not, Mia is prime princess material. But time is running out. Or worse…what if he asks Mackenzie?!! Coming down from the mountain to a new life in the city is a thrill to Miri. She and her princess academy friends have been brought to Asland to help the future princess Britta prepare for her wedding. There, Miri also has a chance to attend school - at the Queen's Castle.
But as Miri befriends students who seem sophisticated and exciting she also learns that they have some frightening plans. Though her two sisters are beautiful, Beauty, despite her name, is thin and awkward - but she's also courageous. So when her father makes a terrible promise to a Beast living in an enchanted castle, Beauty knows she must volunteer to be the Beast's prisoner. Since Mia's the brand-new crown princess of Genovia, indomitable dowager princess Grandmere arranges a national primetime interview for her. With just a few innocent remarks, Mia manages to enrage her best friend Lilly, practically get one of her teachers fired, and alienate the entire country of Genovia.
Population 50,, but still! She's a princess, for starters. And while she's no supermodel, mirrors do not crack at her reflection. Best of all, she finally has a boyfriend. However, all she wants is a little peace and quiet For Mia, being a princess in love is not the fairy-tale it's supposed to be Rose is the youngest of seven children, meant to replace her dead sister.
So when an enormous white bear mysteriously shows up and asks her to come away with it—in exchange for health and prosperity for her ailing family—she readily agrees. Princess Emma will do just about anything to get out of marrying the self-centered Prince Jorge. So when she meets a frog named Eadric who claims, of course, to be a prince, she decides to give him a kiss and see what happens. The frog stays a frog, and worse still, Emma turns into a frog herself. It turns out only the person who cast the spell can break it, so Emma and Eadric are soon hopping along trying to find the witch who can make them human again.
Happily-ever-after turned upside down, inside out, and completely over the top! Christian is gaga for Princess Marigold. He's just a commoner, though, and no match for royalty. Heck, he lives in a cave with a troll! And now he's discovered another reason to put his love-soggy heart on ice: Queen Olympia is scheming to take over the kingdom, and she'll bump off Marigold to do it! Can Chris foil her diabolical plans? Meg longs to begin her new life with John Brook, though they can never be rich; Jo returns to devote herself to literature, and to Beth, whose illness has left her weak but whose serenity shines through the household; and Amy has gone to Aunt March, bribed with the offer of drawing lessons.
Blessed or cursed with an ability to understand animals, the Lass has always been an oddball. And when an isbjorn polar bear seeks her out, and promises that her family will become rich if only the Lass will accompany him to his castle, she doesn't hesitate. But the bear is not what he seems, nor is his castle, which is made of ice and inhabited by a silent staff of servants.
Anna is a princess of Arendelle. Locked away from the outside world for years, Anna is desperate to leave her lonely life behind. Her parents are gone, and her sister, Elsa - the only person who might show her an ounce of love - is cold and distant. Hans is a prince of the Southern Isles.
As 13th in line to the throne, Hans is desperate to escape the tyranny of his father and older brothers and find a kingdom of his own to rule. Their worlds collide at Elsa's coronation. At first, it seems as if all Anna's dreams have come true. At last she has found someone. It's pretty much the worst time possible for a school field trip, but everyone is insisting that Olivia must attend the Royal School Winter Games.
Baker, Audun the teenage dragon falls for Princess Millie the moment he sees her. Now separated from her and forlorn, he's desperate to find her again. It's not easy being shy, especially when you suddenly find yourself at the center of a widening circle of lovesick boys. But this is exactly the predicament Juliet Dove ends up in after she receives a strange amulet in Mr.
He can hardly say a word to her. Just pointing out the obvious. Kev decides to take a scientific approach to getting a date with Tina. After all, love is based on chemistry. When new kid Cash Devine zeroes in on Tina, Kevin hustles to find the formula that will make her forget all about Cash.
The Trouble With Valentine's Day
Cory is a young tooth fairy in training who wants to be anything but that, except there's no way the Tooth Fairy Guild or her mother will let that happen. After yet another bad night on the job, Cory quits to explore other things--like babysitting an adventurous Humpty Dumpty, helping Suzy organize seashells by the seashore, and attempting to finally rid the spiders that plague Marjorie Muffet. But it isn't until Marjorie asks Cory to help set her up with a boy that Cory taps into a power she never knew she had.
Audiobooks About Love for Babies-Age 4. The Kissing Hand By: Audrey Penn Narrated by: Valentine's Day is Cool By: