In short, a religious belief is only a finger pointing to the moon. Some religious people never get beyond the study of the finger. Others are engaged in sucking it. Others yet use the finger to gouge their eyes out. These are the bigots whom religion has made blind. Rare indeed is the religionist who is sufficiently detached from the finger to see what it is indicating — these are those who, having gone beyond belief, are taken for blasphemers.
Spirituality means waking up. They never understand the loveliness and the beauty of this thing that we call human existence. You know — all mystics — Catholic, Christian, non-Christian, no matter what their theology, no matter what their religion — are unanimous on one thing: Though everything is a mess, all is well. Strange paradox, to be sure. But, tragically, most people never get to see that all is well because they are asleep. They are having a nightmare.
Do you know why? Because you are no longer afraid of being hurt or not liked. You no longer desire to impress anyone. Oh, what a relief. You no longer feel the need or the compulsion to explain things anymore. What is there to be explained? The animals met in assembly and began to complain that humans were always taking things away from them. Finally the snail spoke.
So the first quality of holiness is its unselfconsciousness. There is another more subtle way in which the innocence of childhood is lost: Contemplate the crowds of people who are striving might and main to become, not what Nature intended them to be-musicians, cooks, mechanics, carpenters, gardeners, inventors-but somebody: You are looking at people who have lost their innocence because they have chosen not to be themselves but to promote themselves, to show off, even if it be only in their own eyes.
Jan 23, Samira rated it really liked it. One of the most enlightening books.. It's one of those books which breaks your denial state of how much suffering that you have when you cling and attach.. Holiness is not achievement, it is a Grace. So I didn't get anything new out of it but perhaps it's what others could be looking for at a certain moment. Jul 10, Hannah Petersen rated it it was amazing Shelves: Oct 14, Jana rated it it was amazing Shelves: Much to ponder in this little gem. I will for sure be coming back to this over and over.
Feb 06, Jonathan Martin rated it really liked it. Fed up listening to Rhianna finding love in a hopeless place? Bored senseless watching repetitive Hollywood rom-coms? Peeved off with those childhood fairytales about happy-ever-after romances? Okay, I can't guarantee that but it will certainly provide the opportunity to change your outlook on love, relationships and other trifles. Be warned though, you may not like what he has to say. I bough Fed up listening to Rhianna finding love in a hopeless place? I bought the handy pocket-size version ideal for public transport, waiting rooms or when you're hanging around for a friend and like his other tome, Awareness, it is presented in small, titled chapters that you can happily read at once.
Again there is a christian slant to the writings but his tone isn't quite so cutthroat; each section opens with a biblical verse that may instantly evoke memories of tyrannical church sermons for some. However you can simply choose to ignore these or, better still, appreciate his impartial and perhaps originally intended interpretations! I didn't find it bothersome and in fact was able to value the new light he shed on this wisdom, integrating it with my own philosophy and spiritual journey.
In Awareness, the message was basically to bring one's attention to the present so that contentment can be chosen, or realised, in each and every moment. In this book the fundamental message is detachment - release all material and worldly attachments, through awareness, particularly to people and the ideals of romantic unions and saviour relationships. In this way, De Mello believes we can stop giving away our personal power, our basic right to happiness and be truly free to enjoy each moment of life, i.
The inherent truths are a real wakeup call, clear, frank and succinct, so much so that sometimes you may feel a little embarrassed at having deluded yourself from the obvious! Oct 30, Jenny rated it really liked it Recommended to Jenny by: What a neat book, really taking a hard look at myself and how to lead a more zen existence. The whole premise is to rid ourselves of attachments which we hold on to in order to achieve happiness. So, instead of saying "I need this in my life to be happy and I won't be happy until then," focus on existing in the present and finding fulfillment that way.
Otherwise our needs and desires lead us in a cycle of disappointment. It was fun to read a chapter and a time and live with it for a while before What a neat book, really taking a hard look at myself and how to lead a more zen existence. It was fun to read a chapter and a time and live with it for a while before moving on.
Happiness is in the future. Right here and now you are happy and you do not know it because your false beliefs and your distorted perceptions have got you caught up in fears, anxieties, attachments, conflicts, guilt and a host of games that you are programmed to play. If you would see through this you would realize that you are happy and do not know it.
So it is no longer the real world that you interact with and love but a world created by your head. Mar 01, Jason rated it liked it. They're still quality perspectives to chew on, but there's little new content here. Also, when compared to Awareness, I found he was less direct when talking about God in this volume. He does refer to the Kingdom of God and Christ, but he also refers to entities such as "Nature", so it's difficult to tell where he's coming from at certain points.
I also do believe, and this applied to Awareness as well, that he takes detachment a bit too far in some instances. And this could very possibly be from my own misinterpretation of what he's saying. It can sometimes feel like he's advocating a life of such solitude that it comes off as self-protective to make sure you can't be hurt. But, in general, his perspectives would benefit people the world over.
I would recommend this book to anyone who enjoys spirituality and philosophy who hasn't read Awareness already. Sep 29, Davis Aujourd'hui rated it it was amazing. I am always on the outlook for other spiritual authors. Anthony DeMello is one of my favorites. I have loved every single one of his books and I own most of them.
He speaks in a language that anyone can understand. He empowers his readers to discover the truth that they can shape their own reality through the power of detachment from the things of this world that are not real. He offers a key to the kingdom of heaven. It is a key that anyone can possess and can experience within their own lives. Heaven is within each and every one of us. This is my favorite book of meditations. It can travel with you anywhere.
Each and every meditation will always speak to whatever you are seeking to understand. The seven dollars this book costs was the best seven dollars I have ever spent! The ultimate truth contained within this book is that the only the only way to go is by the way to love. Why would anyone choose otherwise? Aug 11, Don Geronimo rated it it was amazing Recommends it for: The way to love symbolises an ideal: Without attachment, without binding, without expectation, while humanity is imperfect and I can attest through experience this helps remind me that there is a better love out there.
Not the kind of love that separates -- that separates love between a lover and a friend. Rather, the kind of love this book tries to cultivate is the love of all equally, wit The way to love symbolises an ideal: Rather, the kind of love this book tries to cultivate is the love of all equally, without binding, without expectation, and most of all, to love one's self, for one's self is part of everything.
I found it a good supplement to H. The Dalai Lama 's [title: The Art of Happiness]. I carry this book and The Art of Happiness with me at all times now, to remind myself of the ideal I am striving for. Jun 07, roland simarangkir rated it it was amazing Shelves: Melalui buku ini Anthony de Mello membawa kita untuk siap mencintai, dengan cinta yang bebas dan menghidupkan. Dengan kalimat-kalimat logisnya, ia membeberkan berbagai kelemahan kita dalam berhadapan dengan dunia, dengan orang-orang yang kita sayangi maupun dengan orang-orang yang tidak kita sukai.
Buku ini memberikan penjabaran logis mengapa kita harus menjadi manusia seutuhnya, menjadi manusia yang bebas dan merdeka dari segala sesuatu yang dapat mempengaruhi perasaan dan pilihan kita. Menjadi Melalui buku ini Anthony de Mello membawa kita untuk siap mencintai, dengan cinta yang bebas dan menghidupkan. Menjadi manusia bebas berarti pertama sekali memahami dunia ini, memahami orang-orang, tidak terikat dengan orang yang kita sayangi maupun tidak terpengaruh dengan emosi yang diciptakan orang yang tidak kita sukai.
Menjadi bebas juga berarti memahami diri sendiri.
Dreaming With Tony De Mello
Bacalah, nikmatilah dan siaplah untuk mencintai. May 12, PerceptionsChange rated it it was amazing. This book challenged my thinking around love. Being brought up from parents with the city, and a highly populated school and town, it felt like a dog eat dog world. It was recommended by an ex who struggled in his own way to find the way to love by letting go of anger. However this book will be appealing to this audience and also those who, although know deep in their gut what love is, find this an affirming read on love.
It's a small book and great to carry around on the commutes into work. Good This book challenged my thinking around love. Good place to go back to when doubts of love sink in. Aug 28, Kenneth McIntosh rated it it was amazing.
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My psychologist at the time handed me this book when I was in a very bad place and said "Read this. Next to the Bible, this is my favorite book of wisdom. De Mello combines the wisdom of Eastern religions with simple Christian faith, producing a feast of understanding that people of any background could benefit from. His insight is somewhat like Eckhart Tolle but much easier to grasp and apply. Feb 05, Jennifer rated it it was amazing.
Sep 16, Edithandersen rated it it was amazing. A spiritual read for reflection. De Mello, a Catholic priest almost kicked out of the priesthood for his outspokeness died in his fifties. I find his directness, no beating around the bushes approach refreshing. You have deluded yourself into thinking - though you are not aware of it - that you ARE your depression, that you ARE your anxiety, that you ARE your joy or the thrills that you have.
Delight may be IN you right now, but wait around, it will change. Clouds come and go: If we want to follow the analogy, you would be the sky, observing the clouds. You are a passive, detached observer. That's shocking, particularly to someone in the Western culture. The trouble with people is that they're busy fixing things they don't even understand. We're always fixing things, aren't we? It never strikes us that things don't need to be fixed. This is a great illumination.
They need to be understood. If you understood them, they'd change. How about beginning with yourself? How about being transformed yourself first? But how do you achieve that? With no interference or judgment on your part. Because what you judge you cannot understand. When you say of someone, "He's a communist", understanding has stopped at that moment. You slapped a label on him. Understanding has stopped at that moment. You slapped a label on her, and if the label carries undertones of approval or disapproval, so much the worse! How are you going to understand what you disapprove of, or what you approve of, for that matter?
All of this sounds like a new world, doesn't it? No judgment, no commentary, no attitude: A dog trainer attempts to understand a dog so that he can train the dog to perform certain tricks. A scientist observes the behavior of ants with no further end in view than to study ants, to learn as much as possible about them.
He has no other aim. He's not attempting to train them or get anything out of them. He's interested in ants, he wants to learn as much as possible about them. The day you attain a posture like that, you will experience a miracle. You will change - effortlessly, correctly. Change will happen, you will not have to bring it about. As the life of awareness settles on your darkness, whatever is evil will disappear.
Whatever is good will be fostered. You will have to experience that for yourself. But this calls for a disciplined mind. And when I say disciplined, I'm not talking about effort. I'm talking about something else. Have you ever studied an athlete. His or her whole life is sports, but what a disciplined life he or she leads. And look at a river as it moves toward the sea.
It creates its own banks that contain it. When there's something within you that moves in the right direction, it creates its own discipline. The moment you get bitten by the bug of awareness. Oh, it's so delightful! It's the most delightful thing in the world; the file: There's nothing so important in the world as awakening. And, of course, it is also discipline in its own way. There's nothing so delightful as being aware. Would you rather live in darkness?
Would you rather act and not be aware of your actions, talk and not be aware of your words? Would you rather listen to people and not be aware of what you're hearing, or see things and not be aware of what you're looking at? The great Socrates said, "The unaware life is not worth living". That's a self-evident truth. Most people don't live aware lives. They live mechanical lives, mechanical thoughts - generally somebody else's - mechanical emotions, mechanical actions, mechanical reactions. Do you want to see how mechanical you really are?
You feel good hearing that. For a shirt, for heaven's sake!
Anthony de Mello | Life is but a dream!
You feel proud of yourself when you hear that. People come over to my center in I ndia and they say, "What a lovely place, these lovely trees" for which I'm not responsible at all , "this lovely climate". And already I'm feeling good, until I catch myself feeling good, and I say, "Hey, can you imagine anything as stupid as that"?
I 'm not responsible for those trees; I wasn't responsible for choosing the location. I didn't order the weather; it just happened. But "me" got in there, so I'm feeling good. I'm feeling good about "my" culture and "my" nation. How stupid can you get? I'm told my great Indian culture has produced all these mystics.
I didn't produce them. I 'm not responsible for them. Or they tell me, "That country of yours and its poverty - it's disgusting". But I didn't create it. Did you ever stop to think? People tell you, "I think you're very charming", so I feel wonderful. I get a positive stroke that's why they call it I 'm O. That's the most liberating, wonderful thing in the world, when you openly admit you're an ass.
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When people tell me, "You're wrong". I say, "What can you expect of an ass"? Disarmed, everybody has to be disarmed. I n the final liberation, I 'm an ass, you're an ass. Normally the way it goes, I press a button and you're up; I press another button and you're down. And you like that. How many people do you know who are unaffected by praise or blame? That isn't human, we say. Human means that you have to be a little monkey, so everybody can twist your tail, and you do file: But is tiiat iiuman? If you find me charming, it means that right now you're in a good mood, nothing more. It also means that I fit your shopping list.
We all carry a shopping list around, and it's as though you've got to measure up to this list - tall, um, dark, um, handsome, according to MY tastes. You say, "I'm in love". You're not in love, you silly ass. Any time you're in love - I hesitate to say this - you're being particularly asinine.
Sit down and watch what's happening to you. You're running away from yourself. You want to escape. So that's what's going on. We are so mechanical, so controlled. We write books about being controlled and how wonderful it is to be controlled and how necessary it is that people tell you you're O. Then you'll have a good feeling about yourself. How wonderful it is to be in prison! Or as somebody said to me yesterday, to be in your cage. Do you like being in prison? Do you like being controlled? Let me tell you something: If you ever let yourself feel good when people tell you that you're O.
As long as you live to fulfill other people's expectations, you better watch what you wear, how you comb your hair, whether your shoes are polished - in short, whether you live up to every damned expectation of theirs. Do you call that human? This is what you'll discover when you observe yourself! The fact of the matter is that you're neither O. You may fit the current mood or trend or fashion! Does that mean you've become O. Does it depend on what people think of you? J esus Christ must have been pretty "not O. I hope that is going to be the big discovery, at least for some of you.
If three or four of you make this discovery during these days we spend together, my, what a wonderful thing! Cut out all the O. You'll make great discoveries. These discoveries will change you. You won't have to make the slightest effort, believe me. This reminds me of this fellow in London after the war. He's sitting with a parcel wrapped in brown paper in his lap; it's a big, heavy file: The bus conductor comes up to him and says, "What do you have on your lap there"?
And the man says, "This is an unexploded bomb. The conductor says, "You don't want to carry that on your lap. Put it under the seat". Psychology and spirituality as we generally understand it transfer the bomb from your lap to under your seat. They don't really solve your problems. They exchange your problems for other problems.
Has that ever struck you? You had a problem, now you exchange it for another one. It's always going to be that way until we solve the problem called "you". Many think the most important question in the world is: Many think it is: Nobody seems to be grappling with the problem of: One sign that you're awakened is that you don't give a damn about what's going to happen in the next life.
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You're not bothered about it; you don't care. You are not interested, period. Do you know what eternal life is? You think it's everlasting life. But your own theologians will tell you that that is crazy, because everlasting is still within time. It is time perduring forever. Eternal means timeless no time. The human mind cannot understand that. The human mind can understand time and can deny time. What is timeless is beyond our comprehension. Yet the mystics tell us that eternity is right now. How's that for good news?
It is right now. People are so distressed when I tell them to forget their past. They are so proud of their past. Or they are so ashamed of their past.
J ust drop it! When you hear "Repent for your past", realize it's a great religious distraction from waking up. That's what repent means. Wisdom from Anthony de Mello "weep for your sins". Understand, stop all the crying, Understand! What is this thing I call "I"? What is this thing I call self? You mean you understood everything else in the world and you didn't understand this?
You mean you under-stood astronomy and black holes and quasars and you picked up computer science, and you don't know who you are? My, you are still asleep. You are a sleeping scientist. You mean you understood what Jesus Christ is and you don't know who you are? How do you know that you have understood J esus Christ? Who is the person doing the understanding? Find that out first. That's the foundation of everything, isn't it?
It's because we haven't understood this that we've got all these stupid religious people involved in all these stupid religious wars -- Muslims fighting against Jews, Protestants fighting Catholics, and all the rest of that rubbish. They don't know who they are, because if they did, there wouldn't be wars.
Like the little girl who says to a little boy, "Are you a Presbyterian"? And he says, "No, we belong to another abomination! You are listening to me, but are you picking up any other sounds besides the sound of my voice as you listen to me? Are you aware of YOUR reactions as you listen to me? If you aren't, you're going to be brainwashed.
Or else you are going to be influenced by forces within you of which you have no awareness at all. And even if you're aware of how you react to me, are you simultaneously aware of where your reaction is coming from? Maybe you are not listening to me at all; maybe your daddy is listening to me. Do you think that's possible? Of course it is. Again and again in my therapy groups I come across people who aren't there at all. Their daddy is there, their mummy is there, but they're not there.
They never were there. Well, that's absolutely, literally true. I could take you apart piece by piece and ask, "Now, this sentence, does it come from Daddy, Mummy, Grandma, Grandpa, whom"? Who's living in you? It's pretty horrifying when you come to know that. You think you are free, but there probably isn't a gesture, a thought, an emotion, an attitude, a belief in you that isn't coming from someone else.
And you don't know it. Talk about a mechanical life that was stamped into you. You feel pretty strongly about certain things, and you think it is you who are feeling strongly about them, but are you really? It's going to take a lot of awareness for you to understand that perhaps this thing you call "I " is simply a conglomeration of your past experiences, of your conditioning and programming. In fact, when you're beginning to awaken, you experience a great deal of pain. It's painful to see your illusions being shattered.
Everything that you thought you had built up crumbles and that's painful. That's what repentance is all about; that's what waking up is all about. So how about taking a minute, right where you're sitting now, to be aware, even as I talk, of what you're feeling in your body, and what's going on in your mind, and what your emotional state is like? How about being aware of the blackboard, if your eyes are open, and the color of these walls and the material they're made of?
How about being aware of my face and the reaction you have to this face of mine? Because you have a reaction whether you're aware of it or not. And it probably isn't your reaction, but one you were conditioned to have. And how about being aware of some of the things I just said, although that wouldn't be awareness, because that's just memory now. Be aware of your presence in this room.
Say to yourself, "I 'm in this room". It's as if you were outside yourself looking at yourself. Notice a slightly different feeling than if you were looking at things in the room. Later we'll ask, "Who is this person who is doing the looking"? I am looking at me. What's an "I "? For the time being it's enough that I watch me, but if you find yourself condemning yourself or approving yourself, don't stop the condemnation and don't stop the judgment or approval, just watch it.
I 'm condemning me; I 'm disapproving of me; I'm approving of me. Just look at it, period. Don't try to change it! Don't say, "Oh, we were told not to do this". J ust observe what's going on. As I said to you before, self- observation means watching -- observing whatever is going on in you and around you as if it were happening to someone else. Would you write down on a piece of paper any brief way you would describe yourself - for example, businessman, priest, human being. Some write, I notice, things like, fruitful, searching pilgrim, competent, alive, impatient, centered, flexible, reconciler, lover, member of the human race, overly structured.
This is the fruit, I trust, of observing yourself. As if you were watching another person. But notice, you've got "I" observing "me". This is an interesting phenomenon that has never ceased to cause wonder to philosophers, mystics, scientists, psychologists, that the "I" can observe "me". It would seem that animals are not able to do this at all. It would seem that one needs a certain amount of intelligence to be able to do this.
What I'm going to give you now is not metaphysics; it is not philosophy. It is plain observation and common sense. The great mystics of the East are really referring to that "I ", not to the "me". As a matter of fact, some of these mystics tell us that we begin first with things, with an awareness of things; then we move on to an awareness of thoughts that's the "me" ; and finally we get to awareness of the thinker.
What we're really searching for is the thinker. Can the thinker know himself? Can I know what "I " is? Some of these mystics reply, "Can the knife cut itself? Can the tooth bite itself? Can the eye see itself? Can the 'I' know itself"? But I am concerned with something infinitely more practical right now, and that is with deciding what the "I " is not.
I 'II go as slowly as possible because the consequences are devastating. Terrific or terrifying, depending on your point of view. Am I my thoughts, the thoughts that I am thinking? Thoughts come and go; I am not my thoughts. Am I my body? They tell us that millions of cells in our body are changed or are renewed every minute, so that by the end of seven years we don't have a single living cell in our body that was there seven years before. Cells come and go. Cells arise and die. But "I" seems to persist. So am I my body? You might say the body is part of "I", but it is a changing part.
We have the same name for it but it constantly changes. J ust as we have the same name for Niagara Falls, but Niagara Falls is constituted by water that is constantly changing. We use the same name for an ever-changing reality. How about my name? Evidently not, because I can change my name without changing the "I". How about my career? How about my beliefs? I say I am a Catholic, a J ew - is that an essential part of "I "? When I move from one religion to another, has the "I" changed? Do I have a new "I " or is it the same "I " that has changed?
I n other words, is my name an essential part of me, of the "I "? I s my religion an essential part of the "1"? I mentioned the little girl who says to the boy, "Are you a Presbyterian"? Well, somebody told me another story, about Paddy. Paddy was walking down the street in Belfast and he discovers a gun pressing against the back of his head and a voice says". Are you Catholic or Protestant"? Well, Paddy has to do some pretty fast thinking. He says, "I 'm a J ew". And he hears a voice say, "I 've got to be the luckiest Arab in the whole of Belfast".
Labels are so important to us. But are you really? You can't mean that when you switch parties you have a new "I". Isn't it the same old "I" with new political convictions? I remember hearing about a man who asks his friend, "Are you planning to vote Republican"? The friend says, "No, I'm planning to vote Democratic.
My father was a Democrat, my grandfather was a Democrat, and my great-grandfather was a Democrat". The man says, "That is crazy logic. I mean, if your father was a horse thief, and your grandfather was a horse thief, and your great-grandfather was a horse thief, what would you be"? We spend so much of our lives reacting to labels, our own and others'. We identify the labels with the "I". Catholic and Protestant are frequent labels.
There was a man who went to the priest and said, "Father, I want you to say a Mass for my dog". The priest was indignant. The priest said, "We don't offer Masses for dogs here. You might try the denomination down the street. Ask them if they might have a service for you". As the man was leaving, he said to the priest, "Too file: I really loved that dog.
I was planning to offer a million-dollar stipend for the Mass". And the priest said, "Wait a minute, you never told me your dog was Catholic". When you're caught up in labels, what value do these labels have, as far as the "I" is concerned? Could we say that "I " is none of the labels we attach to it? Labels belong to "me". What constantly changes is "me". Does "I" ever change? Does the observer ever change?
The fact is that no matter what labels you think of except perhaps human being you should apply them to "me". So when you step out of yourself and observe "me", you no longer identify with "me". Suffering exists in "me", so when you identify "I" with "me", suffering begins. Say that you are afraid or desirous or anxious. When "I " does not identify with money, or name, or nationality, or persons, or friends, or any quality, the "I " is never threatened. It can be very active, but it isn't threatened.
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Think of anything that caused or is causing you pain or worry or anxiety. First, can you pick up the desire under that suffering, that there's something you desire very keenly or else you wouldn't be suffering. What is that desire? Second, it isn't simply a desire; there's an identification there. You have somehow said to yourself, "The well-being of 'I ,' almost the existence of 'I ,' is tied up with this desire".
All suffering is caused by my identifying myself with something, whether that something is within me or outside of me. I went to the movies and I was working shortly after that and I was really having trouble with three people in my life. So I said, 'All right, just like I learned at the movies, I 'm going to come outside myself.
For a couple of hours, I got in touch with my feelings, with how badly I felt toward these three people. I said, 'I really hate those people. That afternoon I had to go to the office, where I spoke to those people. I told them what my problem was and file: I wasn't mad at them and I didn't hate them anymore". Anytime you have a negative feeling toward anyone, you're living in an illusion. There's something seriously wrong with you.
You're not seeing reality. Something inside of you has to change. But what do we generally do when we have a negative feeling? She's got to change". The world's all right. The one who has to change is YOU. One of you told of working in an institution. During a staff meeting someone would inevitably say, "The food stinks around here", and the regular dietitian would go into orbit. She has identified with the food. She is saying, "Anyone who attacks the food attacks me; I feel threatened".
But the "I " is never threatened; it's only the "me" that is threatened. But suppose you witness some out-and-out injustice, something that is obviously and objectively wrong. Would it not be a proper reaction to say this should not be happening? Should you somehow want to involve yourself in correcting a situation that's wrong? Someone's injuring a child and you see abuse going on. How about that kind of thing? I hope you did not assume that I was saying you shouldn't do anything. I said that if you didn't have negative feelings you'd be much more effective, MUCH more effective.
Because when negative feelings come in, you go blind. Where we had one problem on our hands before, now we have two problems.