They are the women who stay home or sit by the pool while their spouses enjoy golfing with their buddies. But two can play at that game — literally.
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Today, more and more women are playing golf for both recreation and development of business relationships. Though they tend not to be able to hit quite as far, on average they have superior accuracy so scores are comparable. Gone are the days when it was exclusively a men's club. Even a chauvinist can rejoice. Where else do you get to see a fine form in motion without penalty? It's been said that living well is the best revenge, but I lean toward the old saying that getting better is better than getting even.
So beg, borrow, or buy ah, credit card revenge! It won't be long before you're embarrassing the mate by sinking that twelve-foot putt when he or she just missed a two-footer. Of course, those without an interest in golf bite your tongue! It's not difficult to make sure that planned trip to Maui for a week on the links contains sights and delights to occupy the 'abandoned' spouse, male or female. Makena's 1, acres of lush green and dramatic cloud bedecked mountain views practically guarantee that.
If African safaris are more to your taste, there's even a course in The Gambia, a little sliver of a country with a coast carved out of Senegal. I'd stay out of the water traps, though. For the stay near home types of either sex, you might welcome a chance to get a few of those projects done without some of the — oh, I'm sure very valuable, yes indispensable — advice they often engender.
If you'll forgive the pun. Such projects could involve taking the spouse's second set of clubs to the repair shop for getting that long-delayed re-grip. Or, for the really ambitious and tidy, you could polish the grass stains off those woods and take a good saddle soap to that leather bag. Probably the best advice I've heard to rein in a golf fanatic is to make easing up seem like the duffer's own idea. Of course, it's hard to get them to sit still long enough for hypnosis to take effect.
Golf Widows Revenge by Gilly Flower (2012, Paperback)
Rather than harangue and insist the golfer play less golf — suggest they play even more. They want their husbands around and, I have to say, I do feel a little bit sorry for them.
On the surface, club golf in Scotland does not appear to be in too bad a shape. There are still , men, women and juniors paying annual subscriptions to around clubs, from the Northern Isles to the Borders. But they are now dwarfed by the growing numbers of players - the current estimate by the Scottish Golf Union, the amateur game's governing body, is , - who only play the game occasionally.
Golf Widows Revenge by Gilly Flower (, Paperback) | eBay
Many are men with young families who resent paying hundreds of pounds to join a club and then hundreds of pounds more in annual subscriptions to play just a handful of rounds. Reports from across Scotland are also suggesting members are playing far less frequently, with a study by the Golf Research Group, the world's leading golf industry consultancy, finding that average rounds per course in Scotland have fallen to around 23, - far below the UK average of 31, Clubs themselves have haemorrhaged about 5, paying members over the past five years - about three a day - and there are serious concerns that the trickle may turn into a flood.
Prestigious clubs such as Muirfield in East Lothian, Royal Troon in Ayrshire, and Royal Burgess in Edinburgh, still have long waiting lists because of the social cachet that membership brings to Scotland's professional and business classes. Hamish Grey, the chief executive of the SGU, says the golf club system is being undermined by wider cultural changes in society. Then there is still the feeling that golf clubs are exclusive places that are difficult to join.
People feel they can't get into a club, so they don't try. There is a real opportunity there for clubs to go out and market themselves. Peter McEvoy, the former Great Britain Walker Cup captain, who was brought up in Gourock, in Ayrshire, agrees with the analysis that club golf is facing two major problems: But there is a whole swathe who love golf, but grow up, get married, have kids and busy working lives in which time is at a premium.
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Of course, golf may be losing out in the exodus away from the fairways, but child care experts say family life and society as a whole is the winner. Jack O'Sullivan, author of a guide to being a dad called He's Having A Baby, said children who spent more time with their fathers are less likely to be involved in crime and less likely to have emotional problems later in life.
However, not only men are affected by the pressures of modern life. One of the ironies of golf is that while the women's professional circuit is flourishing with a new breed of glamorous young stars attracting TV coverage and money to the game, female club golfers too are deserting in droves. The latest survey by the Ladies' Golf Union of Great Britain and Ireland found five out of six clubs in Scotland had vacancies for female members. Worryingly, the average lady member of a Scottish golf club is aged between 55 and 64 and the average number of young girls per club is only seven, compared with 58 among boys.
Another factor taking its toll on the club system is that while membership is, at best, static, the number of courses is increasing. More than , many of them pay-and-play without any requirement to join, have been built in Scotland over the past 12 years, meaning those willing to be traditional golf club members are being spread more thinly, affecting many clubs' bottom lines. There are other new attractions too, especially for golfers who do not relish the capricious Scottish weather. This month two new state-of-the-art "virtual golf" simulator centres are being opened in Glasgow and Edinburgh.
Players can play some of the world's top courses on giant screens using real clubs and balls.
But traditional golf clubs are fighting back with a range of new tactics, and nowhere is the battle being fought more aggressively than in Edinburgh, where there is fierce competition for the golfers' pound. One club, Craigmillar Park, has recently gained new members after completely scrapping its 1, joining fee for a limited period. Merchants of Edinburgh, the Craiglockhart club which is celebrating its centenary this year, is offering the first new members to join an annual subscription of three guineas 3.
Craigmillar Park's secretary, Stewart Leslie, said the offer had been "extremely successful".