I was single until I was 39 and can remember struggling with most of those things and I still witness my single friends wrestling with them, however, I am encouraged that they love Jesus more than having to be married! They make hard choices to live godly lives, but they stick at it. Thanks for being like that Emma, as it encourages us much. That can be the most difficult aspect to maintain godliness in. A common dilemma, particularly for Christian women, since there seems to be more women in the church than men, and simple numbers mean more women will go unmarried or will have to look elsewhere — for a nice partner that shares the ethics and morals of Christians with a hard work ethic, good personal hygiene, sense of humour etc.
Is it sensible to write off all of mankind and your own chances of happiness just because they do not share the same blind devotion to a story about a man who years ago claimed to be from outer space to paraphrase the New Testament a little? Humans are social creatures. We need to form bonds with other humans to feel happiness, and love, and not feel ostracised, weak and depressed. The church is meant to help with this, but sometimes it fails, and this is one of those areas. It is simple numbers not luck, not Gods will, not anything else.
Unless of course polygamy suddenly becomes OK in mainstream orthodox Christianity -not likely any time soon! My advice — find a nice guy. Be open and honest with your beliefs, and even if he does not share those all of those beliefs on day 1, he may do one day. That should be good enough hope is necessary, but remember perfection does not exist in this world.
If God loves you then he wants your happiness, and likewise if he loves that nice guy I mentioned, then he also wants his happiness which you will be a major part of. So ask him out or stop saying no to his asking you and maybe it will work out. You do not know the future or what is on the other side of the vale of tears.
So put your best foot forward and do not be afraid. We are called to love, care for, lead, teach and serve our brothers and sisters in such a way that articles like this may not even need to be written. What a tour de force! Each point you raise is so well done.
For some reason God has me thinking about this issue today, even though I am neither single nor a woman. As someone who is single and have been 29 for the past 18 years I have probably believed everyone of these at some point in my life except marrying a non-Christian. While God is soveriegn, we also reap the consequences of our actions. I believe that the Christian men have chickened out and not manned up by seeking marriage earlier in their life. We need to be praying for the men in this country to not be influenced by the feminist anti-men campaign and that they would go out and find us.
These are not to disparage women, but the ways church have addressed men. Men will step up in church when they are admonished when they fail and honored when they succeed.
Trust Makes All the Difference
I am not saying become seeker friendly to men by changing the word, I am saying to remember that the Jesus of Matthew is the same Jesus in Revelations. Otherwise men will continue to recognize they are not appreciated in the church and will continue to have less men in them. And if they are there, they will just suppress their manliness all the while being belittled and not be on fire for Jesus. Serrie-kue and J, I hear your frustrations and am sure they are born out of some pretty strong experiences.
Or some sort of self-dramatising trip. I mean, if it makes you feel empowered to cast yourself as the target of some cosmic psychopath, then good luck to you, I suppose. No need to load it with devils.
Lie 2: God is not powerful enough to find you a husband
But this talk of satanic. In relation to celibacy….. Some of the tools the bible gives us to deal with temptation are:. Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Put on the full armour of God. Be ready for the fight, when the inevitable time sexual temptation will come. Sharing your struggles with a godly compassionate Christian is a good step to help one follow God.
I had this very issue the last three days. I have an acquaintance who is just gorgeous. This morning, I deliberately put that picture away because I did not want my mind to be locked into that sin of lust. I do not want my body to follow my mind down that pathway. It still rears its ugly head now, several years later. But when that lustful feeling comes back up, I tend to forget how badly I can be burned.
This is why God tells us to be vigilant and take every thought captive. Those are not just suggestions. The Social Conservative Review: August 22, www. For what it may be worth, I was single until in my thirties and until a year before marriage had no romantic experiences at all, even though I hoped to find someone. I was almost becoming resigned to being single until I went to a Christian conference in Canberra, and that was that. They were active in church work and other things and seemed very happy and well-adjusted ladies.
She was a very helpful and loving aunt. Which shows, if anything, that singleness can be a good state to be in, even if is has its undoubted challenges and loneliness at times. It is not a happy state for many, of course. Friday Favorites - Redemptive Homemaking. Hi Emma, thanks for your post. The complete pdf book can be freely downloaded from: This has been very helpful to me. I have struggled with homosexuality all my life. Nor is it his will for me. Quick, pungent writing style. The article touched on points that singles commonly experience.
You contrasted our dark single moments with the shining light of truth. You helped us refocus on what matters most, namely, our identity in Christ, his love for us, and our call to serve others. You presented examples of people who are content being single and others who are miserable.
It is probably right around the corner. I know this article is addressed to women, but men can relate to it. One of your statements touched my heart. Focusing on God, not on how we feel, puts us in a place of confidence, hope, and purpose. Sorry to point this out, Emma, but the reference from 1 Pet 1: I saw Christopher Yuan post the link to your article and caught my attention, being single again after a second marriage ended in divorce.
Seems juvenile to say this I suppose, but I feel like only now have I really woken up a bit to the irrationality of my own perverse stupidity. Ah well, we stuck it out like good Christian soldiers for two years, never once holding hands or sharing a room let alone a bed yes I can affirm what was stated in the article that a person can be exceedingly lonely in a marriage , and yet I would always feel better knowing when she came home.
I was the salt being put in my own emotional wounds, not the salt of the earth doing any heavenly good. So I guess it was a natural devolution that led me to pick a nice unbeliever for my second go at marriage, rationalizing in two ways both sinful and carnal: Well, maybe the second marriage was also because now I was older and figured this would be the last shot at daddyhood. My new wife had a young daughter and I got to be her dad and teach her to ride a bike, do a flip off the pull-up bar at the park, dance with her in the living room while working on our flips and twirls….
She was the sweetest kid a dad could want and naturally losing her was the worst part about divorcing her mother. Thankfully we still get to see each other and her mom and I talk, but as a committed unbeliever, the closest she came to coming to the Lord was coming to church with me. Well you get the idea. I envy those Christians I know who are single, have been single, never married yet remain devoted to the Lord. We all stumble here and there, in different and also similar ways, but my stumbles were pretty outrageously stupid and that despite having such amazing godly men and women as friends.
The Lord has finally let me see the consequences of my willful sins and anyone thinking marriage is an antidote to loneliness, misery, unhappiness, feeling complete, you are sadly mistaken. I would tell you to clip this post from Emma and stick it in your Bible as a bookmark. I should go back and cut half of what I wrote, but I figure this is as much for me getting it off my chest as it is for any soul willingly to read it. Join a support group. God loves you and adores you and wants so badly for you to turn to him and cry out to him the way you did to me.
Scream if you have to. He can take it. Because you are infinitely more precious to him than the person who is pridefully breezing through life, pretending not to have a care in the world. The Bible says the Lord is close to the broken-hearted and those who are crushed in spirit. He is close to you, friend. As close as this computer screen is to you. All you have to do is reach out and grab the hem of his cloak. Mandy, what an incredible answer! I too have had many struggles in my life, but I have always given it to God!
The answers may not be immediate, but He is always there, thank you! Nobodies purpose should be to suffer while others get to be happy. I often feel where god is my self. I feel for this woman and telling her the only purpose for her is to suffer is terrible. Perhaps you should re-read the blog. However, we ALL suffer in life, in one way or another…and we have two choices: And I have found that when we choose 2, very often the weight of the suffering is lifted.
Happiness is a choice. No matter what you are walking through on any given day…you CAN choose to be happy. You CAN choose to get out there and share your story and connect with others and make a dent in the universe. People so often just want to wish away their suffering without taking the time to look for the purpose in it.
But taking that pain and suffering and channeling it into something positive and life-changing and hopeful is where miracles occur. I chose to look at my singleness as a positive and in doing so, changed the course of my career, life path, and ultimately — destiny. THAT is my message to this sweet woman.
Ultimately, we can have everything handed to us on a silver platter and still be miserable people. Or we can have everything taken from us and choose to be joyful. Thank you Mandy you dont know how much I needed this right now. You are a blessing and I thank God for speaking to me through you. From one 35 year old single woman to another I feel your pain and struggles and often asked where is God myself and today I got my answer. This message brought tears. My story is so very different but i feel so alone at times. Im knew to your blog. Matter of fact, this is the 1st. I was surprised when I began to read the lady letter.
I have the same thing. I needed to hear your reply and I know feel so much better and more confident. Thank you and Thank you to the women that had the courage to write in. Good luck to her. As a life coach and mental healthcare administrator specializing in anxiety disorders, I see people deal with feeling alone and isolated. When I tell them they are not alone they cry. Knowing that people care and that you are not as different as you think, means all the world.
Maybe its true that everything has a purpose, and someday, somehow we will understand the reasons why such bad things are happening to us! But for as long us we keep on holding our faith to the lord above…. He will provide us solutions! Mandy thank you so much for your courage to put out there your own struggle that it might would help someone. I was as you spoke of pridefully breezing through life without a care in the world for 39 years. I look back and think how could i have been so shallow so narrow minded and not even take into consideration consequences of my action or words.
My eyes were open only through the first tragic events of my life which on I lost my grandmother who was the only family member I have that ever went to church she passed unexpectedly had a massive heart attack one sunday morning getting ready for church. Eventhough we were not close this has completely destroyed me! I have been so mentally and emotionally unstable trying to understand everything from again WHY , why does it hurt why is this affecting me in such a detrimental way. So I have went from a shallow narrow minded confident independent women to a broke down confused lost anxious insecure shell of a person.
I wasnt raised in church but when i was 30 God set me free from drugs alcohol and an abusive marriage of 15 yrs in every form verbally physically sexually and mentally and I still praise him for that! But eventhough I was freed i remained shallow and narrow minded of course I didnt realize it at the time but i do now. My insecurity has me even questioning do I really have a relationship with our Savior because or have i been going through the motions.
I also have an amazing daughter and how she turned out to be so amazing is only by God almighty because unfortunately i was a mother just like mine. My mom died leaving me with the void of never having a mother and always wanting one, I am bound and determined to fill the void that my daughter has our relationship is broken no foundation no trust but i am giving all of what little i have left in me to be the mother i should of been from the beginning!
I am still only at the beginning of this revelation that God has given me but it has given me one thing that I had lost and that is HOPE again! Wow Mandy amazing answer and testimony,, i also do suffer from anxiety and bad terrible panics attacks, i hate them. I am not seeing the encouragement I would be able to give others in this same situation, other than I am in the same boat as you.
Kinda a misery loves company theme and yeah you have to accept it. I want marriage and am lonely and depressed due to unanswered prayer. Single women want to see victory over struggles, not just squelch stronng normal unfulfilled desire and give up wanting. We want to see an active God leading us into ordained arrangements, not just strength to remain single and find substitute consolation prizes. If women see God providing the fulfillment of desires he put in us, that will give authentic encourage to them. Not seeing a group of single Christian women growing larger each year with relentless waiting on something God is not involved in providing.
Unwanted prolonged singlrness drives women right into the arms of non believing men who will pursue. Maybe God should stop putting the desire for male companionship, affection, and intimacy in women when his will does not include spouses for these dear ladies of all agies. Mandy, thank you so much for your blog and your response to this lady suffering from hepatitis c.
I know that her life is hard, but I agree with you that God is going to use her. I appreciate your blog, it helps me and inspires me thank you for the wonderful things you say and your encouragement for others. I needed to read that post! The power of stranger to carry out such a blessing as little as a motivating word is beyond what I can begin to describe! You are a blessing to so many people! Your words are consoling and lead me towards a faith based, patient, Christian path. You were the start of my commitment to become closer to God!
I loved this question and your answer. I am a 56 year old never married childless woman who knows that God is in charge. However sometimes its so hard to be alone. I found it difficult when I was in my thirties and all my friends were getting married and having children but that was a cake walk to the stage I am in know with my friends having grandkids. It fills me with an emptiness that I cant fill even though I have joined clubs, church etc. Sometimes our lives dont go as we planned and its hard but one day at a time we can believe there are better days ahead.
I understand how you feel. I turn 40 this April and I am once again single, like you I have pushed myself, joined new groups, made new friends and get out and about a lot but sometimes it would be lovely to have someone close to share things with. As you though, I give my love to my Angels and to God and know that what is meant to be will be. I wish you love and laughter in your life. He places the solitary in families. There is a great man God is bringing your way. People who are single again say they are alone too, and I think, at least you were happy for awhile.
At least you got a beautiful child out of it. In all of the advice, books, whatever, people recommend joining churches, clubs, etc. Even in the church, single people are often looked down upon or considered not quite complete as the church goes on and on about families. A common message is to listen for when you get married. Often, we are the only still taboo group left.
- Single? Don’t Stop Trusting God?
- Acknowledging Him in All Our Ways!
- The Future of Policing.
- The Mix Up.
- Las marcas del Ángel (Spanish Edition)!
- Home Front.
They let us in, but welcome us? Forgetting the fact that Jesus, Paul, Mary, Martha, and so many others they preach about were single. I guess I just have to trust there is a reason. And I have to work on being happy with what I do have and be grateful for my friends. Maybe reach out to others who have less than I do. I guess I can take comfort that Jesus, too, was single. And rejected by many of those he even died for. I feel the same way! Thanks for your comment! I am going through the exact same thing except I am How depressing is it not to even have anyone to talk too!
The people who live right never receive a blessing!! God Bless YOU for being courageous and vulnerable and open! You will speak about your anxiety and you have comforted me today for sure!
Am I in another desert? But the Bible is full of miracles and I must remind myself daily-sometimes several times a day that I am going to be strengthened in this journey. We are not alone! Thank you Mandy for this beautiful post! I needed what you said. I am in the same place exactly.
It is one interview after another of hope and promise followed by rejection everytime. That is IF i ever make it to an interview. I too am a single mom to two. I watch and listen to people gripe and complain about their jobs or job hop with no appreciation. At this point I would almost rather be in a miserable job making money vs unemployed.
To me the worse is I cant tithe to my church. Or I have little to tithe when I can. It is so beyond depressing. You gave me a sunray of hope. Hi, i saw your reply about being unemployed, what are we to do I know God promised me buisnesses. I have really been trusting God I have been Blessed with more money off the job than on.. Do we get on a job are keep waiting for door opem for his Promise.. Because He said he would do it different than before I dont want to mess up and move and God didnt say..
Thanks for hearing me out.. Dear Lynn, You are not alone.
- Need Prayer?.
- Jesus, El hijo del hombre - Gabrin Jalil Gibran (Spanish Edition);
- Lie 1: You’re single because you’re…!
- .
- Leib Weihnachtskuchen und sein Kind (German Edition).
You may be single, but you are not alone. So sick of hearing things like: When you learn to love yourself, then someone will too. This one resonated with me because in some ways it is true; but it does not guarantee marital love will come your way. Have you tried fill in the blank? Oh no, I have been sitting on the sofa in my pajamas waiting for him to ring my doorbell silly me. Hope is something we possess in abundance, but with each decade that passes single it depletes greatly. Really, and for those that die never being married? Those that never have children not by choice?
Those that never connect to a faith after a lifetime of soul searching? My answer is this. There is nothing wrong with you. There is nothing wrong with me. There is nothing perfect about those who attain everything. It is what it is. You life is not measured by destinations you achieve, but by the journey and path you forge for yourself. The single life lived well and full is like a path for those and there will be many who will follow or look for signposts you have left.
If you find your strength through God, great. If you find your strength in yourself, great. If you find your strength through others, great. Just know that it is your life, and you are the best person to know what is right for you.
Where Is God In All of This?
But most importantly know that you are not alone. You may be lonely, but I have known people in marriages that are lonely. Take pride in your decision to not accept less than you are comfortable with just to appease society! What an amazing answer! My mom always tells me when I am stressed or worried about something that God is in control! Thank you so much I needed to read this. I have been struggling with my life and where I am at.
I am trying to find my higher power and accept God or something cause I just feel lost right now. This week has been very emotional. I just finished reading your book and it helped me a lot. Your words could not have came at a better time. I needed to read this. I am struggling right now.. Everything in my life is falling apart.. I have chills after reading this.
I have recently fallen away from God because of the horrid things that a Christian family has been doing to my daughter and I. I know understand that God is not bad or mean, that he is just bringing me to my happiness. It may be a hard and long road but if I continue to give my problems to God it will shorten my road to happiness tenfold. Thank you so much Mandy! I have to share something that I realized a few days ago.
My first husband died many years ago. I remarried — and that marriage ended in divorce after almost 20 years. People ask which one hurts the most. I have always said — divorce. God choose to take my first husband home, but in divorce my second husband chose to leave. But then I realized that God was actuallywas there working.
I never for a moment felt He had forsaken me when I was diagnosed with cancer last June. This article so eloquently explains how I felt about my diagnosis and so much more! Thank you for this! Reading this made difference to me. And it is very helpful thank you for sharing may God bless you more to keep shining..
Single? Don’t Stop Trusting God - Christian Dating, Singles
Mandy and Friend you have already touched my life. You are both awesome. Our crosses seem so very heavy, especially when you are single, many a time I feel quiet alone…. Thank you Mandy, you are an amazing woman of God. We serve an amazing God and he allows us to go through trials and tribulations to prepare us. It is never easy but if we stay focused on him, we can see the light. I have had that same question before, and then out of nowhere, he shows you the answer. I have seen it many times. I pray for that sweet lady and her situation and I lift you up as well Mandy, to continue your work witnessing to other.
Have a blessed day. This really touched me. I too question where God is at times. I am a divorced 37 yr old woman with no children. I have faith in God and love him and know that I am truely blessed for what I do have and try to focus on that instead of what i dont have. I have always wanted to be a mother and was always told i would be a great one but it just never happened. I have been hurt so many times by men and now even though i am extremely lonely I dont even try to find someone it seems to be a waste.
It is hard to see others like my ex husband who arent good people living what appeara to be a good life, it hurts but I keep trying to have faith that This hurt was all worth it that I will find happiness again someday. But my youngest graduated high school last year. Do you believe Him for His plan? Believing God and trusting God go hand in hand. But the Prince Hasn't Come Moody, The Christian Broadcasting Network. Are you seeking answers in life? Are you facing a difficult situation? Call Email your prayer request.