BUT now think of the chains of hell being broken, think of the weight of your sin demolished, think of Jesus raising to life. All for you, so he could raise you to life too. Kinda like a poem I guess. But hoped it helped! Please be praying for me bc I still doubt as I will be praying for other people on here! Seek God with your whole heart and he will give you that assurance. Cling to the word of God. Another assurance verse is Titus 1: I thought I was losing my mind. I will be praying for you all, and please pray for me me through my struggle with doubts as well!
Your salvation does not depend on what English Translation you use. Faith in Christ and not in a particular English Translation is the basis for Salvation. I too have and am still going through this. I have been plagued with this since I was a child. I have asked Jesus to save me many many times. I hear others testify and I get scared. I go to church services and get scared. I analyze everything I think and feel. Which makes me feel more lost scared and hopeless. What if thats me? Or when people say they felt like something was missing.
I do get comfort that I have had prayers answered and feel the Lord guides me and knows me. But sometimes that is all overshadowed by doubt. My husband says if your child were drowning and he cried out to you to save him, would you? Of course is my reply! The one major thing that makes me wonder or worry is how can I be sure I meant it in the right way specifically did I have Godly sorrow which is required or worldly sorrow? I do reckognise I am a sinner and need God and I know I love Jesus and desire a replationship with him more than anything!
But the doubts plague me even when I get reassured by someone or something it comes back again: Come back to them every time. Just keep coming back to God. It may take a long time before the doubts leave for good ….. I never used to struggle but seems like the more I try to get in the word and pray more, the stronger the doubts! I know in my head torment comes from Satan! May you pray that I will never doubt again! I so needed this. I suffer from doubt from time to time. I will pray for you please keep praying for us. It helps a lot to see my thoughts and feelings echoed in the article and comments above.
Thank you so much for posting this article. It helps to know that we are only human and others have the same struggles we do! God tells us to put on the full amour of God daily against the devils schemes. Ephesians also, that not find it strange that we r goinh through these trials ,that our sisters and brothers in Christ are experiencing the same things, 1peter.
We need ro remain steadfast and cling to Gods promises regardless of our feelings and emotions. Satan tries make it so difficult, but the lord overcame this world and we have that authority in Christ that we r more than overcomers through Christ who loved us. I to have prayed and prayed and felt like my prayers were being heard I would always get nervous about the rapture and things like that because of this. This testamony really helped me. Thank you for following Gods leadership and sharing it.
Praise Jesus for his goodness. May God Bless you and your family. See you in Heaven one day. My dad killed himself last year right before Christmas some time. So I could ues a lot of prayer s for peace and healing for this. I want peace to where if something were to happen to me like if I get into a car accident or something happens to me that I would go up to heaven.
I no we are not always granite about tommorw so I just would like peace about this for tonight and for Jesus to help me take one day at a time to help me overcome this. Thanks for the prayer s and may God bless you. I pray that God sweeps down his hand and embraces you with all the love and healing he has to offer you. I pray that the Holy Spirit heals your broken heart and makes his presence known to you. I pray that our lord Jesus be your companion and remind you of his endless love. In Jesus name, amen.
My dad is a pastor and I was saved at a young age.. I actually prayed the prayer and was baptized at age five and then again at twelve. I felt like not only was I not saved, but I could never be saved.. When she said that I felt love wash over me from the top of my head and go all the way down to my feet. Did I mean it when I prayed? Does my life bear witness to a life lived for Christ? Was I sorry enough for my sins? Am I not in awe of the cross enough? I am 32 and for the past year I have struggled with this too. I believe in Jesus but at the same time I doubt.
So if we doubt at the same time that we want him to save us , then will he? About 10 years to be exact. I went through almost every thought, feeling, ritual one could do or think trying to figure out how to be saved. There was a point that I came to, where I felt like it was too late to ever be saved. That my opportunity to be saved had passed by me.
The belief was so strong, that my skin felt like it was burning. I could almost feel the fires of Hell. I wondered if I could smell it too. My point in telling you this is not to frighten you. But to reach out and say, I know how you are feeling. After I came to this conclusion that I had lost my last chance of being saved, and I was doomed forever, a preacher came through my Bible College and to my amazement, his sermon was how he doubted his salvation.
How he at one point thought it was too late for Him as well. And how he found peace. After he preached, I went up to him and told him I was struggling with the same exact thing. He took my Bible and showed me what I had been missing with my understanding of Jesus. I had misunderstood the Gospel. I had turned it into one of works, not on purpose, but by misunderstanding.
Satan had blinded my eyes from the truth. But when he showed me the simplicity of Jesus and what He did and accomplished on the cross for me, it all became so crystal clear.
- COMMENTS (64)?
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- DragonMan - Face Of The Unknown.
One ministry is this website: It is the ministry of a man that severely doubted his salvation when he was a pastor even. He has some great messages and materials to go through that can and will help you. I KNOW with all my heart that you can be saved! And Yes Jesus wants to save you even though you doubt.
I see this comment is just a few days old, even though this blog post is a couple of years old. I was just skimming through the comments, and saw yours and felt led to reach out to you. I do not believe this is a coincidence. God is hearing your prayers. I will be praying for you. If you would like to correspond through email I would be happy to talk with you. My email is heather. That site was not helpful at all. This has helped me a lot. I was saved when I was 10 after a very clear presentation of the Gospel.
I have grown in Christ greatly because of the type of churches I have been a member of and because I was taught early in my youth about how to walk with God in my Bible reading and prayer. I am in a strong soul winning church where salvation is strongly emphasized. I have always felt that this is a disservice to people like me who have many times struggled with doubts about their salvation experience.
I have tried this before by the way. I have made it my habit to go to the Bible anytime I have doubts. The thing that causes me the most difficulty is when I see adult church members who have had the need to get their salvation settled. A big to do is made about them getting saved and baptized, and then we are reminded that if we have any doubts we should not fool around. It is as if doubting is the same as being lost. I just wish someone would be honest and say that it is normal for Christians to have doubts, and that it is a attack from Satan to discourage us or to render us useless for Christ.
Satan will do anything to get us to stop serving the Lord, and that includes challenging our faith. I think sometimes preachers will not cover this topic for fear that someone who truly does need salvation will misunderstand and get a false assurance. I have a feeling that this is a bigger problem than anyone is willing to admit.
I think you are spot on. What we can do is to share our own stories with those around us — we never know who it may help. It was truly God-led me finding this blog because I have been struggling for years with doubts. I know that salvation does not hinge on how good I can be but on Jesus and His shed blood for me but still I fear.
I admit I have felt true peace before. That others have the same feelings I do! You have been a great blessing to me and I thank you from the bottom of my heart! So glad my story could help you. I to have struggled with this issue. I gave my heart to the Lord many years ago. I do not remember the date or year. I do remember it was during a revival and close to Halloween.
Now I have conflicting stories. Many years later I divorced my husband. I am 60 years old so I know that age is not a factor for these feelings. Thanks so much for all of the comments, I have gotten a lot of valuable info from here. I was raised in a Christian home and saved when I was around 7, I think. I was baptized soon after, and lived in peace until I was about I did not know if I was saved, and went to the altar every Sunday praying for assurance and peace. I was ignorant about the bible, and just begged God over and over for peace and assurance. I talked with pastors and my parents and tons of people in the church, but instead of turning to God I started looking for distractions from my pain.
I fell out praying and reading my bible and I started doing and thinking bad things. I repented of the life I was living and asked God to forgive me. I still could not say that I was saved. I go through the day in torment. But I still have those thoughts and I still do not have assurance. I know how you feel. Just keep coming back to Scripture every time you doubt. For me, it was a gradual process of seeing the doubts lessen. It took time but eventually they were just gone. Or am I not truly accepting him in my heart just in my head.
What helped me was thinking back to when I was in 6th grade and I remembered asking Him to save me. I knew back then I had none of these questions and was sincere so I held on to that and kept bringing it back to Scripture. You are overthinking it and Satan is using that. Believe me I understand how hard it is. But if I doubt if I have enough faith then so I have enough faith? If you desire to give your life to Christ and choose with your will to believe, then He will save. We need to keep coming back and back to His promises.
Hope that helps a bit. If you could pray for me that I would believe on Christ and what He did for me with my heart. This was Satan attacking me. I waited a while and thought this might go away. I looked up what to do and felt like God was pushing me to look it up. I found this website after another one. I read it and understood that I needed to continue reading verses every time I doubted God until my doubts went away.
Satan will fail against my Father and Jesus will win the battle. I put some sticky notes on my wall with the verses on them.
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- How I Stopped Doubting My Salvation.
- The Race.
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- The Twilight Legacies?
- That Ye May Know The Truth.
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This was when ever I walk in my room I can read them and I plan to put them in my locker, lunchbox, binder and other places I often look. This way at school I can have access to them when ever I doubt. I also feel like this might help.
How to Stop Doubting Your Salvation
Forgive me if I am wrong, but I felt like I needed to answer you. Do you believe in Jesus Christ and what He has done? Your mom, dad, sibling, neighbor, teacher, preacher, etc…? Do you believe those in your life that have said He did it for them and saved them? He did it for us too. I say us because He did it for you and me and each and everyone of us. He already did it. It is crazy to me that I am the one typing this to you. I say crazy that I am the one replying because like so many of the others who have posted, I battle horribly with doubt.
All that is required of us now is what I mentioned above. We, like with so many other things in our lives, complicate things unnecessarily. I apologize if I misquoted or misspoke anything and anyone else reading after, please, please feel free to clarify if I have clouded things or missed something or messed up in my bumbling attempt to help.
I be praying eternal life waiting if you just accept Jesus. He died for you he loves you God bless! Mostly because i was told God doesnt owe me anything and people only get 1 chance sometimes. So feared that he would never draw me again. I couldnt sleep, eat, think straight or anything as i cried daily for months. I always thought i was saved because i believed. He showed me i was wrong. He drew me to the altar time and time again, and each time i rejected for fear and pride. Then i decided to go back to church one day after 4 years i guess, Fathers Day.
To die during surgery. He drew me again… this time to floor in front of me, not the altar. Went another couple years lost.. Telling myself i had time. So about a year ago, this month, i started watching Brother Charles Lawson on youtube. A wonderful preacher of God. He talked about the end times, and i watched more and more on death and salvation. The fear started returning to my heart, then about april last year i wrote him letters, and their church tellimg them my heart, and mind and how i needed prayers and help. I knew i was lost and i had to do something.
Thought God was gone. Then on Fathers Day, same church, as i went last time years before on that day, i showed up hours before church was to start, and a man seen me, and called the preacher to come talk to me. We prayed and cried out begging God to save me. Then i got home, and had a phone call from a man at Pastor Lawsons church i had been watching on YouTube. He prayed with me. I closed the Bible. Cried every tear possible, done all i could.
I told him i didnt want to live one more day lost, didnt want to wake up another day lost, i told him i give up! I cant do this anymore. I beleive with all my heart you forgive me of all my sins, already have, i just do. You have to do this.. I wanted to touch him, but a wall was in my way. I threw myself off of my bed and to the floor on my knees and face. I screamed Jesus I Love You!!! I felt such releif and joy.
Saying heavenly father felt wonderful. I was trembling all over and couldnt stop crying. I felt his goodness all around me. So i had to tell someone. I called brother ronnie and gave them the news. I dont feel saved, im afraid in church, i dont know my direction, and i doubt again. I just want to know his will. I am guilty for being fearful, doubtful, and not sure what to do.
Havent even been baptized, for fear of God telling me im still lost. Have an unsaved girlfriend i live with… no fornication anymore… i made mistakes. Salvation to my mind was a thing, feeling, not him. For years i belived that. Now i get saved.. What did i do wrong?? I feel like dying sometimes. I would encourage you to search the Scriptures and claim Gods promises. Salvation is not about a feeling. And honestly it is nothing about us or what we do. It is simply trusting in what Christ already did.
You trusted Him for that before, so now you must trust His promises that He will do and has done what He promises. Hi…I too have struggled with doubts my entire Christian walk. It drives me crazy. My thoughts drive me crazy. I have few friends and only one family member, whom I know , that is close enough to me that I can speak to her about my Christianity…but I think she believes…once saved always saved.
When I was a little girl…I had soooooooooooo much love in my heart for The Lord. I spent so much time in devotions when I was a teen. I truly loved The Lord. Now as an adult of 55, I feel more confused and sometimes lost…please pray for me. I am 14 years old and I have been going to church all my life. When I was 11, during revival I was convicted. I went to the alter to pray with my nana, and I thought I was saved that night.
I started doubting my salvation about a month after. One Sunday morning when I was 13, I felt like I was being convicted again. I went to the alter to pray, and felt so much better. I started doubting again a little while after that. I still struggle with doubts. At other times I wonder if I truly am or not. I have been praying constantly, asking for the lords help.
A year after leaving her violent partner, one woman is still learning how to cope.
I just feel like nothing is working. Everyone makes it sound like a huge burden is lifted, but I just felt the fear go away, and it came back shortly after. All I know is that I love the lord, and I believe in him with all my heart. Any advice would be appreciated, thank you, and God bless you! For me, there was not a huge relief either. I chose to claim Gods promises and every time I doubted I would read through the list of verses and claim them.
Over time the doubts came less often…. And eventually they stopped coming back. So find verses that you can claim and trust God that He will do what He said He would. Satan torments me but I know God is guiding me through this. I feel like crying bc this has really been a big help!!! This blog has been a blessing to me. I was 10 when I asked God to save me. I began to doubt my salvation when I was around I have struggled many many years. I am now 51 and I am a Baptist Pastor wife. Sometimes I am confident and other times not.
I have prayed many times. When I started doubting when I was a teenager. I went to the altar a lot. I asked God to save me I got baptized 2 more times after my time. I truly fought then as indo now that God saved me the very first time. I too would hear preachers say things like: I could write a book on this. I guess that was the first time I realized others are going through this. My doubts usually are brought on by something like: I know I am now.
That usually get me to saying how did they know. I then start praying. I taught a Wednesday night class to the ladies at church on this. I was amazed at the positive response I received. I could tell some struggled as I do at times. Just pray for me that God will use me to help other with their walk.
I do not know why some doubt and others do not. I got saved at the age of 4 in a Fundamental Baptist Church. I remember walking to the altar, I remember who took me into the gym storage room to pray, I remember praying not the words I prayed though and I remember exactly where I sat in that storage room. I was baptized at the age of 5.
I remember a lot from this day as well. I had doubts once or twice as a teenager but was able to settle them quickly. I grew up in the same church and was under the preaching of truth all my life. Fast forward to today. I am 26 years old with a 4 and 1 year old and expecting my 3rd child. I started doubting my salvation in March of It has been a long road and I am still fighting the doubts. Thank you for the scripture references. I deal with the same thoughts you described.
I have met with my Pastor a couple times as well. We have all determined that I am saved and I need to fight Satan through the power of God on this. I have grown so much through this. I have read my Bible and prayed more than I ever have before. I have discovered so much more about who God is and how He thinks of me. God is showing me so much even though I doubt him almost daily. He really is faithful.
All your testimonies have been very encouraging. I feel like I could write a novel about the experiences and doubts I have faced the last year but this is it in short.
Feelings are a fruit of faith. They will not come until we can have faith. Remember that the Word of God is powerful, it is our sword against Satan and he hates the Word of God. He knows it is truth and that is why he will flee from it. The Father of all lies cannot stand to hear pure holy truth.
I was raised up in a Christian home and my family went to an independent Baptist church that preached the gospel. A couple years later I was 9 and I was starting to wonder if I was going to heaven when I died I heard about salvation and being saved but I never really knew what it meant. I felt so hopeless and scared because everyone else around me was sure of there salvation and I just felt like I was only person having this problem.
I also realized that this feeling of doubt also comes from not reading my bible as often,not walking with God on a daily basis like I should, and living in the flesh instead of living According to Gods will. At that time I thought it was something I needed to do and felt good about it afterwards.. Now I am starting to have doubts about if God truly accepted it or not because of my lack of understanding back then..
All I knew was that there was a heaven and a hell.. And I wanted to make sure I did the right thing so I can make it heaven… Do you think this is Satan trying to play mind games on me.? Or do I need to get rebaptized because of my lack of understanding as a young teen.? First off being baptized cannot save you only accepting Jesus Christ to save you can send you to Heaven. Put your trust and accept Jesus and you will be saved. I have like many of you went forward to be saved many times.
I have doubted most of my life. I really struggle with this. I get scared to go to revivals, tent meetings,youth meetings because they preach on Salvation. Or if people say I thought I was saved, but I realized I was not. I too grew up in church with Christian parents who never doubted. I have sought help from everywhere. And yes sometimes u feel helpless. I pray and tell God I want assurance.
I want to want to attend these services without fear. I start doubting before I ever get there. This post and these comments have been such a big help! I had claimed to be saved when I was 8. I have been raised in a Christian home and my dad is an ordained preacher. So I got up and got my dad and went to the altar to pray. But after I prayed that night I got up from the altar and talked to my dad a little bit because I was confused again, because I was expecting some big thing o happen to me to show me I got saved.
I felt so much better. I got baptized again and then a few months later I started doubting. During that time I found out my mom also struggled with doubt sometimes too. So I have been dealing with doubt for awhile and it comes in waves. Then I doubt again. But reading these posts gives me comfort and I thank god for that. I need to spend more time with God and spend more time reading his word, and I hope others struggling with this can do the same and that they can stop doubting too.
After I claimed to be saved at 8 years old I never doubted it. Satan had what he wanted. So there was no reason to make me doubt it because as long as I was actually lost but believed I was saved there was no issue for him. As long as I ended up in hell, he was happy. But after I got saved at 14 I started to doubt. And the only way to make him feel better about that is to tear us down and make us sad as long as we are on this Earth. I have thought this about myself several times. He knows what gets us.
Thank you so much for sharing this! I gave my life to the Lord when I was 14 and I have had my doubts but recently, they have hit me hard. If we start to drift away from his word or stop talking to him through prayer, we tend to lose that peace and the world starts to get a hold of us. Once again, thank you so much for sharing this, it was an encouragement! I have been saved for years, but doubt continues to plague me. I continues to pray for chances to make sure that I am saved, but my timid nature holds me back from taking them. Pray for me that the Lord be patient with me and help me through this.
This was an emotional blog for me to read to say the least. I was never into drugs, drinking , etc. I went to summer camp each year with our church. I was in church every Sunday. How do we know heaven is real when nobody can see it? I have a real spiritual battle going on isnide of me and I just want to know how to beat it. If you guys get this message, please pray for me as well. I was saved, bought, and sealed August 4, but I went astray for a period of time. When I ran back to the arms of Jesus He openly accepted me.
But later down the road as I was growing in my walk Satan hit me with doubt and it crippled me. Little did I know it was Satan and it was absolutely horrifying. August 1, I announced my call to preach and it blows my mind that the Lord has entrusted me with such an honor. Thanks for your testimony.
The reason I ask is because i feel i went through a very similar experience but am experiencing significant doubts regarding my salvation or the loss of it due to certain scriptures; whereas, you seem to have found a solution, or at least freedom from the doubt; as well as the joy in being back with your Savior. I struggled with a lot over my childhood and teenage years with fears, insecurities, trouble at school etc…my life was always or at least seemed marked or characterized by sadness, troubles, etc…my dad had a tough position on me and my 2 sisters not to any real abuse levels but there was certainly physical punishment when we did wrong and sometimes, that punishment, to some degree, certainly looked and felt like abuse..
I grew up as a teenager angry mostly at him , fearful, no real motivation except drugs , alcohol and trying to fit in in school. Long story short; shortly after that 2nd baptism i was still wrestling with sin but like any other Christian. I feel my faith was slowly being choked out. I kept doing things that kept leading to oother things and soon wad caught up in the whole cycle of smoking marijuana again in my mid 30s.
I finally got off it since Oct , and stopped some of the other things that came with it, i. If you dont feel comfortable sharing your story in depth either i completly understand. Thank you all so much for your comments. I also feel like I live in a world of people who either do not believe at all or who do believe, profess that they believe, seem to always be joyful about God and trusting in his promises and encouraging towards others, etc.
Which I was doing for a certain period of time when these doubts hit me VERY hard, shortly after I being struck with panic attacks out of nowhere. I began experiencing other very strange physical symptoms, as well as so much cognitive impairment it was ruining my life. Every day I was sure I was going to die. I was sure there HAD to be something physically wrong with me and went to Doctor after doctor after Doctor, with no help other than being told I simply needed to be on medication for anxiety and depression. Several of them seemed certain most of my issues were manifestations of spiritual attack and needed to be fought with weapons of spiritual warfare.
At first I was hopeful about this, even empowered. So I began to fight. I experienced some temporary relief from time to time. However, as time went on, I plunged deeper and deeper into confusion, continued to be tormented by almost constant anxiety, frequent panic attacks, and spiraled into the worst depressive episode of my life which I have struggled with most of my life since adolescence. I could barely function and was heartbroken everyday over the effects this was having on my children and husband. It was the most terrifying feeling I have ever felt.
I continued to wear myself out with desperate prayer. I eventually ended up in the hospital. If anyone has a similar story and has truly come out on the other side, please respond to my comments. I have doubted on and off for half my life. One thing that helps me, is when Jesus talks about receiving the Kingdom of heaven like a child. I think the key factor here is lack of faith. God is faithful to do what He promises. You cannot out-sin God. One thing that you can do is to verbally tell Satan to go back to hell in Jesus Name! Jesus says Heaven and earth will pass away, but my words will never pass away!!
Our sin has been paid! We must trust Jesus. I grew up going to church , was taught about Jesus but never really understood. As I was a teen I knew he was there but never followed him or accepted him, I actually went off and was very rebellious ,involved in drugs and lots of sexual activity. My life was changing more towards christ and his scripture was convicting so I would change my ways as I was convicted. So would you say I was never saved then? We had watched sermons of Charles stanley and he always prayed a salvation prayer at the end and I would juSt say it with him.
Then last year I woke up with horrid anxiety, doubting everything I once knew, to the point where I was even doubting Jesus existence! How awful of me! But before my anxiety started last year I believed with all my heart that Jesus died for me and my sins and that he is alive.
I just thought I had to believe in him and follow him and I was good. Is that not being saved? Please help me somehow. I want to love Jesus without wavering. I just want to know if I was saved back then when I just simply believed and wanted to follow his commands. I wish I knew. Is my faith not strong enough? If my faith is barely anything how can I even be saved? I wish I had a day i knew I was saved so that I could fall back on that day.
God is preparing you for great things
Any insight please would be great. God bless the person who wrote this it helped me understand my salvation. I have been having douts about my salvation and this cleared it up and now I understand. Hello, I am someone who has doubted off and on for decades. I know I asked to be saved.
Leaving an abusive relationship: He knocked me into a wall when I dared to speak back
Is it enough to call upon the name of Jesus to be saved or do you have to know all of this at once? He is there ready to answer you. I too had doubts for most of my life. I was saved since i was age Satan lied to me and i gave him too much credit. Its still the same thing as in the Garden of Eden. God told the truth. Satan lied to Adam and Eve, but they believed Satan instead of God. Its still the same thing. We have the choice to believe God or Satan. This is where doubt comes in from. I used to have doubts about my salvation. Aftet i was saved by God, Satan said i was not saved.
So, Why did I have doubts? Because i didnt fully believe God. I had to decide who to fully believe. I chose to believe God. When i did that just two weeks ago, all doubts went away. The truth has set me free of all doubts concerning my salvation in Christ Jesus. Now without doubts, i feel so free. I am finally free. I live a happy life now with God. I feel that a heavy burden has been lifted from on me.
I know know beyond any doubts that i will die and be with God forever in His Heaven. I no longer fear death. I moved to Heaven and that I will be waiting on you both to move up here near me. And also near God of course. That is how sure i am saved. I hope that this will help someone somewhere. Also read John 1: I was saved by God when i was only age I knew less than ten verses in the whole bible, yet God saved me. Ronald Thomas, you are awesome! We all relate to this. I did not know a whole lot either. None of us really do.
If I could sit down and have a cup of coffee with you, I would. I encourage you do that soon with someone and help them with salvation. You are a guiding light. We recently have a new pastor and after hearing some of his sermons I started yet again to doubt my salvation. Because I fell away from God. Well after some soul searching and reading, I came to realize that I had been abused by a deacon and another person in the church as a teenager and child.
I had difficulty attending church as I had an abusive husband right out of high school who made my life difficult to live as holy as I wanted to. I slowly got out of church and went down a bad road. God brought be back like the prodigal son but due to my backslidden condition I thought well I may not have gotten saved. They will let you down. Faith is a rock we can lean on. Thanks for the article. Exactly what I needed to read. Linda, have you ever heard of religious obsessive compulsive disorder? I believe many of your respondents have this disorder.
I have struggled with doubt for many years. I have accepted Jesus numerous times. This is one characteristic of religious OCD. People with ROCD also struggle with evil thoughts and an over sensitive conscience. I have had these characteristics as well. When it flares up I go into depression. I am on some medication. Depression is also often physical in origin. I am in one, now. When people with ROCD get into such a state, they may have an aversion to the Bible, prayer, and church.
I have experienced this, myself. It is all in the chemical imbalance. I still claim Jesus as my Savior and Lord, and have accepted His forgiveness via the cross some years ago. But I still have doubts, and it seems to get worse as I get older. People with ROCD have an addiction to seeking reassurance. They are through no fault of their own often resistive to things that may help other people. Despite this, some do overcome ROCD.
I am still seeking. Please pray for me. I would just say that God can overcome anything. Overactive conscience, assurance seeking, etc…Obsessive to the point of tears and depression. I got saved in Sunday school when I was My first question that would come in my mind when people died where they will be going heaven or hell. My faith in Jesus was very strong until the day I got baptised at I begged him to get help, told him I would be with him through it.
He once asked me if I needed him to make a list for me, his sentence trailed off. He drew an explanation on the wall of his room as to how exactly I was annoying him. It was one of the few times he caught himself and heard what he was doing. That happened a couple of times. Where he would realise what was happening. Those moments gave me hope.
But he quashed those feelings deep. He had stopped apologising in the last nine months of our relationship. I had moved in with him, I had met all of the issues that he had with me, and now he had me where he wanted me. He forgot all his promises and was resolute: I was the problem and how dare I make him feel bad about anything. The constantly moving goalposts made it impossible for me to keep up with his complaints. Nothing was ever going to be enough, no matter what I did, he would find another problem.
When he read the list his response was only: But my feelings were secondary, always. If he was having a good day, I was having a good day. Our lives had become so intertwined that I would lose everything should I go. I left him once. It lasted a few months, but I went back.
I just always thought that there would be time later to bring things up, to figure things out.
He had problems, and I would help him with those, and then we could talk about all of it. That day never came, and things just got worse and worse. I had rationalised all the other reasons. I thought about recording our fights, to make him listen to how he treated me. I never seemed to do it though. I would start out standing up for myself, but end up cowering, backing down, crying and asking that he just be nice to me. What a question to have to ask of your boyfriend: Again, it was my perception of things, and I was wrong, and it was never his fault. The fact was that I had little control over our finances.
I was paying for everything, which left me with nothing extra for myself. I only went out when he was out, and would give him any money at the start of the evening. This was all under some sort of guise of me being incompetent. I rarely bought anything or did anything by myself, and on the rare occasions that I did, he made it almost impossible for me to enjoy it.
Anything I did by myself was undermined to the point of obsolescence. The last month with him was horrific. Two weeks before the day I left, we were actually having a pleasant evening together. An argument erupted because of a cup. I was being crushed in a doorway by my boyfriend. He liked to slam them. He liked to close them in my face. The plaster on the wall in our sitting room was cracked because he had slammed it so hard, so many times. The bedroom door kept sticking for the same reason, and there was a cupboard door that was falling off its hinge.
This time, though, I was the one that got damaged in the door. My boyfriend was a big guy, and he, full force, with all his strength, crushed me between the door and the door jamb. I was in shock, my voice sounded tiny and scared as I told him to stop, that he was hurting me. That he was scaring me. I was crying hysterically on the couch, in shock, in emotional agony. He completely retreated into denial. This was the point that I became really scared of him. I had always convinced myself that it would never get to this point.
As explanation for his behaviour, he listed all of my faults, all of my secrets and insecurities. And then he told me that he loved me in spite of all of it. In spite of who I was, he loved me anyway, and I should be grateful for that. After everything he had done for me, how could I still not understand that? That night I ended up comforting him. I got stubborn at the end. I half picked myself up and sat against the door, in shock, in a weird calm, inside myself.
I tried to put a t-shirt on, which he had earlier in the argument shouted at me to take off because it was his. And he was laughing at me. I sat in our apartment for a whole day before telling anyone or doing anything. I was in shock. Paralysed with the realisation that this had actually happened to me. But there was no getting away from it now. I knew it was all over, that the decision had been made for me. There was no fixing it.
And I had to start thinking about fixing myself. After I left, the range of moods and emotions were astounding and overwhelming and sometimes I still find myself seeking approval for my decisions. My clothes, makeup, hobbies, interests. I repeat myself constantly, especially if I am nervous or tired. I apologise first, before anyone even questions me. Adapting to the real world was incredibly hard. New realisations about my relationship kept hitting me in waves over a period of months.
I want him to know that he will never break me, not now, no more. I want to reclaim a life that was always mine to begin with but that I now have no idea how to reach. I was wrong on one point. I made that decision. Somewhere, I found the strength to make that decision.
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To learn more see our Cookies Policy. He knocked me into a wall when I dared to speak back A year after leaving her violent partner, one woman is still learning how to cope. By Anonymous Sunday 10 Apr , 8: Feeling ashamed I was orally raped when I was Pulling it together But every day I would get to the front door and pull myself together and pretend that I was fine.
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