But since I take a peek on first page, i can't put it down. It's really intimate memoir from ordinary mom with anordinary lifes. Jo Caroll let us taste the bitterness of being bipolar. Must read for psychology enthusiast! Jan 16, Grace rated it it was amazing. I was looking for, and found, an inspiring biography of someone who had bipolar, when I came across Jo Carroll's book.
Jo Carroll is a person with stories that many parents can relate to. Look at all of you," I said, referring to the four teenagers. Aleece, you're way taller than anybody else. Carol, yo I was looking for, and found, an inspiring biography of someone who had bipolar, when I came across Jo Carroll's book.
Carol, you're the shortest, and Robert, you and Heather are about the same height, but Heather's way skinnier. It seems, although they were short and tall, skinny and chunky, they all wore the same size jeans! One week before an annual holiday dinner party. She described the experience of being her own worst enemy: I understand what her brain does when it looks at an incredible feat, and sees clearly a plan for accomplishing it, and has the senseless drive to succeed no matter what. A person with bipolar disorder has a hard time shifting gears.
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I had trouble in school, changing my focus of study when the school bell rang; I still have trouble getting my train of energy to change tracks when circumstances and priorities change, or when a timer rings. She uses the metaphor of trains throughout her story. I ignored the warning signals and hurled ahead. I could do anything I wanted to. I was dying and nothing anyone did would make a difference. I had never felt better. Let the good times roll. I understood the desperate need to leave my children with someone whom I couldn't stand to be with, thinking that it was better than taking them with me when I was overwhelmed by challenges, and then finding opportunities to welcome them to a wholesome environment.
Jo Carroll also covers the unusual measures that a person with bipolar will take to establish a consistent identity, and replace our own lack of self-acceptance. Each time, she and I perceived that we finally got a glimpse of our true selves.
When we dove into the reflection pool, that image fragmented and eventually dissolved. She and I are learning that recovery from bipolar comes from defining and accepting our selves, not depending on others to define and accept us.
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When I was looking for an inspiring biography of someone who had bipolar, I was looking for a story of someone who thrived during their hardest times, whom I could emulate. Instead, I found a story of someone who helped me to develop more patient compassion for myself. Oct 17, Merredith rated it liked it Shelves: This was a free memoir on amazon about a woman battling depression and being bipolar for most of her life.
Besides that, she does a TON over the years. I'm kind of amazed how much she has been able to accomplish. At the same time, I didn't come through the book liking her. She's not someone I'd be friends with, but I admire a lot of what she's done. This book was pretty sad in parts, and it kind of jumped a bit and the ending seemed rushed, but overall, I enjoyed it! I would LOVE to see a book w This was a free memoir on amazon about a woman battling depression and being bipolar for most of her life. I would LOVE to see a book written by one of her kids, I'm sure their side of the story would be very interesting.
May 19, Ritu Gupta rated it really liked it. I read it in one go - it was interesting. Yes, the author went through much dealing with being bipolar. Although not much was said about the highs. It would have been interesting to read more about the periods of highs also. The honest voice came through. At times, I would cringe at her choices and resulting experiences.
But I got to walk in her shoes - and they were not comfortable May 31, Lisa rated it it was ok. Not a fan of this book,I felt as frenetic as the author reading this. Large parts of the storyline were never addressed and there was a lack of responsibility that the author kept attributing to her disease.
Feb 03, Dawn rated it it was amazing. This book has a lot of great information about how bipolar people were treated over the years from their point of view. From electric shock therapy to the many different meds it's all trial and error. People who suffer from any form of this should read this. Jan 18, Lissa Davis rated it it was amazing. Riveting I gave it a 5 because it really shows what it's like to live with bipolar disease.
I especially liked how the author used the analogies of trains. Jan 27, Victoria Washuk rated it it was amazing. I especially highly recommend the audio. View all 24 comments. Jan 13, Kelli rated it really liked it Shelves: Zack McDermott holds nothing back in this painfully honest memoir that is also a love letter to his most deserving mother, who may be the living embodiment of a saint.
He tells his story of living with and fighting against mental illness with self-deprecating humor and a truly affable tone. The last thing I expected to encounter in these That was brave. The last thing I expected to encounter in these pages was true humor, but it is there, and there is a lot of it, especially back in Wichita at the family Christmas. As an underpaid public defender living in the city, he is not only likable but relatable. Very intelligent and an excellent writer, this guy is your friend from college or your neighbor growing up; he has risen above his circumstances but still has love and loyalty for his beginnings, he works and parties hard, but he is empathic and kind.
This becomes an inside look at bipolar disorder, as the author explains how all of these moments from manic episodes to psychiatric hospital stays feel to him, and he does so with unexpected clarity and understanding of how it looks to everyone else. The result is sometimes funny and very often heartbreaking. An achievement to be celebrated beyond his triumphs, is this thoroughly readable true story that drags this ugly disorder out into the light. May you carry on helping others, may you continue to feel well, and may you realize your work in these regards honors the incredible example set by your mother.
I hope you own that and celebrate that in sharing your story, you are a light in the dark. View all 20 comments. As a public defender in New York City, Zack McDermott worked with seemingly crazy people every day at Legal Aid, little knowing that he was on his way to a psychotic break himself. Convinced that he was in a Truman Show -style reality show, he ended up half-naked and crying on a subway platform. McDermott As a public defender in New York City, Zack McDermott worked with seemingly crazy people every day at Legal Aid, little knowing that he was on his way to a psychotic break himself.
McDermott takes readers on a wild tour through his life: His sense of pace and ear for dialogue are terrific. Jan 19, Tania rated it liked it Shelves: Regaining sanity in a mental hospital is like treating a migraine at a rave. An intimate and often humorous look at the author's experience with bipolar disorder.
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Although I have close family and friends suffering from this disease, I learned so much about what it feels like experiencing it from the inside and not just seeing it from the outside looking in. Especially the warning signs that comes with lack of sleep was interesting and helpful.
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The author's stints in psychiatric hospita Regaining sanity in a mental hospital is like treating a migraine at a rave. The author's stints in psychiatric hospitals shows us that maybe things have not changed in these institutions as much we would like to believe, but at least they provide somewhere where you can recharge until you are ready to face the real world again. The author shows us that he is more than just his illness, by sharing other parts of his life with us. I really enjoyed reading about his passion for his job as a public defender, and how difficult it is to try and help people if you are only allowed a few minutes with each.
His desire to help people comes from his amazing mother, the Bird, who never gave up on her dreams and helps desperate people achieve theirs every day. I also enjoyed reading about his hillbilly family, who provided much comic relief. The big thing I got from this book though is that mental illness is something that invades all aspects of your life, and is something you have to life with every day. View all 6 comments. The story opens mid-psychotic breakdown. Zack is convinced, and I was almost convinced right along with him, that he is in the middle of some huge reality TV cast walking the streets of New York.
Being in the head of someone mid psychotic breakdown was eye-opening and done very well. But its not just the story, but the way it was told that made me turn the pages faster and faster. The author clearly has a talent to bring out the funny in situations. Now his mother was a force all on her own. Not just in his life but in the lives of her students. Its no surprise that Zack chose to become a Public Defense lawyer working with the dregs of society on a daily basis.
This was and I am sure still is an ongoing struggle that he had to make peace with. Feb 06, Toni rated it it was amazing Shelves: If you know someone with a mental illness and have tried to understand their dilemma, this memoir is the perfect explanation. Zack grew up with a great mother, who he nicknamed, "the Bird" but father figures were another story.
His grandparents, especially his grandmother, were a solid foundation he could seek for solace , love and home cooked food. Since education was important to his Mom all three siblings graduated from college. Zack, called the "Gorilla" by his mom because of his hairy body, If you know someone with a mental illness and have tried to understand their dilemma, this memoir is the perfect explanation.
Zack, called the "Gorilla" by his mom because of his hairy body, went on to get his JD and practice law as a public defender in Brooklyn, N. Stress in this job combined with inherited bipolar genes, most like from his Uncle Eddie and back, contributed to Zack's first meltdown or panic attack. He bravely takes us through his years of conscious mania, but unable to stop the disease from overtaking his mind and letting him think normally or even to sleep.
Enduring several psychiatric hospital stays, some where he feared bodily harm, his mom was always there to support him and bring him calm to reenter the world. I strongly recommend the audio, read by the author, in his own strong and entertaining voice.
Mom's Crazy: Her Bipolar Memoir by Jo Carroll Lewald
A story of pain and suffering, told with intelligence and humor, straight from his beautiful heart and mind. You'll fall in love. View all 8 comments. Jul 08, Ericka Clouther rated it it was amazing Shelves: The memoir is very well written. McDermott has a clear talent for language and is exceptionally smart.
His personal story about mental illness is very interesting. He conveys his personal experiences in a very raw and emotional manner. During the period of the memoir, he's an attorney and a public defender. The things he writes about the legal system are extremely important and well-expressed. I'm not sure what the solution is outside of legislation and bett In the text: I'm not sure what the solution is outside of legislation and better mental health facilities, and Congress is currently under siege by a party that does not care about these issues.
He's no longer practicing. The way he writes about his mother and other important people in his life is very touching. It's definitely a love story too. It's just a very good memoir. I know the author from law school in Virginia. I also know other people with bipolar disorder, who when they are not in the midst of a full-blown episode, are really nice people. In law school, he regularly went out of his way to be rude to me when presumably he was not in the midst of an episode.
The harassment came in the form of emails to our entire section, yelling at me in the school, and destruction of my property. Additionally, he definitely had some serious breakdowns in law school before the NYC subway incident that he's left out of the story. While the author gives the impression of being very honest in the memoir, the omission of the law school breakdowns makes me wonder what else he is leaving out to conceal his character. I can relate to a lot of what he writes. When we were growing up money was definitely an issue.
I lived with my grandparents for several years, and when I lived with my parents we ate a lot of pasta with nothing on it because it was cheap. In my case, no one in my family owned a house, but I was fortunate in that my parents rented in a good school system. In my case, it was my stepdad who was my "Bird. Working hard at school and ultimately going to law school was supposed to be the way out. I also thought that at least eventually I'd find a way to really help people and do something meaningful with my degree.
I also went to work as an attorney in New York City after law school, and it was extremely stressful. Many of my coworkers and I were at a minimum borderline depressed, and some sought out treatment and medication. Life knocked me down repeatedly too and it's a struggle I can relate to in general if not in the particulars. Reading the memoir makes me sadder that this person and I had really negative interactions. Nov 12, Stacey A. Prose and Palate rated it it was amazing. Every minute of every visiting opportunity, she was there.
Ten minutes early, lined up at the door, ready to go through security -- she was there. She didn't panic, Not in front of me She wanted the staff to know I was not the man they saw. To humanize me -- to let t "I looked forward to the Bird's visits, but there were only two hours per day during which she was allowed. To humanize me -- to let them know not to discard this one. I do not make that disclaimer often but I stand by it and list Gorilla and the Bird as another one of my Top Reads of Zack McDermott is a bright, hilarious, kind attorney who works in New York.
He also lives with bipolar disorder. This book is a powerful, heartbreaking look into what it is like to live with mental illness and a gorgeous testament to the limitless love and devotion of an incredible mother who never gave up on her son or the children she took in and mentored.
Zack was working as a public defender whose clients were often mentally ill themselves , when he had his first complete psychotic break. He would go on to be hospitalized several more times, becoming painfully aware of when he was losing his grip on reality and slipping in to madness. The candor and authenticity with which he writes regarding his illness was incredibly compelling and his mother's unwavering support of him was one of the most inspiring things I have read in a very long time.
Oct 13, Caity rated it it was amazing. I devoured this audiobook that Zack McDermott narrates himself. His memoir is a gritty look into the thoughts and experiences of someone with Bipolar Disorder. This book is as much about self love and acceptance as it is about the love between McDermott and his family. My favorite parts all involve simple dialogue that is familiar to those of us who have cared for someone struggling with mental illness.
It is such a unique story, but it sheds light into the similar experiences that many young pe I devoured this audiobook that Zack McDermott narrates himself. It is such a unique story, but it sheds light into the similar experiences that many young people must navigate. The stark contrast between New York City and Wichita, Kansas parallels the binary nature of Bipolar Disorder, making this book more of an experience rather than a read.
I will re-read this on paper just to experience it again and in a different way. I highly recommend this book. In terms of books about mental illness, it may only be second to The Bell Jar on my list of favorites. This is a fantastic memoir by a public defender with bipolar disorder, who occasionally experiences intense psychotic episodes. Zack McDermott is an excellent storyteller and onetime aspiring comedian, so this book will pull you right in, keep you rapt and sometimes make you laugh, despite its sometimes heavy subject matter.
He wanders New York City for hours, acting wacky for the cameras, until the police pick him up and take him to the hospital. I enjoyed those bits a lot; they are as no-holds-barred as the rest of the book. McDermott would probably make an excellent novelist, because he turns his life into a compelling story, with humor and sharp dialogue alongside a gripping plot. Probably no memoir is. I definitely recommend this one. Oct 05, Jackie rated it liked it Shelves: While I thought the memoir was well-written and a great way to get a better understanding of psychosis, I was almost more interested in his mom's story.
Can we get a book about Zack's mom?! Trying to put my thoughts together on this book and struggle to say more than: But the way that McDermott writes about his mental illness with shockingly stark clarity even during his psychotic break and about his career in public defense makes this a must read in my opinion. Oct 08, Kelly Long rated it it was amazing Shelves: One of the best memoirs about bipolar disorder that I have ever read.
Aug 24, Jill Elizabeth rated it really liked it. It always seemed to me to be the ultimate betrayal - when you cannot trust yourself to be yourself, what on earth can you trust? In this amazing story, Zack transitions from a successful Public Defender helping those who cannot help themselves to a man suffering from a psychotic break who cann " In this amazing story, Zack transitions from a successful Public Defender helping those who cannot help themselves to a man suffering from a psychotic break who cannot be trusted to take care of himself. The transition is a startling one - it happens in the flip of a page in reality, several weeks , and the shift is both inexplicable and terrifying.
As the book unfolds, his family and childhood history are gradually explained and the shift seems less inexplicable - but never any less terrifying. I knew I was flying too close to the sun. But that's the problem with feeling good - nobody ever says 'I feel really good. No, like really, really good. I need to stop feeling this good - time to change something here. You never get step-by-step instructions for emerging from the abyss.
Equally so is the effect that it has on his mother the Bird. The ups and downs are a roller-coaster ride into, through, and out of hell, as Zack undergoes commitment at multiple facilities - each of which is a hell of its own. This is not a tale for the faint of heart; it is stark and depressing and scary to see how someone's brain can turn on them and take them down such a long dark tunnel.
It took tremendous courage to write this memoir - courage that Zack and his mother obviously have in spades, since they've survived thus far. It's a darkly beautiful testimony to survival and the strength that people find within themselves when life derails their carefully constructed world so completely, leaving a trail of devastation a mile wide behind it Here's hoping they both manage to regain - and, most importantly, retain - their footing along the way.
My review copy was provided by NetGalley. Dec 30, Constance rated it really liked it. By the time Zack approaches his third hospitalization, you can feel your heart breaking for him. He's already had to hold his head up and return to his work as a public defender after treating his coworkers to increasingly manic, then psychotic behavior.
Gorilla and the Bird: A Memoir of Madness and a Mother's Love
His memoir starts with a madcap romp through New York City; he inserts himself in a soccer game, raps with four brahs on a corner, sees Daniel Day-Lewis, and winds up losing his clothes on the subway. Nothing seems weird to him because they ever By the time Zack approaches his third hospitalization, you can feel your heart breaking for him. Nothing seems weird to him because they everyone is just an extra in the movie he is starring in--literally; he is the real life Truman.
His anchor throughout his journey in and out of madness is his mother, a dedicated teacher who deftly handles at risk youth in her work in Witchita, Kansas, and her son's diagnosis, treatment, and recovery. Mental illness is not for the weak of character. In many ways, this is a love letter to McDermott's mother, aka, the Bird. McDermott does an amazing job of presenting how things begin to skew in his brain, as he becomes increasing agitated, thoughts racing, unable to sleep, his ideas are epic. He is a superhero with superhuman speed, talent, and acumen.
He also delivers an affecting portrait of his job helping those most unable to help themselves navigate the legal system. The author's sense of place is palpable--whether it's the city streets or visiting his old stomping ground in the "'ta. It's an inspiring story. The Bird's example of achieving her own dreams a BA and MA while working full time, balancing bad husbands and three children certainly impacts Zack and gives him courage in facing his illness and treating it as such. Sep 10, Renee Smith rated it really liked it Shelves: I won this on the Goodreads giveaway. It was really interesting, having dealt with Bipolar people myself.
I really liked it. His conversations with all the imaginary things were often funny sometimes sad. I found this book very good. When it is out you should read it. Jul 10, Alyse Stolz rated it really liked it. I loved this book. Definitely somewhere in the 4. The details about the manic episodes and psychotic breaks and living with bipolar disorder was so fascinating. Zack MacDermott does an incredible job of telling his story, taking the reader inside his brain, and knocking down any boundaries that most people put up when it comes to their mental health.
Also, can I I loved this book. Also, can I just talk about how much I love The Bird? Highly recommend this book to anyone and everyone! I see this book doing amazing things to help normalize what it means to live with a mental illness. Jul 13, Julia Siwierka rated it really liked it Shelves: I am not claiming to know his experience, however, having lived in Wichita for 4 years, there are so many aspects of his time here that speak to me in many ways. Naturally, his mental health experiences were eye opening, and I am grateful for having the chance to feel his thoughts through this book.
But the lives described in Wichita are so real to me and explain so much about him, the Bird, and their care for one another, as well as how the environments around them exasperated some of their fee I am not claiming to know his experience, however, having lived in Wichita for 4 years, there are so many aspects of his time here that speak to me in many ways.
But the lives described in Wichita are so real to me and explain so much about him, the Bird, and their care for one another, as well as how the environments around them exasperated some of their feelings. This memoir has instantly become one of my favorites. Fast and furious, intimate and frenzied, I loved taking this journey with Zack and Bird.
I literally could not put this book down. Jan 02, Joan rated it really liked it. Wow- how to rate a book like this? This book was recommended by a friend who grew up with the author and I'm so glad I read it. His upbringing was challenging, yet he went on to graduate from law school, only to have a massive breakdown that landed him in a mental institution.
The unwavering support of his amazing mother as bipolar disease continued to plague him was beautifully narrated in this memoir. It was difficult to read about the time he spent in multiple institutions but it was a story Wow- how to rate a book like this? It was difficult to read about the time he spent in multiple institutions but it was a story worth reading. Dec 01, Susie Dumond rated it really liked it. This is an impressive memoir on mental illness and a mother who would do anything for her son. McDermott provides a fascinating and unnerving glimpse into his own mind during a psychotic break.
In addition to his experience living with mental illness, he also shares perspectives on the prison industrial complex and the deeply flawed judicial system he witnessed as a public defender in New York, as well as growing up poor in rural America. There is much to unpack in this book, and I was impressed This is an impressive memoir on mental illness and a mother who would do anything for her son. There is much to unpack in this book, and I was impressed with how well it was all tied together.
Oct 13, Jim Robles rated it really liked it. I told her about just how terrifying the whole thing can be when I got too close to the ledge" p. What do you do when your mind betrays you? I found this one in: Our symptoms are our behavior, and the disease makes us do hu "I explained explained that I have, not something I had. Our symptoms are our behavior, and the disease makes us do humiliating and dangerous things.