Spiritual adultery often comes disguised as good things like marriage and family and work. Remember idol worship is more than bowing to totem poles, it has more to do with the desires of the heart that have gone awry. What do you desire more than Christ? Not the Sunday School answer but truly what is more important than Jesus to you at this stage of life? What are you passionate about? What do you get fired up about? What do you think about?
What makes you mad or sad or stressed when you don't get something you want? Where do you violate Scripture to get what you want? Go into debt to get that new thing? Skip church to sleep in or watch sports. Or skip small group to catch a movie. It is the normally the little choices that determine the direction of our lives not the big ones. This is why we are told to wage war against desires of the flesh. We can be engaged in spiritual adultery and things can look normal. You are still going to church, continuing your devotional life, involved in life group, even serving, and your relationships are intact good but soon the desires for God are choked out as these competing desires are fed and become all consuming.
This showed up in Israel killing their kings and putting up new ones without consulting God. And they were so enmeshed with the nations around them, they had lost their uniqueness as the people of God that you could not tell they were the people of God. They are described as having grey hair but did not know it. Most of us remember our first grey hairs. Women pluck them out or color their hair to deny it; men purchase grecian formula.
Eventually you become spiritually hollow, an empty shell of your former vitality. John calls this losing your first love. This is one way the church is a means of grace for our spiritual health. Others can generally see our sin better than we can. First, we are warned to be wary of an evil, unbelieving heart that can lead us away from God. It is also described as hardened by the deceitfulness of sin. Second, we must speak the truth to one another daily to protect us from a hard heart.
And third, we must listen to each other to protect us from developing a hard heart that leads to falling away. Ignores the Truth of God's word Spiritual adultery ignores God's word. Download Sermon with PRO. Thank you Jack and Kris for your prayers, please do continue to pray for me that God guides me in this situation. Wish I could take is offline for more confidentiality. I see your sincerity and your pain though. Let me know, and I promise to keep this private, what you want to share with me in confidence. I am at your service brother.
Check your email for I just sent it on Sat. Good idea Jack…it is one of the better ideas that men counsel men. You probably know that pastors are now instructed the wisdom of not meeting alone with a woman who needs help. One thing I forgot which is a sensitive subject but necessary for the health of both spouses is the std test. This was one of the most difficult aspects of my discovery but medical people are not shocked about it …another sad commentary on our times.
This is especially important with a spouse who is pregnant. I continue to keep Matt in my prayers …Even with being the betrayed spouse I do have compassion for my husband and those who have been deceived this way …it is a very difficult thing but with the Lord and a humble heart people can be renewed and reconciled …some marriages come back even stronger! I pray for Matt to be equipped for future ministry …. I think the std test is a great idea. I too continue to pray for Matt and have started communicating in private counsel with him and most certainly, amen about men with men and women with women.
BTW, Kris, I can see you have a strength in counseling with women and am proud to call you a sister in the faith. May God richly bless you for all you do. You have a gift of encouragement for sure. I thank you for sharing that observation with me. I do not sense my usefulness in that I am simply in grief that seems to underlie all of my days … The thing that gives some relief is sharing and hoping whatever I can share might give another person hope.
The thing is that the situations of our lives tempt us to doubt, fear, and become hopeless. Our feelings remind me at times of the big waves at a place I know of at the ocean where the waves are pretty consistently over 30 feet. I used to watch body surfers there back in my college summer days. There was no power anyone had to stop them and so they surfed them. They went with them and sailed along as the big waves carried them along. The only way to survive them was to use the power of the wave was to be in the place on it where it did not crash upon one. This is like our faith.
The only place for us to gain something from at loss or challenge is to find that rest in the place that is our relationship with Jesus Christ. I have tried to practice contentment throughout our marriage. My husband said he thought I was happy. I reminded my husband that though I had all of what a life in the material realm needs and more I was missing HIM….. I did reduce and then finally only have passing relationships with other people due to how all encompassing homeschooling and house keeping is , and with so many moves.
It did not leave much time for great depth of relationships with other people. He was informed as I tried to let him know how much I loved him, appreciated him and missed him ….
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THis he has to admit is true but now he has retreated even more from ANY communication with me but the barest necessity. He makes a very faint effort to keep in touch with our daughters. It shows how shallow his understanding is of the damage he has done to all who should have been the most concern to him.
He cannot stay to go through the pain and suffering his choices have caused…. I reminds me of someone hitting a person in the cross walk and then blaming them for getting their blood all over their car. The ongoing rejection of his absence comes up from time to time throughout the day and very much before bedtime though I keep the word in mind and listen to teachings all through the day. I like to keep something at all times to help me keep my mind upon the Lord or praying for someone else as well. Contentment is just not the same thing as happiness I am sad to say …but then experiences are not to be the measure of our being in the love and care of Jesus …Faith is ours from Him and we can walk in it and be comforted.
I think that this is one of the areas of th natural man that God is addressing men to deal with, by way of learning to renew their minds in order to submit to HIM and then to become by way of growing in the knowledge of all that GOD has addressed to all and specifically to men so that they do not harm their wives , family and others. I know that the things I have lived through have been the life that I have experienced but I also have to know that my husband was a coconspirator with the devil and more with at least one other person.
The OW knew and went about this intentionally. The lie they built was deliberately formed for ME …in the overall she was completely knowledgeable of him being married with small children when they met …. It was not decided to make it simply a short event…They did not know each other before …but at the time of the first date they laid out the bargain and plotted to have this relationship for the long haul! I DO think it has a lot to do with the industry my husband was in and the kinds of people that get into it …finances.
The best hope and most comforting is to have seen that these are the very components of the end of the age being upon us. In the meantime …realizing the horror for those who have resisted , refused and rejected the Savior …we preach Jesus Christ and the Gospel entrusted to us …He has given believers the ministry of reconciliation.
The losses of the good things GOD has provided for my husband in marriage and family is HIS sin to bare but I pray he will wake up and become repentant in truth. His soul is on the line. He has no interest in facing the truth and reality of his life. She is too concerned with acting the very same way he has acted…. Even as he continues to do what hurts us …It is part of what I see in the Word as the magnitude of the influence of a MAN …and a husband and father in particular.
To have learned this …seen the destruction and then go on to deny responsibility to help with the damage…. This is the opposite counsel of many ungodly counsellors who say to not talk about it …THe person hit with this tsunami has to see that the betrayer is willing to give answers as many times again and again to be able to process this. Withholding has the same effect as lying …it does not foster building trust …being willing to be accountable to the person harmed is really a foundational truth. The adultery my husband did and now has excused himself from any part in making restitution or doing anything to convey his acceptance of responsibility continues to weigh upon us all even as we go about and get through each day..
WE do share laughter…we do enjoy some portion of relationship with others…but it is a hindrance just the same. My daughters do not want anyone to learn of this and they feel starting relationships with others will at some time cause them to have to have this known.. My husband takes our daughters out at HIS convience to DO something but has not taken the care to try to talk over the things he did and how they feel about it.
He has done this only a couple of time briefly …two specifically in seven years…he sat in the kitchen with the girls and told them he was willing to answer questions and let them tell him how they feel. He goes right out , no answers , no changes …but comes back each time with a smile like nothing should be wrong. My husband has some reasonable areas where there is nothing he can do …he cannot change the fact that he has two children from the adultery nor the fact that he intentionally had them!
In the beginning I tried to extend understanding …after all they had been bound together in this secret for 14 years at the time of discovery…. This one lie of how to be in a marriage allowed my husband to continue to believe his life was his and none of my business in areas where he felt were his. I trusted him …I did not worry about him doing anything unethical…and it was pretty much supported by his life at that time…. And so the foundation was not just sandy but quick sand!
Our expectations of this life, this world and other people …may never come to assuage our pain but more …the expectations we are to have grown in us of the importance of pleasing GOD before we work on trying to please others…particularly and especially those of the household of faith must be built upon the foundation of the apostles ,prophets with Jesus Christ the chief cornerstone.
I have had a long way to go and still do. My hopes and dreams were not altogether misplaced as I studied and thought my husband who claimed to love the Lord and believe as I saw that we necessary in the Word for us to do and be …did not come to pass. What did I take away thus far to help my daughters come to the place where they might trust that there is a man who will not be as their father?
His parents claimed this too.. He used to meet once a month for a short lunch with a friend of his that is a strong believer. He likes to present himself as one who respects those who believe.. Sorrowful…But anyway I thank you for your offering to encourage me in my effort to keep on continuing to stretch forth to the high calling in Jesus Christ …. I am thankful for your ongoing service and I pray your studies will not suffer for the time you take to offer yourself in godly sacrifice to His service for His namesake.
Those who are His know that they have a past …but Jesus knew about our life past ,present and future and still gave Himself for our sake. Marriage is His , Those who know Him have a struggle sometimes accepting that He loves us …like you love your children…as they grow you know they may goof up..
Lord you know the end from the beginning and you have not changed your mind or ability in working all things we surrender to you for your glory and for our overcoming testimony as we go into the places you have for us. Thank you for increasing our faith and helping us to trust you in all of these things. It is sometimes hard for us to see when we are blinded by tears of regret and hear the whispers of accusation for all that we have done but you have forgiven and cleansed.
Help us to live in your site and by your way …help us to see that you have pulled us out of the ditches we have stumbled into. Help us to pray for our offenders and we do lift those women who have fallen into the sinful plans of the enemy of their souls to become prostitutes and pornographic tools in the prison of the devil. I thank you for teaching men how to avoid these traps and to learn to become equipped to help other men and in the process become strong in their own walk to be comforters to those who are in need of being comforted with the comfort with which they have found hope and healing.
Father I perceive that Matt is going to become a strong helper to those who are in like situations or are considering such things. I pray that presently you will contnue to bring to him mind the scriptures that he has sown into his heart to prepare him with what he needs to keep in mind NOW. Help him cast these cares upon you …one by one…. Reading the scriptures aloud when we are under attack with thoughts that condemn us after we have confessed …. BTW…Here is a link to a songwriter that I think will bless you. I just had begun to listen to him due to a link from Lighthouse Trails Newsletter online.
Comforting and worthy message that is easy to listen to and encouraging through some pretty tough things …. One thing I shared with my husband while trying to overcome this situation was Did he think he sinned worse that King David? I know one thing the devil works to deter, stumble and hinder the believer….
We were not saved for nothing …and God did not start with anyone who is sinless of those who Christ has died and cleansed with His blood. We are called to show forth the godly design for life which we are learning as we grow up …how many children do you know that are born and then are given the family car to drive …The world teaches people that they should be able to be sinless right away and never fall and never be deceived. We have a Savior very familiar with our obstacles to maturity and thus we have to confess and then obey by continuing to learn , and grow up in Him….
I am thankful that you have had the courage to share your sorrow and remorse here …those who have been dealing with adultery actually do need to hear the way a repentant adulterer is thinking about this. Many sites where I have tried to encourage fellow hurt spouses need to hear it strangely because I think it is helpful to remember that all who sin and become truly repentant are in need of comfort. None of us married sinless people that I know of.
My husband simply took the road with no restance and has not accepted forgiveness…. I am determined not to let the devil win in any way in this ongoing necessity to be faithful to God and give God the venue of our marriage for His purposes ultimately …. I still believe that those who begin in Christ and do not rise to the challenges that GOD has given believers to walk in are still those who God wants to use in these dark days where the society is so sexualized that the unwary man or woman does not realize that sex is not like air they need to live …They have had it impressed into their minds that they cannot and should not be self governed ….
I have much to say …sorry if I have occupied so much of this thread…. I read his book years ago …The Cross and the Switchblade.. I just ran across this book title on some blog and was curious to learn what was in it …. It looks good to me so I ordered it …You can read the sample at Amazon …. I have heards often how we love the commands to our spouse while sort of overlooking the ones directed at our own gender…. I think that part of the trouble in our culture that came from each not taking seriously the commands for each specifically designed gender…for specific jurisdictions has been highly useful to the destruction of our society.
Disregard and disgarding these guidelines for living life has shown how serious God has been in His effort to inform man how to govern…and thus live within the protection of GOD and in his own area of jurisdiction to protect his wife and thus his children.. I read the table of contents and the sample…I feel it puts what we need to think about in terms of our distinct areas that ARE made by GOD to be specific to GENDER and how we relate in marriage and among those without who might tempt or be tempted if a man will not take it to heart!
So I ordered it to read it in full…. Pleasing someone who believes everyone …specifically his wife is there only for his own convenience and gain ….
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This kind of opportunism is hard to respect….. Thank you for your support, prayers, advice and encouragement here. I take it to heart. All this has come when I was desperately in need to support from brothers and sisters in Christ eternal family. I need to inform you that I could finally meet with my Pastor and could confess, counsel and pray with him and be accountable.
Also, I have been in contact with Jack who has been very kind to mail directly, pray and give the godly counsel, support and encouragement I needed. I have been washed in soul cleansing blood of Jesus Christ and adorned the robe of righteousness he gives me in him. Kris, I pray God will heal your hurts, give you new joy, hope and strength and new laughter! May God restore your life fully spirit, soul and body and give divine peace within. God is still working on me and on path to being a stronger witness for Christ in days and years to come!
I will continue to pray for you and your wife and family. It will take all your faith and strength in Him for you to walk through this coming storm…I hope that we all can remember that it is a big enemy who has been working relentlessly to destroy us , our marriages and thus our children …Our intended legacy is not without scars and battles but as we overcome by our doing all that Christ informs us to do we will leave a trail of victories in His name and by His keeping.
You are going to need not just your own comfort to deal with coming challenges but a lot of patience as your wife will have to go through some mourning and healing …Do not let this scare you …whenever you do confess …keep in mind that she married you and trusted you and that does not change …. To pursue rather than run from the pain is really what I see and hear from other betrayed spouses as one of the most important.. Just try to remember marriage is indeed a marathon rather than a sprint even in the best of times…Getting hit with an area we did not want to see as vulnerable is not just a matter of lust unleashed but a notice of what we need to pay attention to in what God advises us to get equipped to deal with, protect and defend with not just knowledge but decisive plans to avoid.
Many men and women are falling under the influence of our present day subversive assaults upon the fleshly desires that are to be kept within godly boundaries,…. We owe it to our Lord, to our spouses and more to our children and all others who may observe this overcoming by His Word applied to our lives to live as under HIS directives despite the foriegn land of this world we live in.
We are not responsible to fit in or to even take responsiblity for what others do in response to the Lord but we are given the priviledge to observe how our own submission to the foundational things of GOD in marriage are provided for our learning and maturity in Christ. Be not deceived by emotions or thoughts ungrounded in truth…a sandy foundation is useless for us to overcome. Among men you have been offered a platform of experience that may be useful to turn many a young man away from experiencing the depths of sorrow you now know.
He died shortly after this interview but not before confessing that his belief in the grace of GOD and his lack of concern for sinful choices had deceived him. This is so sad how often we become so sure of the forgiveness of GOD.. Our carnal minds unrenewed and deceptive teachings at work! So we must continue to seek the truth of all things in His Word to become clear about the way God intends us to walk in Him and more and more strengthened with HIS might in the inner man so sinful lures are no longer appealing to us …This takes knowledge and love for GOd and others that we fear to be drawn in but more to fear damaging others by way of a passive attitude about sin.
Do not feel alone …this was an intentional agenda to move people more and more toward the aim of the god of this world …but we who have come through with having sought out the way God would correct us grow stronger and more clear about the way Truth is to be lived in and live by!
I am glad for your having been able to gain some counsel and support through godly counselors and the faith that has been begun in you …we need each other to promote the truth of the hope that is in Christ …what can those who are without Him do in the face of this dark present age! We must take our place with steely resolve and when one stumbles over a weak area of sorrow we must be reminders that there is ONE God who has saved us through His Son who was faithful til the end….
I found encouragement and comfort in your prayer for my own situation…keep us informed if you will as to how things are going …. I believe even as these posts have been of a personal nature who knows who will one day come upon them in their need to be encouraged and read what we have shared of our sorrow and our triumph in Christ as we go forward.
May the wisdom of GOD guide you in all ways as you continue in the way that HE will provide for you to testify by your life of His great power and grace! I think learning about triggers may help those who want their betrayed spouse to be all better and sooner than later. In the case of adultery NO ONE knows how it will effect their thinking and lives…there is a small awareness perhaps but the ongoing and overreaching effects of triggers is not something we think of ….
It is a phenomena that happens when some image, experience, fragrance, food, song….
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In the area of the emotions it is huge…romantic apsects are all under the lens of this being shared with someone who did not have any right to those things. Wives become self conscience to the point of wanting to hide themselves…. I have read women who dressed in their closet more because they noticed how their husband seemed to appreciate other women …. So the devil knows how to send the specialized attacks upon our areas that matter to us …for women it is our appearance and our emotions…for men he attacks through the eyes….
The Triggers that continue even now are fewer and further between as I keep the word flowing through my mind and ears all day …. But music , lyrics and all kinds of things come about that may cause me to struggle…especially since my husband has refused to take part in any healing for me or our marriage. Early on I recognized that he was so invested in listening to his music and the lyrics which I found to be urging sinful behavior that he was beginning to be influenced more by those than the word. He was arrogant when I pointed out the effect it was having upon me and upon himself …this pride and self willed attitude led to further disregard for GOD and for me and soon our family.
I forgive my husband daily and time after time…and as triggers come I have to deal with them too. Also the going over and over the information is usual and part of the need to try to wrap your head around this news…it is so out of the expectation and so out of the character of the person we have loved and trusted that there is a NEED to hear the answers about all the details of the adultery over and over …one caution is to not go into sexual details as they tend to do more damage ….
Any complaint about how she is not getting over it will delay her perception of your being sorry …. He still sees not need to put any kind of plan in place …this is hindering his own healing as well as continuing to cause insecurity in me and our daughters as far as being able to trust this pain will not be repeated.
I did not seek to take such a lengthy expression but I will post it and pray it is useful for your dilemma as it is from tried use of the Word to overcome such situations by way of the WORD applied to decisions and thinking. I woke up this morning with these scriptures on my mind regarding your question. So I hope you will take some time to learn to see the truth as God has set it forth regarding Himself and all things pertaining to life and to godliness , which is a close and profitable relationship with God who knows the end from the beginng.
Just because He is all knowing does not mean he controls all of what people do. God gave man a free will to choose.
What Does The Bible Say About Adultery? Five Important Lessons
The devil wants to take a man by his fleshly eyes, mind and hormones …to convince him that he is helpless against his thoughts and urges. From looking at her answer we see that the downfall of her purity of relationship with the God who created her and all things was insufficient for her to defend herself by any of what GOD had said. Either Adam did not convey it to her as God had directed him to , or he did not tell her at all OR neither one of them fet compelled to go back to GOD and ask Him to remind them of just what DID HE tell Adam about the tree of knowledge of good and evil.
If God allowed Adam and Eve to remain IN the garden they would eventually eat of the Tree of LIFE and remain in the fallen condition which was in the domain of satan who just took the jurisdiction of the world from Adam. The Devil wants people to live by their senses and to serve the flesh …but the scripture tells us. Soon enough we begin to find out IF we take our confession of wanting Him to be our Lord …and our Savoir to heart.
God is GOOD …but even in the garden we see that the Serpent asks questions in a way that brings about doubt about His being good. He failed to keep the serpent out and away from engaging the flesh of Eve , then he overtly rebelled and disobeyed GOD , diving headfirst into rebellion. The commands of GOD were in play even before the ten were written and documented for us. The Gnostic approach to life is very active in not only compelling people to follow after their fleshly urges and desires but in the idea that what you do with you body has no effect upon your salvation.
It clouds the vision. It is the FLESH that is a veil in that it sees what it wants to see and denies what does not please it. It is the state of mind that the FALL has left us with. It is also added to by the force of the devil who works through fleshly avenues to excite desires and to poo poo any truth regarding HIS existence OR He fans the curiosity of those who are interested in spiritual matters with things which are spiritual but not of GOD. How can we know which spirit is at work in any given situation or thought we may have cross our minds?
People who believe these tactics end up not spending time studying …because like all sin …that is the EASY way to go. If you decide to succumb to the trends and popular thoughts of this world and this dark age you will soon learn these things are truth. Somehow people will often reason.. Yes GOD WILL forgive but consequences will still be the result of sowing to the flesh…a crop will come up but it will be harsh and difficult to deal with as it is like a weed…quick growing and stubborn getting rid of. His are better, higher , more powerful than any thoughts we or others may come up with.
WE have to make up our minds …to inform our minds. Cleanse your hands, ye sinners; and purify your hearts, ye double minded. Being ready to give an answer to the questions that come at you for WHY you believe it is worthwhile to follow Christ and why you choose to avoid sin is a great testimony. This applies to ALL things that are useful to the enemy of our soul to lure us through hitting our minds with thoughts.
The inner thought life is one tough cookie for those who do not acknowledge their need to guard their hearts and minds from the git go. Many a man who never would have dreamed of committing adultery has done so because he was too proud or confident in his own fleshly strength to become informed as to how he has vulnerabilities and what GOD tells him to DO daily to avoid falling into this sin which KILLS …and not only harms his own life stealing his daily impact for godliness and good but harms his family and all those who his choices use and embolden to sin.
The building of a godly character in defense of the soul is much better done at the first than after the falling into sin. Better to prepare to win than to get lackadaisical and fall into sin. The end result of filling up his sinful desires for my own husband has been a tragic demonstration of how sexual sin steals , kills and destroys all joy in life and even sex. This is the commandment, That, as ye have heard from the beginning, ye should walk in it.
We are enables by Christ and the power of His Word.. The law Christ abolished was this of sin that was in our members …but we do not have obey it.. We put to death the lust and the way flesh calls to us to do what ever we FEEL like. God tells us the things which are good for us. For the ways of the LORD are right, and the just shall walk in them: Good question …and one many young people and old struggle with…. Sexual desire was not part of our design FOR OUR pleasure and use apart from the function it was intended for marriage covenant one flesh spouses.
Natural and carnal minds think that they might selectively choose what they agree to and what to ignore from the Bible because they have deligated the Bible to being only authored by man. It is a SEED which gives wisdom and understanding to those who submit to it. It provides a venue of trust and loyalty ideally that provides a sense of protection for being KNOWN in a deep way that no other should be privy to outside of GOD.
Sex apart from the covenant.. Several ways for a man to learn to control his flesh is to learn how to avoid the people, places and activities that he knows will present more temptations. For example if you submit to the Lord the desire to be obedient and to deal with your sexual issues …You will soon become more sensitive in your conscience as to what to avoid …. The whole culture in our day and time is feeding lies into our lives.
Now …can you honestly charge GOD with not being very kind in that HE designed you with a sexual desire? Do not be deceived …sexual desire is not like food, water or air. If a man will not learn self governing by the obedience to the wisdom of GOD before marriage …. A man wants to leave a legacy of help and hope …sexual sin has a way of stealing that away ….
Sexual sin breaks ALL of the ten commandments. Even pagan Kings realized the loss to their own life by way of violating others sexually. Some people try to support their sinful perspective on sex pointing to examples pulled out of context in the Bible …GOD DID have things recorded about real people to provide us with examples of what happens when some sin and their suffering of consequences …and some who obeyed and the outcome.
Think of what you want to do and think if you would be able to glorify GOD in sharing it with others.. Even before the fall in the Garden, Adam and Eve had a perfect environment and before sin entered the world, they still choose to do evil. God made us as free, moral agents and we are all tempted. You are not tempted anymore than any other man or woman has ever been tempted. I am sure you know that James wrote in 1: We can still be saved despite ourselves.
Anthony, I believe the reason you are battling this is that it may be the Holy Spirit working in you to show you what sin is and the Spirit gives you, gives all of us, the desire to overcome and that is a hopeful thing my friend. Kris and I and I am sure others are praying for you and we are for you brother and you can be sure God wants to see you in heaven.
Anthony, I think what you are getting at in that you are coming across the very present tone in our culture and world which actually as been this way since the beginning.
Records in the word show us that people who do not want any accountability and do not KNOW GOD because they reject the knowledge of the truth about Him will continue to ask questions like these. Does it say they will agree or receive it? To give an answer that should suffice may or may not settle it for them. Many people have the truth coming to them frequently and have rejected it or become dull of hearing.
Read all of those and then you might be more apt to discern where sharing the truths will be fruitful. Some scripture testimony for you to consider regarding these ….. And, let every one that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity. Before I head off to church I want to say I thank God for you. The Book of Romans shows that we are all under the curse of the law but that Christ because a curse for our sake Gal 3: I would like to recommend a book for young men and maybe men who wonder how to function more in ways God has instructed them in how to be IN marriage.
I appreciated the things being a married woman who concurs how the things in this book recommend such wonderful wisdom. For a young man who is not married as yet I think it is good for him to consider the calling of a man to protect women from the vulnerability of how God has designed women in a unique way that few women understand or know about due to the programming of our culture presently.
Learning for both men and women is a great opportunity found in reading a book like this and so I offer it for your consideration and beneficial help in future dealings among the various relationships and most importantly to realize what you are getting into when you get married. I am sorry for responding so late.
I am not the author of this article but maybe I could help you. What is your question you want to ask about hoping to get some spiritual insight? Was baptised in high school without any in depth knowledge. Grew up in a Christian home but never was home as such. Grew up in boarding school since as a child. I met this married man in church a few years ago.
However his marriage was in shambles. I struggle to say no to people and even though at times I felt it was wrong we continued being friends until his wife came to know and she made it a public knowledge by involving everybody which did not help the situation and after easy few years they got divorced. She blamed me for this break up but the close people of the family say they were going thru a rough patch already so I may have contributed for it too and I strongly believe that I did contribute towards it.
I was in the wrong place the wrong time. She has a partner now and is happy. Just needed a biblical insight. Thanks for reading the post. I just read your post …. That means that he is to seek out what the Lord is charging a husband to be and do for the care and keeping of the love in the marriage. The Word of GOD is to be kept in mind which will guide him away from making choices and behaviors that lead him into temptation …and lead women into sin.
IF he has not learned this , and it seems he did not know or care about this before his marriage in order to work to keep his relationship with is wife in proper order and place while learning and obeying the Lord through knowledge gained in study of the Word and then prayer to ask GOd to help him grow in knowledge and application of that Word then I am sorry to say he will be a very unstable mate after what you have shared.
The Bible tells us that a double minded man is unstable in all his ways …in this case he may be feeling that he can be faithful to you NOW …but he has a very untried track record. This truth is pretty much not known to people in this day and time especially if they have not been raised in a godly home where the Bible has been held in high regard. In the Bible God has provided protection and provision for women.. Many like to quote dubious statistics from the world that state it is the woman who is mostly the one who is at fault and is the one that files for divorce.
After much study and consideration in the Bible I believe that divorce by women from husband is driven more by the men not knowing what GOD was calling upon them to do and become as husbands. I know your difficulty as I too did not know much of this and as a young adult made poor choices…. I did not realize how the demon realm sets people up to sin. I believe the amount of the Word taught directly to men and to women is a reflection of the way GOD has made specific demands upon genders not because one is more equal than another but because of DESIGN differences in the way each is equipped by GOD to carry out HIS will for them as individuals, gender and the role in relationships that may be found to be different.
The man is to be the one to set the standard for the relationship by way of HIS having a firm foundation in the Word of GOD which is said to be OUR foundation …the apostles , prophets with Jesus Christ as the chief cornerstone.
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He may have just not given the proper place to his wife , he may have not been wise in choosing his friendships and associates. He may have not been wise in choosing where he was going to spend his time …. He may have excluded his wife from his life. She may have not been pleasant to be around because of HIS behavior or lack of it in the relationship.
Usually women do not marry with cheating in mind. Godly women will work hard to learn how to live in marriage oftentimes while men may not.. We also live in a highly sexualized world today. Men often complain that their wives do not like sex but this belies their lack of understanding how their own behavior either encourages security and ability to love and respect their husbands and their lack of having understood how their own design works.
Lust is not what God allows even IN marriage. We hear this all the time.. God first then spouse …the thing is that if we do not stay caring about GOD and what HE tells us …then soon our ability to remain faithful …in mind and then schedule and body …will weaken and soon other things and people will take that position.
Without willingness to do that …soon the spouse will not matter as much either. I wish I had a dime for every person that has heard this as an entry excuse to be unfaithful! Emotions are not useful to make wise decisions…. If you hope to have any kind of marriage with this man or any man ….. He did not care for YOUR soul let alone the heart of his wife and any children he may have had enough to control himself and care for all by keeping himself focused upon his first responsilibities to GOD and then his vows to his wife.
Marriage is first and foremost to enable one to become mature and example Christ in relationships. This man and perhaps yourself have been moved by emotion…what you see and what you feel….. I will tell you that even with a solid biblical foundation that I have been gaining over the 34 years of our marriage.. He is sorry what he did to me and what he lost which was more than most men ever dream of..
I pray you will think this through before making further decisions …there is always forgiveness for sin with GOD but to willfully proceed in what could become a further mistake and disaster without some real turning to God to learn before entering into any kind of covenant with this man would be unwise in my humble opinion. A man worthy of taking upon himself the responsibility for a wife will first prove his worth by way of protecting HER from entering into SIN! I enjoyed the effort they put into that conference even making it available for people around the world to listen and for those who know how to use it …they could even ask questions.
Some of the speakers were Warren Smith and Ray Yungen both who speak with authority upon the new age elements an and reveal through scripture what the Word says about things. I learned a lot of information I had not preveiously known about this issue. Pray for the peace of Jerusalem…. Great help and resource…. These men are great and godly resources for sure as Kris, as is your custom sister, you add something tangible that gives us real help in times of crisis and deep need.
To know the God of the Word we need to know the Word of God and there is real power in the Word but few tap this God-power for His Word is active, alive, cuts to heal, and causes to bring about what He wills. My friend, you write things that confirm in me that you are yielding to the Spirit and since God resists the proud and gives grace to the humble, no wonder He has poured out His supply of infinite grace upon you my sister in Christ and I surely thank God for you.
Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. As a direct result of his sins adultery and murder Bathsheba and King Davids baby died. Families are destroyed, children are left scarred, sometimes forever. I know of a situation happening right now where a man left his wife, who is pregnant with twins, for another woman. OW has 2 girls. OW had just began to attend church, seeking God. Sadly, she hooked up aith married man.
Her lil girls are sad and beginning to rebel and the wife has the twins and they r in the midst of a very nasty divorce. The devil walks about seeking whom he may devour, pray one for another, lest we fall. Pls pray for rhe children. God, the wife, and the innocent children. When it all falls apart and it Will, I will be back to finish this very sad story. Hi Kris, i have been touched by your story, i find myself in a similar situation and am at my wits end as to how to handle it.
My husband and have been married for 18 years, unknown to me my husband has been having affairs with other women outside our marriage. He apologised and forgave him, but i have come to know that He is having an affair with another woman. Am hurting and my heart is breaking. Hi Dotty…I will certainly pray for you. I just got online …. It is so difficult ,especially for a Christian who is doing all they can to learn how to be a good spouse and follow what the Bible says about our jurisdiction in marriage.
The truth is that he is really also damaging himself in a lot of ways that may not be apparent to him right now. It really hurts to see that a man is willing to harm his wife AND his children in the many ways that adultery does. The damage done financially is also another area that my own husband presumed he had it knocked…no worries for him.. A liar will lie…simple. A woman who will commit adultery with a married man is no one to believe! Turning from respect for the Word of GOD is the one leverage away from learning the value of godliness and separating truth from emotions!
I pray for you that you will fill up on the wisdom of the Word and offer a few sites that encourage those who are standing for their marriages…. Rejoice Marriage Ministry is one that comes to mind and there are many encouraging testimony of marriage restored when God has been working even in many lives we would not think would change.
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I pray you will be comforted and delivered from the way this kind of sin is used by the devil to steal , kill and destroy what Christians have been offered from the Lord. He has His jurisdiction and we have ours.. May your husband wake up SOON before he loses his opportunity to learn to live within the protection and provision of God who KNOWS what is right, true and useful to avoid such a legacy of damage and destruction.
Hi Kris, Thank you very much for your encouragement. He lies about this relationship and i would like to know Kris, if i should confront him with the evidence i have about his affair or just go on being a dutiful wife and allow God to work on him. I become angry when he tries to be all sweet and nice after talking or chatting to the other women, this sometimes affect my mood in the home and my attitude towards my children. The scriptures speak to us as believers about those who are thinking they are believers but are not!
They also do not seem to realize the damage they do to those they cheat with. That is selfish and not the compassionate attitude that our growing knowledge of what sin is and how destructive it is for the sake of the soul.. We should obey GOD rather than men. It was also pointed out that there were some actions that they had to DO themselves for the sake of the Gospel. The Corinthians were born again in a culture which was very active in many of the sinful things that we see abounding today …in and out of the church!
Accountability is only ONE aspect of our walk …in fact accountabilty is what those who realize the deadliness of sin is WANT to establish. First by availing themselves of being confronted by daily scripture with the desire to learn what to avoid doing or thinking …to learn to gain the renewed mind which is equipped with the knowledge of the Lord in what is going on …and how to avoid doing and endorsing what is that kind of lifestyle which steals, kills and destroys life here and on into eternity if that person does not turn from his dark dwelling in sin!