The farmers mistake them for dragons. They sound like chainsaws and During Jumba's invasion of Lilo's house, Stitch picks up a chainsaw to fight him off—prompting Lilo to remark, on the phone to Cobra Bubbles, "Oh good, my dog's found the chainsaw! The climactic animals vs. Boy, did that backfire.
The sequel has a circular saw. In the movie and manga Negative Happy Chainsaw Edge , the personification of evil uses a chainsaw. Taken to a whole new level in the sequel , which features Dennis Hopper dual-wielding chainsaws in a climactic duel against Leatherface. And Leatherface's drive-by chainsawing in the same film. Ash Williams from the Evil Dead films pictured above. This is a badass guy who cut off his own demon-possessed hand and replaced it with a chainsaw mounting. Obviously not to be taken lightly.
He still has it in Army of Darkness , but soon replaces it with a mechanical hand that he just invented because why not. My Name Is Bruce references Ash's signature chainsaw. When a rabid fan offers Bruce Campbell a chainsaw modeled on Evil Dead to fight an unleashed god, Bruce is honored but turns it down because it's too damn heavy and unwieldy to use in combat. Tiger on the Beat , where the hero and villain have a final kung fu showdown with chainsaws.
This is the same movie that had Chow Yun-Fat using a shotgun-on-a-string that essentially let him fire around corners to kill bad guys. It's that kind of movie. In Scarface , one of Tony's friends meets a chainsaw-caused death gruesome enough to have a Gory Discretion Shot used.
Patrick Bateman in American Psycho chases a prostitute through an apartment building in New York City with a chainsaw while naked. The sequence may have been a figment of his deranged imagination. Not only does he kill her with the chainsaw, he drops it on her from several stories up and kills her. Ignoring the fact that most modern chainsaws have a safety on it so that if you let it go, it'll turn off. If you look closely you can see judicious use of Duct Tape. In the movie Smokin' Aces , one of the Tremor brothers uses a hand-mounted chainsaw during their assault on the Nomad Hotel, with predictably devastating results.
Cue much gore and a Moment of Awesome or two. Final Wars , Gigan eventually receives a pair of double-pronged chainsaws instead of hands. This is also the same monster who has a buzzsaw in his torso. And before the chainsaws for hands, he had hooks for hands. In Phantasm II , Reggie must fight a graver in a chainsaw duel. Motel Hell ends with a chainsaw duel between a sheriff and a crazed farmer wearing a pig's head as a mask.
In a case of a victim using a chainsaw against the killer occurs in Maniac Cop 2 , where the heroine of the previous entry is thrown through the window of a hardware store by Officer Cordell. Grabbing a chainsaw, she tries to attack him with it but he just nonchalantly grabs the blade, wrenches it from her grasp and snaps her neck. A New Beginning , with more succession in the latter as the supposed victim manages to get away even though her chainsaw runs out of fuel. Sarah gets a few good swings in before it stops working which is probably justified, since she found it among the junk in the Myers' abandoned garage prompting her into throwing it at Michael.
Buzzsaw from The Running Man. He even mounts his chainsaw to his motorcycle. Dawn of the Dead Painfully subverted during a high-speed zombie car chase. One of the characters accidentally loses his grasp of the chainsaw, which cuts into another survivor. This causes their getaway truck to topple over.
Dark of the Sun , based on the Wilbur Smith novel, features two men in a chainsaw duel. During the Thunderdome fight, Max snatches a chainsaw to fight Blaster, but struggles to get it working. After it finally catches, it runs out of fuel before he can even swing it. Fuel is the most precious commodity, after all. In its continuation Mad Max: Fury Road , multiple War Boys try to cleave the heroes with chainsaws although they end up killing other War Boys instead thanks to some Deadly Dodging. The one War Boy that manages to fatally wound a hero is a downplayed example, cutting the Keeper of the Seeds' jugular with an arm-mounted hedge trimmer.
In Gremlins , Stripe uses a small chainsaw from the hardware store to attack the human hero, who fends off the blade with a rapidly-fragmenting wooden baseball bat. Bonus points for awesomeness in that we hear the chainsaw's motor revving up, just before Stripe attacks, and can guess what the little creep just got his scaly hands on. The Saw films seem to prefer circular saws to chainsaws, with Jigsaw himself being killed by one in Saw III , and William being attacked by the co-worker he'd just gotten scalded to save, who wanted the key buried in his abdominal wall with one in Saw VI , and a tablesaw in Saw 3D.
When Butch is choosing a weapon to use to rescue his enemy Marsellus Wallace, the chainsaw is in the middle of his weapon escalation. He tosses aside a hammer to take the chainsaw, then tosses the chainsaw to grab a katana. Swords are easier to sneak up on people with, after all. The killer in StageFright -Aquarius- manages to kill one victim with a chainsaw until it runs out of fuel. Subverted in the horror-comedy Black Sheep , in which Henry needs to perform half a dozen steps to get a complicated chainsaw's motor started, only to drop it over the side when the truck he's riding goes over a bump in the field.
Nice Guy , when a Mook swings a big circular grinder at Jackie, but it comes unplugged the instant the thug tries to chase him with it. The killer in Pieces uses a chainsaw to cut up his victims and collect the bodyparts that he desire for his project. Unfortunately, this fails, as she winds up dropping it. She ultimately resorts to torching Reika. Both the killer and the protagonist get a turn with a circular saw. In Evil Aliens , a combine harvester is a drivable chainsaw.
In the film of The Water Babies , the bill of the heroic swordfish develops tiny moving serrations, plainly meant to resemble a chainsaw's, when he fights or cuts through things. Stacy , a Japanese movie concerning zombie schoolgirls or "Stacies" who only seek love and acceptance from the living despite eating many of them , reveals that the only way to destroy a Stacy is via "repeat-killing," specifically dismemberment. To facilitate this, one can purchase "Bruce Campbell's Right Hand," a chainsaw that fits over the user's right hand.
It comes in several different colors, many of them new this season! In Big Tits Zombie , the main character finds a chainsaw and is so overjoyed, she practically starts crying. The chainsaw even glows. This movie loves this trope so much that the first zombie kill, moments into the film, is a chainsaw attack.
When the Freeling family are escaping their house and get in their car in Poltergeist II: The Other Side , a possessed flying chainsaw tries to stop them. Dark of the Moon showed that one of the options for Optimus Prime's weapons pack — an option which was not used in the final film — included a giant, triple-chained chainsword. In the final battle of The Marine , Rome attacks Triton with one. Triton defends himself with a wrench, which gets sawed in half, but manages to force Roman to drop the chainsaw. Mom , Jack Butler's first meeting with his wife Caroline's boss Ron Richardson is when he is wielding a chainsaw and coming into the house with it still running.
Played mostly for laughs as Jack makes it look like he's just using it for remodeling the house, though after Ron leaves Jack contemplates using it for "trimming" Ron's mustache. In the fourth Police Academy movie, Tackleberry scares off a few new recruits to the Citizens on Patrol program with a chainsaw — specifically by cutting his way out of a body bag. Zig-zagged in Pain and Gain. It gets jammed by hair rather easily, but then Daniel complains it's a cheap piece of crap. Helldriver give us chainsaw-wielding zombies As the cast of Children of the Corn V: Fields of Terror become besieged in a barn, Tyrus picks up a chainsaw.
After he is killed, one of the children pick it up and start chasing Allison with it. Robot Jox gives us a chainsaw on the Big Bad 's robot. Its placement on the robot's torso is near crotch-level. When G-Girl reveals her secret identity to Matt in My Super Ex-Girlfriend she makes him swear that he would rather have a chainsaw shoved up his ass than tell. When Matt imagines he tells his friend, she brandishes a chainsaw telling him he was warned. This is Fin's weapon of choice in the climax of Sharknado.
It was so effective then that in Sharknado 2: The Second One , he actively seeks some out even earlier in the film after being informed that gun stores are illegal in New York. The sequel also features one old guy who revs up a bunch of chainsaws before hurling them into the wind to chop up the sharks on their own. April's artificial hand can be swapped out for a chainsaw, and in the climax, Fin gets a lightsaber chainsaw.
Mutant Girls Squad by Noboru Iguchi. Featuring a girl who can produce a chainsaw from her backside In Very Bad Things , Boyd uses a chainsaw to cut up the two bodies in the hotel bathroom. In The Video Dead , a character manages to put most of the eponymous undead into pieces with a chainsaw. The remaining one snatches the thing, and eventually manages to impale him with it. In the Live Roleplay scenario Final Voyage of the Mary Celeste , Johan Martens a character on the edge of insanity has a chainsaw, inherited from his uncle.
Now consider the fact that another character, who wants everyone on board dead, can make attempts to mind control Martens Williamson's novel Better To Beg Forgiveness features, among other equally awesome things, the esteemed yet extremely enraged President Bishwanath of Celedon driving off a mob of bloodthirsty rioters with a chainsaw.
The hero's survival ration pack also includes literal Dehydrated Water , which if it isn't a TV trope darn well ought to be. The Zombie Survival Guide deconstructs this, noting all of the above reasons not to use a chainsaw against the undead, and adding that it's incredibly heavy for a weapon that you're probably going to be lugging around for miles, that the very loud noise it generates is certain to attract more zombies and even its marginal usefulness as a weapon ceases completely the instant it runs out of gas or breaks down.
Summer Knight uses one to lame an ogre, and a few minutes later, kill a tree monster. The chainsaw cuts through both monsters more easily than might be expected because of its steel teeth— The Fair Folk really, really don't like being attacked with Cold Iron.
Secret police and Cacticae security in Perdido Street Station carry Rivebows, a large crossbow which shoots spinning chakris circular saw blades. In universe, the main way to defeat Cacticae humanoid cacti is through severing limbs. Averted in Misery , in which Annie Wilkes is found dead from her injuries and clutching a chainsaw she'd plainly intended to use on Paul Sheldon in the end.
In Doom , Arlene grabs a chainsaw and uses it to clear a hall full of demons. This nearly gets her killed. The second time she still grabs the chainsaw because she wants to get it right.
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How a chainsaw came to be on Deimos is a mystery. In Under a Graveyard Sky , during the operation to clear a cruise line ship of Technically Living Zombies , Faith mentions several times that she'd like to have a chainsaw available as a clearing tool, although Fontana points out some of the problems with using a chainsaw as a weapon. In The Lotus War the Iron Samurai wield chainkatanas, which are the unholy spawn of a katana and a motorized chainsaw. Evil Dead , the chainsaw arm makes a return and is used prominently throughout the series. Double The Fist gives us The Time-Saw, a chainsaw which can cut through the fabric of time and space.
Oh yes, Chainsaw indeed good. Subverted in an episode of Torchwood , where Rhys fires up a chainsaw to take out a rampaging Monster of the Week , only to have the machine die on him at the worst possible moment. It's then that Jack blows it apart from behind with an alien BFG. Pizza gives us Bobo, the Ax-Crazy pizza store owner who keeps a chainsaw under his counter. One segment of the multi-part CSI episode "Toe Tags" showcased both the damage-dealing potential and the dangerous unwieldiness of the chainsaw as a "weapon": The Killer Was Left-Handed , and accidentally killed his friend and himself trying to cut up some furniture to spite his ex-wife.
He'd been using a chainsaw designed for righties at the time. A few Robot Wars competitors employed chainsaws as weapons as did House Robot Matilda though this was later replaced with a vertical spinning disc in the 5th wars , but they were quickly proven to be Awesome, but Impractical as they were largely ineffective against robots with metal armour i.
One episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer had Giles use a chainsaw as an impromptu skeleton key to get into a Haunted House a demon had caused the doors and windows to vanish. And he was awesome doing it. Billy solves his problems by calling up his Ma,. Malcolm solves his problems with a chainsaw, And he never has the same problem twice!
The backglass for Data East Pinball 's Tales from the Crypt includes a woman in a bikini wielding a chainsaw. Strength, one of the bosses from The Pinball of the Dead , wields a chainsaw. In the Cool Kids Table game Creepy Town , the torture cabin has a chainsaw in it that the killer activates to kill Ethan. The Reduced Shakespeare Company Radio Show has Hamlet cut the king's head off with a chainsaw, and in Richard III , Richard killing the infant Princes with "a gas-powered chainsaw with a revolving inch auger blade and a 6-cylinder bicarbonated engine" a scene which is claimed to be "one of several instances in which Shakespeare gets history right".
For the Imperium, the chainsword is a ubiquitous close combat weapon, especially among the Astartes. Chaos forces, especially the Heretic Astartes, use chain weapons for essentially the same reasons, although theirs are usually much nastier in form and function. Khorne Berserkers wield chainaxes almost exclusively, as their frenzied Attack! The Striking Scorpion Aspect Shrine of the Craftworld Aeldari specializes in melee combat, and those fighters wield chainswords that are very effective against Space Marine armor. While they could wield psychically-charged weapons, those are usually reserved for Warlocks and Seers, who concentrate more on psyker powers in combat.
For Orks , the thought process for using chain weapons is something like "'Ey, what makes a choppa more killy? Put some spinnin' teef on the edge! Imperial Titans are sometimes armed with a Titan Chainfist, which is basically a giant chainsaw the size of a small bus , which they use to punch stuff with.
Generally it's used against other titans, but on occasion they are known to punch the poor sap 3 feet from their toes. Ork Stompas have similarly large chainsaws to Titans, albeit much more crudely designed. They're essentially a combination of Lightning Claws, Power Fists and Chainfists all into one, with the chainsaws in the palms of the hand like teeth in a shark. As with the wider Warhammer 40,00 0 setting, chainswords are a popular weapon but their high cost means that they are often only wielded by gang leaders and their most trusted fighters.
Gang War supplement and the release of the Forge World weapon kits. The primary weapon of the Spyrer Matriarch is the chainscythe , a weapon that fits with her techno-Grim Reaper visual theme. Although it had no effect in the rules, the 1st Edition Goliath Leader with meltagun model has replaced his traditional mohawk with a chainsaw blade, something the 3rd Edition models give a Shout-Out to with the inclusion of a similarly designed mohawk as an option on the Goliath plastic sprue.
The background for Pit Slaves makes mention of the legendary pit fighter Harkan Vore, who had a chainsaw replacing his lower jaw. During the 1st and 2nd Editions of the game, Redemptionist Crusades were the only gang who had access to Evisorators, massive two-handed chainsaws popular with religious fanatics throughout the Imperium.
It's not just the grim darkness of the future that loves its chainsaws, the Rending Sword from Warhammer Quest and Warhammer Fantasy Roleplay was a semi-sentient sword with a set of razor-sharp whirling sawteeth on its blade. A great weapon for chewing up a Chaos Warrior's flesh and armour. Speaking of Chaos, one property a Daemon weapon can get is Chainsword, which is an oil-sputtering, armor-piercing engine of destruction Games Workshop loves their chainsaws as Blood Bowl has the Goblin team's Loonie carrying around a chainsaw as do certain All-Stars.
The chainsaw's great for taking down an opponent, but it's an illegal weapon that referees can suspend and there's a chance you could gut yourself on it. Finally there's Chainsaw Warrior , where you are a cyborg super-soldier trying to fight through a New York city tower to stop the Darkness.
Chainsaw Good
The Chainsaw Warrior can carry a variety of guns and melee weapons, but his strongest unlimited use weapon is his chainsaw which gives a huge bonus to combat and can cut through certain traps. In the sequel Chainsaw Warrior: Lords of Night , the main man can have several varieties of chainsaws, including a diesel-fuelled chainsaw and a stone-cutting industrial saw.
The kinder and gentler Mutant Chronicles also loves chainsaws in the future. Capitol Sergeants have chain swords. Brotherhood Inquisitors have flamethrowers with chainsaw bayonets. And Legion has guys with chainsaw halberds. In Rifts , Armor-shredding Chainsaws are a favorite weapon of the chemically-augmented Juicer Warriors.
The fact that the preferred model among Juicers has teeth virtually honed to the molecule, and that your average Juicer can bench press a grown bull, may be a factor in this as well. Anti-tank chainsaws wielded by suicidal-steroid-freak-supersoldiers are not among the top 40 weirdest things in Rifts. Which tells you something of what you need to know And while the books note that strictly speaking a chainsaw isn't a very practical weapon even in the hands of a colossal Juicer or Titan Juicer that is, while stupidly deadly, they're still extremely clumsy in use , they admit that the potent symbolism and intimidation factor is the real reason they see widespread use among Juicers; entire Coalition brigades have run in terror at the sight of a mere handful of chainsaw-wielding Juicer shock troopers.
Cyberpunk has the Husqvarna Chainripp - a chainsaw which you can install into your bionic arm. Dragonmech , a steampunk take on a d20 fantasy world, has as part of the new "steam tech" chatterswords, which in addition to 2d6 damage can inflict a bit more damage later on as the victim's own movement rips open their wounds. Then there's the terrifying buzzaxe, which does 2d8 damage. Munchkin has the card called Chainsaw of Bloody Dismemberment.
Exalted characters are well known for their daiklaves. How do you go one better? It's not just a chainsaw sword Unsurprising, really, since Exalted actually has a Rule of Cool game mechanic. It can only be described as the bastard offspring of Captain America 's shield and a table saw. A canonical form of chainklave, the autoklave , appears in the appendix to Shards of the Exalted Dream.
Apparently they're popular in, surprise surprise, Autochthonia , as well as every Shard except Burn Legend. They do acknowledge the desire to use them given their prevalence in horror movies, and they deal great damage, but they are dangerous. If you roll a Critical Failure , you'll hit yourself. Mutant Chronicles , has a chainsaw attachment for various firearms called a "Chain Bayonet. Unfortunately, they're terribly difficult to use. Both versions of The World of Darkness grant chainsaws terrible accuracy penalties With the second Adventurer's Vault sourcebook, anyone who wields a Heavy Blade, Axe or Polearm can find a Fleshgrinder version, a demon-developed magical weapon that the text and sidebar make clear is a chainsaw-bladed version of the greatsword , battleaxe , scythe , glaive or whatever's appropriate.
Call of Cthulhu gives a chainsaw the equivalent of an impale where a stabbing weapon hits something vital but in this case it removes a limb. Shadowrun doesn't list chainsaws among its normal weapons, but a note in the Breaking and Entering gear section says that you can use a chainsaw in close combat, and it deals horrific amounts of damage, but it is extremely unwieldy. In the 3rd edition, the Cannon Companion included chainsaws, and, oddly, it was roughly comparable to a katana in terms of general damage output. Looks like katanas really are just better.
While the fluff mentions that users are more likely hack off their own limbs, mechanically they're some of the best melee weapons available, with average accuracy, good reach, high damage, and some of the best armor penetration; the drawback being that you can't apply your strength to damage, and as an "exotic" melee weapon, it requires putting skill points directly into it's use. Hong Kong Action Theatre lists the chainsaw as just one of the Improvised Weapons a character can wield. It does a fixed points of damage rather than being reliant on Muscle like most other melee weapons, but it's also got the biggest Speed penalty out of all the weapons of the game, meaning you're not going to get a lot of Actions with the sucker.
But if you want to recreate the final showdown from Tiger On The Beat , what's stopping you? Mekton represents this with the Armour Piercing upgrade. The standard Saw item has a low Weapon Accuracy, to represent its clumsiness. In Battlemachines chainsaws are one of the satisfyingly destructive weapons that you can arm a mech with.
This is taken to new heights with Carman Skiric, whose personal mech has no less than four chainsaws, and if he hits with one of them, the rest will hit automatically. The Forestry and Logger Mechs carry what can only be described as giant Mech-scale chainsaws, which they can use very effectively for cutting down trees or carving up opponents.
Said saws are the size of the host Mech's leg. Just have a look at the thing. However, by the rules a unit equipped with one can reduce even a dense forest hex notionally thirty meters across to mere "rough terrain" with few if any trees left standing in at most forty seconds — half that if a second such unit helps out. It also does a fine job of tearing down buildings, doing a minimum of 7 damage and up to 12 damage against any kind of building.
A single chainsaw-equipped unit can reduce a hardened bunker 30 meters across to so much rubble in as little as 90 seconds and can cut bridge supports inside 30 seconds, enough such that even the toughest bridge would be unable to support heavy units trying to cross it. The game also has the Dual-Saw, which is a paired set of circular saws that are built to cut rock. They're more effective against mech armor than chainsaws though still not a terribly effective weapon.
In Paranoia , the standard peripherals for docbots include surgical chainsaws. Please hold still, citizen. In Sine Requie Templar characters can wield Expiators, which are basically chainswords inscribed with verses from the Bible. They are among the close combat weapons that cause the gravest wounds. Adventures in Time and Space has extremely simplistic rules for melee weapon damage which, as the game cheerfully points out, make chainsaws among the most dangerous melee weapons possible Given the source material, combat is generally discouraged, and numerous opponents have access to ranged attacks that deal instant death on a good roll, deflectable by spending Story Points.
In-book art for volumes three to six depicts it being wielded by iconic barbarian Amiri, who has never met a BFS she didn't like. For the D20 system, Science Fiction Weapons contains a whole chapter on powered saw weapons. Usually powered by energy cells like most other EnhancedArchaicWeapons , however they have the option of the clumsy combustion engines. The double-ended staff is intended to be marketed to space barbarians and heavy metal bassists.
The drawback is that the minion must attack another minion each turn or do damage to himself. Mechanical Dream from Steamlogic is a Canadian rpg set on a reality-warping planet almost the size of Jupiter. It's undergoing an Industrial Revolution with steampunk technology. As such quite a few chainsaw-like weapons exist. It's Tifa's Witherspoon, Axl's agent! After a long time away from being associated with him, Tifa has returned to Axl's side, to try and help Axl become a top prospect in the world of wrestling.
And what's that Tifa has with her? Nice, I should start bringing one of those to events. It'd give me something to do when an Axl match comes on. Of course, if my man Vi takes care of business tonight, we won't have to worry about that anymore! To use an infinite looping of the song "Anywhere Is" by Enya for this match, streaming through Axl's headphones, so that Axl would be able to hear the song no matter where he went. Regardless, Tifa has brought the iPod down to the ring, and has handed it to her client.
Axl stuffs the headphones into his ears, and shoves the player into his pocket. Meanwhile, inside the ring, Viruz is running the ropes once again Vi rebounds off the far side, before leaping over the top rope near Axl with a somersault. But, as soon as Viruz catapults himself toward his brother, Axl leaps up and catches Vi with a dropkick in mid-air, sending Vi falling against the cement, flat on his back. How did Axl learn a real wrestling move?!
This time Axl didn't cheat, but I'm sure he'll have plenty more opportunities to do so before this contest comes to a conclusion. Anyway, Axl mounts Viruz and begins driving his right and left fists into Vi's mush. Judas tries to walk toward his two sons, possibly to interfere on his younger son's behalf And while I'm sure Judas would have no problem in shoving Tifa to the side, he has too much respect for his wife to lay a finger on her.
Hell, he probably doesn't lay a finger on her when they're in bed either, but I'm sure that doesn't have anything to do with respect! Hey, it comes natural to me. Just like Axl when it comes to looking at other men's schlongs in the bathroom! Axl continues to crush Vi's face under his knuckles, before finally sending one last fist to the face See, Vi is so much smarter than his bro. If Axl were in that position, he would've blocked that fist alright. He'd have a bloody nose right now, but Viruz? Viruz has something his brother doesn't. A sense of humor?
The ability to keep himself from wrecking everything in his home, including the kitchen sink? With the punch blocked, Viruz returns the series of rights with a right of his own, directly to Axl's nose. Axl holds his nose What about that time you said you could drink fifty screwdrivers in a row, without vomiting?
And it was on you! And it was a nice new suit you had just bought with the only pay check you had gotten all year! And you were never able to remove the stain! And you were forced to toss the suit in the garbage! And it was the greatest mean, nasty, downright despicable thing I've ever done to you and laughed about it afterward EVER! Axl grabs ahold of his nose, as Vi shoves his brother off. Viruz stands to his feet, and takes a few steps back Axl finally lets go of his nose Axl's back slams into the apron, and the former Metal God drops to his ass, his nose now a bloody mess.
I just know that Viruz is going to mutilate Axl tonight Oh Mikey, get with the times. There's only Viruz and Axl now, and I'm on the side of the former. Viruz backs up again, before rushing forward As Vi closes in on Axl and the side of the ring, he presses the palms of his hands down on the apron Axl drops to the side, holding his head in his hands. Viruz leaps onto the apron in one swift motion Axl reaches up and grabs onto the apron next to Vi's foot Axl eventually stands, and grabs onto Vi's foot, but Vi shoves Axl off with his boot Viruz springboards off the middle rope, turns around in mid-air and flies toward Axl And with moves like that?
Axl might as well forget about the match and start thinking about what he's going to do from now on to earn a living! I'd say it's a safe bet that Axl has got to have a day job. Yeah, I'm sure somewhere in Sinister City there's a pimphand with Axl's name on it. Of course, I don't know why anyone would pay for a baby carrot dick Alright Scotty, that's enough.
Back to the match at hand. Viruz is reaching below the ring Vi lifts the computer up, and runs toward Axl, going for what could very well be the killing blow. But as Vi reaches just a few inches away from Axl, the so-called "Savior" nails a drop toe hold, sending Vi careening forward, and sandwiching the laptop between the steel barricade and Vi's face!
Viruz is going to be so pissed! Nothing's more precious to him than a good laptop. And I can't say I blame him. A laptop with internet access is even better than a copy of Penthouse! I don't think Viruz is as worried about the damage to the laptop as he is about the damage to himself Viruz rolls around in agony, his head hurting now just as much as Axl's was earlier. Axl begins to put the boots to Vi, before heading over to the ring Axl reaches under the ring, and pulls out Axl walks over to the prone body of Viruz, holding the stick in his right hand.
Axl uses his left hand to pull Vi up by his mask Vi drops to a knee, and Axl follows up the first shot with another, sending Vi back to the ground. Axl wallops his brother with shot after shot, before twirling the stick a little, and hopping around like a pro boxer. Axl motions for Vi to stand back up Axl could be looking to return the wicked bat shot he felt earlier at the hands of Viruz Vi finally makes it up, and turns around Axl goes to swing the kendo stick, and Judas snatched the kendo stick, singapore cane, whatEVER, from Axl, and just snapped it in half across his knee!
You've got that right. Axl's own father is stomping in his direction, and is pulling his sleeves up, looking to cause some major damage. Axl backs out, and climbs over the fan barricade, into a mass of people who could very well want Axl out of the company even more than Viruz does. Axl stares at one fan, and actually flips the guy off!
Axl has got some nerve. If I were that dude, I'd go ahead and bitch slap Axl. I really don't think the security force would give two shits. Not that they normally do anyway Axl reels back a hand, as if he's going to slap the fan When from out of nowhere, Viruz grabs the hand and spins Axl around!
He's pulling the headphones out of Axl's ears! Vi just inserted the phones into his own ears, and he's pinning Axl! Vicky Jean clamors out of the ring and tries to make it near the pinning predicament in time, but as soon as she makes it, Axl has kicked out. Vicky's just as incompetent as that damn Generic Referee! But, at least with this bimbo I've got something to look at while she screws up.
She sure fills out that referee's shirt out nice, if you catch my drift. Anyway, Axl rips the headphones out of Vi's ears, and shoves him away.
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Axl pushes the phones back into his ears Vi sends one last strike at Axl's gut, which doubles him over. Vi then hooks Axl by the arms The fan obliges Viruz, as he gives Axl the very backhand slap that Axl threatened to dish out earlier on. Axl's head snaps to the right from the hit, Axl coughing up blood, as his previously busted open nose begins to pour out even more.
Viruz tosses Axl to the ground. Vi asks the same fan for his steel chair, and the fan once again obliges Vi lifts the chair above his head, before bringing it back down, crushing Axl's ribs. Vi then rests the chair over Axl's head Viruz walks up the bleachers where the fans are seated The "l33t Hax0r" turns around, and takes off in a sprint down the flight of bleachers, before hopping onto a rail near Axl, and taking off in a leap of faith Viruz just crashed and burned! Viruz leaped from the rail, looking to land on Axl's head, which WAS wedged between the chair and the concrete floor The chair smacked Vi right in the face, sending him spiraling down But if Viruz is severly injured, that means he might not win!
And that would mean I'd have to continue watching that moron, Axl! Do it for ME! Axl slides into the ring, and is lying on the canvas, gasping for breath. Viruz seems to be knocked out in the audience I was more than willing to bet when this match kicked off that Axl would be finished off in a matter of seconds Viruz just HAS to win! Twenty bucks and my Halloween edition of Penthouse! And if Axl wins, I'll be in debt to Steve Studnuts I just can't part with my horny lesbian witches!
You're one sick puppy, Scotty. Viruz, though, is starting to stir. He eventually pulls himself back up, thanks to the steel rail. Vi uses it to walk back toward the barricade That's something Viruz is most certainly not used to, ever since he's been associated with his brother and the Hierarchy. Vi finally makes it down to the barricade A few fans reach down and pat Viruz on the arm, willing him on into the ring. Vi pulls himself together, sucks it up, and stands up Vi rolls into the ring under the bottom rope, but just as he does, Axl jumps into the air, and comes down with a huge splash, instantly knocking out every ounce of breath Viruz managed to suck in.
Axl quickly goes for the pin, with his iPod headphones still playing "Anywhere Is" Vicky lowers to make the count ; One Axl reaches down to pick up Viruz Vi gores Axl from a crouching position, sending both brothers stumbling to the outside! On the outside, Axl and Vi roll around, trading fists Viruz removes himself from his brother, and grabs the ring bell As Axl slowly stands back up, Viruz goes to take a swing with the bell Viruz turns around, right into a Shot in the Dark superkick! Viruz rolls under the kick, before using his own leg to sidesweep Axl, sending him crashing to the floor, backfirst.
Viruz grabs Axl by the hair, drags him over to our table, and He's just draped Axl over the top of our desk! Man, I'm really admiring your work so far. You're doing an awesome job of kicking Axl's ass from here to Topeka. After all, no one's displayed quite the same amount of distaste for the asshole as you have. You deserve a good shot into his skull. You know, before he get's shipped off to HHHW. Scotty pounds the steel upon the concrete He does so with so much force that it causes Axl's mouth and nose to spew forth blood like lava from the mouth of an active volcano.
Axl falls to his knees, his face a crimson kaleidescope of blood Scotty high fives Viruz, before returning his chair to its spot behind the desk. Scotty sits back down, and pulls his headset back on. Now THAT was fun! Did you see Axl's face explode?! It was like a friggin' palmegranate in the hands of Mr. It doesn't look good for the most hated man in Brawlers on a Budget. Viruz slaps Axl's across the face, sending blood flying Viruz hooks Axl in a front chancery, lifting him up Vi knees Axl in the gut, while he's still held in the front chancery.
Vi then raises Axl over head in vertical suplex position Hey, he just got through letting me smack the taste out of Axl's mouth. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if I name one or two of his moves. Especially if he's willing to give me fifty percent of his earnings Axl desperately tries to stop the blood gushing from his nose and mouth, with the cement pavement beside his face covered in a pool of the red stuff.
Viruz reaches back below the ring Vi sets the table up right beside our desk. Vi then pulls out another table, and props this one up, with the legs of one end standing atop the first table, and the other set of legs standing atop our desk! What in the hell is Viruz looking to do here?!
Whatever it is, I hope it cripples that jack off, Axl, like he crippled me! And I hope he can't get a prescription for Vicodin! Vi slides into the ring, and begins to ascend to the top turnbuckle just as Axl returns to a standing position. Vi points to Axl, before slowly dragging his thumb across his throat, signaling the oncoming demise of his brother. Axl quickly hops up onto the apron, before then leaping onto the turnbuckle right in front of Vi Axl and Vi begin to trade rights and lefts Axl does a crotch chop, before hooking his arms around Vi's head.
He flies off the post, toward the stack of tables, with Viruz still locked up in his grip. That dick smashed Viruz through our desk, and now my beer's all over the damn floor! I'll never get that beer back! These fans remind me of TNA fans. It's pathetic, if you ask me. And on that note, Viruz is laying near unconciousness right at our feet, with Axl just now making back it up.
Axl gloats a bit, soaking in the hatred of these fans. And trust me, that's ALOT to soak in. He must be positively drowning. And if he is, I wish he'd hurry up and drown already, because I'm sick of looking at the prick!
MegaBrawl II (Part 2) - BOB Wrestling, the Parody E-Fed!
In any case, Axl has now rolled into the ring, and is catching his breath. After a few moments of delay, Viruz finally reaches his feet, and makes his way to the ring Viruz stumbles, but uses the apron to catch himself. Axl walks toward the side of the ring beside Vi Axl reaches down to grab Viruz by his hair It looks like Viruz is trying to help his brother remember his glory years in a hair metal band. I mean, come on. Fags flock to those glitter-wearing, prettied up hair metal "rockers" like flies to shit!
Which, ironically, is exactly what Axl reminds me of every time he steps into a ring! Pieces of plastic have littered the ringside area, along with shards of everything else that musical weapon of mass destruction was made from. Axl lies upon the canvas, face a mess of blood, as Vi slides into the ring. Sue is standing before her second born child, begging him not to lay another hand upon Axl. Viruz seems to be -. Viruz, don't fail me now!
You can't let that stupid whore keep you from ridding me I mean, BOB, of that cum wad! Scotty, Viruz has too much respect for his mother to do something like that. Believe me, not everyone is as self-centered as you. Some of us actually care about people besides ourselves. Oh, don't you give me any of that horse shit!
Seriously, if that was MY mom in there, and she was standing in the way of me booting a pile of manure like Axl to the curb? Honestly, I'd jack slap her, and tell the bitch tah hit the bricks! Hey, it's the season for giving! Who better to give to than me? The match isn't over with quite yet.
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But right now, Sue is trying her damndest to see that it doesn't continue. Viruz stares into his mother's eyes, as she pleads with her son to put an end to the beating he's laying down on Axl. Meanwhile, Axl is finally starting to stir after that vile strike from the guitar Axl stands, limply, and Sue turns around to console her other son. Axl's mother takes him in her arms Dude, I nominate that woman for mother of the year!
I take back all those nasty things I said about that woman I didn't think she had it in her Boy, was I wrong! The only postive thing about that for Axl? He may not be able to have kids now, but really I don't think that's going to be a problem. Hey, if Axl can't give birth to some spawn that's gonna end up here in BOB in 20 years time Axl drops to the mat, holding his gonads He looks up at his mom, with a betrayed look.
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Sue stares down at Axl And here comes Judas! Axl's about to get the crap knocked out of him by his own parents! Even his own folks despise the jackass! Viruz grabs Axl by the hair, lifts him up, and hooks his arms Judas gets in Axl's face This is for letting me down, you little punk! But look at you! You're not even worth the crap on the sole of my boot! Judas shakes his head, before stepping to the side.
Sue then steps in front of her son, and looks at him with disgust. I can't believe I didn't see the truth long ago I can't believe I trusted you with the mayorship of Sinister City! Viruz is everything that you aren't, Axl I'm sorry I wasted my time on trying to find you I'm so glad we sold you for those tickets. Watching a KISS concert on a black and white tv in some seedy bar gave me more joy in one hour As far as I'm concerned I only have one son.
Finally, Axl's brother turns him around, and grabs ahold of him by the throat. He takes his hand, and brushes some of the blood from Axl's face. He spreads the blood across his chest You are so pathetic, you know that? You truly believe you're the greatest thing there is in this company So many ways I could tell you how much you suck, how much everyone hates you, and that no matter how hard you try, you'll never be as good as the best this company has to offer But I don't have to. Because the facts speak for themselves. But I believe there's only one farewell that will suffice Vi takes Axl underneath him arm, perhaps going for a ddt The end of Axl's career could be only seconds away I'm already planning the after-match celebration!
Axl just shoved Viruz away, and the hacker extraordinaire just fell through the ropes! Sue approaches Axl from behind, chair in hand Sue turns to Tifa, raising a hand to Axl's agent, but Tifa spins her back around Axl connects with the superkick! He just struck his own mom! How he could have done something that terrible! Give it a rest, Scotty!
Aren't you the one that just got through saying you wouldn't hesitate to stomp your own mother's head in? But have you ever met my mom? She's like the hose beast from hell! Believe me, if you had to put up with her for even a day, I'm sure you'd be willing to kick her dentures down her throat too! Well, back to the match. Sue Bastian Bach is out in the center of the ring, and Axl is heading toward the ropes, ready to take the fight back outside of the ring Axl swings around and boots Judas in the gut, doubling him over Axl loads Judas up in what appears to be a Vertebreaker Axl's dad is out cold on the canvas, from a move I believe Axl calls the "Drop of Doom".
Me and my big friggin' mouth! I've gotta do something, or else that rat bastard is going to keep his job! I just can't let that happen. Oh Scotty, come on now! Scotty just dropped his headset, and he's heading toward the ring Scotty instantly falls to the paved floor Wow, I don't think he's going to be moving for a while after that Oh heck no, Detached, it's not that. This means I'll probably be joined by some crummy, third string commentator like -.
Somebody HAD to do that. I couldn't stand that guy having another orgasm over a baseball card And it seems as though Tifa is joining me. Hello Tifa, it's good to see you back in Brawlers. Styles, I just want to make one thing perfectly clear. After this match, I'll no longer be interfering on Axl's behalf. This match is very important though, in that if Axe loses? I lose my investment. Axl may not be perfect Hell, he may not even be average. But Axl's just about all I have now, and if I can pull the right strings, I know I'll be able to launch him into success.
He just may be the thing I need to dig myself out of the rut I've been in for the past year. I'll probably end up begging for change on the street. And I'll do anything I can to avoid that, even if it means working with a miserable excuse for a human being like Axl. So I take it you're not going to be romantically involved with the guy like Rose and Michelle I've never really liked the guy.
When he was a hair metalist, I was drawn to him, I'll admit I know who he is, and I know HOW he is. And from now on, our association will remain strictly business. Axl is my ticket to a better life, and I'm going to make damn sure he doesn't ruin this for me.
And here at MegaBrawl, that meant helping him avoid losing his job. But after tonight, he'll have to fend for himself in these situations. As long as his job isn't at stake, his win or loss record is out of my hands. I'm only in his life to insure that he draws cash, and by the end of '09? I guarantee he'll be one of BOB's elite. Well, I certainly wish the two of you luck. Although he may be a horrible person, something even you can attest to, it must be said that Axl IS devoted to this company.
And that's pretty much the only positive I can think of. Uh oh, it looks like the iPod has been trashed! It must have fallen out of Axl's pocket when he drove Viruz through the desk with the Slice! And it was damaged beyond repair! I knew it might be a tad hard to keep an iPod from being a bit scratched up in the middle of an extreme hardcore wrestling match Somehow, things like that always seem to happen.
Well, it looks as if Axl is going to have to find an alternative source of Enya's "Anywhere Is" if he wants to keep his job. At any rate, Axl is now outside the ring, headed for Viruz. The brothers' parents have been taken away by EMTs, and hopefully they'll be ok after the attack at the hands of Axl. They should have kept out of this. Viruz obviously knew he couldn't handle the match alone, so he had to stoop to bringing in his and Axl's parents to do his job for him.
That may be true. Axl has sent Sue and Judas out on stretchers, and is now dragging Viruz by the hair toward the curtain! The grunge warrior could be taking this fight anywhere in the building! It seems as though we've got a camera in the back. Let's see where the brawling brothers are headed Finally, Axl tosses Viruz toward a door, with Vi colliding like a semi-truck into a convertible Viruz smashes into the door, and as soon as he does, the door comes unhinged, with Vi rolling across the pavement, to the outside.
Viruz now lays on the ground outside the stadium! Axl sprints toward the prone body of Viruz, and as he comes within a couple feet, he takes to the air, before crashing down with a massive splash! Viruz shakes violently, and Axl begins pounding his right fist over and over into the face of Vi. If Axl keeps this attack up, Vi may soon be as busted up as Axl is! As long as Axl wins, it doesn't matter WHO ends up bleeding. The more blood that spills, the more entertaining this match becomes. And the more entertaining this match becomes?
The more profit I rake in. Listen, money is all that matters in this world. The more I make, the better off I am. And I'm going to milk the Axl Train until I'm at the top of the game. I mean, WE'RE at the top. Axl finally seems to have had enough of pounding Vi's face in, and stands up from his fallen brother. Axl grabs Vi by the hair, lifting him up, before irish whipping him into a ladder stood up against the side of the arena But Viruz manages to leap in mid-run, hopping onto one of the ladder's rungs!
Viruz climbs a bit more He's climbing all the way to top of the arena entrance! Axl stares up at his brother Axl pulls the driver's side door open, pulls his key from his pocket, and turns on the ignition Axl grabs a CD from within the vehicle, and inserts it into the player But everywhere I turn to Begins a new beginning But never finds a finish.
I walk to the horizon, And there I find another. It all seems so surprising, And then I find that I know You go there, you're gone forever. I go there, I'll lose my way. If we stay here were not together After Axl turns the song up full blast, he heads for the ladder Axl begins climbing, rung by rung, till he reaches the top. Axl makes his way atop the building entrance, and as soon as he does, before he can even stand, Viruz begins putting the boots to him. But eventually, Axl finds a way to get up Axl shoves Viruz away, but Vi comes right back.
The two men begin to duke it out with punches, back and forth Viruz sends a right hook Axl's way, which causes the "Savior" to teeter close to falling from the entrance The Yellow VW Beetle looming far below. If Axl plummets into that thing, there's no way he'll be able to continue his career! Even if he falls through it and, by some miracle, turns around and defeats Viruz, he'll never be healed enough to return to the ring! I've got too much at stake!
Not only will we both be out of a job, but I'll sue his ass! And besides, I'm sure with his BOB salary, "everything he's got" would be next to nothing. Back to the match. Viruz comes hurtling toward Axl for a killing blow Viruz is mere inches away, when I can't believe it. That truly deserves a replay. When by some stroke of pure luck on Axl's part, Axl simply falls forward, out of breath from Vi's previous attacks, and the massive blood loss from every scar slicing across his face Axl lay down on the entrance, gasping for breath, but his brother His brother definitely had it worse.
Viruz soared through the air, flailing his arms and legs about, as he came closer and closer to the VW Beetle. Axl can get that fixed. Really, it doesn't matter, the thing was a mess before, and a broken windshield isn't going to make it that much worse. Axl, still out of breath, struggles to climb back down the ladder He finally makes it to the ground, and stumbles his way toward the unconcious body of Viruz.
Axl collapses ontop of his brother for the pin Vicky slaps her hand down upon the car hood to make the count Still looking for the answer I cannot find the finish. Its one way or the other. It should be one direction It could be on reflection. The turn that I was making. I might be just beginning I might be near the end. No chick wipes Scotty Whatbody out with a chair! Viruz is the one that's out of a job.
And he may very well be paralyzed And let me fuckin' reiterate, chumpstain. There's nothing about him that I find even remotely attractive. In fact, he pretty much repulses me. He's strictly my business client, capice? Scotty smiles at Tifa, as she looks at him with contempt. How's about you and me catch some dinner after the show? You CAN cook right? Cuz I'm friggin' starving. Styles, it's been a pleasure talking with you. I hope you choke and die. Scotty sits down, and places the headset on. The only light is provided by some very dull light bulbs overhead. This looks more like a freight type of airplane, so the seats are those bench-looking dealies.
Oh, as for that freight? See why I don't describe things anonymous eWmania judge? Because I suck at it! I seriously hope that The Commentator is standing by for the Kamikazie Ken gets thrown out of the plane and crashes through a table spot. I sure am, Scotty, by gawd! I've got my, "How do you learn to fall from out of an airplane! Well at least the BOB honchos have their priorities straight. Vicky is far too valuable to put in on an airplane with those whackos. And it looks like we're ready to get this one underway.