They want success because they are afraid of disappearing into a chasm of emptiness and worthlessness: The problem is that, in the headlong rush to achieve whatever they believe will make them more valuable, Threes can become so alienated from themselves that they no longer know what they truly want, or what their real feelings or interests are. In this state, they are easy prey to self—deception, deceit, and falseness of all kinds. Thus, the deeper problem is that their search for a way to be of value increasingly takes them further away from their own Essential Self with its core of real value.
From their earliest years, as Threes become dependent on receiving attention from others and in pursuing the values that others reward, they gradually lose touch with themselves. Threes have come to believe that emotions get in the way of their performance, so they substitute thinking and practical action for feelings.
World Game
Jarvis is a well-educated and accomplished business professional; he sees that this pattern developed in him at an early age. I developed the habit of denying my feelings and instead focused on performing and getting good marks in school. Thus, the fundamental dilemma of Threes is that they have not been allowed to be who they really are and to manifest their own authentic qualities. At a young age, they got the message that they were not allowed to have feelings and be themselves: To some degree, all of the personality types have been sent the same message, but because of their particular background and makeup, Threes not only heard it, they began to live by it.
The attention they received by performing in a certain way was their oxygen, and they needed it to breathe.
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Unfortunately, it came at a high price. Marie, a skilled therapist describes the contradiction—and the pressure—of this orientation. This has been a two-edged sword because while I wanted to be noticed and approved, the burden was that I had to be perfect—and that was tough.
Level 1 At Their Best: Self-accepting, inner-directed, and authentic, everything they seem to be. Modest and charitable, self-deprecatory humor and a fullness of heart emerge. Self-assured, energetic, and competent with high self-esteem: Adaptable, desirable, charming, and gracious. Ambitious to improve themselves, to be "the best they can be"—often become outstanding, a human ideal, embodying widely admired cultural qualities.
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Highly concerned with their performance, doing their job well, constantly driving self to achieve goals as if self-worth depends on it. Compare self with others in search for status and success. Become careerists, social climbers, invested in exclusivity and being the "best. Become image-conscious, highly concerned with how they are perceived. Begin to package themselves according to the expectations of others and what they need to do to be successful. Pragmatic and efficient, but also premeditated, losing touch with their own feelings beneath a smooth facade.
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Problems with intimacy, credibility, and "phoniness" emerge. Want to impress others with their superiority: Narcissistic, with grandiose, inflated notions about themselves and their talents. Exhibitionistic and seductive, as if saying "Look at me! Fearing failure and humiliation, they can be exploitative and opportunistic, covetous of the success of others, and willing to do "whatever it takes" to preserve the illusion of their superiority.
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