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Garner's incisive and hilarious books took age-old bedtime and holiday stories and made them into politically correct tales of our day. His original humor, filled with social commentary, is well-known by readers around the country -- most recently in his new book Apocalypse Wow! Hardcover , pages.

Published August 1st by Smithmark Publishers first published Politically Correct, the Ultimate Storybook: Politically Correct Bedtime Stories To see what your friends thought of this book, please sign up. Lists with This Book. This book is not yet featured on Listopia. Nov 18, Margitte rated it it was amazing. I just wanted to add this book to my library, after thinking about it this morning.

Rapunzel - Politically Correct Bedtime Stories and Talking programming - dont blare

I read it several years ago and cannot remember enough to review it. It was a hilarious undertaking though and brought many hours of mirth into a often very busy, stressful existence. However, much as we would like to, we cannot blame the Brother's Grimm for their insensitivity to womyn's issues, minority cultures, and the environment.


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Likewise, in the self-righteous Copenhagen of Hans Christian Anderson, the alienable rights of mermaids were hardly given a second thought. Today, we have the opportunity--and the obligation--to rethink these "classic"stories so they reflect more enlightened times. To that effort I submit this humble book. While its original title, Fairy Stories For A Modern World , was abandoned for obvious reasons kudos to my editor for pointing out my heterosexualist bias , I think the collection stands on its own.

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This, however, is just a start. I expect I have volumes left in me, and I hope this book sparks the righteous imaginations of other writers and, of course, leaves an indelible mark on our children. If, through omission or commission, I have inadvertently displayed any sexist, racist, culturalist, nationalist, regionalist, ageist, lookist, ableist, sizeist, speciesist, intellectualist, heteropatriachalist, or other type of bias as yet annamed, I apogize and encourage your suggestions for rectification.


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In the quest to develop meaningful literature that is totally free from bias and purged from the influence of its flawed cultural past, I doubtless have made some mistakes. You get the drift? For everything it stood for, and just realized that growing old is destiny, but growing up is optional, and all of us in between need our own fairy tales told our own way: Skip it if you dare not like it. And I'm happy to know I never grew up, thank goodness! It was great to meet our childhood favorites in the adult word.

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The sales of these books went through the roof after the publication date. So yes, I don't feel alone at all in memory of this collection of stories. It's for grown-up kids. Rather leave innocent kiddies out of it. Apr 23, Jason Sixsmith rated it really liked it. Here's an excerpt from Little Red Riding Hood: He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouring her.

Red Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the wolf's apparent tendency toward crossdressing, but because of his willful invasion of her personal space. Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopperperson or log-fuel technician, as he preferred to be called. When he burst into the cottage, he saw the melee and tried to intervene. But as he raised his ax, Red Riding Hood and the wolf both stopped. The woodchopper-person blinked and tried to answer, but no words came to him. How dare you assume that womyn and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's help!

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Jul 11, Nicole rated it it was ok Shelves: I thought this book would be hilarious Again, I was wrong. Apparently, to James Finn Garner, political correctness is something experienced only by left-wing thinkers far, far left wing , which was kind of insulting to everyone else. Almost every story touted the "rightness" of left-wingers, vegetarians, and global warming activists please!

If I want to read about all this mumbo-jumbo, I can just pick up any newspaper article a I thought this book would be hilarious If I want to read about all this mumbo-jumbo, I can just pick up any newspaper article anywhere in the world, I don't want it interfering with my fairy tales! Dec 26, Damar dara rated it liked it. This volume compiles his three separately published books, Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, Once Upon a More Enlightened Time, and Politically Correct Holiday Stories, examining the many "isms," whether glarin [close] Bedtime stories will never again be the same--at least not after reading James Finn Garner, who, in surprisingly true Fairy Godmother fashion, waved his authorial wand and revised a large collection of fairy tales and holiday lore in Politically Correct: This volume compiles his three separately published books, Politically Correct Bedtime Stories, Once Upon a More Enlightened Time, and Politically Correct Holiday Stories, examining the many "isms," whether glaringly obvious or more subtle, inherent in traditional favorites.

The tales begin similarly to their Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson predecessors, but veer suddenly to incorporate non-offensive, politically correct language and modern issues that range from overzealous lawyers to rampant real estate development to the destruction of the environment. Garner refashions over two dozen tales including Sleeping Beauty and Cinderella, plucking damsels and the disenfranchised from captive plot lines, increasing their self-awareness, spunk and dialogue ten-fold, then settles them comfortably back into tales where they can live happily ever after as confident, happy, successful entrepreneurs with a social mission.

The disclaimers preceding each of the three sections, as well as the abundant use of politically correct speech throughout the collection, appears at times more of a pointed mockery than a true attempt to enlighten stories locked in medieval thought. The tales do however, offer a witty and clever alternative to spoon-fed tradition. Apr 29, Ebster Davis rated it really liked it.

I thought this book was qute funny. This is a short book, but I find it worth re-reading. Each story is a dramaticly altered retelling of a fairy tale such as Cinderella, the Piper of Hamleton, Three Little Pigs, and the three Bears: The way in which the stories are told makes the authors view on political correctness and the limits i I thought this book was qute funny. The way in which the stories are told makes the authors view on political correctness and the limits it places on self-expression clear; however, its all in good fun and not meant to be taken too seriously.

Jan 28, Lisa rated it really liked it Shelves: Most of the stores were quite funny. Some of the words used cracked me up. Oct 26, Kylie Walter rated it really liked it Shelves: I think that this book is hillarious. It is funny for all ags. When I was younger my mom would always tell me the clasic fairy tales and then when I was a little bit older my mom found this book and strted telling me them.

They are great because they girl the sotries that we all know and love and turned them upside down. When reading a book like this one you get to hear different sides to the diffrent charachters in the story. I can still read these stories and laugh. It is definately a book tha I think that this book is hillarious. It is definately a book that I would recommend for my childena t home and the ones a school. Aug 03, Joey's rated it it was amazing. It really brings into focus just how screwed up this nation is becoming -thanks to all of our politicians and those that know better than the rest of us- tongue in cheek!

We try so hard to be 'politically correct' that we are loosing our own identity. We become a hodge podge of goo instead of individuals with our own personalities; everyone blends in instead of standing out. Whatever happened to 'marching to the beat of your own drummer'? Based on the popular fairy tale of the same name , this parody includes as its main themes mocking the idea of anti-" speciesism " and the more radical branches and concepts of feminism such as using the spelling " womyn " instead of "women" throughout, a pattern that is repeated in other stories in the book , and is one of the several stories in which the ending is completely altered from the original fairy tale.

The woodsman who saves Little Red Riding Hood and her grandmother in the most well-known versions of the tale ends up beheaded by the grandmother, who leaps from the wolf's mouth of her own accord after a "stirring" moralizing speech from Red, who states that womyn and wolves can solve their own problems without a man's interference. This comes after, of course, Red Riding Hood has labeled him as "sexist" and "speciesist" for deciding to try to save Red Riding Hood by killing the wolf.

The wolf, Red Riding Hood, and her grandmother then form an "alternative household" together.

Politically Correct Holiday Stories by James Finn Garner

This is a parody of the eponymous fairy tale. The well-known ending is not entirely changed, but the outcome of it and moral of the story nonetheless do. The story ends with a pro- nudist twist, with the whole kingdom quickly deciding to adopt a clothing optional society. A parody of the fairy tale of the same name , in it the wolves are greedy capitalists and the pigs are natives forced off their land who later become freedom fighters or "porcinistas", parodying the Nicaraguan party Sandinista National Liberation Front , or Sandinism.

The Big Bad Wolf succumbs to a heart attack. The "porcinistas" slaughter the wolves, take back their lands and found a utopian socialist democracy in its place, living happily ever after. A parody of the classic Rumpelstiltskin story. Instead of turning the straw into gold by magic, the girl Esmeralda and Rumpelstiltskin take the straw to poor farmers, who use it to thatch their roofs; in better health, the farmers become more productive, which improves the local economy and eventually leads to the overthrow of the prince and Esmeralda's being rewarded with gold.

Esmeralda is then able to thwart Rumpelstiltskin's plan to take her first-born child by guessing his name; however, unlike in the original tale, she only guesses it because his " Little People 's Empowerment Seminar" nametag is still on his body. Angry at the idea that her reproductive rights were almost taken away from her, she moves to California and starts a birth control clinic and lives happily ever after—as a "fulfilled, dedicated single person.

Editorial Reviews

This is a parody of the Billy Goats Gruff folktale, which satirizes "the masochistic tendencies of modern American liberal morality". A parody of the Rapunzel fairy tale, with a completely different ending. It features the twist of the prince having connections in the music recording industry ; having heard her sing, he wants to make her a star—and profit heavily from merchandizing both her voice and her appearance. He soon convinces the witch that she should agree to the deal and stay on as her manager. However, Rapunzel, disgusted by the idea of her voice being exploited for capitalist gain, climbs out of the tower and runs off to become a folk musician who performs for free in a " coffee house ".

A parody of the Cinderella fairy tale, with a distinctly feminist and anti- lookist twist. The ending is completely different from the original fairy tale. Cinderella's " Fairy Godperson " who is male reluctantly agrees to dress her up for the ball. However, she is so attractive in her impractical shoes, clothing and makeup , that every male in the ballroom goes mad for her and a brawl begins that eventually results in the death of every last one of them.

The women, envious of Cinderella's ability to make men go mad because of her beauty, at first turn on her; however, the clock strikes Instead of killing her, however, they remove their own corsets , dresses and impractical shoes and dance around in their " shifts and bare feet". Covering up the real reason behind the men's deaths, they take over the kingdom and open a clothing company that produces only comfortable and practical clothing for women. A parody of the original Goldilocks and the Three Bears fairy tale, Goldilocks is not a little girl, but rather a greedy rogue biologist bent on tracking and studying the peaceful anthropomorphic bears to make a splash in the scientific community.

Goldilocks attempts to put tranquilizers in the bears' porridge and traps with radio collars in their beds. However, the bears note the "chemical" smell of their organic porridge and, suspicious, discover the traps as well as Goldilocks, who has fallen asleep in the corner of the room while waiting for her targets to return. The Papa Bear and Mama Bear then brutally kill and consume Goldilocks while the shocked Baby Bear looks on; it is revealed that the family is vegetarian, though the parents made an exception this time. This parody is based on the classic Snow White fairy tale, with numerous satirical twists for example, the Seven Dwarfs , who are referred to as "vertically challenged men", run a retreat for men wanting to indulge in "primal" behavior and a completely different ending.

It has similar themes to the Cinderella parody from earlier in the book. As in the original story, the queen pretends to be an old woman selling apples which, in truth, are poisoned. However, during the course of conversation with Snow White, she bonds with her. Forgetting that the apple in question was poisoned, she shares it with Snow White and both fall comatose to the floor. Meanwhile, the dwarfs return—with the prince. The prince—who in the original tale would have awakened her with a kiss —instead is at the retreat to try and cure his impotence , and, attracted to the nubile coma victim, requests to have sex with her; at which point the dwarfs decide that the unconscious Snow White makes a perfect impotence treatment and decide to display her so that they can make more money.

However, when they try to move the two women's bodies, the poisoned apple pieces become dislodged from their throats; the women awaken, angry and disgusted at what they overheard while comatose and unable to act. The queen then declares that the dwarfs are trespassers , and throws them out of her forest. She and Snow White later open a spa for women on the same spot. A parody of the popular folktale of the same name , this story largely satirizes frivolous lawsuits. A parody of the Frog Prince fairy tale. The Frog Prince in here is rather a land developer who cheated several landlords out of their property and was consequently punished by being turned into a frog.

Once turned back into a human, the developer attempts to get the princess to help him in his greedy schemes to develop more land, which ends in her killing him.